Andulka
PR's Tumblrdome
ojovivo
dirt enthusiast
titsay
Today's Document
No title available
i don't do bad sauce passes
YOU ARE THE REASON
if i look back, i am lost
RMH
KIROKAZE
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
cherry valley forever
JBB: An Artblog!
JVL
Cosmic Funnies
art blog(derogatory)
No title available
blake kathryn
seen from Singapore
seen from Qatar
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Italy
seen from Spain
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Australia
seen from Latvia
seen from Brazil
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
@wilds1de
WILDS1DE: a private, dependent blog for @fasthq, penned by jia. please do not interact or follow if you are not associated with the group!
♡ WON JIHOON aka hephaestus: twenty-seven, mechanic for the rodani prowlers
♡ ELIANA PEDRAZA aka doll: twenty-four, import model for the nariza bois
the wash of unsatisfied relief she feels watching him move towards the door last mere moments before it’s all but flushed away. it’s a struggle to remember she started this conversation, she opened the door for this, she couldn’t run away ( not again ) . the frustration and anger coming from jihoon is tense in the air, it's think almost it's own entity between them. three years later and he still knew her, knew was she was skirting around the truth. “ it won’t help … the truth, “ breaking her silence she looks towards him standing back to her feet. there’s a bitterness in her tone that catches even her off guard, a bitterness towards herself. “ it’s dumb and selfish … and will probably piss you off even more, “ a short sad laugh, “ but, fine ! if you want to know i’ll tell you. “ it was embarrassing, it’s own sick twist of evil from the universe that’d she’d have to voice her own impulsive choices aloud. “ my dad called, “ it’s a short quip of an answer, one that only somebody who understand her past would even begin to piece together. her father : that’s where is always all started and ended when it came to marigold amin. “ — after that and i just had to leave. “ the words trail off into silence as she allows them to hang between them. nobody had ever ( maybe would ever ) drop all her defensive walls like jihoon. her body is practically vibrating at her display of honesty, danger signs flashing in her brain ‘ too close too close ’ ‘ too much information too much information ‘. she can only hope that’s she’s not physically shaking, that’d be even more humiliating. “ i told you it was a shit reason and that i was fucked up ? happy now ? my shitty convict daddy called and kicked in my flight instinct so i left you and i left the prowlers. “ hands dropping down to her sides in a sign of defeat. there’s no relief in finally revealing the truth to the other, no large weight slipping off her shoulders. instead there’s a sick sinking in her stomach, a protest of her admittance. funny how doing the right thing could make you feel even worse about yourself. this mari 2.0 shit sucked.
mari is right about one thing, and wrong about another: the truth is selfish and it does piss him off even more, but in its own fucked up way, it helps. it brings him the clarity he had been unknowingly seeking for three years. he had spent these years wondering what had gone wrong to push mari to ghost him out of the blue, effectively pulling the brakes on their relationship, like he meant nothing to her. had he unknowingly messed up somewhere? had she faked every kiss, every hug, every smile? had it been one-sided? how did he not see the signs? now he knows it wasn't his fault, the truth like a slap to the face—there was nothing he could've done to stop mari from leaving. clearly, that foundation of trust he thought they had had been nonexistent.
there's a loud, thick, and heavy silence that hangs between them, thoughts racing through jihoon's mind. he knew about her father, knew she had been let down by the one person who mattered the world to her. mari had trusted him with the most vulnerable part of herself and he had been understanding. he had listened. he had been supportive. he had done everything in his power to show her his commitment to her, to show her that he wasn't going anywhere. he hadn't given her a single reason to doubt him or the bond they had built. and yet. and yet. and yet—in one phone call, he had been reduced to another person who would supposedly break her heart, effectively robbing him from the chance to prove himself. it was like the facts didn't hold any weight. in one phone call, she had given up on him.
