Spoken into microphone: I dedicate my first Tumblr post in Singapore to Tasha Cobbs Leonard and Brenton Brown, whom the Lord inspired to write the song “You Know My Name” for me and my feelings.
I landed in Singapore on Saturday morning to start my new life here. The last 48 hours, true to Cindy fashion, have been a relentless drive forward. Upon arriving in Changi, I received my arrival card, threw all four of my millennial pink suitcases on a trolley cart, bought a Singtel top-up card, reactivated the SIM card from my last trip, hailed a Grab to my hotel in Robertson Quay, bought a week’s worth of buffet breakfast, checked into my Cozy Alcove early, showered, and got ready for my first apartment viewing, a charming, freshly painted HDB in Tanjong Pagar that had 2 bedrooms, 710 square feet, and “character,” a term I use to refer to the bathroom in kitchen situation common in many unrenovated HDBs.
After this first viewing, I roamed Chinatown and settled on having my first meal in Singapore at Din Tai Fung, then hailed a Grab to my second apartment viewing, a tiny unit in a condo in River Valley. Cue Americano and some light journaling before my first yoga class in Singapore with two of the GCC interns.
After yoga, we went down the street to a nearby hair removal studio I found on Google Maps. I tried sugaring for the first time and enjoyed it so much I bought a 500 SGD credit with 15% off all future services for a two-year validity because THE MORE YOU SPEND THE MORE YOU SAVE. The interns and I had dinner at a Japanese restaurant in Holland Village, reunited with Koi bubble tea, and roamed Star Vista before I Grabbed home and succumbed to jetlag at 8:30PM. Thus concluded Day 1, a manic 12 hours of non-stop activity.
Day 2 started at 2:10AM on Sunday morning. I decided in the wee hours of the night that as much as I might try to convince myself otherwise, I wasn’t comfortable with pre-renovation HDB bathrooms. I wondered if condo life might really be for me after all, and spent four hours looking at furniture on FortyTwo for the unfurnished condo unit I was scheduled to see on Sunday afternoon. I built an entire domestic fantasy around a unit I hadn’t even seen in person yet.
At Sunday service, I enjoyed a happy reunion with many of the GCC Singapore ladies with whom I’d connected during my last trip. All of them encouraged me not to be too hasty in making my housing decision. I told them I wanted to find a place within the week, as I’d only booked my hotel through Saturday. Many generously offered to let me stay with them as long as I’d need in the subsequent weeks, but I didn’t want to entertain the idea of the apartment search dragging on any longer.
Why? Because my weary mind didn’t want to sit in the decision fatigue anymore.
After the last six months of ping-ponging back and forth between continents, taking long extended business trips and living out of hotel rooms and suitcases, all I want now is to just settle down, unpack my millennial pink suitcases, build a home, and start my life here. Because of that deep desire, I found myself so very tempted to settle for the certainty of an inferior choice rather than continue to dwell in the uncertainty of a hope not guaranteed, a unicorn or miracle that might not exist. After seeing the first HDB unit, I’d told the Lord that He had 24 hours to veto my decision. When He did through my late-night epiphany, I told Him He’d have to make it really clear if the condo unit with its fantasy furniture wasn’t the one either.
And He did make it really clear. After post-service lunch, Glo and Ellen went with me to see the unit, and we knew upon walking in that it was not it. The fantasy furniture I’d picked out wouldn’t even fit in the unit. Byebye Singapore SIMS. Resigned, I crossed it off my list and went back to the drawing board. I opened WhatsApp and PropertyGuru, my apps of choice for apartment hunting, and booked four apartment viewings for Monday, most of which came from listing recommendations sent over by Joy, one of the married women at church with whom I’d formed a friendship during my January trip. I succumbed to jetlag at 5PM, woke up for a brief hour in the middle of the night, then slept until 4:30AM.
This morning when I woke up, I was struck by the reality that I had been talking to everybody and their mother about this apartment search, but not God Himself. I realized that for all the things I’ve said about wanting to “build a home” for us, I had not consulted Him at all. And it reminded me of something P. Paul said during his Sunday sermon, that prayerfulness is more important than preparation.
