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God forbid I be happy about something

Do you ever just not feel good

Welp that's it. I have no car, no money fr fixing other things with my car, no job, and no will to live

I'm not sure anyone cares, but I was able to get back in my house. Now something is wrong with my computer and it won't boot. Please just let me die already God.

don't

I just lost my job and got kicked out of my house today. I'm currently homeless and jobless. I wish this didn't feel like the easiest way out

I'm going to kill myself

I mean let's be honest, would anyone really miss me?

Someone please kill me so I don't have to

chasekip

SHE SAID IT

I don't think I miss Cezar like I used to anymore, but what I do miss is feeling like I have friends.

I definitely have friends. There's no question to it. Hell after everything I've done my yugioh friends don't hate me. Easley I think isn't in a great place and is also very busy all the time. Kyle does his best but between work and shooting competitions he's pretty busy too.

But all the time I sit and cry like a dumb fucking idiot because I'm lonely and sad.

I miss everyone else too. When Cezar decided he was done with me being a dumb manipulative asshole to him Brett, Diana, Tim (for the most part), and just about everyone in that group cut me off too.

It really makes me think sometimes that they all felt the same as Cezar did, obviously not for the whole time they knew me.

I will admit that a year ago(God has it only been 1 year?) I was a real piece of human garbage, but I think what hurts the most is that they just don't want to try anymore. Cezar gave Sabastian another chance, so he must have really bad feelings towards me to not be willing to have any communication whatsoever with me. I don't really blame him, I just wish I could change his mind.

Sometimes I wonder if, assuming he knew and was able financially, would he come to my funeral? And I know the answer is no. It just hurts.

Ily friends and if we used to be friends and you're reading this please know I still care about you even if you don't want anything to do with me anymore.

I'm really not sure how many people would really miss me. I used to count, and when I got passed a number of people that I could count on my hands, I'd feel better. I can't do that anymore.

I'm really not sure if I'll ever be more than moderately satisfied with my life again.

I'm over what happened last year, but what I'm not over is the fact that it feels like I'm slowly losing the rest of my friends, and it's not even their fault.

The rest of my friends have lives and a future, and here I am sitting at home thinking I might actually finish community college one day.

I know I should be grateful for what I have but it's hard when most of the time you feel alone and afraid of the future.

I really hope I don't wake up. That this is my last sleep. I'm not going to do anything to hurt myself ever again, but I can hope that life takes me.

Why am I like this?

I can't imagine feeling happy

I uh would like not to feel like dying please.

I need a therapist

1-800-273-8255

I'm going to call the suicide hotline

I'm scared

I want to kill myself tonight. I won't, not because I'm too strong to, but because I'm too weak.

I don't feel sad most days anymore, but today hit me hard and I don't know why. I miss having friends to talk to I think, and the loneliness might be getting to me.

I really wish my mom would let me see a therapist. They find money for vacations, expensive restaurants, etc., but when it comes to me feeling okay again it's like it just doesn't matter.

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