"so you ghosted me because your dad called," he begins, as if saying the words out loud might make them easier to comprehend. the words are uttered calmly, but not in a good way. it feels like the world is closing in on him, mari's presence suffocating him with every passing second. that sick feeling at the pit of his stomach spreads through his entire being, pushing him to pull himself out of a situation that hurts him. how did the girl he loved and trusted let go of him so easily? maybe now that he knows the reason, mourning their relationship will be easier. maybe. "so, let me get this straight: your dad calls, and instead of telling me about it, when you know i would've been there for you, you decided to keep it to yourself and leave. he hurts you, so you hurt me, right? is that how it goes?" there's a bitterness and a bite to his words. if her words are meant to fuck him up, they achieve that. he pushes his fingers through his hair, letting out a light chuckle turned scoff. it's an unhumorous one, because there's nothing funny about this fucked up mess.
another long pause. he looks everywhere but at her, unable to stomach meeting her eyes, but he forces himself to as the next words come out of his lips. "i deserved better than that, mari. i would've never done that to you," he says quietly. the words are heavy and dejecting. he walks to her door—the third time today—and pauses. "we did a good job avoiding each other these three years, let's just go back to that. it's easier for both of us." and that's how jihoon rebuilds a fortified wall against mari, after her words manage to crack through it. does he feel better saying all that? debatable. there's no relief or comfort in any of this. but it's the only way he knows to shield himself from her after everything he just heard. his words are emotionally charged—he's a closed book that finally opened, revealing pages of anguish and heartache. with that, he opens the door and leaves, not wanting to hear her say anything more, because odds are, it will only break him even more.
eliana takes a step closer and tem takes a step back. part of her wants to say something like unhand me, temptation ! but eliana wasn't even touching her. clears her throat, trying to bring an aura of professionalism to the conversation and failing. unfortunately, the vogue videos uniform did not inspire things like dominance over customers. " our romcoms are over here. " a well - curated selection now that tem was working here. she's very proud of her display, puffing up a little as she presents the options to eliana. " pretty woman, ella enchanted, 10 things i hate about you, she's the man, how to lose a guy in 10 days, the princess diaries, but i'm a cheerleader... how long is this girl's night lasting again ? "
eliana almost laughs as tem takes a step back, instead her eyes merely twinkle with mirth and satisfaction. it doesn't offend them, because as far as they're concerned, this is clearly a side effect to being flustered. if anything, she feels bad for her, because that vogue videos uniform is not it. it's ugly and the colors don't match nicely. pigs would fly before you saw eliana in something like that. "i do love how to lose a guy in 10 days," she muses, tapping a freshly manicured nail against her lips, pretending to think about it. "as long as it takes. we're not really putting an end time to it. tell me, what would you want to watch for a girl's night?
♪ closed starter ; @wilds1de ♪ location ; undisclosed.
★ ꒰ 🏹 ꒱ “ what are you doing here ? i'm not really lookin' for a repeat of valentine's day if that's what you're lookin' for. ”
"last i checked, i worked here," jihoon points out, quirking an eyebrow in the other's direction. if jihoon wasn't at his apartment, then you'd most likely find him rodani wheels. he shrugs lightly, he doesn't take hunter's attitude seriously; something he got used to. "xile's not here and there's no booze. it's hard to repeat valentine's day like that, don't you think?"
the desperation in his tone hits her square in the chest. the emotion enough to send her staggering backward. he deserves answers, but she’s unsure if she can given them. jihoon already owns so much of her, forever holding a portion of her heart and mind, if she answers truthfully she’d be handing over another shattered piece. too much, always too much. it’s the insinuation in the next words that has her head whipping up, “ of course we meant something ! “ a twist of frustration building in her voice. as if she would ever question her feelings for him. she loved him, that was never ever in question. “ we meant something and that’s the whole problem ! “ it’s not a full admission, a mere crack into the tangled web in mari’s head. “ like i said you don’t have to accept my shit apology — i get it … i left in the shittiest way possible, “ if she had sent a text would the situation be any better ? what would it say ‘ sorry i’m betraying you and the crew my dad called me ‘ ? or maybe ‘ i’m a coward you mean too much to me we’re done bye ‘ ? it was a childish, impulse decision she had long learned to accept. “ i fucked up, “ a short, sad laugh accompanying her words, “ i’m fucked up — that’s the best reason i can give you for leaving, ‘kay ? “ a feeling of defeat falling on her shoulders as she falls to the couch behind her. when did she end up this far back into her apartment ? “ you’re right though … it doesn’t change anything, “ words a peace offering. because he’s right. no matter where this conversation landed they were still on opposites sides of a crew war. destined to forever be at the odds no matter where they were. she was nariza and he was a prowler, natures forever foes. they could never know true peace. “ i just never got to tell you sorry … so — i’m sorry … “ pause, “ — and sorry this is a fucked up apology, “ at those final words she gestures towards the door of her apartment allowing him an out.
