Sorry for falling off the face of the earth… but it was kinda easy to fall off the face of the earth when you last heard from me…
I don’t know how deep to go into it because frankly I don’t know how much anyone really cares about the details of the past 2 years of radio silence. The reality is though when the pandemic hit it changed a lot of things for everyone, and a casualty of that in my life became this project.
If you don’t want the long story, just skip to the final couple paragraphs… but if you do want to know a little more… welp, here we go.
I started recording music for Western Jaguar in 2012 at an undoubtedly low point in my life. At that time, Western Jaguar became the rallying point to get me back on track. It gave me purpose, meaning and an outlet for everything I was feeling. It served a huge role in my identity. It became my identity to a lot of people.
However, over time, year after year, Western Jaguar morphed into something different from that. I began to treat it like a job or a business endeavour. I began to fixate on things outside of just making music that made me feel good. I fixated on likes, a following, positive feedback… essentially I became hyper focused on making music other people liked. The saddest part of it all is it took a pandemic for me to realize that shift had occurred.
With the arrival of the pandemic in 2020, initial adaptations were made to stay relevant but it became very hard, very quick. Files were sent over Dropbox, meetings were held online, plans were made but really nothing was concrete because none of us knew what was coming in the days ahead. It truly was a halt. I wanted to keep creating but I just couldn’t. Too many distractions, too much detachment from what had become comfortable and a growing realization that I had stopped making music for myself. Now, with no easy way to get in front of people… no instant feedback… my drive was gone.
It’s tough to look at yourself in the mirror and realize that something that had been so sacred and so important to you had become a shadow of itself. That’s how I felt about Western Jaguar at the end of 2020. It had turned into something I didn’t want to do anymore and to be blunt, I saw an easy way out. A way to go another direction and try new things without anyone questioning why things suddenly halted. It was a perfect opportunity. Blame the pandemic and disappear.
I tucked music away in my mind. I sold off some things that I didn’t think I would need anymore and put my guitars away in their cases. I can honestly say I didn’t pick up a guitar, play a piano or hit a drum for about 18 months
I did other things though. I became absorbed in my work, I explored new hobbies and dove deep into them. I got married and was enjoying everything that came with that. I wasn’t missing music. I was getting my stress out in new ways and rarely thought about my instruments collecting dusk under my bed… but I guess I didn’t realize how much I needed music until I hit another low. And that low hit hard.
A few things happened at the end of this 18 month period that changed things for me and honestly I think without these big moments I would still be away from music. But just like the pandemic pushed me away, these events pulled me back in.
Essentially, I got sick. Really sick. Enough so that I couldn’t go to work. Shortly after, I got injured… enough so that I couldn’t do any of the physical things I had been doing to de-stress. So, it’s June 2022 and I felt stuck. I felt like I was going through the motions. I felt trapped in myself due to everything that had happened and I was searching for something to ground myself. I needed an escape, an outlet… that’s when it clicked in my brain… What had helped me before when I was at my lowest? Music.
So I gave it a try. I dug out my guitars, pedals, mics and most importantly my hard drive and began pouring through all my old ideas and demos. Upon listening, I found myself drawn in. I had fresh ears, fresh perspective and most of all, it wasn’t forced. There was no need to do this again. I had severed all connections to the musical persona I had before. There was no pressure to go back. I could be whatever I wanted to be. I could do whatever I wanted to do. It was a fresh start, a new beginning.
It took me a while to fully dive back in. It was tentative. I was a kid dipping his toe in the pool, afraid he’d forgotten how to swim since the last time he’d gone in. But slowly and surely I found it. I flexed a muscle that hadn’t been flexed in nearly 2 years and it flooded back like a wave. By October of 2022 I had completed demos for about 10 new tracks… but I knew I needed some help to get them over the line…
The reality of Western Jaguar is that over time, it became more than just me. It’s become a family almost and a part of me still feels bad about this aspect of how I walked away. I wasn’t just walking away from myself. There were other people involved and engaged in this that were victims of my detachment. It would have been easy for them to be discouraged or upset when I mentioned my reawakening but their reactions couldn’t have been farther from that. They were encouraging. They were excited. They were willing to help. That meant a lot.
From November 2022 through to February 2023, I recorded primarily at my house, with my new freedom and conviction. I recorded 7 tracks to completion (and brought back 2 songs never fully released properly to the table) for a total of 9. All these songs were drastically different, especially those that were recorded before this long hibernation, but in a way, that felt right. In the beginning, I never wrote songs to fit together perfectly or sit in a mould, I wrote songs because I liked writing songs… and the fact none of these fit together perfectly signalled to me that I was on the right track again. I was being true to myself.
Over the past couple months I have been working closely with former bassman Davis Zand to get these songs polished and finished. I hadn’t seen Davis in person for over 18 months when I arrived at his studio space just after Christmas of 2022, and we had rarely talked over the course of that time but he welcomed me like I had just hung with him the day prior. That also meant a lot. He’s been working hard with me on this and I am truly grateful for it. He’s made these songs better. It reminded me that doing it authentic to myself doesn’t mean excluding others from the process. It’s just about doing it with the right people.
I also had a song that really needed a sick guitar line to pull it together and I knew who to call. I tapped KC Roces on the shoulder and he said, “yes” before I could even explain what I was going for. Another true friend. (The part is sick by the way)
But all of this stuff leads us to right now. Right now, I am excited about what’s been created. I am excited about being excited again and I am hopefully I have learned something valuable in this whole tumultuous journey. Not only about what music truly means to me, but also about who I truly am. I don’t know exactly what that is yet, but I think I just need to continue progressing day by day to find it…
I guess what I’m saying is, thank you. Truly you care about this project and this music which is so wild. I rediscovered myself in making this new record. I can see myself as that 20 year old kid in his bedroom making music through a $30 condenser microphone again. It’s humbling to think about the gap in knowledge I had between then and now… but what I feel jealous of is the naivety. No expectations. No preconceived notions. Just making art for the sake of it. I tried hard to pull back into that feeling as much as I could.
So ya, this is just me at 30. I like it and that’s really all that matters.
New song coming in 2 weeks.
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