heads up I'm not a very fast (or frequent) writer but I'll do my best to post semi regularly
I'll be fairly selective with requests as I don't feel confident that I'll produce anything good/in a timely manner that I'm not inspired by!
I'll accept requests for: fridolina rolfö, salma paralluelo, stina blackstenius, ingrid engen/mapí leon, barca (team) x reader, lena oberdorf, and laura freigang
If I decide not to do a request please don't get offended! It's likely that I just don't think I can do it justice
Anything that features upsetting content I'll do my best to tag
I do not write child reader or teen reader
if my work is 18+ i mark it and I will block minors who interact with work marked as such
a/n: hi, we had this idea for quite a while now and finally got to writing it down, we hope you enjoy it.
Fridolina Rolfö had no explanation for why her relationships always failed.
Her boyfriend of two years had broken up with her out of nowhere and as much as she wanted to feel sad about it, there was some kind of apathy taking over her.
Coincidentally, her teammates had scheduled a team bonding event only a few days after she was dumped.
In hopes that it would ease her pain and appease the younger players, they decided on an ice cream party.
That was how Fridolina found herself sitting in front of a bowl of vanilla ice cream while her teammates uttered words of reassurance to her that she did not want to hear.
“Don’t worry, Frido. We’ll find you a man who’s worthy of you.“ Mapi grinned while pouring sprinkles on top of her chocolate ice cream.
Fridolina looked up at the defender: “Oh… uhm… thanks.“
“Men are so overrated though.“, Cata rolled her eyes.
“Can we change the topic?“, Fridolina asked carefully. She did not want to ruin the mood but she hoped to draw the attention away from herself.
Ingrid gave her a gentle smile, ready to help her friend out.
“My sister will start her job as a photographer for Barca tomorrow.“, she revealed, visibly proud.
Mapis face lit up with excitement: “That’s amazing, Ingrid.“
“Yes, and well deserved. Your sister is so talented.“, Fridolina agreed, relieved but also genuinely happy.
Ingrid beamed, flattered on her sisters behalf: “She will be so happy to hear that.“
Esmee served herself another portion of ice cream: “I’m excited to meet her.“
“You will love her.“, Ingrid promised.
“I’ve no doubt about that.“, Esmee laughed.
“And Mapi and I are making Frido a list for potential blind dates.“, Aitana announced.
Fridolina flinched at the mention.
As she looked over, her two teammates had already scribbled names on an empty sheet of paper.
“How do you even know so many people?“
Mapi shrugged nonchalantly: “We just do.“
“You need to slow down, girls. I’m not sure if I want to date any man right now…“, Frido stopped them.
Mapi and Aitana shared a surprised look.
“Oh, sorry. We only wanted the best for you, Frido. That’s all.“, Aitana apologized.
The Swedish football player nodded: “I know. But maybe I just need break for now.“
Ingrid put a hand on her friends forearm and said softly: “That’s okay, we understand it. You two had been together for quite a while.“
“Yes, but it hasn’t felt right anymore for a long time.“, the blonde admitted.
Alexia shrugged, eating fruit out of her ice cream bowl: “It happens. Sometimes you just fall out of love with someone and you can’t do anything about it.“
The words of her captain resonated deeply with Fridolina who enjoyed the evening more than before now.
“Ingrid, let me breathe.”, you chuckled. It was your first workday for Barcelona as their new photographer, but your sister prevented you from taking photos as she embraced you in a long hug.
“No.”, she shook her head, clearly not ready to let you go yet.
“Please? Hi, everyone.”, you waved politely with your free hand at the players who slowly arrived at the training grounds.
“Hi.”, Mapi grinned.
“Good to see you, Mapi.”, you replied truthfully, relieved to see some familiar faces.
“So happy you got the job.”, the Spanish defender told you thrilled.
“Me too. Also, hey, Caro and Frido!”, you added delighted to see the Scandinavian players.
“Finally, another Norwegian.”, Caroline winked at you.
“Ignore her. Sweden is so much better.”, Fridolina teased her teammate, but swallowed hard at the sight of you, you were even more beautiful than she remembered. Instead, the blonde tried to play down the excitement she felt while looking at you and hugged you casually.