we meant something and that’s the whole problem. it's the only thing jihoon can hear. he struggles to understand it, like some complicated mathematical equation he has to find the answer to. how could what they had be a problem to mari, when for him, it was his safe haven? the admission hurts him in a way he can't explain. he has to look away from mari, unable to meet her eyes because the sight of her only makes it worse. their relationship being a problem means he was the problem, too. he can't help but blame himself for not seeing the signs. was he so blind to his feelings for her that he couldn't see that she was struggling? maybe, he could've stopped her. maybe, he could've helped her. maybe, maybe, maybe.
mari wasn't giving him clear answers, and he feels like they've hit some sort of block, a wall he can't break down. but he couldn't break down her walls three years ago, why would he be able to do that now? she gestures towards the door. his eyes are defeated as he makes his way to the door. in a way, he needed to be away from mari, but then he pauses. "you know what..." he lets out a frustrated sigh and turns around again, an anger in his words as he takes a few steps towards her. "no. you don't get to do that, mari. not again. you're running away. again. it worked for you three years ago, but you're not pulling that shit on me now," he says. "if you're about to drop an apology, at least give me the full story. you owe me that, at the very least. 'i'm fucked up' doesn't cut it. it's a cop out answer and you fuckin' know it," he calls out, shaking his head in frustration and dejection. "you knew i would've been there for you, that all i ever wanted was to be there for you." hadn't they shared their fears and their deepest thoughts with each other? hadn't they shared their pasts with each other? they had been vulnerable with each other. he saw every side to mari and he still wanted her all the same, as she was. flaws and imperfections and all. but where did that get him? he was the stupid one.
"fuck," he mutters under his breath. "we can go back to not talking after that. you don't have to worry about this problem." jihoon is not only hurt, but bitter. pain, hurt, agitation, and distress were what's driving his every word and thought. at the end of the day, they needed to be apart. mari was an ex prowler turned nariza boi, after all. not only did she break his heart, she also betrayed him and his trust in every way.
finally. in the awkward small talk and uncomfortable silences this was finally the reaction she was searching for. it’s the heavy punch to the gut she had been expecting since new years. the harsh words she deserved for her actions. even then it’s not enough; she wants thrashing, yelling, biting, fighting. a reminder of the numbing hole in her heart left the night she walked away. she wanted to press, poke and tear at it till it woke up red and bleeding. it’s what she deserved after the damage she left in her wake. “ it wasn’t fair or right … or whatever but if – if i stayed to say goodbye to you … to everyone ... “ a swallow and a moment of silence, “ i wouldn’t have gone and i had to go. “ it’s illogical, reasoning she cannot explain even to herself. the overwhelming flight instict that night still threatened to overwhelm her, suffocate her. in three years she had never allowed herself to imagine what it would be like if she stayed. a heartbreaking picture cased in cracked glass. “ i’m not asking you to understand it or accept it, “ tone turning bitter, tight, “ you just need to know … it wasn’t you … it wasn’t ever you. “ how cliche it was to say : it’s not you it’s me. she was long broken, never put back together correctly after her father’s arrest. exposed edges sharp and jagged forever destined to maim those she came in contact with. “ i – “ heavy emphasis on the i, “ had to go, “ she softly repeats herself. her head raises to look back at him, eyes shining with a plea : don’t ask why. don’t press further. please. she’s unsure if she could survive recounting it to him. as a rule she never spoke of her father or childhood. the details of the first betryal of her life locked tight in hear head under lock and key. jihoon being one of the only people ever to hear the details from mari herself and he handle it better then she could have imagined. because of course he did. forever patient, soft and safe with mari. that’s why she can’t tell him, because he’d understand. she wasn’t anywhere near deserving of that understanding.
he's on sensory overload. mari's apology opened the floodgates he had kept tightly sealed for years. so much that festered in him coming to the surface in full force. so much he hadn't dealt with forcing its way. it's the anger, it's the dejection, it's the confusion. it's nothing pleasant or kind. he scoffs. "oh, thank you for saying it wasn't fair or right. what do i do with that information, mari? it's not like it changes anything, does it?" the more she speaks, the more he reacts. and the more he reacts, the angrier and the more dejected he becomes. the more fucked up and distraught he feels. maybe that's what closure felt like. it didn't feel like one, not that he claims to know. either way, it wasn't comforting, no. coming face first with pent up emotions was never a fun ride.
