Climb Like A Monkey Out Of Hell Where I Belong @coldlikedeath - Tumblr Blog

What makes this even funnier is if you’re a rich guy and do this the actual poker players will shower you with praise and stroke your ego (especially when you win hands through sheer variance) and say you’re great and to keep doing what you’re doing because they’re just siphoning money from you and want you to keep it up. Like, that’s the original definition of a “whale” in the gambling sense

matrixdragon

It's not 'understanding something about risk that no one else does' it's 'is able to screw up constantly without facing any actual consequences, unlike every other player at the table.'

woolandflax

Ha I wonder how many strokes the most complex Chinese character has like maybe eightee-

woolandflax

Has a Chinese son, names him bèng-dá, and he hates me

woolandflax

My beloved son 䨻龘 just trying to write his name in kindergarten

inthefallofasparrow

worldheritagepostorganization

World Heritage Post

aropride

please god let chatgpt die out like nfts did. With a fast and graceless fall into irrelevancy

bladespark

Like to charge, reblog to cast.

atwotonedbird

This spell has a very low hit ratio, so we need a lot of us to do it.

slaviclore

You still have to go somewhere else in the EU to actually get married, but this is a great step. It's queern time everybody!

coldlikedeath

TAAAAAAAAKKKKKKK POLSKAAAAAAAAA

#poland

eternallysluggish

"Everyone's chronically ill nowadays.. surely this means everyone is faking"

Are you forgetting that COVID was a mass disabling event? That COVID never "ended"? That COVID severely impacted millions?

It's like.. you're so close. You're so close to the point. Please just think a little bit more instead of throwing logic out of the closest window and making ableist assumptions

hyacinthsdiamonds

"Seb would never -" Sebastian Vettel, original red bull golden boy and menace, holds the record for the quickest penalty in f1 history by getting one literally seconds into his f1 career, one of the most penalised drivers in f1 history (no.5 to be exact which fits lmao as its his number), Mark Webber's nightmare fuel, called the race director a cunt publicly on the radio... Do not let the grid dad propaganda fool you, yes he's a bee farmer but that man was and will always be a menace lmao.

"Michael would never -" DO NOT CITE THE DEEP MAGIC TO ME WITCH, I WAS THERE WHEN IT WAS WRITTEN!

coldlikedeath

Michael fucking would

My years-dead Michael Schumacher crush has resurrected itself.

Help.

#michael schumacher

directactionforhope

Genocide is not a verb, btw. Please stop saying "genocided," this isn't a useful neologism or shortened new version - this is softening the language we use to describe crimes of atrocity

It's commit genocide, so that we can never, ever talk about someone committing genocide without making it clear that every time a group or government chooses commits genocide, it's because people chose that, and they kept choosing that, and all of these nightmares could end in a second if the people doing the killing just fucking stopped

penandinkprincess

it obviously makes sense, but one of my friend’s kids is going into swim class, and all the parents got an email today going, “when little ones are scared, they cling on to instructors. PLEASE trim their nails.”

i don’t know why that’s so funny to me, but just. the idea of this poor, scratched swim instructor having to make sure to email before each class as a reminder to please declaw the children SENT me.

rockitcat

When I taught swim lessons I remember trying to delicately ask parents not to cover their child in shea/coconut/olive oil before lessons.

“I understand your skincare regimen and wanting to protect their tender baby flesh from the pool chemicals, but COULD YOU NOT OIL YOUR CHILD LIKE A GREASED PIG before tossing them in the POOL? Thanks EVER so much!”

penandinkprincess

@nakimochiku i CACKLED

copperbadge

On Saturday I said to my partner, as I have said for months, "A ten thousand dollar a year raise would solve so many of my problems."

As of this morning I was reluctantly looking for jobs because I love my job and don't want to leave it, but see: $10k raise problem solver.

As of noon today this was no longer an issue, because my boss called me with the news that I was getting a $10K merit raise.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is roughly $200 extra per paycheck. Enough to pay off debt faster, rebuild my savings, and spend a weekend a month in Milwaukee getting obscenely laid. The sex I'm going to have on $200 extra per paycheck. You can't even.