“We won’t discuss this right now.”, Ingrid decided laughing.
“No, but I’m sure you can show me all the great places in the city.”, you glanced at the footballers you knew since your sister played along side them in Wolfsburg.
“That’s more Frido’s thing. She can help you with that and I can teach you the language.”, Caroline declared.
“That’s my sister. Why can’t I show her around and teach her?”, your sibling wanted to know pouting playfully.
Looking between them, Marta announced:” I’m sure you girls will find a way.”
And they did, you easily felt at home in Barcelona with the help of your sister and her friends. It was different to when you visited Ingrid with your family in the past. Step by step you fell in love with the city and its inhabitants.
A few weeks in and you were doing a photo shooting outside with Fridolina for the summer Barca merchandise. The late afternoon sun made her hair and skin appear golden and you had to pause your preparations to remark:” The outfit looks great on you, Frido.”
“Oh, thank you.”, she beamed at you, making these sporty clothes look effortlessly elegant and timeless.
“It’s true.”, you smiled back while taking a few test shoots to see how well the light, her profile worked together.
“Can I ask you something? When did you start taking photos?”, Fridolina asked you curiously.
Hearing her questions made your smile grew even brighter. “A long time ago. I was like 15 or 16. when I got into it.”, you remembered fondly at the memory.
“I guess Ingrid and your brother were the test models.”, the Swedish player thought out loud.
“Yes, she was the reason why I became interested in taking sports related pictures.”, you admitted.
Fridolina laughed lightly: “Did she bully you into taking photos of her while playing?“
“No, I saw that they never had any photos of their games so I started doing it. The first ones turned out awful.“, you grinned as you thought back.
The Blonde shrugged: “Isn’t it always like that? The first times I played football, I wasn’t great at it either.“
“You’re right. But taking photos of you is so easy, you’re a natural.“, you replied while you pressed the shutter a few times.
She even looked beautiful doing casual small talk.
But you realized that the collar of her jacket was upturned.
You put your camera down and come closer to fix it for her. After all, the goal was to present the retro looking Barcelona jacket.
Fridolina smiled gratefully at you: “I mean I’ve already done this a few times. But I don’t think I’ve ever felt as comfortable as I do right now.“
You bit your lip to keep yourself from grinning too wide about that compliment.
“Frido, you’re beautiful inside and outside.“, you said without taking your eyes off of her.
Her cheeks slightly blushed: “That’s so sweet of you.“
“Want to change into the second outfit?“, you suggested, giving both of you a break to focus back on the task at hand.
“Sure.“, the Swede said and disappeared into the changing room.
You took a deep breath, grounding yourself again while you waited.
Fridolina emerged in light blue jeans and a slightly oversized shirt in their signature colours that said Barca across the chest.
You shook your head in awe. This woman could literally wear anything.
“Oh, I love that outfit even more.“, you complimented her.
She looked down at herself: “You do?“
“Yes.“, you said while taking a few photos of her.
“I think it would look cute on you too.“, Frido smirked.
“Do you think so?“
You barely finished your question when you noticed that she was already in the motion of pulling the shirt over her head.
“What are you doing?“, you asked laughing.
The football player just handed you the garment: “Here.“
Stunned, you looked at it and the back to Fridolina standing there in her underwear: “Uhm thanks?“
She rolled her eyes with a smile: “No, put it on.“
“Fine.“, you gave in and did as you were told before adding: “But it’s definitely not warm enough for you to just stand there in your sports bra.“
“I guess I should get dressed again.“, she laughed.
You returned the shirt to your model: “Here are your clothes. Hey, that’s my camera.“
You had failed to realize that she had taken your camera and was now taking photos of you with a big grin on her face.
You usually hated being photographed but Fridolina looked too happy so you bit back any comment.
“I’m not leaving without taking a photo of you too.“
“I guess that’s fair even though I’m not as pretty as Ingrid.”, you turned your gaze away from the Swedish woman and looked at the fresh cut grass instead.
