Hi! My name is Willow, but I go by Will for short. Call me whatever you want. I don't like to label my gender/sexuality but I do use they/them pronouns. Nature is one of my favourite things in the world, and I grew up in a temperate rainforest on the western edge of Canada! The only thing I love more than nature, however...
is probably writing! I am a poet and a novelist. So far I've been published in one poetry anthology, and I'm in one more that comes out in a few months! (Due to them both being very local I'm not going to share the titles in order to keep my precise location confidential... as much as I'd love to promote them, lol.)
But besides poetry, I am very much into writing full-length stories. I have too many stories to even begin explaining all of them, especially since most of them aren't titled. But I have written one full, serious book, titled: "I Still Think About You (Against All Odds)". (The first book in my 'Against All Odds' series! And now I'm working on the sequel.)
For short, I call this book: ISTAY, (as in, 'I stay') or 'AAO' when referring to the series, which will have four books in total. I plan on posting loads about AAO! The book has big themes focusing on the isolation queer people experience in homophobic, hostile communities. It's set in Jamaica, which was named 'the most homophobic country' in 2008. The first two books take place between 1988-1991 (I think lol?) And the next two books have a wider timeline between 1991-2010. The topic might sound sad, but the story is hopeful.
I also make visual art! I make digital drawings, traditional sketches, paintings, I use pastels, watercolours, textiles, probably anything you can imagine. I try to occupy myself with as many creative hobbies as possible. So I'll probably post about those too! And yes, lots of my art is OC art.
That's pretty much it! Thanks for reading to the end if you did, and I'd love to be mutuals and start to become a part of/create a community of writers and artists on here! Yipee!!!!!!
I might also post about some random stuff sometimes. I have lots of thoughts in this big autistic brain of mine. Hence the blog title, 'One Big Scrambled Thought'.
Sorry if I'm not the most interactive. I don't spend much time online lol.
Against All Odds is a four book long series, each book also having it's own unique title. I Still Think About You (ISTAY) is the first book, which has been written in full. Details about the next three will be revealed in future, but here's some info about ISTAY...
Before you keep reading: TW: Mentions of homophobia/racism /sexism/allusions to homophobic violence. All mild.
It takes place in late 80's/early 90's Jamaica, focusing on the isolation queer people experience in homophobic/hostile environments, but with a hopeful aspect that focuses on friendship, found family, the complex nature of romance, sexuality, and more.
This is about to get long and overly detailed, read ahead if you desire.
(Some info about the setting, but you can skip this if you don't gaf:
In Jamaica, sodomy/'buggery' is illegal. And while 'being gay' in general is technically illegal, and two men could absolutely be prosecuted for as little as kissing, sapphic relationships aren't acknowledged or considered serious, and so are not demonized nearly as much and are technically not illegal. While people are rarely arrested for having same-sex relations, due to how easy it is to keep it secret as well as various other things, the fact that it IS technically illegal reflects just how deeply homophobic Jamaican society is. [Of course, not all people in Jamaica are homophobic, but homophobia is very prevalent in the country.] But arrests HAVE happened. It IS very serious, and openly queer people face constant mistreatment. Don't even get me started on how they're treated in prisons there.)
There are two main characters: Rodney Johnson and Elliot Liao.
While the book is written in dual first person POV, Rodney is the true main character. So let's talk about him first!
Who is Rodney?
Rodney and Elliot's ages both vary a lot over the lengthy course of the story, but in the beginning, they are both 16. Rodney is a Black man, and is part of the Rastafari/Ras Tafari movement. (Although Rastas wouldn't call it a 'religion', per se, it is analogous to a religion. The movement was founded on it's members demands for Black rights in Jamaica, as well as a strong care for traditional African values/beliefs of all sorts.) Rodney is a somewhat goofy, easy-going guy but can be quite emotionally closed off. He's not the sort to be rude or push people away, but he does everything he can to cover up any sort of feeling he might be having, especially when it's serious. I wonder why....
P.S, Rodney's sexuality is complicated, and he has to have a bit of a journey, but you could describe him as 'bisexual'. I guess.
Rodney's family dropped their previous religious beliefs and took on Rastafari when they immigrated to Jamaica, when Rodney was 8 years old. Rodney's family is Oromo, an ethnic group primarily inhabiting Ethiopia and the Ogaden region (technically Ethiopian land, but mostly inhabited by Ethnic Somalis/Oromos.)
Rodney was born in the Ogaden region in 1972, and in 1980, his family came to Jamaica. His dad was previously Orthodox Christian, and his mom Waaqeffattuu, (of the Waaqeffanna religion, the mostly extinct but traditional religion of the Oromo people.) But when his dad discovered Rastafari, everything changed, and the whole family was made to convert. This was a big turning point for Rodney. Most of Rodney's internal conflict relates back to his dad: but why?
