Here She Is

Here are my perils, for your enjoyment.

[afamilyshowblog]

Harry for L’Officiel Hommes China

[tbsolonely]

Baby, you’re the end of June. [©]

[whymejade]

Well that didn’t work.

Life has a fine way of distracting me for prolonged periods of time - usually through some sort of mishap - so let’s try again.

Attempt number 2 at noting down my horror stories every week.

...Alright, there's the announcement done. Fingers crossed this blog will hold my attention a little longer this time around.

Kelly x

(Since I was last here I managed to snap my Achilles heel tendon in half, so it’s safe to say that my luck hasn’t gotten any better.)

[whymejade]

I’m Back!

She said. 

I promise (to myself) to write at least one embarrassing moment a week from now on. I feel that it will relieve me of a little stress - hopefully. 

My mother always told me to write things down to get them out of my head...or maybe this will just fuel the fire to my misfortunes...

Kelly x

[whymejade]

Sam(e) Guy?

MY PAL SAM.

NOT MY PAL SAM.

Pretty straight forward social horror right up in this blogpost.

[whymejade]

Leaf Me Alone!

So, this happened around a year ago to be exact, I know this because the current wind situation in London is pretty intense. People rushing about, and a lack of vision are all lovely things for us to look forward throughout the next winter months. 

However when this happened, i had perfect vision and i didn't have people pushing and shoving me.

On the phone, minding my own business, or yelling it rather to my cousin, probably something about which Harry Potter house i belonged in (I'm Slytherin/Hufflepuff - I know what you're thinking,'that makes no sense, the two could never be combined', well they can, and I am living proof thank you very much ((Slytherin style x Hufflepuff heart)) I DIGRESS

Anyway, so I'm nattering away walking down a pretty freezing street, people in cars watching me with frantic rush hour stares, when a tree decides to steal my hat.

I'm serious.

Not only that, it tried to keep it for itself, so I was left to battle it in the grim wind. My poor cousin didn't know WHAT was going on. I did get it back in the end but my hair looked like Stig of the dump and the traffic queue looked much more amused than they had 30 seconds before.

Talk about a whomping willow.

Actual footage from somebody recording in their car:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ldnqapig8t1qc2qeto1_400.gif

[whymejade]

Restaurant + Ruby

Now with these posts, I shan't be saying names or linking to particular people, especially when it comes to celebrities (yes, I can't even behave myself around performance professionals) but for this particular mishap, I find she is one of my best friends and it worked with the title. So nerrr.

Anyway, at this point we were only recent acquaintances, and me being me had somehow managed to have a complete brain block when it came to her name, but I liked her enough not to hide under a napkin but to get her attention in 'omerrrgard new friend' excitement.

So to set the scene, quite a compact, dark, funky restaurant with a hot waiter, of whom I had the most gigantic crush on when I was early teens - we even made up a song about him (different story, different time), so its too much of a mission for me to get up and go over to her - which would also disturb her and her, as i know now, parents.

Anyway, without trying to prolong this story, I begin to wave like a manic with a massive smile on my face, body twisted at an awkward angle and the friends beside me looking pretty bemused. This goes on for at least 5 minutes with my friends loosing patience/disowning me and just about everyone in the restaurant except Ruby looking at me. 

Eventually i gain attention, but not from Ruby, from old school crush waiter who rushes over and thinks I need something to help with my veggie thai curry. He looked panicked, I looked panicked, Ruby doesn't look at all.

Tadah. Not the worst, but its an awkward 'oh uhm, no not you but, i mean, my friend is...y'know what, its just that, uhm, you walked here so maybe a glass of water, please, thanks, because. Okay.' I could have done without.

[whymejade]

[whymejade]

Lana Del Why

So, some of these are going to be short, as in one sentence short, and this one will be the first of many no doubt. 

Right, so, I have a new cleaner, and well, she has just witnessed me pretending to be Lana Del Rey singing ‘Summertime Sadness’ in the mirror – I know this because, well she was reflected in the background wasn’t she. Vile.

[whymejade]

Bit Wavey

So there I am in a year 4(?) school play, waiting for my time to shine with a little bit of a scowl on my face. I mean, of course I was happy to be a part of it but this role compared to my outstanding Virgin Mary a few years back left a lot to be desired. Anyway, the production of Noah's Ark had been going for at least half an hour by this point and me, amongst many others in the same role were waiting, squashed and covered in an array of (heavy) sheets. 

Okay, I'm just gonna spit it out, I was...a wave. An almighty wave sent by God yes, but y'know, still a wave. This however isn't the embarrassment. 

 So my family are out there, and I'm revved up to do my best, to out perform all the other surrounding waves. I want to make my Mom proud, my Nan proud and my forced-to-come uncle, so i

really

go for it, thrashing, waving, legs in the air, and i feel the performance really is one of my best. Felt a lot like this picture actually.

Dramatic. 

And then its over, I've made it to the other side of the stage, I open my eyes to revel in glory and...I'm standing next to who I was facing from the other side of the stage before I began. I turn to look either side of me and back across the stage before leaping under blankets on top of my fellow pupils once more. 

The poor audience had to witness me dramatically kicking and flailing past a, which I assume, very perplexed Noah during his speech. 

 All I have to say on the matter, is that timing still isn't one of my strongest points.

[whymejade]

Here We Go

Hello I’m embarrassing, I mean, I’m Kelly.

Great Start. 

I decided to make this blog to stop the 3am terrors and wipe some of the cringe off of myself and onto you guys (sorry), so seeing as I seem to remember or DO something distressing every day/minute/second, I may as well document it for your amusement.

I have a hefty ton of past horrors filed away in my over sized head, from the school playground, to various jobs, teenage hangouts, college, university and even mishaps in the privacy of my own bedroom, but I don’t doubt that more will occur pretty much as soon as I start this blog. 

I might re-create some of the worst as well, stick men, camera crew, who knows ey. Whatever. 

Oh, and this is my face, so you can picture me going through all my downfalls properly, really help set the scene for my misfortunes won't it? Wahey. 

So without further ado…

Geronimo! And such. 

PS - I don't always have a catface.