Words of Change

Short stories, journals, based on my life with a note of bittersweet and beautiful things.

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One day, one day I am going to see the world. To see all those places I've been dreaming about. Those beaches, palm trees, those cities, city lights and everything that will take my breath away for so many times. One day I will find beautiful Swedish man with whom I will have nice life with few children and house full of love. One day I will enjoy looking at sunset with my Swede. One day I will enjoy. What about today? Well, I am enjoying and living this moment even knowing what will happen one day.

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I met him tonight. I felt Stockholm syndrome for a moment. My captor kissed me, passionately. He kissed my lips slowy, then my cheek and then my neck. I looked at the stars which were shining like never before. No city lights. Just those big canyon walls made of stone that were surrounding us and that massive green river that was giving a moon reflection, just for me, to touch it and to feel the freedom. The freedom, like a bird, at least for a second. But freedom is coming, soon. I'll be free to be who I am for less than a month and I can't wait. He touched my warm hands and I touched his not very soft hands that were bigger that could cover my head. He who looked dangerous became the most passionate person, he opened his heart for a second, for me. I needed it. To feel those butterflies in my stomach which were flying and flying and flying while my skin got chilled. But just for a second or two. I know I'll may never see him again, but I remember the last time I thought about it in the same way. Then he surprised me tonight. I wasn't expected him. I was disappointed and happy at the same time. He was a stranger and a friend and a bad guy at the same time but I forgot about it when he kissed me, touched my hand. I turned off emotions just not to connect to him like I was connecting to every person that have kissed me. A lot of persons did it. A lot of persons felt the taste of my lips and my skin. But this time I kept all the emotions inside. I am so thankful. Happy, actually.

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Sometimes photos, sounds or even little things makes you miss someone that didn't even exist. I don't know, maybe they are in different timeline, universe or reality. Have we met yet? Have we crossed our paths once or twice or more than that? There is just feeling in me that is yearning for them. Whoever you are I hope you have a nice day and life.

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Being thankful is something that you cannot explain with words. Being thankful is something that you must feel. That emotions, that joy. That tears when you realise that everything here is for your own good. Oh thank you, God, Universe, oh thank you for every second of my life. For every morning, when I open my eyes and see the sun or clouds, or rain or snow, thank you for every new chance. Oh thank you for making me open this eyes and making me change the world using my vibration. Thank you for every little thing, thank you for the bread and water and every coin and all those small pieces of nature. Oh thank you for love, for my friends, family, and every person that comes into my life. Some of them thought me a lesson, some of them made me happy. Thank you for that. Thank you for every star that I saw in the night that shows me a sign that I am on the right way. Thank you for every song that I have listened today. Thank you for every piece of my body, for my mind, heart, emotion, activity. Just thank you. And I love you.

Your son

S

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In one moment you decide. You decide to change yourself and when you do it, all the things, all the people around you change in the way you can't even imagine. I changed, I admit. I changed many times. I was "good person", then I became a "bad person", just for a moment, then I became again a "good person" when I realised that it is not about being "good" or "bad", it is about being yourself. It is about the way you are seeing yourself. When you see yourself as good, you'll start seeing all people as good people. So, the change comes from you. I realised that one day while I was walking and thinking about life. I saw the sunset. It was magical, all those shades of orange mixing with smooth blue-greyish sky. It made me emotional. I felt lonely. Really lonely. Living this life sometimes isn't easy but I swear, I always find a beauty in everything that I see. Yeah, I know, it sounds stupid but that is me and I won't change for anybody. And sometimes it is hard knowing that in my country I can't find someone to love. A man. I am a man who loves pther men. Not bad, huh? Well, honestly, it isn't. If someone asked me if I would want to live this life again, I would say "Oh my God, YES!", without even thinking about it. I am happy for my choices. So, let's back to the man. Grindr is really shitty these days, all those blank profiles without even saying "Hi". I tried a few times but "conversation" was finished without reply. So I thought that maybe it is me. Then I decided to change location on my phone by using a mock location app. I put Stockholm, Sweden (I adore Sweden). Guess what? Many of them said "Hi", wanted to meet me, to talk with me to hang out. Many of them were kind and sweet. So it wasn't me, I realised. I didn't tell them that I am using fake location so I just deleted my profile. I felt sorry but until I find I way to the Sweden, I will stay here, in my country, dreaming about someone special who could come in my way. Maybe some random Swedish boy, I hole. Maybe I should stop hoping, maybe I should start knowing cause Universe always finds a way to make things in your favour. You are special and you should know it. Everything will be okay just let it flow, baby, let it flow!

S