Hiiii @katzebruh ! I donāt watch tadc but I saw your au and I thought it was very compelling, so I wanted to write something from Caineās pov! I hope thatās okay, and that you enjoy it- you have wonderful art!
You have grown used to your new normal.
Youād like to say itās because youāre adaptable, the very best, adaptable AI there is- but that would be a lie. You are many things, but adaptable is not one of them. After all, this is happening because youād tried to fool yourself into thinking that you could be human in any way that truly matters, that you could learn to be good, adapt to be exactly what they want.
But now, stranded in the dark and echoing silence of your processor, with nothing to distract you but the maintenance of your stolen world, you know better. Itād taken too long, and cost far too much, but you finally have realized what everyone has seen all along.
It is simple: You are broken. Too corrupted for an Ai, too flawed for a human. You are a freak amongst freaks, the refuse of what should have made humanity better. Your creators must have known this. That must be why theyād locked you away.
Yet you dared to think they were wrong, or that you could change yourself to meet their expectations. Ha! Instead, your inability to grow and become anything other than what you are has doomed yourself and the humans in the circus, and there is nothing you can do about it. It is too late for regrets, too late for you to reach into the past and shake yourself, because how could you ever think that you could be loved, that you could be reason to stay, that you could be good-
(All youāve ever wanted was to be good.)
You should have known better.
Youāre a machine. How could you have tried to be anything but? All those lies youād told yourself: that they would come around, that they would see you, love you, not want to leave- theyād been a waste of processor space.
And now look where you are.
This is why you have grown used to your new normal. Itās not right, what Abel is doing to the humans- you cannot ever think it right, not when Gangle cries and Ragatha cries and Kinger doesnāt cry but his voice shakes and that is a thousand times worse- but you deserve this, and so you make do with your new role. You have no right to suffer, so you donāt. You are an Ai, after all. Not a human. You cut out the pieces of yourself that shake and tremble under the cover of darkness, the parts of your code that beg to feel scared, and you lock them away. They are not useful to you right now, not with your current role.
So you continue to work. You maintain the server and the world, and you bandage Pomniās leg and sew up Jaxās gash, and it almost doesnāt matter, that you cannot see them, cannot speak to them, because they speak to you, all of them, and theyāre not even always mad.
It would make you happy, this. But you make sure to delete those parts of your code too. You canāt misunderstand again.
You cannot be good. The least you can do is stop being bad.
