Ko Kyung-Jun x reader: No One Noticed (But You Did)
A Part 2 to my one-shot titled "Umbrella" on my page, although this could kind of be read separately, lots of studying what Kyung-Jun's inner thoughts would be like with a crush Idk lol
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Kyung-Jun felt like a complete idiot, a fool, when he came home from school yesterday. Embarrassment bubbling inside him, making his cheeks feel hot. More than embarrassed, he found himself angry. Angry at himself for allowing a moment of weakness to slip out of his tough exterior. And most of all, you had been the one to bring that out. At that moment, it was like Kyung-Jun was a normal teenage boy, conversing with a friend and goofing around. Walls lowered themselves a bit for the real Kyung-Jun to peek out.
He felt even more of a fool now in school the next morning, walking to class with the pointy tip of a certain someone’s black and white polka-dotted umbrella sticking out of the top of his backpack. Why did he even bring it? Kyung-Jun was a taker. He took from people and didn’t give back. He took money from Joo-Won and Da-Bum. Took answers from someone else’s homework. Took basketballs from the gym. Took snacks and drinks from students. He took anything he wanted from anyone. So why was he giving back her umbrella? She had said he didn’t even need to, was it just because it was girly and he didn’t want it?Â
No. Really he hated owing anyone anything. He didn’t want to have her have one over him, an excuse to bring up what happened yesterday. A moment of weakness, that’s all it was. And he didn’t want to be reminded of it again. He was having a bad day from the moment he woke up yesterday. The disapproving and judgemental stares from his father and older brother started the day. A hard smack on the back of his head from his father after hearing from his homeroom teacher he skipped class one too many times the past week. Hyun-Ho being extra cheeky with his remarks. Da-Bum being absent, letting the anger inside Kyung-Jun continue to build, not having an outlet to unleash it on. Jun-Hee’s perfect attitude irritating him. Then Seung-Bin and Jin-Ha annoying him with their idiotic conversations. But worst of all? Just as he was about to go outside, which was pouring rain by the way, he suddenly remembered what the date was. His mother’s day of passing.Â
So, he walked home in the rain. Letting it soak him and make him cold. Not even bothering to use the hood on his windbreaker, feeling the raindrops fall from his now ungelled hair onto his face. Threatening to mix in with the tears brimming in his eyes. But he roughly wiped his eyes with his wet sleeve, not letting them fall because Kyung-Jun doesn’t cry. It was just a bad day. That’s all it was.
So when you insisted on shielding him from the rain with your stupid umbrella, it wasn’t your action per say that made him take a step back. It was your face. Your expression. The concern, no the curiosity, that was laced within. He suddenly felt exposed. Like you saw past the anger and aggression he presented and was looking at the complicated boy within. He knew that there was no way you could suddenly understand his actions, the reasons for his behavior. Or suddenly see all his weakness he felt he had, but it was that look of concern and curiosity that was enough to make him falter. Confidence dropping. The fact that you seemed to actually want to ask if he was truly okay had his head reeling. And then just your behavior in general, you were talking to him seemingly unafraid. Your nonchalance, your normalcy, your aloofness… it was suddenly rubbing off on him.Â
No one noticed him in that way, but you did. And it made him feel a mix of emotions. So maybe bringing your umbrella back wasn’t just because he didn’t want to owe you, but also to interact with you again. To assess you, in a way. Because he couldn’t figure out your intentions. You spoke to him, willingly. No one does that, he thinks he doesn’t even want that. So were you maybe some kind of threat to him? Going to expose the moment of vulnerability he had grudgingly shared with you?
But he knew better than that, because he had actually been noticing you for some time.
How could he not? Because just as he arrived to the classroom, late as usual, he was reminded of where you sat. Where he sits, in the corner of the classroom by the door, you sit directly opposite of him on the other side. In the corner, by the window, which he noticed you frequently gazed out at. Despite the distance of three rows between you, every time he laid his head down on his desk to take a nap, he had a perfect view of you. When he’d wake up, there you still were.
And of course, he also happened to live right near you. Taking the same main road home every day after school. Depending on who left school first, one would be in the other’s view walking home. And still though, yesterday had been the first time the two of you had a full conversation, if you’d even call it that.
