Just spent 45 minutes crying in my boyfriend’s car about how much I hate my life, and college, and just existing in general. I’m just so tired of doing this anymore. Of fighting all of this. I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up 10 years from now when I’m married and have a place to live and a stable job and everything makes sense and is okay. I just don’t want to do these next two and a half years at all.
Well, it’s exactly 10 years later. The next two and half years were up and down, but I did it. This was probably the darkest moment of that year and then things started looking up. Life has been lots of ups and down since then too, but I was right about where I would be— I’m happily married, have a place to live, and a stable job. I don’t know if everything makes sense and is okay, but in retrospect, looking at the past decade since I posted this, everything that happened makes sense to me now… so maybe “everything makes sense and is okay,” isn’t something you can feel in the moment, it’s something you can only see with hindsight. I’m at a point in my life now where I’ve become comfortable with not having all of the answers at any given moment. I know that me and my support system can weather any storm, and that’s enough for me.
