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Enough

Enough with the bullshit of what you think you should do. What do you want?

There is a merry-go-round inside my head where I sit for hours each day, spinning around, past, and between the question: what do I want? More specifically, what do I want to do with my time given the things that I must do and how I want to do them and what I feel will give me the greatest chance at happiness or, looked at another way, the best possibility of a living a life of which I am proud…

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#anxiety #depression #fear #Motherhood #parenthood #shame #work #working mom

A less good dog mom

In 2007, one year into our marriage, my husband and I adopted a dog. She was a one-year-old, chocolate lab. We picked her up in a town north of Davis, California, where she was being fostered pending adoption. She spent most of her time outside in an old horse corral of red dirt. When her foster dad brought her inside, she immediately climbed onto the couch to cuddle with her blue blanket. A blue

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#death #dog #family pet #fear #first born #loss #Motherhood #parental guilt #parenthood #post partum anxiety #regret #shame

ABC DBT

ABC DBT - my therapy has ALL the acronyms; also, it's really helpful.

This past winter I decided to break up with my therapist, which was a terrible idea except it wasn’t. It was terrible because breaking up with your therapist is the WORST. It’s like breaking up with a really good friend, someone you have an established relationship with, who knows all of your deepest, darkest shit, and who has invested time and brain power in helping get said shit sorted out. And…

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#anxiety #DBT #depression #distress #mental health #Therapy

Girl who hikes Until very recently, I was not a girl who hikes. I was a runner and a yogi, activities that fit easily between drop-off and pick-up, around work schedules and naps.

#anxiety #breath #depression #girlswhohike #hiking #meditation #mountain #nature

Reboot

Um, hi. It’s been awhile. Like maybe a year-and-a-half while. Which is totally my fault. Obviously. I stopped writing. And I probably worried some of you, and I am so sorry. I’m okay. I’ve been (mostly) okay since my last post in the fall of 2017. I’ve had a couple of really not okay moments and I will get to those eventually, but for now I wanted to try and explain why I stopped writing and why…

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My three 🦃🦃🦃 #thanksgiving #kids

#thanksgiving #kids

My kids went as terrified bee being held by his teacher and firefighter bee who hates her bee shirt. #halloween #halloweencostume #bee #twins #parenting

#parenting #bee #halloween #twins #halloweencostume

It’s like I started parenting yesterday. #parenting #parenthood #mom #mistakes #amateur #sick #kids #helpme

#parenting #amateur #kids #mistakes #parenthood #mom #sick #helpme

That’s a lot of love. #schoolpictures #threeisthenewtwo #twins #brothers #sister #biglove

#twins #threeisthenewtwo #sister #brothers #schoolpictures #biglove

Ouch. #parenting #fivegoingonfifteen #killingme #somuchsass #motherhood #ouch

#motherhood #parenting #somuchsass #fivegoingonfifteen #ouch #killingme

Asking for a friend. #minivan #anxiety #mylife #mom #momlife #mommy #motherhood #parents #rap #imcool #comeon

#mommy #minivan #parents #imcool #anxiety #mylife #motherhood #mom #rap #momlife #comeon

Ima get a ticket for sure. #parenting #police #50 #paper #kidart #toddler #toddlerlife #mother #mom #momlife #mommy #jail

#toddler #momlife #mommy #kidart #mom #toddlerlife #police #paper #jail #parenting #50 #mother

I’ll take “what should I do next?” for $1000, Alex. New post re starting over better at whyarethere2.com.

I'll take "What should I do with my life?" for $1000, Alex. New post re next question at whyarethere2.com

Next Question

I started writing this blog in the fall of 2015. Over the past two years, I have used it to ask and answer questions about my life, some vital, some less so. In large part, writing a post is, for me, a means of spitballing with the world, and myself, about whatever question is making the most noise in my head at the time. Today that question is this: What’s next? Now that I have been stablish on…

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Would I choose?

I recently re-read An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison. Dr. Jamison is notable for, among other reasons, having written the best-selling memoir on living with bipolar disorder and co-authoring the definitive textbook on the same illness. I read An Unquiet Mind for the first time nearly 20 years ago, in hopes that it might help me help a newly diagnosed friend. It did not, for a number of…

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Not asking for a parade

Being in the throes of mental illness is horrible. Recovery, however brief, feels like breaking through the surface of a frozen river. You are no longer drowning. You are no longer being pulled away from yourself. You can breath. It is a miraculous thing to recover from a mental illness. Yet, very few people are aware of this miracle, and even fewer understand the courage, stamina and belief in…

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