why am I doing this?? 65 reasons (so far)
because I literally can’t fit into 90% of my clothes
because I hate that I gained weight in quarantine instead of glowing up
because I feel too ugly for pictures
because I feel too ugly to go swimming
because I’m past the point of thicc, I’m just fat
because I want to start my new job and have people think I’m fit and smart and beautiful, instead of another lazy and fat girl
because I’m tired of being asked if I’m pregnant
because I want to buy clothes with a single digit size
because I hate the way everything jiggles in the mirrors at the gym
because I would love to be taken seriously by my doctor, instead of being told I should just lose weight
because I want people to smile when they see me eat, not stare
because I want to look younger than I am, not older
because I miss how big my eyes looked when I was skinnier
because I want my family to gasp when I go visit them in the fall
because people hate fat people
because people are disgusted by fat people
because my roommate’s girlfriend said “fat people don’t deserve love” and I couldn’t help but blush
because all my roommates noticed me blushing
because my boyfriend’s brother asked how we cuddle comfortably, because how could I not crush him
because I’m tired of seeing my friends lose weight and glow up
because I wish I could wear designer clothes
because I want to share clothes with my friends
because I’m going to a black tie wedding next year and I want to make heads turn
because when I told my dad I was going to the gym again his first comment was “good, you need to lose weight”
because the thing that makes my mom smile the most is when I tell her how many pounds I’ve lost
because if I could quit smoking, I can quit food
because I’m tired of failing
because I don’t want to have to hide my body during sex
because when my boyfriend told his friends I was out of his league, they replied “more like out of your weight class”
because I want to have a jawline sharp enough to kill
because I wish I knew what it was like to have a medium or large be baggy
because I want to be able to wear highwaisted jeans with a shirt tucked in
because everything looks better on skinny people
because even my necklace has gotten too tight
because I want to be able to wear flared pants
because I hate the cellulite on my legs
because I’m tired of how exhausted I get on easy hikes
because I want to be comfortable flying
because I don’t want people to glare at me when I sit next to them on a plane
because I want to be a lightweight when I drink
because I hate having a double chin
because I can’t even wrap my hands around my neck with my fingers touching
because I wish I could do tiktok dances without jiggling
because I’m tired of people saying that I dress well for my size
because I’m tired of people saying that I’m pretty for my size
because I want to be able to post bodychecks
because I want to look like I’m not faking an eating disorder
because I’ll probably be engaged by the end of the year, and I don’t want to have sausage fingers for the photo
because I want to look beautiful on my wedding day
because I want to pick any dress instead of just the one that fits
because I wish I could post aesthetic pictures with me in them
because I wish people would ask me to be in their photoshoots
because I’m tired of being plus size
because I’m embarrassed to shop at torrid
because I hate the stretchmarks on my stomach
because I haven’t been under 200 pounds since I was 14
because I want my boyfriend to be able to pick me up
because I want to be elegant
because I’m tired of only getting fatter and fatter
because I hate the way I look
because I hate feeling helpless about the way I look
because I hate the way I feel
because I want to be beautiful
because I want to be envied
because I want to be wanted.
