with heavy eyes

[yuzuextracted]

written by andrew nightingale

[the-enchanted-little-star]

[withheavyeyes]

blame it on my parents or the moon & stars but maybe I’m just like this -Halsey

[withheavyeyes]

[smokey-ilya]

mental health resources ✨

there’s a lot going on in the world that feels overwhelming and scary, and while i’m not an expert in science or politics, i do know a thing or two about mental health so i wanted to share some resources and things that i personally use or do, as well as some that rori @unbridgeabledistances shared with me that might be helpful

how do you know when you’re feeling overwhelmed? where does it show up in your body? for me, it’s when i start getting a headache or my stomach feels like it’s full of bubbling acid, and i’m struggling to keep focused, my mind racing and spiraling

and in those instances, i try to take stock of how i’m feeling, where i’m feeling it, and ask myself: what do i need right now? do i need a distraction? or space to process? or space to just exist and do nothing?

that helps me decide my next move and here’s a non-comprehensive list of some things that i’ll do or engage with next…

floating through space playlist

jellyfish live cam

insight timer app

box breathing but do whatever feels comfy, sometimes the four seconds is too much for me

great meditation youtube

guided meditation 18+ (they swear… a lot)

journaling, set a timer for 5 minutes and see what comes out

eat a sour candy, if that’s something that feels safe for you

put your face in some cold water for a few seconds, if that’s something that feels safe for you

using a tennis ball or something round and roll it under your foot for a few seconds

discord servers for connection

nothing much happens podcast

stretching however and wherever that feels most comfortable

8m self-love yoga with jessamyn stanley or yoga with adrienne

nyt mini-crossword

warm a clean sock filled with rice in the microwave and rest it over your eyes

have a snack or drink some water

this is a drop in the well of resources that are available and no one thing will make everything okay, but if something helps the day or the moment feel even 1% more manageable, that’s all i want and it’s the reason for sharing 🖤

please add things that work for you!

[withheavyeyes]

Vex

i’m a fish that cant swim, and im drowning;

i observe as she desperately tries to swim, clinging to every last hope. why cant i do this? every other fish in the sea can swim. why cant i? she used to be fast and nimble, she never strayed far from food, now she just floats. twirling in circles and losing control. now its almost impossible to swim. how can she possibly stay afloat with a ill body and the current so strong she can barely hold herself up?

i’m a fish that cant swim and im drowning.

t.c

[tiredandlonelymuse]

I think arguably one of the only things worse than ignoring / denying a victim of abuse is accusing them of being the abuser. Especially given the fact that most abusers use tactics like “you made me do this” or the old “you are abusing me by calling out my abuse bc it makes me feel bad”. The victims who escape those situations often face a long road in their ‘next life’ of internally focused paranoia and constant moral inventory taking; afraid that setting a boundary, or being firm (or being in a bad mood even) is behavior that is too reminiscent of how their own abuser acted. Trauma altering the ability to differentiate. Having to muck through the dense fucking mud of “Am I a bad person, and that’s why this happened to me? Maybe it was all my fault…” A truly devastating phenomenon.

[withheavyeyes]

would you have me¿?

[gh0stcup]

watching a friend move on from you is like. i hate what you have. i want it for my own. you mean nothing to me. i love you to the moon and back. i never want to speak to you again. why won’t you just talk to me? it’s all your fault. what did i do wrong? i hate you for what you did and i miss you like a little kid. your new friends can choke. if i was more like them would you like me again? i don’t give a shit about you. did you ever love me? i want to delete your number. we still share a few group chats and i use them to update you on things you like. i can’t wait to forget you. i will always carry a piece of you with me. and it’s just that on loop ALL THE TIME

[withheavyeyes]

i’ll forever be searching for your love in every corner, nook & cranny; every ocean, desert and & sky; every space, milky way & universe

[withheavyeyes]

why are you so hot and cold? so bitter yet so sweet. do you enjoy building me up just to watch as i fall? is my love not enough¿ sometimes?

[lovelyinsanity]

It’s telling my friend I got her a surprise since she’s sick, and never hearing back when I can drop it off

It’s asking my group chat if anyone wants to study, and having everyone say no with no plan to see each other in the future

It’s feeling like I’m sitting on glass when I’m in a room with them. Never knowing if I belong there

It’s fading further and further from how close we used to be, since I don’t see them everyday over coffee beans & old scones

It’s knowing I’m not the favorite anymore. I’m no ones favorite anymore. I’m just- forgotten.

[palladiumfragments]

melancholia

the sink overflows swiftly these days, my own words have become tiny paper birds eluding me before i can write them down. the mist must have crept into my eyes from gazing too long out the window— a fading moonflower dreaming of dawn. vague visions dance among the real, is that the past or the future, flitting like moths beneath a solitary streetlamp? my lungs still keep the fragments of the panes from my childhood home when they shattered and hurtled toward me like arrows, glinting in the bright flames of orange-yellow. sometimes i feel as if they’re trying to shatter too. the burns heal but the smoke permeates the body, often i find myself lurking about the scorched ruins, often i find myself breathing the air from that day. desperate for exit wounds, i scream inwardly for weeks on end, rivaling these november downpours. i sigh this all-consuming melancholia into midnight skies and dark waters, living in hope of seeing my face again.

[awhisperamongechoes-deactivated]

Even after 23 years, I’ve still never quite learned the difference between putting in effort to continue something and the desperation of holding onto something that wasn’t meant to be.

[therealadsher]

Maybe goodbyes aren't that bad

Maybe they are just a way to show someone you truly love them

Maybe goodbyes are what happens after you realize you are ruining someone's life and making someone miserable

Maybe a goodbye is a merciful hit

Maybe goodbyes are just the way of saying... "I'll see you in the next chapter"

-Adsher

[nature-travel-photography]

Connecticut Waterfall [OC] [1531x1913] if: @rondinasnaps - Author: SizzleRondizzle on Reddit

[withheavyeyes]

i feel like im spiralling again and cant keep up, what if i cant ever get over this mountain, what if the only reason im still around is the guilt of haunting others