An update on me and this blog 💕
You may or may not have noticed that I haven’t been posting as consistently in recent months. Since 2019, I uploaded a new one-shot every other week (or weekly if it was a series chapter update), posting a total of 41 one-shots, 5 two-parts, and 7 series. Sundays became my favorite day of the week because it was a day I was able to share in my love for writing and these characters with you all. And you have been nothing but exceedingly kind and supportive and wonderful beyond what I ever could have anticipated.
I used to write in every second of my free time. At home. At work. On my phone on the subway. In the back seat of my mom’s car. On the plane. It consumed me and I loved it for that. I had so many stories in my head and reveled in the feeling of seeing it put on page and even more in the emotion it was able to bring out in those who read it.
But more than that, this blog was such a safe space for me. I was so lonely and sad for so much of the last few years. I used writing as a means of filling that void and giving myself (and by extension, hopefully you as well) that feeling of unconditional love from a fictional character that needed it as much as I did. It was nice to imagine that even in impossible situations of war zones and pirate ships and biker gangs and superheroes, that I could be loved. Unconditionally. Thoroughly. Beautifully. And that love I held inside myself, screaming to give to someone else, meant something too.
It wasn’t often, but when I felt at my lowest, this was a place I could turn to. I never knew how to convey my gratitude to those who sent me such encouraging messages and made me feel so much less alone, but please know it meant more to me than I could ever say – to know that someone cared for the faceless person behind this username in tandem with the writing I produced on here.
It’s strange that I’m at a place in life that I’ve been so busy, I haven’t even had time to write. I haven’t felt the compulsion towards it because that hole doesn’t feel as strong anymore. I actually built a house over the last year and I’m getting ready to move in next week. I’ve been making more efforts to spend time with my friends on a weekly basis. And shockingly enough, I’ve been seeing someone for the last six months (and ironically his name is Steve lol). I’m happy? It’s foreign and it’s confusing, but it feels good.
And because of that, writing as a whole has fallen to the wayside. Which does sadden me. I haven’t felt the connection to marvel and its characters for a while now. And at this point, I fear I may have done every angsty trope in the books and I’m only repeating myself now. I do want to come back to writing at some point but I don’t know if that will manifest itself here, on this blog, with these characters.
If When I write again, I might actually consider that silly dream of publishing.
I want to make it clear that I am not saying goodbye. I am not deleting this blog. I also am not saying I will never post here again. I will still check in on my inbox and try to reply to reblogs as much as I can.
It just felt wrong to quietly disappear with no explanation when this blog held so much meaning for me over the years. And maybe I’m overestimating whether anyone will read this or will have even noticed that I haven’t been posting, but that’s okay. I just want to say thank you. Even if I’m talking to no one right now and it’s only a symbolic gesture.
Thank you. For every kind word in the reblogs, in the comments, in my inbox. For every tag. For participating in writing challenges and drabble requests when I wasn’t ready to let go of a series yet. For giving me a safe place to share the writing I still have never told anyone irl about. For just being lovely people. All 17.3k of you. Though I’m sure most of that is abandoned blogs at this point.
All this to say – I am posting the last one-shot in my archive this Sunday. I wrote it in April 2022. I don’t even know why I was holding onto it for so long. But its 12.5k words, if that helps!
If you read all of this, you have my heart. Thank you for everything. Here’s the link to my ko-fi if you feel inclined to support.
xx Kas 💘