His dad, Abdiaziz (AKA Abdi) served in the Ogaden war between 1977-1979, fighting on the Somali side. And if you know anything about this war, you know that sucks for him, because the Somalis were completely overpowered by Ethiopia, and ended up losing the war. The war was deeply traumatic for many, especially Ogaden citizens who were stuck in the in-between, having their land fought over. Which country would they get handed over to? Before the war, it was disputed territory, but the result which made it part of Ethiopia was widely disliked by the people living there, who were, like I said, mostly Somalis, and thought the Ogaden should be a part of Somalia. Nowadays, some Ogaden citizens want it to become its own nation. But that's semantics!! Abdi was deeply affected by the war, not only because of the fact that he served in it, but also because of what it meant for his home. So, like many people did, he decided to pack up and leave.
But what about what the rest of his family wanted? They all wanted to stay. But Abdi was the man of the house, so he could therefore make the decision for them. This was pretty terrible of him.
Rodney's younger siblings were too little to remember much, but he was already 8 years old. He had friends, and his entire family in Ogaden. And now he had to leave?
On top of that, once living in Jamaica the following year, things only started to change more. First he has to change his name. Previously Awaale, he became 'Rodney.' Next, his whole family has to change their names! Abdi becomes 'George', Aamira (his mother) becomes 'Rosa', the twins (his little siblings) go from Hani and Iftin to Jordan and Jane! And of course, he who shall not be named changes too. Next, his dad is joining the Rastafari movement and making the rest of the family follow!! What the heck!!! Little 8 year old Awaale wasn't ready. Now his dad is acting strange, different, maybe because of this apparent identity crisis of his or maybe because of what the war did to him, but he's different. He's not the same dad anymore.
He's... distant.
And Rodney can't stand it.
Then he who shall not be named disappears, and everything gets much, much worse.
BACKSTORY OVER I GUESS...
So then...
Who is Elliot?
Elliot is also 16 at the beginning of the story, like I said, and he is also an immigrant. He was born in China, but his family moved to Jamaica when he was 4. They are not religious. Elliot is an open book to anyone he trusts, and he's extremely loyal, but it's easy to lose his trust & loyalty. Truth be told, he doesn't trust many people, and is closed off to most. In a largely Black country, also with a good chunk of white folks, he felt very alone, being the only Asian, let alone Chinese, kid in his classes. He was bullied, too, and always left out, which caused him to refuse to even attempt to make friends for a long time. Until Rodney.
Elliot was born in 1972, in the Yunnan province of China. In this time, China was pushing the Later, Longer, Fewer campaign, which encouraged people to get married later, wait longer between having children, and have fewer children in total, due to China being overpopulated. Part of this is because, in China, having a firstborn son is very desirable, and many families try time and time again, giving up their daughters in the process, to have an eldest son.
Elliot's parents, Xin and Fenhua, were "lucky" to have him first-try. But they still wanted to have more kids, and were scared by all the talk in China about family planning. So they decided to move, somewhere warm and tropical, somewhere they'd always dreamed of. Which was Jamaica.
So little Qiang became 'Elliot' at 4 years old. And at 8, he met Rodney.
Seven years later, he finally got a sibling.
Turns out, his parents had struggles with fertility for a very long time after having Elliot, and didn't have his baby sister until Elliot was 15. So why did they stay in Jamaica, when they thought for so long that they'd never have another child?
Well, because Elliot had met Rodney. And they were best friends, two young tiny peas in a tiny adorable pod, and his parents were nice enough to keep them together. Besides, China had enacted the One Child Policy at that point, and they hadn't completely given up hope on having more kids. So they stayed.
SO THEN... who are they, together?
Rodney and Elliot met in 1980, as kids. We've been over this. They became fast friends, and then best friends. And then they were 12, and then Elliot didn't know what to feel anymore.
Elliot realized that he was gay. Like, for Rodney, as well. But he knew that Rodney didn't, and would probably never, feel the same way.
Fast forward 4 years, they're 16, and a girl, Abby, asks Rodney out on a date. He doesn't know what to say, and suddenly things get awkward between he and Elliot. But why? What's going through his head?
YAAAY okay so that's pretty much all I have to say about that. I will post more going into the details, but this is a pretty in-depth introduction.
Oh, and here's a pinterest board for the first 2 books. ;)
(no playlist cuz I don't have spotify...)
My pinterest account is uninteresting and 90% of my boards are private, so if you go snooping through there don't be surprised if it's super bland. And I think I still have some art uploaded... it's all really old, so don't be looking at that either!!! lol.
