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[whoweare810]

I feel so panicked. Like why did I eat that shit?! I'm not going to be skinnier in the morning now I know it. I'll be 144.something still. By Wednesday I will probably be 142 which I could have lost the healthy way. Fucking HATE myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not purging though. I won't. I'll feel worse. I'll kill the gym tomorrow but no purging. I hate my fat. Other people talk about fattest at 145 which is how much I weigh. :'( It's such a huge number. I hate hate hate myself.

[whoweare810]

Failed Again

It's 11.17p and I had only eaten about 200 calories for the day but I was woken up from another food nightmare and was in so much pain from starving and everything started cramping so I went downstairs and consumed about 700 more calories so I'm now at 900 and I try to never eat this late since I'm in bed. I'm not going to have lost much if any tomorrow. So much for seeing 142. I will probably be 144 something. I hate myself but I don't have the energy to purge. I guess I will just start again tomorrow. I will run before a long walk to burn extra calories at the gym. I want to be out of the 140s already. I want to be in 130s by Christmas. Like solid 130s like 136 or lower. It's stupid; by Wednesday I may only be like 141 which means only a 4# loss which is only 2# more than normal. I'm putting my body through hell for an extra 2# per week and yet I really can't stop. I'm dying to be one of the pretty ones. I'm dying to be thin. What's worse is I'm comparing my body to a bunch of young girls here. I'm roughly 4-8 years+ older. At 16 I was every bit as skinny and I hadn't had a baby. Now most girls who were skinny in high school weigh more than me and I haven't seen anyone weigh less. However, there's this beautiful lady at church who's taller and skinnier. She has a perfect body. People always talk about her and say she has an eating disorder. I don't know if she does but I definitely have professionally diagnosed EDNOS (meaning I'm too fat) but no one worries about me because my body is too big. I want to be 120 now. Just like it was when I was 16. I want to cry for eating. I ate too much and it's night time. I also drank juice which was 120 calories I could have saved on water instead. And I just used an actual calculator to total calories and I must be tired because it's really about 800 total today which makes me feel a little better but not much. I just want to at least be 143.anything tomorrow but I'm not hopeful I will be. :'( I'm going to try to sleep now. I'm going to up calories to 500 tomorrow and spread it out so I don't night munch again. I am sorry I'm so fat and subject you to that hideousness. I hate my body. You have no idea.

[eunoiea]

I can’t not rant about this. I just find it very rude and ignorant for someone to, out of nowhere, start telling me that my relationship probably isn’t going to last. “But Teenie, that’s not so bad.” No, you’re right, but when this person begins to tell you that you know nothing and they know so...

[whoweare810]

Don't know who said it or how old everyone is, but I'm 24 and I can tell you SEVERAL couples who have been together since they were 15/16 and are married with beautiful families. People always say it won't work but in reality I've seen it many times. All depends on the people. Forget whomever said it. Age doesn't make you wise; life experience does. xxx

[whoweare810]

I'm NOT okay!

If anyone cares but I know they don’t so I’ll just sit here alone crying from pain.

[my-filthy-bones]

[skinnythinies]

too fat for an ED

   Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.    Too fat for an ED.

Too fat.

[whoweare810]

I gained! Why the hell did I gain a whole fucking #?! I ate so well yesterday. My guess is it’s either water weight (I had a lot of sodium yesterday and less water than usual) or it took an extra day for the crap I ate before to register but looking at it, it doesn’t make me feel any better. Just means I need to cut out salt from my diet (at least severely limit it), exercise extra at the gym today (will walk for at 1.5 hrs maybe two, and drink a shit ton of water with lemon today and once again eat what I did yesterday but NO salt on the veggies and no chx broth today since I didn’t get the low sodium one. Tomorrow I WILL be 142# or lighter or else. NOT 144.6 fucking pounds. Ugh.

[whoweare810]

Life With EDNOS

Spent all day thinking about my weight and exercise and restricting. Fell asleep. Was woken up by dream about exercising and forgetting daughter at my sisters house when I went to the gym so I couldn't exercise and anxious feeling woke me. Despite it being 4:30am, I couldn't fall back asleep because I wanted to get online and look at thinspo even though I tried to get myself back asleep. Now I'm wide awake and as soon as I shit and weigh myself, my day will be determined and the cycle starts again.

