e pluribus anus;

"If I wanted to learn something, I wouldn't have gone to community college."

[incognemo-archive-blog]

" i … ”

                   so maybe he’s more than a little confused.                     but he’s seen stranger, right?      dealt with                     stranger.

" well,     this is certainly a great start to a first day. ——— am i going to regret asking who that is? or if that’s normal? ”  

                    this is some shit he’d expect from his pals                     back in verona. i thought college was different.

[wingerisms-blog]

❝ Totally normal, unfortunately. ❞

               Poor kid. He's got no idea what he's in for. 

❝ And even more unfortunately, that's the dean -- You'll get used to it. ❞

               It's in that moment that Jeff realizes that he's totally                desensitized. Bald men are walking around cross-dressed                as black soul singers and he didn't even bat an eye - what has he become?

[erinhanncn]

                                  For a minute she wondered, why he didn’t want to take                                                Dunder Mifflin to dinner before realizing-

                                   Oh, he wants to take me to dinner.                                                                            While blushing, she peeked around                                                                            to see if anyone had noticed this.                                    Erin was interested but she’d have to politely decline.

❝I don’t think it would be very professional, Mr. Winger❞

[wingerisms-blog]

 ❝ Wait - let me get this straight. You're saying that you don't want to go on a date with me. ❞

                 Granted, he knows it wasn't his best line, but look at his face.

[wingerisms-blog]

+ ahkmenrxh, scottiish, luckiestfin, corpcratetool

 ❝ Believe it or not, he's wearing that stupid get-up by choice. Welcome to Greendale. If that's not warning enough, let me spell it out for you -- get out while you still can. ❞

                   The dean's broken out the Tina Turner costume again.                    Better not ask Jeff why, he doesn't want to know. 

[mrsknope-deactivated20150604]

"Hurt myself? Why would I hurt myself. I’m completely peachy."

[wingerisms-blog]

                      ❝ A psychologist might beg to differ, but - shockingly -                                                                     I'm not going to argue with you. ❞

What's worse than a lawyer? A politician.

[strangesister-deactivated201906]

      ❝ It depends on what you qualify as ‘big’,           but I think it may qualify for its own area code. ❞

[wingerisms-blog]

❝ Woah, woah. Harsh. It is definitely NOT that big. ❞

          He's a bit sensitive. When you've got an ego this big,           it's hard to handle a blow. 

[sarchived]

" UH                No. Of course not. ”

[wingerisms-blog]

 ❝ I'm a lawyer -- I know bullshit when I hear it. ❞

[cariinghand]

She’s smiling far too much for a girl that’s just  been told she’s wasting her own time.

           . ❝ Warning noted. I’ll make this quick.                The current homeless shelter is overrun,                sign the petition, help us get the new building                which will otherwise be knocked down and turned                into parking spaces…Please. ❞ 

[wingerisms-blog]

Lucky for her, Jeff only signed petitions for worthless causes with the intention of sleeping with those asking him. Exploiting humanity for the chance to hit on a girl? Another day in the life.

           . ❝ I'll make you a deal -- I'll sign your stupid petition,            . and then I'll let you go on a date with me. Deal? ❞ 

[erinhanncn]

                         Erin looked at the handsome man for a couple moments                          trying to completely comprehend his statement. She                          rationalized the simplest explanation and went for it,

❝ Dunder Mifflin’s number actually does not come on this, but here, I have a card and it holds all the important information. ❞

[wingerisms-blog]

❝ Ah, but I don't want to take Dunder Mifflin out to dinner. ❞

                  It was probably best that the hot ones were always dumb,                   but of course, that meant more work on his part. 

[dreamatoriom]

[cariinghand]

❝ Sure. Except a minute ago you were getting your..very important text on an invisible phone. If you hear me out I’ll stop bothering you? ❞ 

        She offers a kind, and overly hopeful smile. 

[wingerisms-blog]

                   He opens his mouth to protest again, but God help him.                    He's got a weakness for delusional girls with cute smiles. 

❝ Alright, but let me warn you -- you're wasting your time. ❞ 

[shootstrxight]

"Casual bedhead? Why is that     even a thing? Why do guys even     worry about their hair?” 

  That was news to her, at least.   Since when did guys care about how they looked?   Probably one of the biggest reasons she kept to herself.

     ”It’s not art. Why waste time on it if it’s   just going to get messed up?”

[wingerisms-blog]

 ❝ One of the world's greatest mysteries. Just like why girls worry about their hair even though whenever I check out a girl, I can give you the Winger guarantee that I am not looking at her h a i r s t y l e.  ❞ 

[wingerisms-blog]

it's nice bc i can just log onto here if i ever feel like being a total asshole

[wingerisms-blog]

dancexdancexchang, thiiefiisms, torontospartyplanner, fiightforme

 ❝ Stop. My forehead is not that big...is it? ❞ 

[cariinghand]

It’s hardly new to her. Being ignored. Still this was on a whole new level. She raises an eyebrow, growing silent as she noticed the lack of phone before nodding when he confirmed her suspicions.

        ❝ Yeah. I kind of guessed. You..don’t really               care about the homeless do you? ❞ 

[wingerisms-blog]

❝ Oh, don't get me wrong. I care about the homeless, I'm just, y'know, getting a very important text message. I'm an important person. ❞ 

                He points to his phone as if it's obvious.

[akatheworst-deactivated20160605]

            "——You need new material, Winger."  She refuses to say anything else.  

[wingerisms-blog]

            ❝ I'm sure you won't make that hard to come by. ❞ 

[humanums]

      ❛   c’mon, jeff! it’s not like               you have to actually               s t u d y or anything. i               just need to ask you               a few q u e s t i o n s.  ❜

[wingerisms-blog]

            ❝ Forget it, Annie, when I say             I'm not doing any work, that             also means that I'm not             talking about doing any work.             Stop looking at me like that. ❞

[wingerisms-blog]

cariinghand, hamadisms, trybelievingx

It takes him a moment to realize that yes, he is pretending to text, but there's not even a phone in his hand. He chuckles wryly before pulling his blackberry out of his pocket, continuing to fake-text unflinchingly. 

                   ❝ Yeah, I'm not listening to a word you're saying. ❞