transcription, for anyone who is unable to read the text:
“During previews for the Broadway run of JAGGED LITTLE PILL, I was heavily pressured and eventually asked to wait to get NECESSARY surgery to remove polyps from my vagina. I was told the show couldn’t afford such a blow, it would be too much of a detriment to the preview process if I took the 3-4 days I needed for this surgery.
I was officially diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome in the spring of 2019. After extensive examinations, ultrasounds and blood tests I had my first surgery to remove the growths caused by PCOS.
The summer of 2019 was the first time I spoke with stage management about my PCOS health complications. This exchange was in person, when we were recording the cast album. I let stage management know I’d recently undergone surgery and that I was actively working with my gynecologist to try and find the right medication. I asked at that moment in time if this information could be relayed to the creative team. I was told it would be. I further clarified that I was struggling with on again off again anemia due to the amount of blood loss my PCOS was causing. I communicated to stage management how scary and embarrassing it was to share such personal medical information, but that I recognized it was much more important to provide my team with full transparency.
I received an email from stage management on September 12, 2019 that provided our official rehearsal schedule. I responded September 14th to confirm and proceeded to update SM about my diagnosis. I reiterated that I wanted to be completely transparent with the creative team about my current limitations. I told SM I’d been in touch with the costume department the previous week, and had let the designers know about my PCOS (since it had caused me to gain a significant amount of weight). I never received a response from stage management. I sent a follow up on September 18th. Nothing.
On the first day of rehearsal I approached my stage manager and asked if they had seen my emails. SM apologized profusely and said they wanted to wait to speak with me in person since this was such a sensitive subject. I then relayed the information I currently had, offered to provide confirmation of medical records/doctor notes and asked once again that stage management relay to the team my current health complications. I explained how daunting it was to send an email to the entire creative team about my medical condition. SM reassured me that they would communicate what I shared with them to my superiors.
During previews there was a dress rehearsal where my anemia caused me to go in and out of consciousness. After losing my balance for the 3rd time, I feared for my safety and the safety of others. I approached the members of my team who were leading rehearsal at that time. I let them know my PCOS was rearing it’s ugly head. I told them I was consistently feeling faint and afraid I would pass out because of my extreme anemia from PCOS. I was met with confused stares and silence. They told me they had no idea what I was talking about.
THE CREATIVE TEAM TOLD ME THEY NEVER RECEIVED THIS INFORMATION FROM STAGE MANAGEMENT.
I broke down in tears and let them know I had been losing blood for over 4 weeks. I told them I tried to see my doctor, but our rehearsal/performance schedule conflicted with her availability. The stage manager was then called over and spoken to privately. SM turned to me and said I should go to the dressing room, skip the rest of rehearsal and take a nap so I could come back that night to do a preview performance. I pleaded with the main higher up who insisted I stay and I begged for permission to go home and contact my doctor for an emergency appointment. I was told to push through. My stage manager stood by and did nothing. This SM allowed me to be intimidated into staying and performing when I was clearly not well.
While trying to climb the 5 flights of stairs to my dressing room I collapsed. I was lucky enough to have one of my cast mates stumble across me. They then went to stage management to remind them “this was against the rules”, “if an actor says they are sick they have the right to go home” and that “it was SM’s job to advocate on the actors behalf if they are being pressured to stay”.
The next day I went to the doctor. She told me I needed surgery immediately. The growths had come back at an alarming rate. She let me know there had been a cancellation and I could get surgery tomorrow. I told her I had to check with my show first. She then told me the next available surgery appointment was over a month away.
Later that same day, I returned to the theater to relay my gynecologist’s updated diagnosis. Another creative team member (who was not present during the aforementioned conversation) said, “I didn’t know about this.” Not only was the information I provided months before not relayed to the team, but the medical emergency I experienced the PREVIOUS DAY was not relayed to the rest of the team. I was then asked to please understand how much of a detriment it would be to the show if I had to take those 3-4 days to recover. I was exhausted, anemic and scared. I didn’t want to ask for multiple days off during my Broadway debut... but I needed the surgery.
In the end, I was effectively coerced to go against my gynecologist’s medical advice. I was convinced to wait to get these growths removed. I waited over a month to get a surgery my gynecologist told me I needed IMMEDIATELY.
I performed on Good Morning America the day before my surgery, where I had to spend most of my day not eating or drinking to prepare for going under. I was totally going to do the preview show later that night but I broke down again on the GMA set and said I simply wasn’t strong enough to do the night performance while in this state.
After the surgery I was intimidated by company management. The validity of my recovery period was diminished and dismissed I was told “I need to work to get paid” and that “I can’t expect to be paid when taking personal days”. When I relayed the possibility of these growths returning/needing surgery again in the future, I was met with exasperation and told that if I had to take off it wouldn’t be considered paid medical leave.
When I told my gynecologist about this exchange, she told me she could not ethically continue to operate on me if I remained in a work environment that would ask me to negate my medical needs. Since I had waited so long to get the surgery, she had to remove much more tissue than initially planned. She told me it would be dangerous to do this again without the guarantee that it would be handled swiftly and taken seriously. She told me I did not have enough healthy tissue to withstand another surgery.
The reason why it is so important for me to share PERSONAL medical information is due to the historically abhorrent treatment black people have experienced in the medical field, specifically the gynecological field. There is a long and violent history regarding gynecology and black people. I’m lucky to have found a gynecologist who does not discriminate against me for being plus sized, black and non-binary. She was amazing throughout this process and consistently advocated for me to put my health first, eventually telling me she would not and could not morally take part in this negligence.
I’ve been vaguely referencing mistreatment for years, and this is certainly not an exhaustive account of my experiences, but it is certainly the most alarming, fundamentally wrong and DANGEROUS incident I experienced. I’m still dealing with the consequences of waiting to get this surgery.”
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