The class was filled with chatter and laughs. The homeroom teacher getting ready to silence them to take attendance. As Kyung-Jun took out his blue neck pillow, pushing the umbrella to the side to grab it, he eyed you. You were sitting slightly hunched over, your head in your hand. You looked unamused, or tired. A slight frown featured on your face. Kyung-Jun had learned pretty quickly that you seemed to be a very transparent person. In both senses. You were expressive, and your expressions often told when you disliked something you ate, were bored with class, annoyed by Heo-Yool’s antics, irritated by So-Mi’s snarky comments, and even the disapproval etched on your face when you caught him picking on the weaker students.Â
And you seemed to also be transparent in the sense that you were rather unassuming. You kept to yourself, not going out of your way to stop him from calling Da-Bum out to the gym to “play” basketball for instance. You didn’t seem to have any close friends, always walking home alone from school. You talked to your classmates mainly only when spoken to and sat at lunch with Yoon-Seo and Se-Eun, though it was evident the latter had a closer relationship. And yet you weren’t totally quiet either, like you lacked a presence or something. If So-Mi for instance, or anyone for that matter said something to you that bothered you, you were quick to remark, but without getting heated about it. It was like you didn’t care about things, but he felt that you did inside. Which led him to continue his silent observations, curious in who you were beneath the simple and aloof personality you had. Just maybe, he felt a small invisible string, pulling him to you.Â
And he was suddenly ripped from his deep thoughts about you, from no other than yourself. He watched you sneeze, rather loudly he thought, and then not even a full second later, another sneeze.Â
Your eyes widened, your hand coming up to cover your nose. You turned to Yoon-Seo next to you, your hand covering your mouth partly so he couldn’t tell what you were saying, but then Yoon-Seo was unzipping her bag and pulling out a packet of pocket tissues. From the front of the classroom, the teacher began taking attendance, the class silencing. And then if on cue, you sneezed again! He was still looking at you, your face flushed now. He caught Heo-Yool who sat in front of you snickering. You mumbled a “sorry” to anyone who could hear for your disruption.Â
The teacher continued down the line, getting to your name. Kyung-Jun watched as you opened your mouth to say you were here when you literally sneezed again. Kyung-Jun couldn’t help himself, he laughed.Â
Several heads turned. Including Seung-Bin and Jin-Ha who seemed surprised to hear a laugh erupt from him. Especially because it wasn’t a sarcastic one, he was genuinely amused by the situation. Were you sick? From yesterday? He couldn’t help the boyish grin that fell on his face, of course you were suddenly sick. Not even being without your umbrella for long after giving it to him and yet here you were, pulling your vest back and forth from your shirt as if you were feeling hot. It even looked like your nose was a bit red.Â
He couldn’t adjust his expression back to his usual scowl quick enough because you finally turned to look at him, having heard the laugh too. Finally you’re looking at me. He forced a cough out of himself, making his expression look normal. Your face suddenly flushing more upon eye contact.Â
“Are you feeling alright?” The teacher called out to you. “I think you should go to the nurse just in case. Go now so you don’t miss the quiz later.”
“Yes Miss.” You gathered your things, getting up from your desk. He heard Yoon-Seo whisper “are you okay?” in which he heard you softly reply with, “yeah, I think I caught something from the rain yesterday, I didn’t have my umbrella with me.”
He felt his own face start to flush from simply being reminded of the umbrella in his bag. He was getting second-hand embarrassment from his own actions yesterday. He had to give you back your umbrella so he could forget all about it.Â
You were just about to pass him, your eyes darting to him. And he swore he could see a ghost of a smile, a small, but genuine smile. He just stared as you walked out, and he heard Seung-Bin whisper to him and Jin-Ha, “noisy snot-nosed bitch.” Jin-Ha immediately snickered.
“Shut the fuck up” Kyung-Jun replied. Not giving a chance to see their bewildered expression and lowering his head to his desk to take his usual nap. But instead of finding himself agreeing with the fact that you were being noisy, and well you did have a snot filled nose at the moment, all he could think of was that you looked kind of cute instead.Â
Sometime later, Kyung-Jun rose from a failed deep sleep attempt. It was break now. He knew why he couldn’t get a clear mind to sleep, his thoughts were occupied by you and your stupid umbrella. He hated how he knew he was letting this one act of kindness get to him. He couldn’t shake off that expression on your face yesterday, like you were taking a peek inside him. And it essentially felt like you really did. As he got up from his seat grabbing his umbrella-filled backpack, Seung-Bin and Jin-Ha rose too.