"you had to go? what the hell's that supposed to mean?" he pushes his fingers through his hair, an act of frustration. because still, mari's words leave him confused. it wasn't you. "don't," he says, tone bitter. "don't say it wasn't me." see, jihoon has blamed himself for all that happened. he wasn't enough for mari to stay. what they had wasn't a good enough reason for her to stay. her decision to leave was clearly one that didn't require much thought. he didn't clock that something was wrong when he had texted her and called her the day before he would ultimately find out she left. it's a different kind of hell knowing you would've done anything for someone, but not seeing the same thing in return. "we were together and you turned on your back on that. i just thought we meant something to each other." and he was so wrong. so, so wrong.
should he ask why she left? he shouldn't care enough to know. what good would it do? she still left. knowing the reason won't magically turn back time and change the outcome. he lets out a sigh. a million thoughts are racing through his brain in a speed he can't comprehend. he wasn't prepared for a conversation like this. granted, he was never going to be. "i still don't understand what you're saying. what do you mean?" he presses. what was so bad that made mari betray him, betray the crew, and run away and never look back?
" well, no, but it's the first time someone's let me touch a fight bruise ! " a mad scientist would be proud of the giggle that leaves tem at that moment. finally pleased, she pulls back. " i know they can 'cause i can also punch ! " she makes the kind of fist where you'd break your hand if you hit that way. unspoken : she's majorly lost all the fights she's ever gotten in. but who knows ! maybe the next one will be the one ! still, jihoon looks like he wants his mind off valentines entirely, so she's glad to move onto something else for his sake. brightens at the mention of cherry coke. " you did ? let me see. gimme, please ? " hands folded together in front of her like a victorian child begging for coin. one of the only things she'll ever beg for is a can of cherry coke, her namesake. enough to let the fight conversation drop : though, her eyes do narrow in suspicion. jihoon sounds more like he'd grab her and pull her away from a fight than join in with her. suspicious. surely just her mind, though !
jihoon lets out a light chuckle. "well, alright then. glad to know i'm the first to let you do that." he shakes his head, have never seen someone so intrigued by something as simple as a fight bruise. then again, tem was tem, and if he thought about it more, he wouldn't find it at all surprising. he indulges her, all the same. "when's the last time you punched someone?" he wonders, because jihoon's convinced tem's deluding herself into believing she can punch, especially with the way her fist is looking right now. "okay, you're going to end up breaking your thumb." he reaches for her fist, takes out her thumb that was originally tucked inside the fist, and instead tucks it in front of her first, just below the line of her knuckles. "that's how your fist should look like." he folds his arms and shrugs. "tell me first why you were laughing and i'll give it to you," he says. he remembered the promise he made to her last time about getting her cans of cherry coke! "i even got myself a can, too. just to give it another try." even though he's ninety-nine percent positive his opinion will not change.
if tania was anyone else, maybe this'd be enough to make them pull over and stop the car. maybe it’s not a conversation that’s appropriate while casually driving down the road. definitely not a conversation they should be having when they're already pressing down on the throttle again, the car's steady hum building up under their touch. it's almost overpowering, the way max roars to life again. jihoon really did wonders with whatever tuning he'd been doing. and yet, this is somehow tania’s sick version of a thank you — this revelation that they know who jihoon’s ex is and that they’ve slept with her and—
“i wish you’d stop doing that sometimes,” they blurt out. the words slam out of their mouth into the space between them. it’s almost out of character for tania to say them. the right response would’ve been, okay. it’s also none of my business what happened between you. but i thought you should know. we can move on now. that’s always what they’ve been like. but something about this feels different. they’ve never asked about what jihoon’s life looked like before the crews split. never needed to know, really. that’s his business. and yet. “just because it was years ago doesn’t mean—” they stop — brake at the red light. can we go back to talking about max’s upgrades? tania almost asks. they steal another glance at jihoon. “it still kind of is your business. she still is your ex. however many years ago that was doesn’t change that i don’t want to fuck your ex, because she’s your ex.” if they were anyone else, maybe it’d be easier to say, because you’re my friend, jihoon. “well,” they say instead. the light stays red. “doesn’t matter anymore now. it’s not happening again. just— couldn’t keep that from you.” and then, because it’s out in the open anyway: “sorry it happened.”
