from the suburbs to the city @whenpentouchespaper-blog - Tumblr Blog

I'm bbaaacckkk

I haven't logged on Tumblr in probably a year and a half. Life has changed drastically. I have changed, not drastically, but a lot.

I bet it would be entertaining to go back through my old posts & see what I was into at the time. I don't remember the state I was at while I was still posting.

Maybe this will be the beginning of a re(new)ed beautiful friendship???

#backontumblr #whatdidimiss

When you feel you've outgrown certain friendships

I know what it’s like to have those friendships with people that we cannot imagine not having contact with anymore, not seeing on a weekly basis, or when we finally do see them, having no idea what to say to them. Up until this point in life, my friendships and social life had been the most important thing. But now at the ripe age of 24, I am finding that our social lives get put on the back burner and everyone has veered off in their own direction. There’s only three girls I feel like I can say are still my very close friends, otherwise, that’s about it besides my boyfriend.

Eventually life becomes too busy, whether you have a full-time job, serious relationship, or you feel like you have just started to outgrow the person. I have a friend that I used to consider one of my besties, but when she moved across the country to support her boyfriend in the military and then didn’t tell me about their wedding until a week after it happened, I realized that maybe I was putting too much effort and emotion into a person that didn’t deserve it. Did I mention that she said it was a small, family only wedding, and then when she showed me pictures her other BFFs were there? Yea, that’s enough to put a relationship into perspective.

I miss the good times I used to have with people, but the reality is once you reach your mid 20s, it really becomes about you. Life becomes a lot more real and you start to question what it is you really want to be doing with your time. With all the other stuff filling up your time, that leaves a limited amount of social space to spend with people and lets be real, who are you going to choose? The ones who have truly stood by you through thick and thin, the people that you can actually still stand to talk to and be around, the people who still act like they give a shit about you.

I totally understand the guilt that comes along with not calling people as much as you used to. Or when you realize that you have no idea what is currently happening with someone when you used to know their daily routine. But that’s just what happens when we get older. I do not only attribute it to the fact that I have a full-time job and a serious boyfriend, but another factor that plays into my desire to spend time around certain people is what they feel like doing and what they want to talk about. Some of the girls I know are still wrapped up in that high school mentality–talking shit about everyone and their mom and gossiping about anything and everything. I won’t lie, I love a juicy story, but if our afternoon is filled with you putting people down, especially people I don’t even know, don’t expect me to want to see you again. Also, if our conversation ping-pongs back and forth for 30 minutes deciding what we should do, don’t expect me to be anxious for our next hangout either.

I can honestly say that I haven’t been betrayed or hurt by that many friends, at least not since high school ended (I’ve already nixed those relationships), but some people really just don’t get that buzz going for me anymore. I still care about them as a human being, would be scarred if anything tragic happened to them, but I don’t feel the necessity to fit them in my schedule anymore. One of the valuable lessons that my boyfriend has taught me is that everyone cannot be your best friend. Do you know how much time and effort it takes for someone to become your best friend and to reach that status and trust level? A lot. And frankly, I don’t feel like I have that much time to spare these days. So to the people who have never been full of bullshit, I thank you and will continue to make the effort and space for you. But otherwise, I just don’t feel it’s worth stressing over because in all likely-hood they are having the same exact thoughts about you. We all have that person in our lives who repeatedly makes plans with you and then just doesn’t respond to your texts the day you’re supposed to hang until it’s 9:00 at night. Eventually, it will be easy to let them go.

Basically, life is short. Fill it with the people who are willing to make you as much of priority as you are willing to do for them. Keep the people you can honestly trust that aren’t still all about gossip and drama. That shit is just toxic and when you’re out of high school that behavior is just annoying and a drag. Be with the people who still bring adventure and comfort to your life. Who still call at least once a week to make sure you’re still alive. Even if you’re promising a girls night three weeks in a row, at least you know they still really want to see you and are just trying to work out what’s going on in their lives. However, if it gets to be a full year and that girls night has yet to happen, maybe it’s another person you should consider letting go.

I am in no way trying to say that friendships aren’t important or that your romantic relationship can fill that void. I think keeping your friends close while in a relationship is an extremely important thing in maintaining sanity and keeping a self-identity. You don’t only want to feel like you have your (wo)man to run to. What if the advice you need is about them? Really the point I’m trying to make is that we are all going to grow into a different person, and it is highly unlikely that person is going to mesh with everyone you used to consider your best friend. It doesn’t mean to cut loose everybody, but pay attention to who continues to be there for you. Who continues to be un-judgmental and see you as a unique individual and accept that you’re going to grow into your own person. As we get older we are just going to get busier and busier, so keep the ones close who are going to be worth it, who are still going to accept you, and make the equal time for you as well.

Cheers to 2014 containing lots of growth, adventure, and the maintenance of relationships, not destruction.

-K

#Personal #Friendships #opinion

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