“Don’t follow me, I’m going somewhere. Alone.” He gave them a look, don’t press me today.
After he left, Seung-Bin muttered to Jin-Ha, “the fuck’s wrong with him today?”
Kyung-Jun opened the nurse’s office door, glancing around the room to see if anyone else was there to witness what was about to come. Aside from the nurse who glanced up from her paperwork at her desk to look at him, he saw a figure occupying the last cot in the back. You were facing the wall, your back turned to him and he briskly walked over.
“Excuse me, are you not feel-” and one piercing look from Kyung-Jun sent her mouth into a fine line. Most of the faculty knew about him, “the delinquent”. She didn’t press any further, but as he reached your cot and was standing over you, she was still watching curiously. Kyung-Jun sighed loudly, grabbed the curtain hanging on a rod above the cot and pulled the rings across to cover him and you.
Kyung-Jun just watched you. You were sleeping, your mouth slightly open. Your vest laid next to you, you must have been feeling hot, feverish perhaps. He quietly and slowly unzipped his backpack, he suddenly felt this was a perfect opportunity to give you back your umbrella without having to bring up yesterday, despite the certain lingering he felt in his mind… and his heart.Â
But as he placed the umbrella down, the hard and cool handle brushed against your thigh. You must not have been in a deep sleep either, because the sudden intrusion stirred you. You turned on your back, stretching a bit, slowly opening your squinted eyes.
She caught me. He looked down, but upon seeing your sudden movement causing your skirt to ride up pretty high, exposing your thighs, he turned his attention to the wall, finding it to be very intriguing. He felt his cheeks burn again. Idiot. It’s just thighs. “Her” thighs though…
She then looked down, seeing her state and adjusted her skirt. She noticed the infamous umbrella next to her then. “So, I take it you really don’t like polka dots then huh… did you end up getting a black one for yourself?” Your lips quirked up. He noticed your nose still red and slightly swollen. You had gotten sick because of him. Yeah it was your dumb actions that did so, but still because of him. He wondered again, Why had you done that for him, truly?
He composed himself, “No, I just don’t want your belongings, don’t wanna owe you anything.”
He noticed your expression faltered a bit, confusion striking your face. “You don’t owe me anything, I just saw you walking in the rain and well, I felt like shielding you from it.” You smiled a little now. “I did that because I wanted to, I wasn’t expecting anything back, not even my umbrella. I was even going to just get a new one figuring you’d keep it because you clearly didn’t have one.”
You were so honest, blunt. But in a way that he wondered if you even registered what you were saying to him. Did you even care if he decided to lash out at you?Â
You felt like shielding him from it? So, protecting him from it? Did you think he was some small and helpless weak animal that couldn’t handle a bit of rain? He felt anger bubbling inside him now. He was right earlier, he didn’t like that you saw this vulnerability in him, this weakness that you felt you needed to concern yourself with. You weren’t his mother.
“Well I didn’t ask for that, and I don’t want your umbrella. Any umbrella for that matter.” He mentally face-palmed himself, he sounded so stupid, not like his usual domineering and aggressive tone. “So don’t do something like that ever again, or even bring it up or I’ll-I’ll” he stumbled over his words, thinking of something to come back with. “Or I’ll kill you… or something like that.” He mumbled the last part. He needed to get out of here, this was a bad idea.Â
He looked off to the side, until he heard a breathy laugh, like you were trying to hold it in. He darted his eyes back to you, seeing your amused face. So now you think he’s a joke, unserious. Your face quickly morphed back to neutralism upon seeing the scowl on his face deepen, his eyebrows furrowing.
“I mean it.” He confirmed. “Stop aggravating me or I won’t stop Seung-Bin and Jin-Ha from wanting to harass you later.”
“But you always stop them. They, you never harass me.” You replied, your face softening.
Shit. So she has noticed me. Noticed I was practically singling her out from it all. Treating her differently than the others. Was that why she had done that, did she feel obligated to because I wasn’t outright mean to her or something? He didn’t know you, your inner thoughts and intentions were a mystery despite your expressive faces. He didn’t know if he could even trust them. He didn’t trust anyone.Â
“If that’s why you did it,” he gestured to the umbrella, “don’t. Just because I happen to find your presence less annoying and irritating than others doesn’t mean you have to start doing nice things to repay me for it or something.” He ran his hand through his hair, he decided to not gel it today, making it easy to run his hand through now. “Because if you do things like that, then you will annoy and irritate me.” It wasn’t a lie. From quietly observing her to now practically going crazy over what she did was annoying him. You couldn’t have just remained unassuming!
