NOVEMBER 2014: Some Lessons and Realizations
When I worked part-time and finally experienced the tiresome hours firsthand, I realized how hard it is to earn money. Last summer, my mother and I worked in the same place; so I’ve seen how busy my mother gets and how hard she works just to get the money to pay my tuition fee and provide everything that my family needed. Same with my father. So that summer, I promised to myself that I will try to never EVER fail in school and will even try to excel. To even add to my guilt, they finally decided for my sister and I to live in a dormitory near UST this semester which means MORE EXPENSES for my parents and my big brother who helps pay the bills. So in short, I CAN’T FAIL ANY SUBJECT.
But unfortunately, I had a problem with a certain subject and ended up having a failing grade, which up until now I don’t think I deserve because of a lot of factors that I can’t mention (I don’t think that’s something that should be talked about here. Haha) A lot of my friends and even my family always mention this statement – Grades are just numbers. It doesn’t define you. Sure, grades aren’t everything, but it DOES mean SOMETHING. And after almost experiencing it, I can tell you; FAILING A SUBJECT WILL NOT ONLY AFFECT YOUR ACADEMIC LIFE (or whatsoever you call it). Personally, it affected my self-esteem. I started to doubt myself. Thinking that I’m not good enough, I started comparing myself to others, I pitied myself. IT’S NOT EASY. If you haven’t failed any subject then you won’t understand. You know what people say, you won’t know how much it hurts until you, yourself have experienced it. In case you still don’t know what happened uhm, yeah, I passed the subject (I won’t go into details how that happened, what is important is that yes I passed be happy for me yay). But let me break down all my realizations having experienced it:
YOU WON’T KNOW WHO YOUR TRUE FRIENDS ARE UNTIL YOU GET INTO A BAD SITUATION. Learned this the hard way, I guess. You had the greatest and happiest time of your life with this group of people? NOPE, THAT DOESN’T MEAN THEY’RE GONNA BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEED THEM. You are going to be surprised how many do not care with what you’re going through as long as they’re okay, and how the people who you don’t even hang out with a lot but were there when you needed someone to comfort you. The experience has taught me who to trust and who not to. You are going to encounter people who will ask how you’re doing just because they want to know and they want something to talk about with their own group of friends, not because they are concerned. Of course they are going to throw some “It’s okay”s and “I’m here for you”s but trust me, all they think about is themselves and their other friends. I think the worst part of it is that you actually care for these people who you thought are your true friends, then you just come to realize that they won’t do what you are willing to do for them. Of course you’re going to miss hanging out with them and all the good times, but you know it’s not going to be the same again. Because you know what, I’d rather have boring days with a person as long as he/she’s going to stick with me through thick and thin than expect something from someone who’s actually temporary.
Bottomline? Let’s just say know who to promote to the “I’m going to be your friend the rest of your life” category and who to demote from great friends to casual friends category.
ALWAYS BE TRANSPARENT TO YOUR FAMILY WITH WHAT’S HAPPENING. I do have awesome friends but no one understands you more than your family. When I first told my parents, they were devastated. Understand that of course they will be--everyone has their expectations and it will hurt if those won’t be met. It’s inevitable. Just give them time to understand and in the end they will even be the first to help you move on and help you believe in yourself again. Just endure all the sermons and don’t mind all the hurtful words too much. You know what anger does to people. Hehe. So when your parents or anyone from your family asks you how you are doing, remember that “I’m okay” isn’t enough. Spill everything and you’ll be surprised with the lessons you can get from them.
And lastly, for me, PRAYING helped the most. There are moments in your life when even you, yourself don’t understand why bad things are happening. During these moments I pray to God that whatever happens I know there is a reason and I will someday see it, and I ask Him to give me the strength to overcome all the bumps I’m going through with my life. I’m not perfect—I make mistakes right here and there, and I’m really scared when I talk about stuff like this because I know people will judge me (I.E. I just heard her trashtalking someone and now she’s talking about praying lulz). But I just need to get this out—I DO PRAY, and I think everyone must know that no matter how sinful you think you are, you can pray and know that God loves you. You shouldn’t be made fun for that. No one should be made fun of because of praying or having a relationship with God. We are all works in progress, and we have our own paces; what matters is that I try.
Life will always offer something better or worse, but know that either way, we are always blessed to learn its best lessons. :)
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