I realized I haven’t posted too much about ancestor veneration praxis, at least not in a long time. To be honest as far as actual details go, I prefer to not talk too much about my practice publicly anymore because folks on have a way of misreading things and then running off with only half of the necessary information and messing it all up. I talk about Morrigan devotee things with the original caw squad, and I’ve got more Jewish witch friends irl now with whom I can share my experiences, and I live in a city full of folk magic so I’m never short on people with which to discuss it.
However, I have realized online there is not a lot of stuff on ancestor veneration that isn’t extremely Catholic, or some kind of Norse or Greek vague pagan stuff. Then of course, there are the practices that are specific to African Diasporic Traditional Religions, and should not be dabbled in if you are some uninitiated white person. And the same goes for the well-established ancestor worship traditions of Asia.
Chances are, a one-size-fits-all approach will not appease all your immediate ancestors, unless you come from a really long line of devout Catholics on both your parent’s sides. And praying to pagan/polytheistic deities for your dead monotheist ancestors’ souls to find comfort is probably not going to go over well with either your great granny or the gods.
One thing that bothered me about most materials on ancestor veneration, and even the advice I got from local practitioners, is that many of the techniques were alienating or inappropriate for my Jewish ancestors. For instance: flowers, though a common offering to the dead, are not traditional in their culture. Instead my ancestors wanted a pile of white pebbles as seen in Jewish cemeteries.
There are other cases when the memorial rites for one ancestor may not be acceptable for another. For example: to a European ancestor, pouring beer or whiskey on the ground is a common offering, however, I have heard that for some Native Americans, pouring alcohol out onto the earth is disrespectful. Many people in the United States have both European and Native American ancestry.
I have found that many ancestors do not feel comfortable being prayed to before the deity they worship. (The ancient dead, those who were pantheist/polytheist, don’t mind, they are the mighty dead and are many centuries removed from their humanity). These monotheist ancestors often want their descendant to say a prayer to their God for their soul on their behalf (as they are dead and cannot pray for themselves) before you address them directly and give them offerings and petitions.
Now, some occult authors will tell you that “any psychopomp spirit” will be fine to address before you speak to your dead…maybe that might be the case for those guys, but in my experience, my deceased Jewish grandmother doesn’t want me to ask fucking Saint Christopher or Cyprian or whoever the fuck to fetch her from her eternal rest…she can excuse the witchcraft, but she doesn’t want to participate in any form of Catholicism. My dead Catholic grandpa doesn’t want me praying to the Morrigan for him, nor is he particularly keen on his living wife’s Methodist prayers, though he loves grandma and appreciates the attempt. My ex actually really pissed off his ancestors and mine by trying that “any psychopomp deity can meditate” approach to necromancy espoused by Gordon White fans. Dead people are human and have feelings and their own religious beliefs and can get offended.
Those of you who have followed me for a while might be like “but Banshee, you said the opposite a few years ago” yes, I did. At the time I was mostly only really interacting with my pagan ancestors. My late father himself was a self-described pagan. But the older I got, and the more experienced I became in necromancy, I learned that I can’t neglect centuries of my family tree. Now, my more monotheistic relatives still showed up, loved me, accepted me, and even assisted me, but they were not completely happy. I expected them to accept my beliefs and lifestyle, and they did, but initially I did not make room for theirs. That was selfish of me. Even the Morrigan pointed out that my insistence on pagan-flavored everything in my younger days was naive and frankly quite stupid. (“stupid” being Her preferred word choice, not mine.)
My ancestors don’t care that I’m a witch, they don’t care that I’m pan/bisexual, they don’t care that I dress sluttily, they respect me because I am their achievement and I have the power to call them…but they want me to respect them in return. That means my mother who died alone, disowned, without a Jewish funeral, or any memorial service, needed me to incant El Maleh Rachamim many days in a row before her own spirit was able to stop mourning and rest. That means that my paternal Grandpa loves to help me with folk magic, but he wants me to say a rosary for/with him every now and then. It means that, for them, their beliefs they held in life hold power even in death. My beliefs are valid, but they want to be honored in according to their beliefs. They will gladly lend me their power, they will happily intercede for me, but their power comes from their respective faiths, just as my power is rooted in my own convictions.
So you may be wondering, “but Banshee what is a non-denominational offering to the dead so I don’t offend my ancestors?” Water, my friends. Water. Maybe honey as well. (Maybe put honey in the water.) And stones. Not crystals, just rocks. It seems like stones are a feature in nearly all memorial sites. Perhaps it’s because they come from the earth, idk, I don’t make the rules. Just start with water and stones, and look up the funerary prayers/prayers for the dead of your deceased loved ones’ religion(s). Before saying the prayers, state out loud that you are praying these prayers on behalf of your beloved dead, so that they might find peace, light, and healing, and that they may feel the love you have for them. If you start crying during the prayers don’t be alarmed, that is normal. Ancestor veneration helps with the grieving process, for both you and the dead. A candle can help focus your prayers and be an offering of light for your dead, but the water is the most important thing initially. Over time, it should be revealed to you by the dead what other items and offerings they want on their shrine and which prayers they need or prefer.
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