wasteland, baby!

ells, 24. she / her. the professor baelor girl.

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ells. 24. usa. poet. grad student. yearner.

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[fysamspruell]

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random angsty widow au thought: reader having really severe postpartum depression after babygirl is born, made even worse by the fact that she’s grieving baelor. she loves her daughter more than anything, but babygirl is colicky and cries constantly and reader is exhausted. she keeps feeding her, rocking her, soothing her, doing everything she can think of, and nothing seems to work. then she gets frustrated because she’s tired and overwhelmed, which immediately makes her feel guilty because what kind of mother gets frustrated with her baby?

and then dunk comes in and somehow gets babygirl to calm down almost instantly. and instead of being relieved, reader just starts crying because what is she doing wrong? why does he understand her own child better than she does? and in the middle of all that she ends up saying something awful like you aren’t even her dad, or baelor should be here, and then immediately starts apologizing because she doesn’t mean it. meanwhile dunk is not angry in the slightest, he’s just worried about her.

he just sits down beside her and holds her while she cries. when she starts apologizing he keeps telling her it’s okay and that she doesn’t need to apologize. he makes her something to drink, gets her to eat a little, convinces her to go lie down for a few hours, and practically has to pry babygirl out of her arms because she feels guilty leaving her. then he spends the rest of the afternoon taking care of the baby while reader finally gets some sleep. also dunk is constantly worried about her. he’s reading everything he can get his hands on about postpartum depression, asking people for advice, keeping an eye on whether she’s eating and sleeping, and arranging for rowan to watch babygirl for a day so he can get reader out of the house.

they spend the day wandering around the city, stopping for food, chatting about random things, and slowly falling back into the easy rhythm they used to have before everything happened. and reader slowly realizing how much she loves him and thinking that maybe, just maybe, everything is going to be okay.

YUP! reader struggling because she doesn't really have a great blueprint for motherhood in the first place, and she thought she'd have baelor to rely on and now he's gone. and dunk's perfect and natural with babygirl which should make her feel better, but if he can handle a baby with zero experience then why can't she?

and why can't she get her own daughter to stop crying? why does it seem like babygirl hates her? why can't she manage to sleep even though she's viscerally exhausted, because she keeps hovering in the nursery watching babygirl's breathing, paranoid that something bad will happen if she walks away? why does every day feel like a losing battle?

actually and this leads me to this concept from @elviraghoul which i've been sitting on bc it's so fucking juicy and i think there's a trajectory here

anyways tldr reader's gonna funnel months of ppd rage at maekar who lowkey still loves her and thought that maybe there was a chance they could be together and he could atone for baelor's death by loving her and babygirl enough

also i know i know widow au is angst central but i'm an angst lover at my core, i'm giving tloyl a happy ending so can we call that a fair exchange pls

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this absolute masterpiece just came up on my tiktok🤤

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNR717sAL/

it's so fucking insane to see my fic being recommended in tiktok comment sections... like that's me... that's my baby... i writed that...

[winterstellars]

going to be away most of the day but dalgleish drabble tonight 🖤 also holy shit the arranged marriage one bed slow burn lowkenuinely got love i'm kinda mad i abandoned it 😭

[thenorthsource]

I offer your cousins peace if they meet my terms. First, your family must release my sisters. Second, my father's bones must be returned to us so he may rest beside his brother and sister in the crypts beneath Winterfell. And the remains of all those who died in his service must also be returned. Their families can honor them with proper funerals. Third...

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and what's crazy is that i loooove writing canon universe asoiaf fics because i'm such a WHORE for the courtly love and the setting and the circumstances of it all. i love the formalities and the curtsying and the castle intrigue and the letter writing and the sweat in the sparring yard and the rucking up three layers of skirts to masturbate and the oppressive inescapable gaze of the gods and the tourneys and the favours and the candlelight and the dramatic dialogue and and and

[winterstellars]

what did you just say about arranged marriage one bed. what did you just- [explodes]

WAILING WAILING CRYING because i'll probably never write it atp so let me pitch the plot: you're a lady at court and your father is a relentless social climber toxic male ex-frat-bro type and he wants targaryen grandkids so he's gonna marry you off to aerion. and baelor feels so baddddd for you but the crown needs your big fucking dowry so he's like ok. i have to do the honorable thing and offer myself as an alternative. we'll be husband and wife in name only, we still get that big fucking dowry and you'll help run the red keep and such, you get to not marry aerion. win win. so you get married and you're a great team. you're diplomatic and bright. you get the servants to bring him supper when he works late. you two handle a dinner with some ambassadors like no problemmm. you offer to mend the shirts he's ripped while hunting or sparring. and hmmm maybe he's handsome but he doesn't seem interested. but YOU definitely are. and then ohhhh there's some tourney you have to go to. BUT OH NOOOO the lord who's hosting only had ONE CHAMBER made up for the two of you!!!! but you don't want to EMBARASS him and it's only a fortnight so you just suck it up and share... and maybe end up spooning a little bit... but whatever because you're having so much fun learning about jousting and bantering with your husband and you think you're catching a vibe and hey! you're the fucking queen of love and beauty and you're feeling amazing so on the last night you retire to your chambers and he's smiling at you so you lean in... OH NO he freezes up and you're embarrassed and heartbroken and you flee and cry all night by the light of the moon </3

