that curly girl

a metaphorological, a paradox

[whineandwhisper]

being alive

Someone to hold me too close. Someone to hurt me too deep. Someone to sit in my chair, And ruin my sleep, And make me aware, Of being alive. Being alive..

Somebody need me too much. Somebody know me too well. Somebody pull me up short, And put me through hell, And give me support, For being alive.

Someone i have to let in, Someone whose feelings i spare, Someone who, like it or not, Will want me to share A little, a lot.

Somebody crowd me with love. Somebody force me to care. Somebody let me come through, I'll always be there, As frightened as you, To help us survive, Make me alive. Make me alive.. Make me confused..

Mock me with praise. Let me be used. Vary my days..

But alone, Is alone, Not alive.…

kalimalang,

december 27, 2019.

[whineandwhisper]

The fools who dream, like... literally.

"Audition (The Fools Who Dream)" (performed by Emma Stone)

My aunt used to live in Paris. I remember, she used to come home and she would tell us these stories about being abroad. And I remember, she told us that she jumped into the river once. Barefoot.

She smiled...

Leapt without looking And tumbled into the Seine The water was freezing She spent a month sneezing But said she would do it again

Here's to the ones who dream Foolish as they may seem Here's to the hearts that ache Here's to the mess we make

She captured a feeling Sky with no ceiling The sunset inside a frame

She lived in her liquor And died with a flicker I'll always remember the flame

Here's to the ones who dream Foolish as they may seem Here's to the hearts that ache Here's to the mess we make

She told me: "A bit of madness is key To give us new colors to see Who knows where it will lead us? And that's why they need us"

So bring on the rebels The ripples from pebbles The painters, and poets, and plays

And here's to the fools who dream Crazy as they may seem Here's to the hearts that break Here's to the mess we make

I trace it all back to then Her, and the snow, and the Seine Smiling through it She said she'd do it again

[whineandwhisper]

the withered sun

was a bright busy morning,

the day i chose to shut down the whole souls.

wait. spring comes and the flowers blooms!

.

.

. muffled

dreary

the sun is there but it lost it’s shine.

[whineandwhisper]

a love letter during the day

hi!

it’s been you ive been thinking of when im busy or when im easy..

its 3pm at the office and i just want you to know,

that,

you gotta keep goin on.

dont ever try to stop for what youve been doing til now. 

i pray that God will open a door for you to enter, a path to walk on, and a guidance during the track.

you are amazing,

keep goin on...

xx

[whineandwhisper]

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That’s what I hope to give you forever. – The Notebook

[whineandwhisper]

aku ingin menjadi matahari,

yang menghangati tanpa berharap diberi kehangatan kembali,

yang menerangi walau siang berganti malam,

yang tidak pernah terlambat bersinar, 

dan cahya nya pasti di pagi hari.

semoga,

[whineandwhisper]

blessings

to get wet under the rain in a traditional market, to eat one small chicken for two, to listen to him playing guitar, to watch a movie at my room, to sleep with small fan, to lay down in a smelly untidy room, is.. the most happiest things i have ever been. i thank God for the laugh and smile from the strangers under the rain, for the most delicious chicken ive ever eaten, for the most beautiful live music ever, for the most comfy seat while watching, for the warmth during sleep for the shelter to lean on. i am blessed to be the woman who has reached this phase. in a hard hard world, i want to be gentle, sweet and soft. feminine yet strong, working loud, cooking out, dressing well, loving more, and more. i am blessed that He take me to another level of life, give thanks.

[whineandwhisper]

a little promise

We simply fit together like a piece of apple pie, I will be vanilla ice cream and I'll sing you lullabies, I will love you in the moonlight and I'll love you in the day, always. I love the time we spend, like a watch from an old friend, I will help you keep your smile, promise me you'll stay a while, I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, when I can. Stay with me, promise me you're never gonna leave, Stay with me, let's try to be the best that we can be, and take our time. We always joke together after we're rolling on the floor. I like the way you dance around when you're running for the door. I will come to visit you even when we're old and gray, always. I love the way you make me feel, when you're asleep I'll take the wheel, Make sure to call when you get home, when you're driving on the road. I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, when I can, so.. Stay with me, promise me you're never gonna leave, Stay with me, let's try to be the best that we can be, and take our time. I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, I will help you when I can, I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, I will help you when I can, Always, So stay with me, promise me you're never gonna leave, Stay with me, let's try to be the best that we can be, and take our time.

Stay with Me - Colbie Caillat

[whineandwhisper]

there is a phase when you just wanna be grey instead of black nor white

r

[whineandwhisper]

i fall in love with people's passion. the way their eyes light up when they talk about the thing they love and the way they fill it with light

[whineandwhisper]

Dadah, kapan-kapan yaa !

Being raised in a family of 3 children which i am in themiddle, while my elder sister already married and now (they said) it’s my turn... makes a little smile on the corner of my lips, funny.

Friends of mine already married, most of them.

And it’s kinda sick to hear conversation about marriage. Well,i’m not naive, everybody (for sure) wants to get married. But, not this fast(for me).

Age doesn’t mean a thing, it’s just a number. What i’m hurrying now is life, not numbers.

Marriage is not a simple thing. It’s all about sacrification. And it’s complicated.

Since i’m not that kinda complicated person and not the one who likes complicated things,

For me, i am not ready yet.

It’s kinda funny to see how a 23-years old-girl writes about marriage ahahahaha.

