The proxies watching their boss (an eldritch entity feared across worlds, with a body count too vast to fathom and a reputation built on terror alone) gently pamper and coddle the reader.
・This relationship is pure, unfiltered chaos. Dangerous? Absolutely. But also exhilarating in ways no one else could ever offer.
・Harley is the electric spark in your life—loud, affectionate, impulsive. She pulls you into dance parties at 3AM, paints your nails with glitter guns blazing, and makes everything feel like a circus.
・Joker, on the other hand, is calculated madness. He watches you with an eerie intensity, possessive and protective in his own deranged way. He’s obsessed with you—plain and simple.
・You’re the soft spot between their madness. Their baby girl. Their favorite toy. Their weakness. Their weapon.
・Harley teaches you how to handle weapons with pink grips and heart stickers. Joker sharpens your mind with twisted games and makes you laugh at things you know you shouldn’t.
・They spoil you absolutely rotten. Diamonds, leather, neon lights, and stolen luxury—you’re their shared obsession, and they love to show you off.
・Joker is very territorial. No one touches you. No one even looks at you too long unless they want a bullet between the eyes.
・Harley, meanwhile, clings to you like a koala. Constant cuddles, cheek kisses, and loud declarations of love that echo down hallways.
・You often find yourself squished between them on their velvet couch—Harley babbling about a new scheme, Joker twirling a knife in thought, and you? Just soaking it all in.
・Your dynamic isn’t conventional—it’s more like a cult of three. A “you against the world” kind of love. Twisted, sure, but real.
・You’ve learned how to read Joker’s moods and navigate Harley’s emotional rollercoasters. And in return, they both treat you like royalty.
・Your pet names range from “Dollface, Princess, Babygirl” (Joker) to “Cupcake, Honeybun, Little Love” (Harley). You don’t even hear your real name anymore.
・They trust you in their inner circle—Joker lets you sit on his lap during meetings, Harley insists on you helping her pick the colors for new heists.
・Somehow, amid all the blood and glitter, there’s a comfort to it. Their love is violent, consuming, and a little terrifying—but you’ve never felt safer.
🔞 NSFW Headcanons
・Harley’s all sugar and spice—until she gets in the bedroom. Then she’s a full-blown maniac with a whip and a sweet giggle as she ties you up.
・Joker is slow and theatrical. He wants to own you, mark you, ruin you. Every touch has purpose—every bruise is a signature.
・Sometimes they take turns. Sometimes they share. Sometimes, they fight over who gets you first—until you’re caught in the middle, breathless and wrecked.
・Harley’s all about praise and petting. “Look atcha, my pretty baby... so good for us.” Joker? Not so much. He degrades while he worships. “My filthy little masterpiece.”
・Joker enjoys control, but Harley likes the chaos of losing it. She’ll let you ride her while giggling like a maniac, hands gripping your hips like she might break them.
・They’re both incredibly possessive in bed. Joker leaves deep, dark bruises. Harley leaves scratch marks and lipstick stains. They want the world to know who you belong to.
・Expect toys. Lots of them. Harley picks them based on color. Joker picks them based on impact.
・They adore watching each other touch you. Joker leans back, hand on chin, completely entranced as Harley makes you scream.
・Harley’s surprisingly tender aftercare—she’s all cuddles and coos. Joker? He lights a cigarette and calls you “a good girl” in a raspy whisper that sends shivers down your spine.
・You’re their shared obsession. Their little plaything. Their sweet, corrupted angel. And they’ll never, ever get bored of you.
Relationship Tropes
Ride or Die (You) × Chaos Incarnate (Harley) × Mastermind of Mayhem (Joker)
“She’s Ours” x “I Know”
Makes It Worse (You) x Laughs About It (Harley) x Solves It with a Bullet (Joker)
Plot Tropes
“Let’s Ruin the World Together” - They'd teach you their ways, a subtle manipulation here and there but ultimately you'd join in their fun willingly.
Dangerous Love Triangle Turned Throuple - At first Harley assumed Mr J was leaving her for you, until she met and fell head over heels for you too.
The “We’d Burn Down the World for You” Arc - You were there's and they'd go to the ends of the earth for you. Good luck to anyone who tries to hurt you.
Theme Songs
You Make Me Wanna Die – The Pretty Reckless
Dark, doomed romance. Obsession and destruction wrapped in one dangerous package—this song is Harley and Joker’s love, now with you tangled in it.
Control – Halsey
Reflects the chaotic, uncontrollable power dynamic—how love becomes a weapon, and how being consumed by them becomes addictive.
