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Since I have finished the challenge of weather forecaster exam, I’m thinking about writing down my thoughts ☆
Sorry for writing such a long message.
Many things happened in these past 5 years.
I challenged 8 times in these past 5 years and many things did not go well, I stumbled so many times and felt hopeless about myself.
The path to be a weather forecaster was not a straightforward road.
Looking back at it, I felt that I made a lot of detour.
But, at that time, I thought that was the best for me, so I went forward believing in myself.
Sometimes life does not go well.
At that time, I could not think that way. Lol.
But, I felt it afterwards (^^)
Studying and also other things did not go well, when I found little hope for anything, I told myself that something will definitely change after three months, or probably three years.
At that time, there was a battle between my own ability and mental state.
It was really hard to carry out my words.
Making an effort is tough, but not making any efforts means I would make an excuse so many times.
I did make an excuse. Lol.
Also, I worked hard in my own way, yet in my case, I was not able to make it happen.
I was told so many times, “When can you obtain it?”, “You should have given up”, ”Anyhow, it is impossible”
But, I could do my best because there were people around me who still supported and believed in me.
I can’t thank them enough.
Although I was not sure whether I could do it, they had a faith in me for such a long time.
Thank you very much.
I was very happy that I passed it, but when people around me feel happy about it, that makes me happier than anything else.
Then, when people told me “you did your best” and “you worked hard for it”, I gradually notice, “yeah that was right, I did my best” and I feel like crying. Lol.
A staff told me when we started this project, “Many people around you may not understand why you are studying very hard.”
I felt that I always faced a desk and read books, other than people who know the contents of the study, somehow, might not understand it.
I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, even though I worked hard like that. People around me also could not understand me.
That was very painful.
I was thinking why I should suffer this pain alone?
I tried to do my best, but from the point of view of other people, I wonder if they will get it why I work hard like this.
Will I be able to achieve my goal if I do more than this?
Given that I had been trapped in a vicious circle.
I had no confidence and I constantly hated myself.
From the beginning I had no confidence in myself.
When I said something like this, I tended to provoke antipathy, but there were also people who laughingly disagreed with me and talked about it with understanding.
There were times when people told me, “you were born cute” or “you are beautiful”
But sometimes I thought..”was it because I’ve entered this group for a while?”
I was supposed to be working hard in order to be cute, but I was troubled when many people compliment my looks instead of my personality, “you must be happy”, I was very happy, but..
Every time people told me that, I feel like there is nothing inside me.
You might think that I have a great shape, but I couldn’t help thinking, “what about my fundamental inner self?” … I was fed up with my immature and shallow inner self.
However, my surrounding environment and myself have changed in the process of challenging this qualification. I have experienced both good and bad things, they have gradually improved myself in many ways. Was I able to improve?
Then, the other day, my earnest wish to pass the weather forecaster exam came true.
For me who had no confidence, it gave me a lot of experience and boosted my confidence.
5 Years. It is more than half of my life in AKB.
It was certainly not a short time.
But, I sincerely feel that I’m glad I could accomplish the greatest challenge in this life, even though it took so much time.
Thank you so very much for everyone who watched over and supported me until the very end!
Also, I will continue doing my best, thus I will be happy if you support me(^^)
Thank you for reading the long message until the end☆
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