Jun 26, 2016
Does anybody else get super hyped to watch horror movies and then regret the decision immediately after the opening scene?
Because I did that exact thing right now.
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Does anybody else get super hyped to watch horror movies and then regret the decision immediately after the opening scene?
Because I did that exact thing right now.
I took selfies before the iPhone was invented. 😎📷 #DearLordWhy #AndThisIsWhyIAmSingle
#TackieJackie lmao #dearLordwhy #icant
I've said it before and I'll fucking say it again
There is nothing
NOTHING
more annoying
than when people are waiting for something
and they start singing that FUCKING JEOPARDY MUSIC
Oh God, ladies and gents hide. I started writing. Dear lord this is going to be terrible. This is something from a story I am writing, and wanted to share cause I'm bored.
A soft sigh escaped her throat as she settled into the spring. Hot water gently soothed the muscled in her back and legs, allowing her to relax for the first time in years. She eased back to rest against the side of the spring and closed her eyes, willing the world around her away, soaking in the blissful peace.
“Enjoying yourself?” that annoying, insufferable voice spoke behind her.
Her body visibly tensed, arms rushing the cover her chest, the movement sending pain through her. She sent a silent prayer to whomever would hear her that it was too dark to see that under the water.
“Can you not see that I am bathing? Or is it normal for you to disregard others privacy?” she snapped the words over her shoulder. Her death glare was blocked by her hair falling over her shoulder, saving him the fate of her attempting to disintegrate him with looks.
He chuckled, a pleasant sound filled with mirth. “I simply come to offer my assistance,” he stepped closer, each footfall cause a slice of dread to cut through her, “that wound on your back will not clean itself.”
As if to prove his point, the long gash spanning from her right shoulder to her left hip began hurting again. The bleeding stopped hours earlier, but they hadn’t the time to bandage it properly before. She curled tighter into herself, silently wishing the smug god behind her away.
She inwardly curse him as he once again began closing the distance between them. “Well, can’t you just help me later? You know, when I’m actually dressed?” her words were harsh, her voice hoarse from lack of use.
“We will save time getting it over with now,” he sat down behind her, placing his legs on either side of her in the water. Grabbing her waist, he hoisted her up onto the side of the spring, ignoring her squeal of protest. “Calm down, I just need to see the wound.”
When he brought one head up to her shoulder, she began to squirm away, taking care to keep her chest covered. She gave a muffled scream and he grabbed her waist again and pulled her back against his chest, bringing his head to her ear.
“Calm down, or I will tie you down,” he growling in her ear, “What is it going to be? Can you stay still and let me work?”
When she nodded, he released her waist, bringing his hands once again to her shoulder to inspect the gash. It wasn’t deep, but if they didn’t clean it, it could get infected. Sighing, he started to heal it, doing so for several minutes until the tremors running through her caught his attention.
“What is it now?” he questioned none too gently.
“It’s cold,” she stated through clenched teeth.
“You mortal are such fragile creatures, it’s a wonder how you even survived this long.” He brought his other hand to her neck, smirking when she flinched at his touch. He ran his fingers down a vain visible on her neck. There, he felt it. Coursing through her blood ran power, raw, untapped potential feeding on her life like a parasite.
So fragile indeed. He didn’t even bother to continue healing her, the gash was gone and all that was left was a plan white scar. He pulled a stack of clothes from his pocket dimension and set them aside. “Tell me mortal, what is your name?”
She looked at the clothes, soft silks and leathers in various shades of blacks and greens, then over her shoulder at him. For the first time he noticed the deep rose color that tinted her cheeks and neck and inwardly scoffed. Humans were so shy about their bodies, as if no one hasn’t already seen such things before. Such an inferior race indeed.
She just stared at him, as is he had grown a second head. He was just about to demand an answer when her soft voice rang in his ears.
“Jane. My name is Jane Foster.” She replied, looking away shyly.
Satisfied, he stood, chuckling as she jumped at his movement. He gazed down at her lazily, taking joy in the way she cowered below him. “Well then, Jane Foster, get dressed. We will rejoin my brother and the others, and make our way to this SHEILD.” He turned to leave.
He didn’t get more than four steps away when his name from her lips stopped him dead. He looked at her over his shoulder, noting the way she now clutched the clothes close to her.
“Thank you.” she mumbled weakly, not meeting his eyes.
I have to do what, now?
