HOW HE FEELS ABOUT LIFE, DEATH & KILLING
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It was not until he set foot into the Fighting Pit of Navori that he came in contact with the touch of death – at least the unnatural death of a living being, murdered for some twisted enjoyment. As child he had easily averted his eyes as he could not understand that the cycle of life had happened all the time in front of him; that it was taken and that it was also given. Although his small family had been always considered outcasts, even when his condemned father was still with them, he had laid eyes upon deathly ill elders several times; had seen wild animals being hunted and eaten in the vast wilderness. Mayhap he had not realized back then, mostly due to his mother’s beliefs which were quite different to what he still remembered of his father’s, that naught more just be taken as needed; that everything – even the fresh air he breathed – was a blessing upon them. Yet such naïve thought easily crumbled over the years as his mother and him continued to suffer after losing his father to sudden oblivion; when he realized it was so very easy to become prey himself and be eaten up by the world itself.
Truly his mother never shook of the beliefs she grew up with – the natural knowledge of a vastayan tribe Sett could never see himself belonging to. A tribe, who he only knew by name and who he could never visit – who had forsaken his beloved mother for bearing the child of a normal man. Him. After bearing too many bruises on his own skin, hiding too many wounds inflicted by those who feared their animalistic, unhuman features from the worrying eyes of his mother, he slowly started to realize that this very world was so much crueler than what his mother had ever described. That there was no such peace nor balance; nor hope. That the world has forsaken them for being different; for being monsters among humans albeit they had never wanted more than living in solace. It was not solely out of despair – it was also pure untamed rage and hatred which started to grow in his very heart – that Sett started to use his fists to defend himself. He didn’t want to be easy prey.
Suffice to say, as soon as he saw the proper shadows of this very world – a world so full of greed, pure lust for blood and wealth, he could no longer return to be the naïve boy he used to be. Life had become naught but a farce; one he wished to overcome. Under the loud throbbing insults inside his ears as he had stepped in the arena for the very first as a mere haggard boy who had yet to know adulthood, Sett knew that the only way to life was to become one of the judges himself. Was there truly such value his mother had always told him, he pondered? Could there possibly be any value in any life when no one else seemed to see such in theirs? No, the very bitter and cold truth was that no one did care; that no one ever cared for much more than themselves. So why should he? Why should he hold back his fist, like he had started to do to not make the villagers lose all their teeth after spitting on his mother once again? Why should he bother to respect their lives when they only tauntingly despised theirs?
The answer was that he could not.
He could not see any value in the lives of anyone anymore.
Life’s only and true meaning was to survive it; and perchance even find some absurd enjoyment in it.
So if the world wanted to hate him, he would allow it. He did no longer care.
But he would make them realize that their hatred for his indifference was only making him stronger; that in the very end they would become the prey.
Sett felt scarcely any emotion when he killed his very first man in the Pit; albeit it had been an accident. For the very first time had had felt free – that he did not have to hold back what he had been hiding for so very long, for so many years. And although his own body had been covered in wounds, untrained and unfamiliar with the custom of this place, he had never felt as strong. There was no guilt inside his limbs – not like this very moment when he had used his fists for the very first time to defend himself. One part of him had died a long time ago, but now he had been reborn.
Death was only another part of life.
It was decided by who as more strong-willed, of who could endure more. And frankly, all of them knew what could be coming. Even he had known it when the curiosity had led him to this place, after all the spoken warnings of his mother. It was dangerous – but also thrilling, exciting. Liberatingly so.
In the very beginning he memorized the flickering lights in the shades of their eyes to slowly fade away, as if he tried to capture the moment of their final breath for all eternity – but as the years passed the corpses piled up. He did not necessarily want to kill any of them who stepped up to fight him; but for many years his hidden abilities had been unchecked and grown wild. They were difficult to control at first, and more often he broke the person’s neck or skull by only trying out something new. There was naught left inside anymore which could show any sympathy for them, however; naught this world had ever learned him to give. They all flocked towards the pit to fight in the unbeaten champion – the beast bastard, the monster, as they would so very often call him.
And a beast – a monster - was exactly what he had become.
If they were throwing their lives away, why should he want to stop them? The idea never crossed his mind only for once. Life and death – they were all the same.