“What? Who says? The beauty obviously runs in the family.”, she disagreed.
“Well, my ex-girlfriend said that.”, you shrugged.
“She was a liar then. You’re gorgeous.”, Fridolina observed.
“That means a lot coming from such a stunning woman herself.”, you confessed smiling timidly. For a moment you paused before asking her:” Do you want to see the pictures I made right now or tomorrow?”
“Aw, thank you. Can I see them now?”, curiously she handed you your camera back, where you started to go through the photos you took of her.
“Of course.”, you nodded politely.
Being this close to you made the blondes heart flutter.
“They’re so nice, y/n.”, Fridolina muttered, suddenly breathlessly.
“Glad you like them. So, I’ll see you before the game tomorrow?”, you changed the topic lightly.
“Sure.”, she beamed at you.
“Goodbye, Frido.”, you responded warmly.
“See you soon, y/n.”, the footballer replied, eagerly anticipating your reunion.
On the next day, you didn’t find the time to catch up with her as you were busy taking the pictures of the arriving players in their pretty matchday outfits. All of them arrived in style.
During the game you were not mesmerized by their beauty but by their beautiful game which you tried to capture with your camera. This was why you wanted to be here, you thought, to watch the best team in Europe thrive in front of your lens. Somehow the Swede always managed to get your attention as you would notice later while seeing through the photos.
When the referee blew the final whistle, Fridolina run to you to pull you into a hug, while you whispered into your ear:” Frido you had an amazing game.”
“Thanks”, she hummed, while her blue eyes sparkled with excitement.
“Well played.”, you couldn’t help but to rave about her performance.
“Appreciate it.”, the fellow Scandinavian mumbled.
“But I got to go around now to take some more shots.”, you explained winking, as you stepped away from her hug. Which had to be completely friendly and nothing more, right? Because she was 100 % straight. Nothing seemed gay about her. Still some signals your sister’s best friend send were quite confusing.
“Y/n, wait!”, Fridolina yelled your name nervously, attempting to hold you back.
“What?”, you turned your head confused.
“Frido, there you’re. My friend wants to meet you.”, Mapi grinned at her taller teammate, nodding into a direction of a very handsome man waiting in the stands, the sight of him, making your stomach turn. He and her would be a pretty couple.
To your surprise, Fridolinas gaze remained fixed on you.
Reluctantly she turned to Mapi, deliberately ignoring the man.
“Mapi, I’m sorry but I’m not interested. I was about to ask y/n to go on a date with me.“, she apologized but her voice was firm and determined.
“What?!“, you and Mapi gasped at the same time, looking at each other in confusion.
Fridolina remained unimpressed: “Uhm yes. I’m actually not straight. You all just assume that because I date men too.“
After a moment of silence, Mapi started to grin like she only now understood the joke that you failed to get: “No, you always dated men since we know you.“
“That still doesn’t make me straight.“, Fridolina replied matter-of-factly.
You would be impressed by her attitude, if you were any less confused.
Mapi had stopped smiling and watched her teammate attentively.
“That’s right.“, you agreed slowly.
The Swede turned back to you: “So… would you go out with me?“
You nodded: “I’d.“
“Really?“, Fridolina asked again.
This time, your face finally reflected your excitement. You smiled: “Yes.“
You both just beamed at each other.
“Ingrid! You won’t believe it!“, Mapi bounced up and down as she called for your sister.
Ingrid joined the three of you: “Believe what?“
“Frido asked your sister out!“, Mapi yelled.
You cringed slightly, hearing it out loud and refused to look at Ingrid.
“What do you mean Frido asked her out? Like on a date?“, your sister asked. Her perfect eyebrows knotted together.
“Oh my god, Frido. You’re full of surprises!“, Ona interrupted, patting the blonde football player on the shoulder and you silently wondered who else had overheard your conversation.
Fridolina raised her eyebrows: “Am I? Or did you just never ask?“
“You’re right. We never asked. We just assumed you were straight. Sorry.“, Ona admitted but she looked less sorry and more happy for her teammate.
You thought their reactions were kind of adorable.
“It’s fine. I just didn’t think I owed you an explanation.“, Fridolina replied politely.