"i'm not doing anything." jihoon's quick to get slightly defensive, because tania's call out is not entirely out of place. he knows what they mean. he's pushing things under the rug. it's easier than dealing with whatever that was, not that his opinion would be any different. it has been three years. three years is a very long time. he's not supposed to expect people not to move on about their lives, especially when the crews' paths crossed more often than not. he's moved on, too, hasn't he? or at least, has buried the past in hopes he'd never have to rehash or access it again. tania remains a good friend who had no idea. and he stands by the fact that it's not his business what his ex girlfriend does. and well, hadn't he slept with rome's ex girlfriend too? he's not one to talk.
"no, tania, it really isn't my business," he says again. "we broke up before the split. she left with the others without my knowledge. as far as i'm concerned, it's something very much in the past. so i don't see how it's my business what she does." he looks over at them. even though he's hooked up with a nariza, it doesn't mean he isn't concerned about tania doing the same. he lets out a sigh. "as for you, you had no idea. so..." he trails off, shrugging. for jihoon, there was absolutely no reason for crew members who joined post split to know about relationship drama that went down before. not only was he a private person, but there was truly not reason or benefit to it. yes, he trusted tania, it's why he's telling them details of the break up, but before that, he didn't see a reason to bring up a relationship that ended and was left where it belonged: in the past. "see why i mean it isn't my business? you don't to apologize or anything. but thank you for telling me, either way."
★ ꒰ 🦋 ꒱ a small pout formed on her features, head canting slightly as she looked the other over. she felt bad for flaking on her friend, and she fully intended to make it up to eliana. chrissy was someone who liked to be seen as dependable, and she would work towards ensuring her companion was aware of the fact that she was. “ mmm . . . if an apology won't suffice . . . how can i make it up to you ? ” she questioned, a faint smile tugging at her lips. “ well, i do love the attention, and the money's not so bad, either. i guess it was half worth it. but i am still sad i missed out on last night. ”
apologies were just mere words. as far as eliana was concerned, people needed to show action to really prove how sorry they were. sure, with chrissy, it was (mostly) in jest, but they wouldn't pass on an opportunity to be dramatic. and hey, if she was going to get something for it, then why not! "what? you think i'd make it that easy and tell you how?" anyone who knew eliana knew what she liked, so it wouldn't be that hard to think something up. "attention's always a good reason. you're hot, so," she points out. "that's not too bad then, i suppose. and there will be more nights to come, which you shouldn't miss out on! just a reminder!"
" right, i'll make sure to give you a call before i punch someone in the face, " mirae jokes, rolling her eyes at the thought of it all. she'd acted out, perfectly on par with what was expected of her, just a few moments taken to unravel her wrath on an unsuspecting pair of bodies. granted, she was sure she'd never see one of them again anyway. just as wildfires spread, they were almost always put out, nothing but embers left to flicker in the face of their destruction. " people talk too much. at least my fight with sloane at body was more exciting, there's no fun in it when they don't hit you back. " she lets out a sigh, white wine set on the table while she leans back on the couch. " as much as i adore the idea of you as my cheerleader, i'm all out of commission. " a manicured hand that's missing one nail is admired, a frown settling on her features. " hurts like a fuckin' bitch. must be from darius and his stupid triangle jaw. "
"you do that. just a quick 'hey, i'm getting into a fight at x location' and i'll come running." nothing like some drama or a scene to get eliana moving. while she would never be one to engage in a physical altercation, watching them was more than fun. with how boring things got more often than not, watching drama unfold was what she needed, like her own personal teen tv show. "oh, yeah, it's been the talk of everyone for the past few days. made some of these fights look greater than they actually were the more i knew. did you win against sloane, at least?" because isn't that what matters, at the end of the day? she scrunches her nose at the sight of the missing nail. she can't imagine how heartbreaking (or painful) this must be. "not a missing nail. at least i hope it hurt darius too, just so losing a nail wasn't in vain." he's a man, he'll get over it!