[skinny-size-00]

I think there's a way to find out who the anons are. I've never done it, but I know other people have. You should take screenshots and expose them. They don't deserve the privacy and freedom they get as anons. People like that are evil and the scum of the earth and the world would be better off without them. I know that sounds harsh, but what they're doing is disgusting and unforgivable. They deserve to be punished. In this case I pick justice over mercy because they don't deserve kindness.

Smart!! I’m on my kindle fire though.. is there a way to screen shot that?

[whoweare810]

I know other users have blocked anon before and it shows who they are then so maybe the screen shot is for proof only? But like totally delete them. Some people are very hateful. You don't need that so block them.

[whoweare810]

I Hate My Body

I'm so fucking fat. Going to bed now. I'm terrified I've gained weight or won't lose. FML. So anxious. I feel like a failure.

[skinny-size-00]

my family doesn't give a damn about be as long as i've got good grades

They still love you thought.

[whoweare810]

My parents were same way and even though I had been hospitalized for suicide attempts and severe cutting, they still focused on the grades. But she's right, they do love you. I think it's just easier for them to focus on grades. I know my parents had no clue about other shit. Doesn't help but you should just know it's not you, it's them and you are lovely. <3

[whoweare810]

Personal

I’m not promoting eating disorders and I know what I’m about to write may seem insane but trust me anyone who would think of lecturing would be talking to a wall because I’ve heard it all before. That being said, I need to vent. I literally have no one to talk to (probably why my ED is back in full swing combined with stress) so I’m posting here. My blog my posts. And if you still bother to read after this long explanation you do so with full warning.

I feel like shit. I now weigh 143.4 this morning. Okay fine. I’m losing ave of 2# per day but it’s not quick enough and I can’t see it. I feel so fat. I didn’t make it to the gym today because kiddo is sick so I’m going to take her for a walk after this football game. Then I’m all done eating for the day at 250 calories but I still feel like I’ve eaten WAY too much. I should feel calmer after walk hopefully.

Like on one hand I’m thrilled because I haven’t had a binge since Thrs and it wasn’t as bad as it had been in past. Then yesterday I almost binged but caught myself and stayed under 500 calories. However on the other hand I just feel so fucking fat.

Okay well I think I will let football surprise me and go for a walk because kiddo tired.

[whoweare810]

I Give

It's so bad but I feel so psychically sick to my stomach and have all day and I had been worried about overrating but because I feel so sick to my stomach, I had a legit excuse to barely eat anything. Like I didn't have a single cookie or anything. I just ate 2 clementines, a little mashed potatoes (I made dad make me some with nothing added) some turkey, a few veggies, and gravy (just a bit). Then water and a few sips of wine. I don't think this sickness is mental because I'm not hungry sick, I feel sick sick like I've had diarrhea and am trying not to puke sick. And my weight reflects this. I did binge yesterday but I should be back to Wednesdays weight or maybe a tad lower. It's not even 6:30 but kiddo was up at 5:40 am and had a very small nap so I'm hoping she passes out soon (and think she will) so I can too because I feel so miserable. Hopefully it will be gone by tomorrow though so I can go to the gym and walk for an hour or so. Just a warning to the few followers I actually have: you probably want to unfollow this blog because I think it's safe to say my ED has taken back the reins and I don't see it going away anytime soon.

[whoweare810]

Ho Hum >:-/

Well the downside to starving yourself is you lose a ton of energy. I am on the treadmill but I'm walking (at a faster pace but still walking). I tried running but I feel so light headed I had to stop. I seriously can't afford to pass out here at the gym. I'm worried if I do what they'd do. So anyway, just going to walk for an hour. That's still a good workout. I really hate the battle with my body. *sigh* I wish I could love myself. I guess I've never felt like this body has belonged to me which might be why it's so easy to hurt it and hate it. It's betrayed me so many times. Anyway, despite a ton of snow, I made it out to the gym and am working out. Have a great day guys.

[whoweare810]

Weigh In Wednesday

145.4!!! 10# officially away from first goal. I admit 2# was yesterday alone and I've slipped off the healthy wagon but this is motivation for the gym and tomorrow's rest day and thanksgiving. Donuts? No thanks! Stuffing (or should I say dressing uncle asshole)? Nope. Turkey? Sure! Mashed potatoes, maybe just a bite, hold the butter please. Pie? Oh no, I'm full! :) Bring.it.on.

[femalefitnessmadness]

[6-couture-deactivated20171109]

Fitspo/Healthspo