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My solid rock

To a certain point in my life, I become fixated to my character that I forget to water it. Like a plant, I forget what it’s like to thrive and expand my potentials. I have been so accustomed to just the way things are, that I have become so reliant on other people; I have stopped growing. And it pains me, because I actually thought otherwise. In retrospect, I have learn to see my shortcomings and accept that change needs to be made. It is through brokenness, that I am able to experience more of His presence and for that I am sincerely grateful.

His love is overflowing, and I am immensely blessed. His reproach towards me shows me that He still cares, and that alone is suffice for me to be rest assured that He would not leave me to cry my heart out to Him in vain. God has been so wholesome to me that I do not have an ounce of doubt that He will carry me through. In hindsight, a new day has never been easy for me anymore and it feels like an uphill struggle. But what comforts me is knowing that God will be there by my side.

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thesovereignword

Reassemble

A recollection of the past made an occurrence in my mind; I’m sunken deep into nostalgia this time around. And more tears rolled down my cheeks every time I think of dad; the unfolding truth of how I am far from being a good daughter and how blind we all have been living. I cried buckets of tears but none of which could fix the tainted and broken soul. Very gently, I pressed my face against my bed, hoping that dad could not hear my wail of guilt; that he could not see the affliction in my red, dry eyes. How I wish I could turn back time! But this would be a pathetic cry.

Every time I see my dad, I see bittersweet memories of who he is, weaving together - how the two of us have knowingly hurt each other, yet still choose to love and breathe fresh air each and every day. I’ve lost him, for a while; for a few years. I could not remember how happy he was like before and how I thought that he was only a good dad to my brother and I when we were children. I did not know how to sew back the threads that were left loosened between my dad and I. And it was only when I turn to Jesus and he softens my heart all the time. I prayed and yearned for the power to forgive, and then asking forgiveness from Jesus - I felt the peace in my heart and the comfort I needed. I never thought I’d ask for the power to forgive until now.

Coming back for my semester break every time brings me to a reflection and a pause; there is something about seeing an old face that you know, and knowing exactly who they are like the back of your hands - raw and truthful. Every time I see my dad, I see that he’s trying at his very best in his age - being almost 70 and how ashamed I am that I had been magnifying his bad traits instead of praying for a change in my dad as early as I could have, and to see how he’s been a dad to me. I’m genuinely sorry, dad. And I love you.

March 24, Sunday ___

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I’m wasting my time figuring out a caption when I could study for my midterm tomorrow.

See you soon, van. Be there or be square muah

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19 December 2018, Wednesday

Living alone has open my eyes to see how much mom cares for me. And that there’s nothing I can do to turn back time, to love, love, and love her more - through all the cries and heavy sighs, through every drop of rain and sunny skies; I wish I would have loved her more in times when I hated her for saying no or making me cry.

I begin to appreciate my mother’s sacrifice, patience and thoughtfulness, and her continuous supply of love on a daily. It’s almost safe to say, that nothing can outshine a mother’s warm presence. While living alone, I begin to learn to love whatever it may be for me. And I’m praying that mom will be safe and looked after by loving angels wherever she goes, always.

Missing mama everyday. Missing home.

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Amidst all the reading and memorising case laws; I wasn’t so stress anymore after seeing you, thank you.

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Had a surprise visit from the most unexpected person. Although, I should have seen it coming.

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4 October 2018, Thursday

My weaknesses and my mistakes were not concealed when you came, in fact, they were magnified ten times bigger and you can see them bare and naked - unfiltered and defined. It made me wonder now, of how much my family have seen the ugliest and the prettiest of me. It was then do I realise how much more I should become, or rather how I should continue to become much more of myself. But I thank you still, for caring for me through emotional times, and for loving me even when my flaws were unravelled; for making me realise how human we all are.

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The hallmark of a woman

“As much pain and emotional damage had been inflicted upon her soul and how awfully weak she is becoming, the nature of a woman is to care, and so she must care for herself; even at times when no one else gives attention to the foster of her growth. And how gracefully it seems when she learns to love every inch of her body, and every significant and insignificant trait of her. It beautifies her soul and rays of sunlight beams through her smile and laughter.

I hope I begin to find joy again in every solitude that I encounter.”

You’re beautiful x

u n b a l m

x

You’re beautiful x

checking out all new followers x

One with nature! 😍

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12 July 2018, Thursday

I’ve come to a point in my life where I begin to acknowledge that saying ‘no’ is okay, and having a small circle of friends is totally okay, and that nothing of being everything that I am, should be compromised. Much of which had been, a couple of times, to be completely honest. And ever since then, I have ingrain the principles of which I hold today. I am still learning to have a sense of respect towards myself and to understand that my feelings matter, too. But for what it’s worth, I am learning - to notice the integral parts of me, and trying to use them as a blessing to others.

I hope your day is seasoned with warm sun and clear skies, or chilly breeze and cloudy skies - whichever works for you.

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