...

she/her/26/european {tw: a lot of depression stuff} {using this acc to cope with depression} {lets keep on going together}

[wiesenblut]

How am I happy for somebody although that person is allowed to do what i desperately want to do, too, but cant? I really wanna be happy for her but it hurts so damn bad.

[wiesenblut]

Vielleicht kann ich nicht gut damit umgehen, wenn mir etwas verschwiegen wird, weil man mir schon mal wochenlang verschwiegen hat, dass mein Papa im Sterben liegt.

[wiesenblut]

I thought the vacation might help me get out of this depressive episode, and it did for a while - until I came home again where the depression politely waited for me.

[wiesenblut]

Bullet journal but only positive things because negative things are in my head already anyway. It actually really helps the awareness that good things do happen, which my brain has to relearn.

[wiesenblut]

I thought he is sitting there with his friends drinking beer having fun like normal people do who have real-life friends and no depression. but seems like he sat there alone, reading, in the forest. (like me so often)

[wiesenblut]

please please please sunlight dont leave me yet please please please don't leave me in the cold darknes of these next seasons

[woolysocks]

this weeks ¡hola papi! ... a real zinger

[konoko]

[matrose]

imagine being the first ancient person to realize that the ocean and their tears taste the same. imagine realizing that your sorrow and the waves share a taste. i wouldve gone crazy

[silvermoonshinesilknight-deacti]

I read. Obsessively. Because, when I read, there is purpose to my loneliness.

[obliviatedlemondrop]

someone please take me on bookstore dates, and talk with me about books, and our futures and aspirations, and then at the end we exchange our favorite books with each other, and drive home listening to music.

[wiesenblut]

dont fall into that comfort of being sad. fight. be stubborn!

[wiesenblut]

How often can I go to the toilet to cry before someone notices? (in the office)

[wiesenblut]

anyone: you're a strong woman, its going to be better again!

me: yeah dont believe your shit

mama: you're a strong woman, its going to be better again! im proud of you!

me: really? 🥺🥺🥺🥺

[elftwink]

been reading a lot of conversations about space since the james webb images were released particularly wrt to light speed and the fact that we are technically "looking into the past" because the light that actually reaches us is millions or billions of years old, and so we only see these places as they were when the light left, not as they are right now. cool & fine & very interesting

but i just saw someone (shoutout sylverthewordsmyth in the tiktok comment section) reframe this as "the future can see us" and despite this being a natural and logical extrapolation from us seeing the past, it has shaken me to my core. if there's anybody to look at us from far away, millions and billions of years in the future, they would look at us and see... us. they would look and see the same planet we live on right now, with the same continents and oceans. and it will be already long gone but to them it will be as alive as it is to us right now, the same way we see still see stars that have already gone out. i have to lay down

[cheruib]

every day i wake up alone in my little creaky beloved bed and I look around with sleepy eyes and realize it’s a “remember, loneliness is still time spent with the world” kind of morning

[wiesenblut]

Maybe I wanted the rain to make me soaking wet because then I had a reason to be sad and angry and frustrated.

Maybe I make your absence the reason for me being sad and angry and frustrated because I want to have a reason.

Maybe I make myself not eat enough and dont do things I like so I can say thats the reason for being sad and angry and frustrated.

Yes I just want a reason.

But maybe, yes maybe, it's just fucking depression. And I dont know yet how to handle it.