Explore a hand-picked collection of Pins about Against All Odds 1&2 lowkey on Pinterest.
DISCLAIMER: I'm white. Yeah, I talked quite a bit in this about these characters' (especially Rodney's) identities, and some experiences they've had related to those, but please note that the story does not focus on race, and only talks about their cultures when it's appropriate. I do not want to be a classic white person trying to 'educate' others on experiences I've never even had. I don't experience racism, I don't know what it's like to be an immigrant, etc. I've done a lot of research trying to make all the info, especially in this intro where I get into the details, accurate. But I'm not gonna keep talking about it at length, cause imo, it's not my shit to talk about! It's not for me to give my two cents on! The book is about stuff that I do know about, and have personal experiences with: queer experiences and issues. That's just a decision I made, but I also don't want the story to be race/culture blind, so I have done my research and tried my best to include it as much as necessary. And PLEASE correct me if you find any info in this was inaccurate, and PLEASE give me your knowledge on these topics if you have any.
Anyways, WOW this was long, I'm so shocked if anyone cared enough at all to read all of that, so thanks if you did!
Okay lol, @ceribrennanwrites tagged me in this silly game where you find words in passages of your writing, so here goes nothing.
Awful:
I was very, very shocked to find that there is not a single instance of 'awful' in my entire book. HOW???!?!?!?
Sun:
'She stared into the sunset, shades of pink reflected on her face. She watched like she was hoping to find some grand answer, some solution to the crazy situation we were in. I thought I should try searching too.'
Lost
'Inevitably, it all came crashing down. I would remember why this was wrong, remember that if my father ever knew we had danced this way that I would be disowned. Yet, in some sick and twisted way, I couldn’t help imagining staying there forever. Lost in Elliot’s arms, hands on his waist, gently swaying back and forth in time with the music.'
Smile
'A piece of me remained angry with him. I couldn’t help it. After everything he said to me, I couldn’t just forget. The argument had been big—unlike any we’d had before. But at the end of the day, he was still Elliot. The familiar face in my passenger seat. The smile at the beach that insisted I run into the water fully clothed. The hands in my hair, twisting and organizing and pretending not to be annoyed when I fidgeted too much.'
Okay that's it yayyy! Btw none of the writing in these passages was edited. I don't know who to tag or which words to choose to continue the game so I'm just gonna be lazy and not do it lmao
Tonight me and my best friend went to an event at the Auckland museum for the 40th anniversary of Homosexual law reform. One of the first things that struck me, as I listened to the initial speeches, while observing the crowd; is that in this room of queer couples and groups of friends, the majority between the ages of 50 - 80, is that we were some of the youngest people there. We, as a pair, are a gay trans man and a non-binary lesbian, both just beginning our twenties. The context hit me, that if we were born 40 years prior, and lived through this history, instead of being out for a night celebrating the strides of queer law reform, we could have very well been in a lavender relationship, closeted, pretending to be in love in order to stay safe and stay alive. The difference is staggering. I spent most of the night on the edge of tears, not only because some of the content was emotional, but because I have never felt more proud to be a politically active queer. I am so privileged to exist in a modern world where I get to have a lesbian breakup and be able to confide in classmates, friends and family. To have several queer employers, who I am out to. To be surrounded by trans people who are out and safely transitioning in their own time. To have written and studied lesbian HISTORY in highschool under my non-binary and lesbian history teachers. To protest for my rights and not be arrested. To have sex with someone I love and not be arrested. To hold hands with the people I love out in public and not be beat. Fuck I am grateful for the shoulders I stand on. Fuck am I so grateful to be free.
All this to be said, no matter how much love I feel surrounded by, queer rights are more at risk right now than they have been in the last couple of years. And we need to stay firm in an active fight
Quote from tonight "history doesn't repeat itself, it rhymes".
"We do not intend to ask for anything - We intend to stand firm and assert our basic rights.-
Remember that using 'said' is okay, and you totally should as well! Lots of people demonize it for being 'basic' or 'overused', but the beauty of 'said' is that it blends right in.
"Sometimes you want the dialogue tag to exist, but you need it to not be too obvious," They said, adjusting their glasses.
Heyyghhhh not sure how this will reach people but I thought I'd put it out there!
I've never really used tumblr before. I'm very late joining on here. But tbh I'm sick of every other social media platform and from what I knowwww tumblr seems a bit nicer!
I'm a writer, that's like my main thing, though I also make art and stuff like that too. But since I'm so new here, I don't know which communities to join, which tags to use, which people to follow... so I'd really appreciate if anyone could offer suggestions or help me out!
I'm hoping to start making posts about my own writing, but again, I'm not sure where to post them besides my own blog.
