Been talking to a nice fella for a few days now. He has an actual personality, and he doesn't seem to mind the weird turns my mind takes. He's talked to me about umbrellas, Victoria Justice, Raisin Bran, and last night...Life. We talked about how everything happens for a reason...Why we changed our majors or why he quit working at UPS to be a teacher, how you can't change the choices you made, there are things out of your control...I'm not convinced that everything happens for a reason, yet my brain WILL NOT stop trying to figure out what the reasons are. I guess maybe if I ever figured it out, I might believe it. I guess I am more the believer that "Shit happens." It's your choice, or maybe your will, to deal with it and get through it, however you can. Or you can just lay in your bed and pretend it isn't happening at all. I cry alot lately. I've never been a cryer. People tell me to go to the Dr and get prozac and Xanax. I think I want to feel what I feel. I think I want to fight to get over it. I think I love who I love. I think I will stop when I stop. Or I won't if I don't. I think I will live how I live and I'll be who I am. I don't know the reason for that. I don't think I ever will. But I will keep trying to figure it out. And I will probably keep crying for awhile. That's my choice. To cry for the loss of things. To cry for the want of things. To cry because you WISH so hard that you could change things...that you could go back in time, that you could change places with someone, that you could move mountains, that you could cure all types of things. But I do more than cry. I get up everyday, I exercise, I am good to myself, I take care of my children, I go out and have fun, I talk to people, I have goals, I will get there. But hell, My life is not meant to be on Facebook right now. It's not rainbows and smiley faces. So, give me a fucking break!!!
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