ewwww what is that @worldssmallestlizard - Tumblr Blog

um i realized i need a pinned post

hi again this is my alt for @obscure-entity mostly so i can just write/doodle whatever crazy shit i want without it being attached to main!! warning: i will get as personal as i feel like getting here. or sometimes ill retroactively feel bad about a doodle getting put here and rb it to main. or i might post about a cool animal google showed me or something. speaking of which i dump my photos here too

being the gecko friend is so delightful because i get sent pictures taken like this sometimes

well?? i guess

small writeup for pride month

kind of a continuation of this post from last year

#long post

if i keep repeatedly thinking about getting into wildlife photography it may be a sign that i should just go for it. im thinking about buying used equipment

i think this is the dream for him so let him indulge i guess.

#cw blood #blood

organizing my storage frustrates me more than just leaving it like that . bites something

despite this being 2 pixels big and over a year old at this point i still think this is the sickest photo i have ever taken

i gotta go the fuck to sleeppp

fishing spot my friend said i should make if i was going to be fishing in its server

and the donkey is peanut

the most annoying part about figuring out whether i was dissociating on a regular basis was the fact that accounts written by other people (even my own) or lists of symptoms felt very metaphorical. metaphors that i could agree with experiencing on a whim but i wouldnt know to what extent the original person saying this intended for "i feel like a [x]" to be literal since this information has to come from someone elses subjective experience. and its kind of unavoidable because theres the barrier between language and authentic sensation/emotion

^ to clarify i have somewhat gotten over this hurdle but approaching it just felt really incorrect/appropriative. which isnt news but ive been wanting to read more into this because nothing else ive read about felt like it covered the niche way i deal with things. whicvh like. mind you ive been wanting to see myself represented that way for years (despite how much i dont really like being direct about it). im giving an indirect thank you to the 2 or so people who recommended books regarding dissociation

since i dont want to deal with professionals and i do not think i could consistently pay for that i am essentially tasking myself with observing myself More than i already do. which is mindnumbing as fuck because every day already feels like im delving into introspection introspection introspection and more introspection. ive started making notes now at least which is better than .txt files i do not ever reread and if i do i go "what the fuck?" when i open them

my cardboard and tape method right now at least until i figure out better things is to just keep noting/writing whatever i feel like in the present until i have something to look back upon. maybe like. make sense of patterns even.

#long post

Pede In The House

every once in a while i get really jealous that beetles get their own little jelly cups but then i remember we already have jelly. like gelatin for people.

xarid mama and xarid babies

before i write my sludge again i have to make it clear that i know the goal of placating anxiety and other shit shouldnt just be "i want to feel safe using social media" because there isnt much benefiting you in that regard. everything probably feels lighter when youre not online honestly

but is this just a hyperspecific fear of mine or is anyone else on the planet terrified of interacting with others accounts/posts. i really dont think its a self-worth thing its just the intense visibility. so many things i wouldve loved to engage with or talk to people about but it feels out-of-character (for lack of better word) because i already kept to myself for so long

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ewwww what is that