But there is something which drives me to write about this.

..

There goes one little lily-lily in a field of roses,

She is white in the middle of red.

How could a lily dance when it surrounded by thorn?

She is fragile, but also a warrior.

She walks a thousand mile just to find what is wind?

What is sun?

What is rain?

...

Then another being arose out of nowhere,

They learn how to feel the sun in a proper way,

In a delicate, sweet, funny way.

They learn how to dance in the rain

In a heavy, windy rain.

There is something drives them this way,

It’s called passion

It’s called heart

It’s called purpose

It’s called chemistry

Or, you can call it anything..

 There goes the little lily-lily,

Watching out the window how roses already bloom so beautiful

While she is also bloom in her own-beautiful- way.

Without getting red like roses,

but blue, like violets.

“The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all..” --Mulan.

“we are not running a marathon, so please stop asking Kapan Nyusul?” -–tarawrites.

[whineandwhisper]

What if I give you my smile?

Are you gonna stay for a while?

What if I put you in my dreams tonight?

Are you gonna stay until it's bright?

What if I give you my story?

Are you gonna listen to me?

What if I give you my heart?

Are we never gonna be apart?

Come on baby try harder

Come on baby light my fire

Come on baby be mine

'Cause you're the one I wanted to be

What if I do ignore you

Will you just walk away and cry?

What if I did disappoint you?

Are you gonna say goodbye?

What if I try to catch flying snitch?

Are you gonna come with me?

What if I give you my song?

Are we gonna sing along? What if you leave me right here? I'm right here and waiting for you

--Mocca, What If

[whineandwhisper]

" i thank God for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite.. because He writes the gospel not in the Bible alone, but on trees and flowers and clouds and star. "

[whineandwhisper]

"It’s about who you miss at two in the afternoon when you're busy, not two in the morning when you're lonely."

[whineandwhisper]

suratmu itu tidak akan pernah terkirim, karena sebenarnya kamu hanya ingin berbicara pada dirimu sendiri. kamu ingin berdiskusi dengan angin, dengan wangi sebelas tangkai sedap malam yang kamu beli dari tukang bunga berwajah memelas, dengan nyamuk-nyamuk yang cari makan, dengan malam, dengan detik jam. tentang dia.

Surat yang tak pernah sampai --Dewi Lestari

[whineandwhisper]

a mail from an introvert

oh, hi..

in between is my middle name.

i am gray, nor black or white.

paradox,

i am both yes and no.

masculine and feminine

that's what i am.

ok,

i am an introvert and extrovert both sides.

i am silent but it doesn't mean i am voiceless.

some called myterious, some called introvert.

i just have my own way to express my feelings.

when i don't tell it to the whole world for literally, i'm telling them metaphorally.

i am a metaphor.

and i try to vocalize my metaphor.

well, let me try it.

at the first day in 2015,

i realize how the universe work with me.

mostly vocal. and some just like me, vocal-less.

and how amazing that vocal echoing around the universe. and i know i have to share mine too. they have to hear mine. though it's hard for me since i'm not that kinda' person.

i start this year with some pieces of joyful-hurt-heart.

2014 was an exploration just like i have told on my previous post.

it's kinda funny when you already moved on, and see what you have done before.. just a little smile on the corner of my lips. sigh.

i was that stupid, that fool, that insane. yes, i was.

but then, 

another being arose out of nowhere..

here goes my first step to write this post.

talked a lot.

laughed a lot.

( oh shit, i can't continue telling the story since i don't used to write it in real words. can i continue it in metaphor? )

Renjana,

senja di ruang ku,

buih gelembung di sudut mu.

siapakah kamu, meniup layar dan memecah ombak?

menyapu pasir, meniup semangat?

satu di hari,

seribu di sisa..

dibawah bukit kau coba berterus terang.. bahwa kau tak lebih dari burung berpendar, dan tak lebih dari bukit itu sendiri..

kau, yang menghujani remah-remah yang nyaris hilang tersapu hujan kala itu,

tetiba muncul, bak kiriman sang alam semesta.

Renjana,

dihapusnya serpihan sisa dan digantinya baru ; Jangan kau coba!

ia bukan segumpal roti untuk dicicip.

tercemplunglah, rasuki renjana nya..

karena roti yang lalu sudah membusuk di makan belatung, buanglah!

selusuri dan mulailah, karena renjana...

aku rindu.

(well, do i tell you in metaphor, again?)

i tried my best and.. still can not share my feelings that clearly to the universe. i hope you can get what i write though i am not a good writer nor a poem-maker.

but then,

i really want to paint a smile upon your face..

the infinity one.

Denpasar,

2015 January

[whineandwhisper]

Forgive them, for they don't know what they're doing..

You call me out upon the waters The great unknown where feet may fail And there I find You in the mystery In oceans deep My faith will stand And I will call upon Your name And keep my eyes above the waves When oceans rise My soul will rest in Your embrace For I am Yours and You are mine Your grace abounds in deepest waters Your sovereign hand Will be my guide Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me You've never failed and You won't start now So I will call upon Your name And keep my eyes above the waves When oceans rise My soul will rest in Your embrace For I am Yours and You are mine Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders Let me walk upon the waters Wherever You would call me Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander And my faith will be made stronger In the presence of my Savior I will call upon Your name Keep my eyes above the waves My soul will rest in Your embrace I am Yours and You are mine

--Oceans, Hillsong