He watched your face carefully, waiting to gauge your expression. And he suddenly felt his heat twinge, like in pain upon seeing the hurt cross your face. Well, that’s expected. Deserved even for what you've been making me feel. But seeing the hurt on your face didn’t really make him feel any better, didn’t suddenly gain clarity from it. Instead, he just felt more confused by everything.
“Honestly” you took a deep breath then, “I wanted to approach you because I have been wanting to be friends.” You suddenly raised your hands to cover your eyes and cheeks, releasing a small laugh. It was obvious you suddenly felt embarrassed.
Kyung-Jun shifted. He was taken back. Lost at words, really. He felt that similar feeling he felt yesterday. The high stone wall he had up that guarded him so fiercely fell down a row, letting what was hidden behind peek out a bit.Â
“Friends… with me?” He laughed bitterly. “I think your sickness is messing with your head.”Â
Your fingers spread out, showing your eyes now. “I just thought that we both don’t have many friends, we walk the same way home. It’d be easy to hangout… or something.” She dropped her hands, sighing. “I realize how this sounds, but I mean it. I just watch you sometimes in school and I don’t know, I want to be your friend.”
Kyung-Jun didn’t know how to feel, could barely process your words before he felt his usual anger boiling up and down inside him.Â
“Why?” He heard his voice rise with that. “Do you feel sorry for me or something? Watching me and wanting to be friends with me because you pity me? Pity me because I’m a bully? Is that it?” He was getting increasingly accusatory, if he didn’t calm down the nurse who could surely hear all this would come and finally intervene. “I’m disappointed, honestly.” He whispered the last part so quietly, he didn’t know if you heard, didn’t care. “And I have friends by the way, I’m not some loner like Da-Bum.” He thought of his two “friends” in question. He really didn’t think of them as what one would call “true friends”. That’s because Kyung-Jun never had that. Never had a friend of that caliber to compare to. If Seung-Bin and Jin-Ha were the closest thing he had to a so-called friend, then maybe he didn’t even want any friends at all.
You pulled him out of his thoughts. Raising your eyebrow at his last remark. “I don’t pity you because you’re a bully, or whatever you think it is that I’m pitying you for. I don’t know how to prove my intentions to you, but I really just want to be friends. Does every person who asks you to be your friend you think they are pitying you?”
He scoffed at that. Come on. You weren’t that aloof, you knew nobody is asking to be his friend. Acting like he has a whole line of people out there. Now he just felt mocked.Â
You seemed to look inside him again, reading his expression. Your eyes widening at what you had said.Â
“Sorry.” You said, looking directly into his eyes. He wanted to look away, feeling exposed again but he had to hold his ground. “I understand how that sounds, I know your position in school… what I mean is, can you just try to see that I’m being genuine here?” No, it was actually quite hard for him to see that. She suddenly reached out, going for his hand, but stopped. Dropping it back at her side.Â
Good he thought. He didn’t know how he’d react if she suddenly touched him, not only reaching out with her words, but now with her hands as well. “I promise you” and she stared fiercely into his eyes now, looking very determined. “I never pitied you. I really just want to be friends… I could use a friend too, you know?” Her expression turned somber a bit. He recalled how she isn’t really close to anyone in class. Maybe she struggles too. Maybe they had some similarities with not being able to connect and be close with others. Maybe, just maybe, she had her own demons inside akin to his.Â
He released a long breath he didn’t realize he was holding, closing his eyes for a second.
“We could try. I guess”. He tried to sound nonchalant.Â
Her eyes instantly brightened at that. She jumped up from her position on the bed, standing up now in front of him. She was a whole head and more shorter than him, he noticed. He saw the excited expression completely covering her features. A wide and toothy grin.Â
“I said I guess we could try being friends. Doesn’t mean we will” he clarified.Â
“Yes, yes, of course. Try” she emphasized.Â
Her smile was contagious. Or her sickness was. Because he suddenly couldn’t stop the corner of his lip from twitching upwards, threatening to curve into a grin, copying her.Â
And so a routine started between them. Now conversing on their walks home together, side by side, from school. The large distance between them, both physically and emotionally, was closing in. Because after all, he owed it to her, to himself, to try. You had noticed something in him, and he had noticed something in you too.