Protecting against law enforcement — excerpts on simple, accessible folk magic as a means of added protection against police, ICE, and other law enforcement agencies
by Keziah | Featuring excerpts from Keziah's 'Home Protection in Folk Magic: Charms, Wards, & Work to Magically Protect One's Home'; 'the People's Magic: an Examination of Folk Magic;' 'Protection Work in Folk Magic: Herbs, Spells, & Charms for Protecting Yourself & Others;' 'Question: "Can Sator Squares be used to protect protestors?" Answer: Yes!'
As written in the People's Magic: an Examination of Folk Magic, "folk magic is a means of [...] forging and enacting class solidarity through accessible, anti-elitist, anti-hierarchical practices...' and can be (and has historically been) 'a vehicle of change for individuals in need, a way of providing care and mutual aid to those with no other means of accessing such things, and, yes, in many practices, folk magic is also a means of pursuing and distributing justice for those for whom the systems of justice were not built to serve."
As a firm believer in our mutual responsibility to one another as a global community and people, I feel especially strong about using any ability I have to aid those in need. As a US American, there's nothing but need everywhere I look. These days, so many need safety and security from our own government and the law enforcement agencies they wield against us. I have the ability to speak up, to protest, to aid in many ways, just one of those ways being through magic and witchcraft. While the use of witchcraft and magic for "political reasons" and the belief that those of us who practice witchcraft should use those skills to aid people in need are frequently debated matters, I personally believe that any skill I have that can be put to use to oppose fascistic regimes is a skill I ought to share, magical skills and knowledge most certainly being included.
Thus, I felt called to share a selection of easily accessible, versatile, and adaptable folk magic methods of protection that focus on protecting the home and property from law enforcement (be they police, ICE, or any other law enforcement agency), on protecting the home from intruders in general, and, lastly, on the use of SATOR squares to protect the home and to protect protestors (as I've previously mentioned in this post). May this knowledge serve anyone and everyone in need of it.
Dirt Dust, to keep law enforcement away from your home:
This is a regional variation of a work used in the Southern US, known throughout Kentucky, Tennessee, North Carolina, and Virginia.
What you'll need:
Dirt from near a police station
Use any combination of the following ingredients along with the police station dirt —
Black pepper
Black mustard seeds
Brick dust
Coal dust
Dirt from an anthill
Dirt from a church yard (can be used in any work to ward off or get rid of unwanted persons)
Dirt from a graveyard
Red pepper flakes
Salt
Seeds of caraway
Seeds of lemon
Seeds of pawpaw
What you'll do:
To help keep police away from your home, mix the police station dirt together with your other chosen ingredients. You can use any of the above ingredients and can include as many or as few as you'd like. Some common combinations are:
-police station dirt, black pepper, and black mustard seeds;
-police station dirt and brick dust;
-police station dirt, church yard dirt, and salt;
-police station dirt, church yard dirt, and brick dust;
-police station dirt, black pepper, red pepper flakes;
-police station first and coal dust.
Again, use any combination that you'd like or feels right for you.
Dust the threshold of your home with it and, if able, sprinkle it at the outer corners of your home or property.
Some customs call for the recitation of Bible verses (welcome to the South, y'all; there are Bible verses in basically every kind of folk magic down here) whilst sprinkling this mixture. If that's up your alley, here are some verses from the Torah and Bible that can be used for various protective purposes —
-Psalm 35:1 (for protection against any law enforcement)
Plead my cause, O L-rd, with them that strive with me: fight against them that fight against me.
-Psalm 35:4-6 (for protection against any law and immigration enforcement)
Let them be confounded and put to shame that seek after my soul: let them be turned back and brought to confusion that devise my hurt. Let them be as chaff before the wind: and let the angel of the L-rd chase them. Let their way be dark and slippery: and let the angel of the L-rd persecute them.
-Psalm 44:7 (for protection against police, immigration enforcement, and those who would bring such trouble down on your home):
But thou hast saved us from our enemies, and hast put them to shame that hated us.
Such verses can also be written (on paper or in chalk) as protective charms and placed at the threshold along with the dirt dust boundaries. They can be easily concealed beneath welcome mats as well.
Sator Squares, to protect the home and to protect one's person from physical assault or violence:
As featured in my piece Protection Work in Folk Magic: Herbs, Spells, & Charms for Protecting Yourself & Others, the Sator Square/Rotas Square is a versatile protective tool that can be used to many ends, including to keep unwanted people away from your home (and, yes, we're going to use it here to keep away immigration or law officers).
The Sator Square / Rotas-Sator Square is a palindromic word square used as a magical charm or amulet. It’s been around for quite some time (with the oldest known square possibly being from as early as AD 50) and has been found to have been used historically throughout Europe, Africa, Asia Minor, and the Americas. As to its origins and intended purpose, no one knows for sure, but the Sator Square has come to have a number of magical uses, including as a tool for curing ailments, aiding in childbirth, putting out fires, and, in fitting with the theme of this piece, in protection magic.