☆ closed starter for @wilds1de, won jihoon
☆ located at bay parking garage. ↪ cruise action prompt — flipped. there is no real privacy in the won-seo household, improvisation leads them to the garage with bags of taco bell.
the itch was coming back. every three months, like clockwork, there'd be this irritation under her skin. something that would keep poking, prodding, until she ended up somewhere in the keys or tampa, even tallahassee, racing around a track she had no business on. it was dangerous, maybe borderline stupid, and no one knew about it. felt the itch this morning soon as she got up from bed, pacified it by driving way above the speed limit from jihoon's place to taco bell to the bay parking garage. it'd come back, she knew, but it was enough for now. “ they better not have forgotten my fire sauce, ” arm half way into the bag, head ducking to look for the miniature sauce packets, “ ever since it came out, can't have my taco bell without it. ” a roar of victory when she finds the ten fire sauces she requested at the drive through window, a look over to where jihoon was planted in the passenger seat of her car, “ they get everything right for you? ”
jihoon's a simple person. when things felt too bleak, being around cars in any capacity helped. cars always successfully provided the distraction he sought. if he wasn't buried deep under the hood of a car, he was speeding down miami's roads in his own car. it was that simple. he's the passenger today, with xile driving above speed limit, but it does the trick all the same. and lately, all he's been doing is seeking a distraction of any kind. he wasn't picky about it. "they better not. i fear they'll come face-to-face with xile rosario's wrath," he teases lightly. except he wants the fire sauce as well, but you will not find him going back and asking for it if it was indeed missing. he looks in his bag as well to double check on his order. "yeah, all's right. they got me the fire sauce too. they missed it last time i ordered. noticed the food doesn't hit the same way without it. are we eating that outside or is your car about to smell like taco bell for the next two days?" jihoon's a bit obnoxious about eating in his own car. he does not allow it, thank you very much.
“was my ma's before she passed it down t'me.” she kisses the photo before sliding it (less than gracefully) back into her wallet. she worked on it more than she ever drove it, which was probably why she grew so attached to it in the end. “truck's gone now. scrapped. beyond fixin', even for me.” she's worked on prettier, sleeker cars since then. still, there's something unforgettable about your first.
“ugh. listen t'me. a couple drinks in 'n i'm suddenly in the mood for reminiscin'. didn't mean to talk you ear off.”
jihoon stays quiet for some time. he's not the best at dealing with such situations. he's more of a listener than a talker, and he doesn't always know the right thing to say. if someone is drunk and nostalgic about the past, what can he even say to that? nothing, really. "did you... get rid of the truck?" he wonders. he would never get rid of his own car even if it's broken beyond repair, having developed an attachment to it over the years. call him sentimental or whatever. it's been with him for years now. he clears his throat, shaking his head a little. "it's fine. i'm not the best person to reminisce with, though. sorry about that." because he himself doesn't see any use of it.
face positively squished into the arm rest of the couch , eyes resting upon the other as they took his phone from his hands . to some this might seem like a mundane thing . . . something that wasn't even worth mentioning - but to jisung there lay something much deeper and meaningful . trust didn't come easy these days , especially not for someone like him . especially not in his position ( too many burns cluttered across experiences he'd simply had to make ) . but who was to know better of it than eliana ? someone he valued highly in his own personal ranks he'd made up in his mind palace . so despite muscle memory kicking in , trying to grab back the phone . . . jisung calmed easy . “ ugh , I know right ? guess I've been flash banged by everythin' that happened that night . speakin' of . . . what even did happen ? ” shifting , now propped up on his elbows . “ heard a lot of shit , but y'know how that goes . every wind adds a lil' dust to it . sooo . d'yknow anythin' ? ” yet another alternation had him sitting crossed legged . eyes attentive as they watched eliana . “ of course , I never forget a favor , y'know that . especially when I'm in the presence of such an able bein' . "
eliana studies the pictures like she's doing research. after all, picking a picture is serious business! they had to study every angle and see what picture captured jisung's features best. they treat their own pictures in the same manner. the choice would always need to be perfect. "sounds like you were busy that night," they tease playfully. "anything you wanna share?" as nosy as ever. they liked to know what was going on around them, sue them! "ugh, apparently there was quite a lot of fighting at heartbreaker bar. not that i saw any of it because i didn't spend as much time there. i don't know why everyone wanted to fight there when they could've moved it to 12welve. y'think there was something in the drinks there?" she rolls her eyes before she continues scrolling through the pictures. "okay, we have a winner!" they announce proudly, handing jisung's his phone back. "this one. perfect angle. focuses on both your face and your fit."
