I have to do what, now?
So, the Knot came up with this super helpful list of things that I am expected to uphold and maintain in my role as Maid of Honor. Everything that immediately follows is the property of the Knot, and I do not pretend to have ownership of it. I can only shake my head.
The maid/matron of honor is part worker bee, part emotional lifeboat. Chosen for your energetic, get-the-ball-in-motion qualities, you should also remember that listening to the bride, making her laugh, and offering emotional and logistical support are also part of your honor attendant package. Here's what's expected:
Lead the bridesmaid troupe. It's the maid/matron of honor's (MOH) job to direct the other maids through their duties. Make sure everyone gets their bridesmaid dresses, go to dress fittings, and find the right jewelry. Also provide them with the 411 on all prewedding parties.
Help shop for dresses (the bride's and the bridesmaids'). And the MOH pays for her own entire wedding outfit (including shoes).
Offer to help the bride with prewedding tasks, from addressing invites to choosing the wedding colors and nodding enthusiastically when she waxes poetic about wedding cake.
Spread the news about where the bride and groom are registered.
Help the bride change for her honeymoon and take charge of her gown after the ceremony. Arrange for storage in a safe place until she returns.
Lend an ear. Whether it's about the planning, the marriage, or the registry china patterns, the MOH should assure the bride that she has someone with whom she can share her thoughts. Even if she seems to dwell on the same subjects repeatedly, the MOH keeps listening.
Host or cohost a bridal shower for the bride.
Attend all prewedding parties.
Keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and showers (or delegate a bridesmaid to handle this).
Plan the bachelorette party with the bridesmaids.
See to it that all bridesmaids get to the rehearsal; coordinate transportation and lodging, if necessary.
Make sure that all bridesmaids get their hair and makeup done, get to the ceremony on time, and have the correct bouquets.
Hold the groom's ring during the ceremony. Safest place to put it? On your thumb.
Arrange the bride's train and veil before the ceremony begins and just after she arrives at the altar. The MOH might also need to help her bustle the train for easy dancing at the reception.
Hold the bride's bouquet while the couple exchanges vows.
Sign the marriage license as a witness, along with the best man.
Stand next to the groom in the receiving line (this is optional; the bride may decide to have attendants circulate among the guests instead).
Play hostess along with the other bridesmaids at frequent points during the reception: show guests where to sit, direct them to restrooms, tell them to where to put presents, invite them to sign the guest book, etc.
Collect any gift envelopes brought to the reception and keep them in a safe place.
Make sure the bride takes a moment to eat something -- refresh her drink, get her a plate of food from the buffet table, or instruct the wait staff to keep her entree warm.
Dance with the best man during the formal first-dance sequence and possibly be announced with him at the beginning of the party. Also dance with other groomsmen, the groom, and others.
Toast the couple after the best man. (This is optional, but it is a nice touch.)
Troubleshoot emotional crises. In most cases, this will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair-smoothing. The MOH continues to be a trusted friend, a good listener, and a smart advisor.
Keep the bride laughing. For the stressed-out bride, laughter can be as effective as venting.
-- Wendy Paris
Read more: Maid of Honor: Her Duties in Detail – Bridesmaid Mother of the Bride – Bridesmaids http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx#ixzz2eh3NzvSu
Guys, I am now an emotional life boat. The fuck does that mean?
What I'm gathering from this list, as I'm sure many of you are as well, is that Maid of Honor is part teacher, part parent, part babysitter who has to drop mad money on a dress that I will wear once. My best friend tried to tell me already that I can wear it again some day, to which I flat out replied get the fuck away from me, I'll never wear it again. Well, maybe I was a bit nicer about it but still.
What gets me about this list (and so many like it) is how condescending they are. Listen, I know how to be a good friend; I wouldn't be a best friend or in this position if I didn't. Some tips are useful (like the groom's ring on the thumb one), and kind of sweet (like signing the marriage certificate) but some are ridiculous (like making sure the bride eats o.O). Listen, if you can't remember to eat, that's on you. I am not your mother, and I sure as hell am not your husband, who's recently promised to look after you.
Guh.
Anyway, all I have to say Knot is look out because you have a super sarcastic, slightly jaded Maid of Honor coming your way and ready to laugh at everyone of your duties. While executing them to the fullest.
Bring It.