paying attention
(You feel like you need more encouragement, but what about your own senses? CW: Weight gain, encouragement, fitness issues.)
Next time you need that little push to eat a bit more, just listen to your body. It’s already reminded you how much progress you’ve made.
You can start right when you first wake up. Sitting up in bed, take note of how you have to do it. do you have to use both arms to heft yourself up? Does your belly have to compress and fight with itself, squishing and rolling to make room for you to pull forward? Do you need a couple attempts to rock yourself forward? Be sure to reward yourself with a snack for noticing any milestones you’ve made so far, and to encourage that next one.
What about sitting down? Do you find yourself assessing chair strength before you plant your fat ass down? Do you subconsciously hold some of your weight on your legs as to not test its integrity too much? Do the seat edges dig into the parts of your wide ass cheeks that hang over the side? Be sure to order extra tonight if any of these sound familiar to you to celebrate.
And what about getting back up? Have you realized you have to put your hands on your knees to brace yourself, and haven’t really tried without it? Do you have to really flex and engage your ab muscles to sit forward to stand? Have you started widening your stance to get in a better position to heft your bulk? Can you get up at all without assistance? Does new weight make you feel uncoordinated when you stand, like you’ve forgotten your center of gravity? If any of these don’t feel like you yet, it’s just more of that push to earn the rest of them.
Even walking is an opportunity to assess your progress. The speed of your gait, has it slowed down over time? Did you realize that you’ve been trying to obscure your heavier breathing lately? How much have you had to widen your stance to walk, do you think a stranger would call it a waddle watching you shuffle around just yet? Do you find that noticeable loss of energy coming a little sooner than before, the subtle feet soreness from walking a long time coming around before too long? I bet you can’t wait to feel yourself get even worse, to be hit with even more obvious evidence that you’re getting fatter.
How many X’s are on your clothes? You should be able to manage one meal for each of those today, shouldn’t you? You know what they say, eat for the clothing size you want to grow out of.
I bet you haven’t even noticed all the ways you’ve picked your own gluttony and lethargy over anything else. Maybe it would help to remind yourself of them.
For example, I’d ask you how winded you get climbing a set of stairs, but let’s be honest: when’s the last time you even did that? Or does it come more naturally for you to avoid them? It might sound strange to be encouraged to climb a flight of stairs, but that subtle wheeze you’ll have by the top will push you to eat a hundred times the calories you burned with each cumbersome step anyway, won’t it? Eat yourself out of ever being able to remind yourself of how out of shape you are.
Think about the last time you even ate a salad, wasted a meal with that paltry amount of calories. Get a cookie for every day it’s been. If you can’t remember, that’s an entire package just for you, congrats fatass.
Ever turned down a hangout with some friends or family because you ‘don’t like hiking’, figured it might be too much walking for you, or doesn’t sound like fun having to move around more than the necessary amount? Good thing, that’s another excuse to hit up a buffet or an extra drive-through on the way home, make sure those decisions get piled up onto you.
Heck, next time you’re missing that drive, just look in the mirror. Does that face staring back have a double-chin? Are those cheeks fuller and rosier than you remember? Do your love handles stretch out past your waist? Does your belly? Does it fold over yet? That body would look much better gorging on something indulgent, wouldn’t it?
Turn around and look back. Do you see a roll forming where your body is folding in to turn? Does your ass look plush and comfy, is it pocked with cellulite, does it press against your underwear? Is there a shelf where your thighs rise up to meet it? How much give does your thighs have? Imagine how much comfier you’ll be taking up even more of a couch with your sedentary, gluttonous self with some more padding to squish into.
Look at the details. Are those faded stretch marks still visible, traceable from under your finger from the last plateau you pushed past? Have they been making fresh, red friends lately? Does your chest cast a shadow onto your belly? How do those hands look - a little fatter, pudgier, clumsier than they used to be? What about your feet? Don’t be afraid to catch yourself noticing the way your fingers look a little unfamiliar, the way your double chin digs into your chest a little earlier than you remember, or the way your arms hang at a bit more of an angle because of the curve of your sides.
Each detail you take in is more evidence of indulgence having an effect. Each detail should make you hungrier to leave more of a mark on your body.
Next time your body tells you about what it wants, how far it’s come and what’s next, just listen.
