How to get your children run over 101

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@who-locked-starkid
I DONT CARE WHAT SEASON IT IS, EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE THIS
How to get your children run over 101
me: i'll give you two dollars
college: .........tuition is $39,000
me: you're good. 2.50
my favorite way to hang out is so lowkey like u wanna watch reality tv all day in our sweats?? ok. wanna do homework n barely even talk except to complain about how much work it is?? ok. wanna read different books while sharing an entire tub of ice cream?? ok. going out is so much effort like sometimes u just wanna enjoy someone’s company without doing anything “special” and i think those are actually the most special times
1 minute after midnight tonight
IS THAT A SHARK?
i just left my job. i couldn’t work for that man after what he said to me.
what did he say
“you’re fired”