Worthless Animator

[worthlessanimator]

the irony just hit me. I have been complaining all my life about being super hairy and made fun of my  visible facial hair. And Now that I have finally found out that lazer hair removal not only gets rid of my hair but helps my acne -  my head hair falls out. 

thanks body. 

[worthlessanimator]

I don’t even know what to say today. 

ok.

I found a bald patch on my scalp today. and yeah I am totally freaking out and overthinking this. And I hate having to pity myself but I can’t help it. 

I don’t love my body, well I do, but it’s hard to remember that when you are surrounded by beautiful people in this lonely fucking world.

I’m having hard time dealing with this because I get my confidence from my hair. It is one thing I can control and make myself look good. Just like I love my dimples and my eyes, I do think I am a cute girl. But my hair is that one thing that keeps me together even on the bad day.  

I suspect I have alopecia, mainly cause there aren’t any other other possibilities I haven’t explored. 

So what does that mean? It can mean I can expect to lose my hair in the next year or so, or it can  be just this patch that may or may not regrow in the near future. 

I think I am more scared of the emotional impact this is going to have on me.  

but at the same time.  Why bother? Like life isn’t pointless already? 

I don’t know.  I am processing this information... 

[worthlessanimator]

Procrastinating doing work by thinking of ways I can die in the next 24 hrs. Don’t worry, I am actually just having fun. 

[worthlessanimator]

after watching a romantic movie, I get this scary thought about me ending up alone and how I’d rather just kill myself now. But then I remember I made a deal with myself to pass the time by doing things I love. 

Like I’d rather die animating than kill myself over my inability to be alone.