the list of apologizes she owes to jihoon is never-ending seeming to grow by each week. one always strays to top of her mind, the one forever left unsaid. “ i’m sorry for leaving. “ a simple statement, a truth long held back. she holds his eyes as speaks, afraid he’ll mistake her for lying if she looks anywhere but at him. “ i never meant – “ the words dropping as she struggles to gather herself, “ it wasn’t fair to you, the way i went about things back then,” a nervous pause as she shuffles her feet to the side, “ so … i’m just sorry. “ the truth of her last day as a prowlers was a secret long kept between her and hyunsik. she hadn’t even heard her father’s voice on the other end of the line, only the automation of the jail message playing before slamming the phone shut. the message reminder enough : even those closest to you will lie and hurt you. at the time it was easier, running and never looking back. the consequences of her actions behind her, on the other side of crew lines. from her new life she could hide from the damage she left behind, the marks she left on once friends, the heartbreak she left on jihoon. in the new twisted narrative she could believe that he she hadn’t left her heart behind in the prowlers. she made her bed and she’d have to lie in it. perhaps it was time; maturity and responsibility sinking in with age that has her apologizing now. maybe it was the one, two punch to the skull from xile knocking sense into her ( something she’d never verbally admit ). “ you don’t have to accept it, i just wanted you to know. “ she plays it off nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders.
mari’s words are like a bomb. they ring in his ears in the worst possible way. they're unexpected and sudden. he's quiet throughout, gaze fixed on her as she lets out words he's thought about over a hundred times. a sick feeling bubbles in the pit of his stomach, that gradually grows more and more intense by the second, like her words are what’s feeding it and making it fester. the words don’t soothe any of the pent up hurt and pain she left behind. it’s three years too late.
jihoon stands there and all he can think of is the day he found out she was gone. the night before had been good. they get some takeout and have dinner at her apartment. they talk and laugh. their clothes end up on the floor of the bedroom. they later fall asleep with mari wrapped tightly in his arms. nothing had been amiss. maybe he was too blind by how he felt for her that it blinded him. he kisses her the next day before he heads to the auto shop. she doesn’t answer his texts, but jihoon assumes she is just busy. that was his first mistake, assuming if something was wrong, mari would tell him. he was wrong. all hell breaks loose with the news of the split. it’s a lot. what makes it worse is hearing mari’s name in the list of people who left. you’re wrong, something’s not right, she wouldn’t do this, he remembers saying. he remembers searching for her between the remaining prowlers. he remembers texting and calling her. he had been desperate to find her and just hear her voice, desperate for her to tell him it’s silly of him to think she would just leave like that. jihoon was so very wrong. and that’s the story. it didn’t have a good ending in the slightest. it was cruel and harsh. he didn’t deserve it.
“you’re sorry?” he blurts out, a bite to his words. he had actively tried to keep her in the past. it’s where she belonged. she didn’t have a place in his present or future. he believed pushing those emotions and thoughts into a box, tightly sealing it and locking it would solve this. he wouldn’t need an explanation or closure. but her words, and the way she plays it off so casually, unlock it all, his blood boils in his veins. “the way you went about things…” he repeats her own words, letting out a light scoff, emphasizing on the choice of words. as if what they had was a simple ‘thing’. as if the way she ended it was just a simple, trivial ‘thing’. “you never meant to what?” he presses. “is it that you left me without a word? that i had to find out about it from the crew?” it was embarrassing. she had been his girlfriend and she broke it off without his knowledge, like he wasn’t worthy of being broken up with respectfully. but that’s the thing: they always saw each other differently. she had been his entire world, till she wasn’t anymore. equal parts hurt and anger flash intensely in his eyes. “say it, mari. and then tell me, what i’m supposed to do about this apology.”