May all of you get the $10K raise your soul has yearned for. And whatever level of sex you can be satisfied with for $200.

vergess

hey bestie i think ur post might be charmed 'cause you aren't gonna fuckin believe what happened today

pixiecaps

big fan of whatever the youth is doing to torment scientology buildings

pixiecaps

they couldnt take the heat

doctordotdj

the-coffee-nebula

Incorrect Caretaker

Janeway: Find me a pilot who’s talented, insubordinate, and deeply annoying. Owen: Good, take my son. He can be your problem now. Paris: I’m only co-operating because prison is boring. Janeway: Excellent. Let’s go find my missing Vulcan bestie and also ruin your life further.

Kim: Wow, my first day in Starfleet! I hope nothing traumatic happens. Stadi: *dies* Cavit: *dies dramatically* Caretaker: *banjo noises* Surprise! You’re all in the Delta Quadrant now. I'll be stealing your new kid, k thx bye!

Doctor: I’m a hologram, not a therapist, but I can tell morale is already terrible.

Neelix: Hello strangers! I will now attach myself to your crew like an enthusiastic parasite!

B'Elanna: I hate you, Starfleet. Kim: I kind of like you, Maquis.

Kazon: Give us water or we’ll shoot you. Janeway: Here, have some water Neelix: No, no water for you! *shoots the water* Kes: Please take me with you. I’ve been imprisoned for having opinions and terrible taste in men.

Chakotay: Paris, I hate you. Paris: Great, because I hate me too.

Caretaker: I’m dying. Also, I may have accidentally doomed an entire planet. Oops. Caretaker: I couldn't get Harry Kim pregnant so everyone's really screwed now *dies* Tuvok: Captain, fuck that dead rock - we can use the array to return home. Janeway: Or - and hear me out - we could blow it up and strand ourselves forever. Tuvok: That is… a choice.

B'Elanna: This fucking sucks. Chakotay: Not gonna lie, I'm quite happy with this arrangement

Paris: So, am I still a criminal? Janeway: Yes, but now you’re my criminal. Chakotay: And I’m your first officer because you need someone to do the paperwork? Janeway: Kind of? You also give me legitimacy with your crew… and you're kinda hot Chakotay: … Who's the dude in that photo with you? Janeway: … Who?

Janeway: We’re 70,000 light‑years from home. Kim: How long will it take to get back? Janeway: About 75 years. Neelix: Plenty of time for me to experiment with Leola root! Tuvok: I foresee no logical escape from this.

sm64mario

can we'a skip the impeachment and just shoot him in the head

coldlikedeath

No. Put him in solitary. Make him live with all the shit he’s done

l0stvegas

I know people mean well when they say it but hearing the phrase “you know your body best” as someone with chronic illness is so funny, like man no I don’t I ain’t got no clue what that fucker’s planning and I’m scared to find out

l0stvegas

Them: Listen to your body!

My body, whispering in the night: Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah-nagl fhtagn

doublism

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

wizardarchetypes

when I was a kid I had an old tv in my room that would always turn to unwatchable static in the middle of shows but one night my sister and I were watching Naruto & every time Kakashi was on-screen the static cleared so we were like “hahaha the tv looooves Kakashi.”

I had a Kakashi bookmark so we held it up against the screen as a joke but the static actually cleared up. Mystified, we tried different bookmarks and objects with the same plastic material but nothing else worked, only the Kakashi bookmark.

We ended up taping it to the corner of the screen and it stayed there for 11 years until we moved out. When I was older people would be like “can you move the bookmark off the screen” bc it did sort of block a bit of the view but I would demonstrate the static issue and everyone was always just like “huh. what the hell?? well…alright.”

No explanation, but thanks Kakashi.

scarletjedi

I had a similar tv! It was a tv with a built in dvd and vcr because it was in college and I’m apparently old now. But! The dvd player never wanted to play- unless it was Chicago (2002). First, we would put that dvd in, let it start, and then swap it for the movie we really wanted to watch. It got to the point where we would put in the dvd we wanted and sing “he had it coming!!!” At the screen at volume. Fucking worked *every time*

Bizarre.

inkcurlsandknives

I miss when technology had real personality, instead of fake ones designed to generate lies and nonsense and spy on you.

thundergrace

The only way to talk to these people.

one-time-i-dreamt

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT

adventurer-in-my-wonderland338

the part that scares me most about the supernatural fandom is when they need a certain gif to add to a post they know exactly where to find it or know exactly what episode of any of the nine whole seasons to make one