While scrolling through Facebook, I found the Tasha Cobbs Leonard album on an exchange between two of my sisters on GCC worship team, Semi and Aran Park. I put it on as I began journaling, and in the quiet hours of the morning, bared my soul before the Lord. I told Abba about my anxieties, and using Tasha’s prophetic words, I told Him about how much I wanted to be able to ask for a miracle home, to claim that there’s a miracle in the Singapore apartment market that’s got my name on it. And I opened up my journal entry from three weeks’ ago when I’d been learning to ask the Lord in faith for big ticket items, including the following:
A beautiful apartment in Singapore that WE - TRINITY - Abba, Jesus, Holy Spirit, and Cindy can make a HOME. 2BR for $2500 SGD a month OR LESS in a neighborhood that I genuinely LOVE, a home that truly SPARKS JOY and FEELS LIKE A GEM. CLEAN AND SLEEK BATHROOM. BRIGHTLY LIT. MODERN. GOOD FOR HOSTING. Convenient to CBD (and other neighborhoods). <30 minutes to CBD by walking preferably but also public transportation ~20 min. Bathtub is an extra PLUS but close to GYM is better.
Furniture that is straightforward and affordable and aesthetic.
When I wrote this, there was a neighborhood I had in mind - Tanjong Pagar, immediately south of the Central Business District, residential but walking distance to the commercial, home to three of the GCC Singapore ladies. I had a gym in mind as well, FitnessFirst at 100AM, because we all know that I’m going to have to wean myself off of 305 Fitness and find new group exercise classes to keep my body tight. The HDB I saw on Saturday was in Tanjong Pagar, which was a large part of the allure, but I could not in good faith say that it satisfied my requirement of “CLEAN AND SLEEK BATHROOM” or “BRIGHTLY LIT. MODERN.” And when child-like Cindy writes something in the Abba-Cindy journal in all caps, she’s serious about it.
As I was thinking through this, struggling to allow myself to ask Abba in faith for a miracle apartment, the song “You Know My Name” came on. Immediately I started crying, not simply because my heart in that moment was learning to agree with the Holy Spirit, “You know my name,” but more importantly because in that moment, I heard Abba ask me very gently, “Do you know your name?“
And it hit me like a wave.
My name, the first name I was ever given, is 心嘉 (Xīnjiā). The literal translation from the Chinese is “good, kind, and excellent heart.” However, my name is actually homophonous with two important words: 新家 and 新加. The first is the Chinese word for “new home” and “new family.” The second is the first two characters of 新加坡 (Xīnjiāpō), which, as you may have guessed, is the Mandarin name for Singapore.
So when Abba asked me, “Do you know your name?” I wept. His question brought me back to my first year in Sunday School at Chinese Baptist Church in Raleigh, our “new home” after my parents and I immigrated to the States from China. My Sunday School teachers had all assumed my Chinese name Xīnjiā was 新家, for “new home.” They thought my parents were being clever about their aspirations to immigrate and find a new life with the American dream. Little did they know, nor I at the time, that Abba was the clever one. He had given me this name because He intended to lead my little heart continually to new frontiers, “new homes,” and “new families.” One of those new homes and new families would be in 新加坡 (Xīnjiāpō), Singapore, which itself can literally be translated as “the slope of new increase.”
Apt. A slope of new increase, this upward climb to the high places where I can learn more and more about God’s character, His love, His various identities as my Provider, my Victor, my Defender, my Peace.
If you’ve made it to the end of this post, thank you for joining me on my grand new adventure! I invite you all to please rally with me in prayer for a miracle apartment in Singapore with two bedrooms so that I can host you when you come visit me. :) For your reference, based on PropertyGuru listings, the apartment that currently comes closest to fitting all the criteria child-like Cindy wrote in her journal entry a few weeks’ back is this 2BR HDB in Tanjong Pagar. I’m hoping to view it tonight as the last of five units I’m seeing, and if it’s as amazing in person as it looks in photos, I’m hoping to have the confidence to negotiate the rent down to my set 2,500 SGD budget.
Please join me in prayer on this treasure hunt! I know that God has great things in store for His Xinjia in Xinjiapo and I’m excited to share them with you here.