eyes follow his as he scans the permitter of her apartment. she finds herself wondering what he sees there, what facets of her he sees within these new walls. focus shifting to his face trying to decipher his features. once upon a time she could read him like a book, fluent in jihoon’s micro facial expression. time had hardened him. the familiar hallmarks hidden away from her. she can’t blame him given the circumstances they found themselves in. “ just a few months, “ shoulders shrugging with her answer. long learned her lesson after living with julian, that mari was best living on her own. the studio she found herself in was perfect for that. as if she would ever throw anything away of jihoon’s. returning it was the safe option than holding on to it and letting the longing fester, “ no biggie … it’s yours. you deserve it back. “ she answers simply watching him take the sweater from her hands. the finality of their relationship feeling symbolized as it slips out of her fingers. in another life she’s hold on tight ; not let it go, not let him go. in this space away from the rest of the world they feel like jihoon and mari again. not nazia mari and prowler jihoon. just them. emotions roaring in her ears she barely registers his escape towards the door. perhaps it’s the change in herself she’s unconsciously felt since valentine’s day that has her calling out, “ jihoon, “ taking a hestiant step towards him, letting the words hang in the air for a moment before continuing, “ i’m sorry. “ it’s an apology three years too late.
maybe, just maybe... things would be easier between them if they didn't belong to enemy crews. but if you looked closely, this wasn't all about the crews, no. but it was easy to partially use that as an excuse. the reality of the matter was that it was more than that. it was about giving someone your heart, your trust, access to your thoughts—the good and bad—and them treating all of it like it was something to break into irreparable little pieces and dispose of so easily. and because of that, jihoon has rebuilt those walls again to shield himself from her, walls she had once successfully broken down. he didn't think he'd need them, but 2007 had other plans. sure, they had reached some sort of silent truce during the valentine's day party, both too tired and exhausted to think. but being here with her alone in her apartment, holding onto the shirt she'd had for the past three years when she could've easily thrown it out has somehow brought them back to square one, in a way. not that they ever made progress, if jihoon was honest with himself, and it's partially because it's just to be that way that rehashing buried thoughts and emotions and coming face-to-face with it all.
then she's apologizing. he grips the door handle but doesn't it twist it open. he was seconds away from running away yet again. he turns out to face her, seeing that she's taken a few steps towards him in the meantime. his brows furrow, confusion evident and coloring his features. she's sorry? the words ring in his ears, like an alarm clock. if he allowed his thoughts to run wild, he'd start to wonder all the possible things she could mean by those words... except jihoon rarely allows himself to go down that sort of route. it's dangerous and hurtful more than anything, so he asks, "what?" a pause. "i mean... i'm not sure what you're saying. sorry for what?"
location: track-one
featuring: rome ( @overdr1ves )
jihoon's reaching for the bottle of vodka situated between him and rome. he's found the pair an empty enough spot for them to unwind after taking rome's car for a few test laps after the check up he had done before valentine's day. with the party coming smack in the middle of everything, the test drive had to be postponed a few days, much to his dismay. but they're here and the car's performance is up to his expectations and satisfaction. he takes a small sip from the bottle, handing it over to his friend, eyeing his bruises with a small smirk. "you couldn't stay out of trouble, could you?" he jokes. never mind the bruises on his own face! it's a little comical the same thing ended up happening to them. "you didn't tell me who beat you up that bad."
location: rodani wheels
featuring: victoria ( @anelectrichigh )
he has no clue how long he's been working on this car. he's completely lost track of time, forgetting to eat and even have a sip of water. but that's what happens whenever he's in the auto shop. he doesn't mind it one bit. after all, he's doing what he loves, so why would he mind? the sound of footsteps getting closer gets his attention, looking up from under the hood of the car, spotting victoria. "if you're here to annoy me, at least tell me you've brought me lunch or something to make up for it," he begins, a light playfulness to his tone. he feels hungry, now that he's taken a few minutes away from working on the car. "i deserve that, at least."
