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YOU ARE THE REASON
ojovivo
Discoholic 🪩
RMH
Origami Around
Jimmy Eat World
if i look back, i am lost
Noah Kahan
tumblr dot com
Fai_Ryy
official daine visual archive
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Product Placement
Today's Document
Monterey Bay Aquarium
d e v o n
Fieri Frames
Color Me Curious
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@whatwouldjoeldo-blog
Conversation at the pub with the folks - 02
Mother: Oh there is one word I can't say at all...
Father:
Me:
Mother: *can't think of the word she can't say*
Father: Well obviously!
Mother:
Me: ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa *dead again - father's on fire - you're killing me*
Conversation at the pub with the folks - 01
Mother: I put out some seeds for the birds and all the greedy starlings came swarming down and ate them all and...
Father: I don't care.
Mother:
Father:
Me: ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa *dead - can't go on - you guys - can't breath* hahahahahahahhahaaaa
It's -5 outside so I'm in bed in my giraffe onesie.
Father comes upstairs and sees the onesie.
He asks "Hey, where's your old one. I want one"
"It's in a box of old stuff, the zip broke"
He wanders off.
5 minutes later this walks in.
"Hey, check it out, I fixed the zip and it fits!"
Mother enters...
"You look like an oversized Teletubbie"
Standard Wednesday Evening.
Which daughter are you?
I'm cleaning out my room again and father marches in...
Father: GO CHECK YOUR BANK ACCOUNT QUICKLY!!!
Me: Whaaaaaaaat? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
Father: Well, I may have just paid in your sister's uni house rent into your account because I forgot what I was doing. I need to know where I put the money.
Me: You gotta be kiddin
Father: No. Not today.
Me: FUCK THIS SHIT....GOODBYE ENGLAND...HELLO WORLD!!!!
Father: I'll escort you to the bank.
Me: FFS.
So close. So far.
Father on OUAT...
Dad: So, did you watch it? How was it? I want to see it! What time did you go to sleep?
Me: omgogmgomgogmgicouldntevenhandleitomgjustreginaissomissunderstoodandcoraissuchafuckingbitchandemmaandreginashouldjustgetitonandhookisstillfrigginhotandhenryisalittleshitandreginaomgomgomomgggggreginaaaaaiwasintears....
Dad: So good, yes?
Me: Er, yeahhhh! I was in tears...couldn't deal with it...need another episode. I went to sleep about 4.
Dad: It's only a movie!
Me:
Dad: It's not real!! *chuckles to himself and leaves*
Me: *inner monologue* only a movie????????
not my gifs
...and then he came out the door topless.
Mother and I had left with my sister to drop her at the station, she then realized that she needed Father's debit card to get her ticket. So I called him and said come out and give it to us as we drive past.
So we drive back home and my sister gets out the car as we can't see him.
And then he came out the door topless.
"Look at me I'm sexy!"
Shocked is an understatement.
Embarrassment means nothing to me.
I dare anyone to embarrass me.
It doesn't happen anymore.
Father then returned to the house without another word.
When I got home he said he'd been trimming his beard and there was no time to put clothes back on.
Obviously.
As I'm clearing out my room, I start chucking out old school work...
Dad: Your mother wants you to shred all that.
Me: The fuck? No one wants to find this shit!
Dad: I know, I'm just gonna chuck it in the bin over at the church instead.
Me: Oh right, I was gonna say it's just like my old history work and stuff, a few essays on Hitler.
Dad: God damn you Nazi!
Me:
Dad: *slams door and leaves*
Me:
So we are on route to our Steak Night and we're saying it's warm for this time of year...no ice about.
Then he goes "aaaahhhhndjvnoierotihfdoweouwkss...what was that?"
And I thought he'd pretended to slip on ice but no...
"Gahhhh" he says, "It's a banana peel...who put that there?" <---genuine question.
OMFG I cannot believe that I just witnessed someone slipping on a banana peel!!
"I thought I was going to die!!!"
Me: *laughing* I'm dead.
Do you/ Joel take requests??
I think that can be arranged :D
Steak Night
Dad: That was Audrey on the phone, we're not going to theirs for dinner.
Me: Okay, why not?
Dad: They're all sick.
Me: Aww dear
Dad: I don't want to cook. Shall we go out?
Me: erm if you want
Dad: let's all have steak. Text you sister and let her know.
Me: ...okay
Dad: it's a good day after all!
Me:
The First Post...
a short text post to introduce you to the humour of my father.
he does not always mean to be funny.
however he usually is.
or is just a little ridiculous.
his stories are not always true but feel free to believe.
and Hi there everyone :)