Coming up on the first anniversary of the death of my mother and not knowing how to convey to the people around me the level of overwhelmed and uncomfortable and ready to gouge my own eyes out I am at doing Normal Work Things. I took a four month bereavement leave when it happened and god I sure feel like I could use it again but I don’t know how to tell people what kind of not okay I am.
i lost my older brother about 3 1/2 years ago. the anniversaries whether it be a holiday, death day, or their birthday, are always difficult
i think the constant “oh i’m so sorry for your loss” around the day he died, or whenever the anniversary comes up, can push me into burnout. heavy on the depression part, and that can definitely affect the whole doing Normal Work Things
grief isn’t something to get over or move past. i personally think the whole “move on, but bring them with you!” bullshit. however, i think this one quote really sums it up:
[ID : quote stating that “people think they know you. they think they know how you’re handling a situation. but the truth is no one knows. no one knows what happens after you leave them, when you’re lying in bed or sitting over your breakfast alone and all you want to do is cry or scream. they don’t know what’s going on inside your head—the mind numbing cocktail of anger and sadness and guilt. this isn’t their fault. they just don’t know. and so they pretend and they saying you’re doing great when you’re really not. and this makes everyone feel better, everybody but you” end quote, author is william h. woodwell jr. : END ID]
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