Medieval Sator Square etched into a wall; Oppède-le-Vieux, France.
There are many variations of Sator Squares / Rotas-Sator Squares, but the most common forms consist of five rows of five words, each with five letters, arranged in a 5x5 grid.
The Rotas-Sator Square (in which rotas is the word listed first, pictured below on the left) was the more common in pre-medieval use, but the Sator Square (in which sator is listed first, pictured below on the right) became far more prevalently used than the Rotas-Sator variation at some point in medieval Europe.
Rotas-Sator Square (left) and Sator Square (right).
One can easily use a Sator Square for protection of one's home.
What to do:
-Simply write the square onto a paper or cloth (or carve the square into wood/etch it into clay) and mount the square somewhere within the home — above the mantle, near the front door, above a window. It's said to repel unwanted company of all sorts, as well as offer various protections.
Pennsylvania Dutch variation of a Sator Square found in 'Long Lost Friend' by German-American Pennsylvania Dutch healer and charm worker, John George Hohman; published in 1820.
In Southern Appalachian and some Southeastern folk practices within the United States, one can also use a Sator Square for protection from violence or assault against your person, which can absolutely be used as-is or adapted (by adding further specified blessings) as a charm of protection for protestors or for those for whom ICE or other law enforcement agencies are a threat to their physical safety and well-being.
What to do:
-Write out a Sator Square or Rotas-Sator Square and carry the charm with you. It can be kept in the pocket, especially a shirt pocket, in the shoe, or even be sewn into one's clothes.
Corncob Charm, to deter police or law enforcement from stepping onto one's property:
In Kentucky and Tennessee (and perhaps other regions of the US), it's said that one can use dried corn cobs to deter police from coming onto one's property.
What you'll need:
A dried corncob
Nail (if hanging)
Yarn/string (if hanging; preferably red or black string, though any color you have that you associate with protection or banishing will work just as well!)
What to do:
-One can either hang a dried corncob (usually from a string, which is sometimes braided) on their doorpost or one can bury a dried corncob at each of the four corners of their home.
Penny Charm, to repel the attention of law enforcement:
Penny charms to discourage the attention or presence of law enforcement aren't at all uncommon in the South.
What you'll need:
4 or 9 pennies (some customs specify 'Indian Head Pennies') / (different customs call for different amounts; see below for more information)
What you'll do:
-Some variations of this charm call for placing the pennies in a row underneath your doormat. Some call for nailing or gluing the pennies above your front door. Some call for burying the pennies at the boundary of your property or at the front gate.
-As to whether one should use 4 or 9 pennies, it depends. Where I'm from, I'd always been told that 9 were used, but in some other Southern regions, the custom is 4 pennies, and in Jake Richards' 'Doctoring the Devil' it's specified that 4 pennies are used unless the house in question is home to illegal undertakings or business, in which case, 9 pennies are preferred. You can choose whichever feels right to you.
-There is also always the question as to whether it's necessary to acquire Indian Head Cents or not. Traditionally, the Indian Head Cent was used (at least in Tennessee, Kentucky, and Virginia), but I've seen this work done with regular pennies as well. Nowadays, the Indian Head Cent is harder to come by and buying them just for this work can cost quite a lot. If it's more accessible for one to use regular pennies, then know that you're not the first and won't be the last to do so.
Quick & Easy Charms to Carry for Protection:
Garlic: Carrying a clove of garlic on one's person can protect against many forms of evil, but it can also protect against malicious persons and forces. Garlic cloves can also be included in hex bags, charm bags, hands, sachets, etc. for protection. Similarly, one can make a protection oil that includes minced garlic or garlic oil.
Angelica: Angelica root is known to be used in protective charms and works throughout Europe and in the Appalachian and Southeastern regions of the US. Though it's commonly used for protection against magical workings and spirits, angelica root is also known to provide protection against evil, malevolent, and harmful people. Angelica can be carried (dried or fresh) to bring protection, or it can be included in spells and workings for protection.
Hair of a black dog: Dog hairs can be used as amulets for luck and protection. The hair of a black dog is considered especially good for protective purposes.
SOURCES & FURTHER READING: As this post contains excerpts from other @sheydmade pieces written by Keziah, please see the original posts for sources, citations, and further reading recommendations.
'Home Protection in Folk Magic: Charms, Wards, & Work to Magically Protect One's Home' (2024); Zibelmann, Keziah
'Protection Work in Folk Magic: Herbs, Spells, & Charms for Protecting Yourself & Others' (2024); Zibelmann, Keziah
'the People's Magic: an Examination of Folk Magic' (2024); Zibelmann, Keziah
'Question: "Can Sator Squares be used to protect protestors?" Answer: Yes!' (2024); Zibelmann, Keziah
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