Christmas 2021
i'm struggling to find the Christmas spirit to feel anything other than numb after this long slog of a year that started with an insurrection fueled by a lie and is ending with an embrace of authoritarianism that makes democracy feel fragile
and i'm exhausted from another year of working with the increasingly impatient public during an ongoing pandemic where those of us on the front lines are still at risk
and i'm worn down by the constant battles over simple public health measures by two major bouts of anxiety by a week this summer when i didn't know if my mom would be okay after a heart attack
i don't have it in me to send Christmas cards i still haven't put lights on my little tree i barely remember to water my poinsettias
so i'm giving myself permission to rest to do what i can and let go of the rest
to watch sappy TV with all its familiar seasonal movies and listen to music that sparks my soul
and i remind myself that we're nearing the solstice that this is Advent the season of waiting for light to come into the darkness
and there is light in this darkness and i have so many reasons to be thankful
my mom is alive and her heart looks good my sister has earned her doctorate my parents and i had two glorious vacations at the coast my church community, though small, is family i have amazing friends and co-workers i have a place to live, food to eat, and the ability to take care of myself
and i hope that no matter how tired and stressed you are no matter what challenges you face you also have reasons for gratitude you also see glimmers of hope and you also are surrounded by love














