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// Arlen // she/her // is beatha atá uisce

[whiskeyote]

I wish I was in Montréal rn I feel that my boy and I need each other more than ever :(

feeling emotional abt it rn

[whiskeyote]

this has been a brutal 36 hours

I just want to not feel like death warmed over pls

[whiskeyote]

nooOoooOo today has been so brutal for pain causing nausea causing low blood sugar causing more nausea causing me to take stronger meds than usual so I can eat AND THEN LOSING TO NAUSEA after 16 HOURS

I want off this ride lmaooooo fml

my blood sugar is in the pits of hell and there is nothing I can do about it

tomorrow is a new day and my god I hope it's better lol

[immortalbeingz]

[blood-orange-juice-deactivated2]

[daphneorsmthng]

[whiskeyote]

Hardest work day ever. Adrenaline spike and crash so bad I dry heaved for 5 entire minutes when I got home. On the one hand, the knowledge that things could have gotten really ugly. That I was by myself at the shop. On the other hand, the relief that I was responsive/quick enough and physically able to stop a dog as big as I am from hurting any of the others. It was dog fight salad in there with 0 warning and I'm so grateful nobody was hurt, myself included.

2 things that brought me immense comfort when I got home today: my wonderful and talented service dog and my boyfriend's hoodie. I am but a simple creature.

[whiskeyote]

Camas 🥰

[ymutate]

Francis Hamel (British Artist, born 1963)

"Great Cedar", 2016.

Oil on Linen, 122 × 102 cm.

Private Collection.

[whiskeyote]

mmmm 🥰 today is a good day

[whiskeyote]

spring cleaning crunch time vibes up in this household

thank goodness cause the state of my place was starting to make my eye twitch 😂 winter wasn't physically that hard this year (relatively speaking) but my ability to make myself do responsible adult things apart from going to work was in the negatives in a big way

so we haulin' ass with T minus 48 hours to spare before Matt arrives and I work tomorrow LOL rip

[whiskeyote]

I see my batto in 1 week and jesse welles in 9 days and I am So looking forward to both of these things 🥰🥰🥰

[whiskeyote]

a hug at the kitchen sink

you were washing dishes, the coffee cups and morning plates

thin white curtain lazily played in the breeze, gentle, Montréal whispering her city sounds through the cracked window

I pulled you close and pressed my cheek between your shoulder blades, closed my eyes, drank you in.

"...that never happened to me before"

(you told me nearly a year later)

the hesitation in your dish washing wasn't that I interrupted you, like I'd assumed

you were taking in the experience

you were letting yourself be loved

and unbeknownst to me

you committed it to memory.

[whiskeyote]

I am having a lot of thoughts about complexity in relationships that are hard to articulate and pin down

but in essence I think I want to reframe how I judge if things are "working" and stop falling into strange societal norms/expectations of what relationships are based on objectively kind of unimportant milestones and more about how I actually experience the other person and how they experience me and what the relationship is actually giving me

for example I feel a lot more safety and loyalty within the "unofficial" status I have with my current lover than I would being official with someone else because the trust is really there and an active discussion and a constantly renewed commitment to exclusivity vs a one and done assumption on paper

married people get cheated on all the time. It isn't about the display of commitment. It's about the effort and time and open and transparent and honest communication that doesn't seek to spare anyone's feelings or hide anything for convenience that makes something real and trustworthy.

I'm feeling increasingly grateful for the latter vs the former even though I told myself I wanted flashy outward commitment milestones for most of my life.

I'm learning to appreciate what I actually have vs the fantastic notions I was raised to want.

I am not being cut down to size, controlled, verbally abused, emotionally stunted or anything other than encouraged, appreciated, affirmed and cared for here and I think I would be a fool to want for more.

It's enough and beyond that it's the healthiest I've ever had. I'm happy. I'm me. I'm allowed to be all of me. It's mutual. And what a beautiful thing that is.

[stranglerfigpudding]

i don't care about monday's goals, tuesday wednesday dig some holes, thursday clean my mandibles, it's friday i'm a bug

[marshayame]

summer at mount rainier

[whiskeyote]

I need a break from music theory before I throw something across the room 😂

I'm absolutely trying to learn too much too fast but that won't stop me will it

[whiskeyote]

navigating health related things that people in their 60s and 70s only sometimes have to think about on a nigh daily basis is getting exhausting

my hips are getting so bad I'm at the point where I want them scanned just to see what the fuck is even going wrong in there for my own reference

Like I know theoretically I just want to See it. I want to know how close I am to a replacement but I think it's on the horizon

[whiskeyote]

life kinda weird n hilarious and whatever rn yknow

I don't know what's going on ever