so you're all heartbroken because clearly he's not over his dead wife and you leave him alone, and now HE'S realizing how much he needs you, because he really does admire you and he's starting to love you and he would've apologized and kissed you if you hadn't run away (he just feels guilty abt moving on from jena and he's insecure because he's an old man and you're beautiful and young and too good for him). so he tries to win you back and you're not having it. you're back to stiff formalities and yes, your grace and no, your grace. well there's only one thing to do, LET'S GO TO SUMMERHALL and have a little sexually tense vacation. and while you're there you find out your father has died which you feel conflicted about and he comforts you (and ohhh he's so strong and he smells so good...) and from there mayyyybe you start to open up again. you smile at him when he passes you and the maekarlings in the gardens. you find him in the library late at night and tell him to go tf to bed. and finally there's a storm and you're feeling lonely so you finish mending his shirt (and maybe you kept it so long because you like to touch it and smell it and think of him) and bring it to him. which gives him the chance to apologize and explain why he'd rejected you at first. and also gives him the chance to make things right and take your virginity so tenderly and passionately and while he's crying a little and calling you my lady, my wife, my queen, and you live happily ever after blah blah blah <3

[nikolaj-costerwaldau]

BERTIE CARVEL as BAELOR "BREAKSPEAR" TARGARYEN

A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms, 1.02 // Hard Salt Beef

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freudian summerhall reader

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8s8BHLS/

she packed this and a swimsuit and a poetry anthology and nothing else

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https://www.tumblr.com/winterstellars/818348285629775873/httpswwwtumblrcomwinterstellars8183253293064 well he’d have to learn eventually cause I’d be sending him that eggplant emoji (among others) all the time

this is where the dalgleish/baelor venn diagram becomes a circle bc i think both of them would be the types of middle aged men who get a text like "heyyyy 😝🍑" and have to hold the phone at a distance while they squint and try to decipher these hieroglyphs

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https://www.tumblr.com/winterstellars/818325329306419200/mmmmm-feeling-a-dalgleish-drabble-today-i-think ACTUALLY I’ve started watching Dalgliesh recently and I’ve been thinking about you, your talent and a modern dalgliesh fic (maybe something similar to criminal minds idk) 👀 He is just SO delicious in that series I can’t take itttt

modern dalgleish is such a concept oooh... so sexy and yet i just recently watched adolescence so i'm imagining adam dalgleish trying to get a suspect to explain emojis to him... his poor blood pressure

[runningmunson]

You know what, hell yeah

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chat i fear this is literally us

what can i say i just love putting that old man's characters in Situations <3

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freudian summerhall au is such a funny development for reader because like wdym she went from being a normal student in her mid twenties to going on a weird trip with her professor and his wife and then somehow it spirals into her ending up in a relationship with the professor’s emotionally closed off brother and basically becoming the stepmother to his entire cluster of children.

but also idk i feel like it’s kind of a sweet thought because she always felt a bit lonely, like she didn’t really have a family, and then suddenly she just has one. immediately.

and i feel like all the maekarlings would genuinely love her, but egg and rhae especially would latch onto her as a proper mother figure because they’re the youngest and don’t really remember dyanna at all, especially rhae who probably wants that kind of maternal presence in her life. and reader just sort of becomes that for them without even really planning it.

mmm yes i'm still mulling over the maekarlings in freudian summerhall because they're so silly and cute in tloyl but i want freudian summerhall to be a lot moodier and a bit darker... to me they're like these cute little ghosts who sort of flit around and observe reader from a distance until they start to realize that papa is obsessed with her and she's definitely staying. and then they start to bond. my only caveat is that i think daella's old enough to be like "oh okay you're a deeply depressed and lonely and insecure person and whatever you've got going on with papa and uncle baelor and aunt jena is deeply insane and complex, i'm going to be polite but keep your distance lady"

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mmmmm feeling a dalgleish drabble today i think

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ells i gotta be honest, you’re like one of the best fic writers i’ve found in a looong time, your writing is so deep and unique, it resonated with me so much that sometimes i forgot i was reading a fic

do you plan to ever publish a book or something? i would love to read more of your work outside of fanfiction

oh my goodness this is so kind, thank you!!! yes so this next year will be my last year in my mfa program and i'm working on my thesis rn (which is basically just the manuscript for my first poetry collection). it's called voyager (after the voyager spacecraft) and i'm using a lot of space/cosmic images and metaphors to think through big existential questions. so that'll be out in the world someday if i'm lucky :)