You could not help yourself. You gently took her hand in yours and squeezed it once. There was no way you could contain your admiration for her.
“You didn’t need to.“, you said softly.
Her attention shifted back to you. “The fact that I dated men before you doesn’t change my feelings for you, I hope you know that.“
“During that photoshoot I felt it. But I thought you might just be nice. Now I know I was wrong.“, you chuckled.
Fridolina visibly bit back a smile: “Sorry. I was hoping I’d send the right signals.“
“You did! I was just blind and - … “
You were unable to finish your sentence. Fridolinas soft lips pressed against yours all of a sudden, right there on the field in front of everyone.
“Maybe this was clearer?”, she asked in a hopeful tone.
“Yes, it was.”, you nodded smiling.
In the background you heard your sister telling her girlfriend” Okay, Mapi, I think I need a bit of time to get used to my best friend kissing my sister.”
“You better should hurry up. They’re hitting it off right away.”, the Spaniard punched her playfully in the side, wearing an amused grin on her lips while watching you being showered with kisses by the Swede.
“I see that.”, Ingrid laughed. She knew it would be weird at first, but seeing her favourite people being happy with each other warmed her heart.
For once you didn’t have your camera to capture the moment but the picture of the first kiss with Fridolina after the match would be forever engraved inside your brain.
Fridolina Rolfö x reader; Barça x reader (platonic)
Summary: Frido has to confront that she could lose you forever. Will she act?
Warnings: some mildly suggestive content but that's about it
A/N: the final part!! let me know if you guys want a short epilogue or something :) thank you for sticking with this little series I hope you enjoyed it! as usual everything I write is fiction and does not reflect players' real lives
Word Count: 2.9k
PREVIOUS PART
You suspected that Alexia was planning something to make you feel better. You had cried through the night, and although she hadn't come to check on you, her face when you saw her the next morning let you know she was worried. She silently slipped you breakfast and gave you a hug, still not fully aware of the issue but willing to be there for you nevertheless.
You were in better spirits for practice that day. Mostly you were just happy to be cleared for play. Jona was still being careful with you, but the med team green lit your participation on Friday. That meant you had been practicing a lot with Patri when you could, wanting to be in good form. She was taking it easy on you, you knew, but it still helped to get you back into the swing of things. Plus, it was difficult to be depressed with Patri around. She kept you laughing constantly with her stupid jokes and teased you just the right amount to make it feel like your problems weren't insurmountable.
At break you spotted Alexia and Mapí chatting quietly, glancing over at you now and then. After a few minutes you excused yourself from your conversation with Salma and went over to investigate.
"Hola Mapí, Ale," you smiled, knocking lightly into Mapí's shoulder. "What are you two up to?"
Mapí grinned at you, but said nothing. You could tell whatever she was hiding had her pleased with herself.
"Are you free Friday after our match with Athletico?" Alexia asked.
You nodded.
"I don't have any plans."
"Keep it that way." Mapí replied, winking at you.
You rolled your eyes good naturedly and smiled back.
"I don't even want to know…" You muttered.
-
You had kept your promise and left the evening after the Athletico match free. Ana Maria had come over for dinner, seemingly in on the plan Alexia and Mapí had cooked up. You brushed it aside, however, because you missed the Swiss national like crazy. Just getting to talk with her for a night made you realize how much you benefitted from talking to her about anything. She had some of the best advice of anyone you had ever met.
At around ten Alexia arrived at your door, ready to pick the two of you up. She praised your outfit as you stepped out of the apartment, causing you to blush bright red.
The club Alexia took you to wasn’t one you had ever been to before. It was fairly small, but clearly popular as there was a line to get in.
“We don’t have to wait,” Alexia said to you, waving to the bouncer as he let you all through, “The other girls are waiting for us inside.”
The inside of the club was stylish, you had to admit. It was somewhere between an 80s dive and a modern dance club. Disco blared from the speakers, and the entire place was drowning in purple light.
-
It didn’t take long for you to find your way to the dance floor after saying your hellos and accepting the drinks Mapí pushed at you.