So, the Knot came up with this super helpful list of things that I am expected to uphold and maintain in my role as Maid of Honor. Everything that immediately follows is the property of the Knot, and I do not pretend to have ownership of it. I can only shake my head.
The maid/matron of honor is part worker bee, part emotional lifeboat. Chosen for your energetic, get-the-ball-in-motion qualities, you should also remember that listening to the bride, making her laugh, and offering emotional and logistical support are also part of your honor attendant package. Here's what's expected:
Lead the bridesmaid troupe. It's the maid/matron of honor's (MOH) job to direct the other maids through their duties. Make sure everyone gets their bridesmaid dresses, go to dress fittings, and find the right jewelry. Also provide them with the 411 on all prewedding parties.
Help shop for dresses (the bride's and the bridesmaids'). And the MOH pays for her own entire wedding outfit (including shoes).
Offer to help the bride with prewedding tasks, from addressing invites to choosing the wedding colors and nodding enthusiastically when she waxes poetic about wedding cake.
Spread the news about where the bride and groom are registered.
Help the bride change for her honeymoon and take charge of her gown after the ceremony. Arrange for storage in a safe place until she returns.
Lend an ear. Whether it's about the planning, the marriage, or the registry china patterns, the MOH should assure the bride that she has someone with whom she can share her thoughts. Even if she seems to dwell on the same subjects repeatedly, the MOH keeps listening.
Host or cohost a bridal shower for the bride.
Attend all prewedding parties.
Keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and showers (or delegate a bridesmaid to handle this).
Plan the bachelorette party with the bridesmaids.
See to it that all bridesmaids get to the rehearsal; coordinate transportation and lodging, if necessary.
Make sure that all bridesmaids get their hair and makeup done, get to the ceremony on time, and have the correct bouquets.
Hold the groom's ring during the ceremony. Safest place to put it? On your thumb.
Arrange the bride's train and veil before the ceremony begins and just after she arrives at the altar. The MOH might also need to help her bustle the train for easy dancing at the reception.
Hold the bride's bouquet while the couple exchanges vows.
Sign the marriage license as a witness, along with the best man.
Stand next to the groom in the receiving line (this is optional; the bride may decide to have attendants circulate among the guests instead).
Play hostess along with the other bridesmaids at frequent points during the reception: show guests where to sit, direct them to restrooms, tell them to where to put presents, invite them to sign the guest book, etc.
Collect any gift envelopes brought to the reception and keep them in a safe place.
Make sure the bride takes a moment to eat something -- refresh her drink, get her a plate of food from the buffet table, or instruct the wait staff to keep her entree warm.
Dance with the best man during the formal first-dance sequence and possibly be announced with him at the beginning of the party. Also dance with other groomsmen, the groom, and others.
Toast the couple after the best man. (This is optional, but it is a nice touch.)
Troubleshoot emotional crises. In most cases, this will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair-smoothing. The MOH continues to be a trusted friend, a good listener, and a smart advisor.
Keep the bride laughing. For the stressed-out bride, laughter can be as effective as venting.
-- Wendy Paris
Read more: Maid of Honor: Her Duties in Detail – Bridesmaid Mother of the Bride – Bridesmaids http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx#ixzz2eh3NzvSu
Guys, I am now an emotional life boat. The fuck does that mean?
What I'm gathering from this list, as I'm sure many of you are as well, is that Maid of Honor is part teacher, part parent, part babysitter who has to drop mad money on a dress that I will wear once. My best friend tried to tell me already that I can wear it again some day, to which I flat out replied get the fuck away from me, I'll never wear it again. Well, maybe I was a bit nicer about it but still.
What gets me about this list (and so many like it) is how condescending they are. Listen, I know how to be a good friend; I wouldn't be a best friend or in this position if I didn't. Some tips are useful (like the groom's ring on the thumb one), and kind of sweet (like signing the marriage certificate) but some are ridiculous (like making sure the bride eats o.O). Listen, if you can't remember to eat, that's on you. I am not your mother, and I sure as hell am not your husband, who's recently promised to look after you.
Guh.
Anyway, all I have to say Knot is look out because you have a super sarcastic, slightly jaded Maid of Honor coming your way and ready to laugh at everyone of your duties. While executing them to the fullest.
Bring It.
Our future jobs as teachers...
Boyfriend: "They should pay us more, cause we'll be sexy teachers."
Me: "I don't think 'sexy' and 'teacher' are adjectives that should be used in the same sentence...also, I don't think the pay scale in education correlates to attractiveness..."
.