At first Patri had accompanied you to the floor, the two of you laughing and fooling around to a few songs until she was called back to the table. You could take care of yourself.
Not ten minutes after Patri left you found yourself dancing with a woman whose eye you had caught a couple of times. She was beautiful, that much was obvious, and you didn’t mind in the slightest when she slid behind you and began to match your movements.
You felt the woman's hands on your hips as she held you close to her front. The two of you moved fluidly together. She smelled citrusy, her hair was long and dark, and her accent suggested Italian. Either way, you were interested.
She seemed interested in you too, if her eyes were any indication. Her hands gripped your ass firmly as she turned you around in your embrace. She was taller than you, so you had to lean up to capture her lips in a kiss. You vaguely heard someone cheer in the background but decided to ignore it.
"Your friends seem to approve," the woman said close to your ear.
You laughed.
"Well, I know how to pick them," you flirted back.
You were having a great time, honestly. It was refreshing to be out and a little drunk and not worry about any of your shit. It could wait until tomorrow.
The woman pulled you back into another kiss, letting her hands roam across your back and into your hair. She tasted of alcohol and something sweet, maybe watermelon or cantaloupe. You made your mind up then that if she asked, you would go home with her.
"I'm gonna get a drink, do you want another?" She mumbled into your ear.
"I'm all good," you smiled, moving a bit of hair from her face. "I'll wait for you."
She smiled at you, teeth slightly crooked in an endearing way. The way she unabashedly wanted you made your heart soar. It was more than just her, it was the confirmation that this was possible. You didn't have to be hidden.
You glanced back at the Barça girls who were dancing and chatting not far from you. Patri gave you a thumbs up, as did an enthusiastic Mapí. You let Salma take your hand and spin you around playfully. Everyone seemed to be having a great time. Except Frido.
You didn't notice her at first. She was with Ingrid, dancing, though she seemed distracted and a little drunk. Her eyes flicked to yours, then away quickly. You didn't know she was coming tonight. Alexia hadn't said anything, though it was probably not to hurt you. You felt your heart clench at just the sight of her. Immediately your mood had slightly deflated. Was it impossible for you to go one day without being haunted by her?
You saw Salma notice where you were looking and she turned you so you were facing the opposite direction.
"Don't worry about her, she's just in a mood. That Italian is so into you. You should totally go for it."
Soon enough your dancing partner had returned with a drink. She pressed the back of her fingers to your cheek affectionately. "Do you want to keep dancing?"
You nodded, shooting her a smile.
This time, as you hung onto the Italian’s hips and let her run her hands across your skin, you couldn’t help but have your eyes flick back to Frido’s. Too frequently for it to be an accident. And she was always, always, looking back at you. Her face was somewhere between fury and heartbreak. Let her come and stop me if she wants, you thought to yourself.
The Italian’s hands drifted to your ass, pulling you closer until you were practically grinding on her thigh every time you moved. You would never normally do something like this, not anywhere where someone could see you. Surely even your teammates were a bit surprised. You were usually quite controlled and sweet, nothing that suggested the way you were dancing right now.
“If you want her to stop, you’ve got to talk to her. Now.” Alexia said in Frido’s ear.
Her moping was obvious now. Everyone had noticed.
You needed some fresh air. The lights were beginning to irritate you, as was the heat of the bodies surrounding you. You leaned up to the Italian’s ear and let her know that you were stepping outside for a second. She grinned at you and promised she would be out soon, after she used the restroom and grabbed her bag from coat check.
Frido saw you heading for the door. She saw the woman you were with smile at you, saw her wave, knew what was going to happen if she let the two of you leave together.
-
“What are you doing here, Frido?” you snapped as the blonde called your name.
She looked distraught. You had to swallow your concern.
“Please,” she took a steadying breath, “please just listen to me. Then you can go if you want. But please.”
You looked at the door, nervous that your Italian would walk out at any moment.
Frido was still looking at you with that face, that face you found very difficult to say no to.
You sighed.
“Okay.”
“I’m so sorry. I know I already apologized but it wasn’t what I wanted to say. I messed it up, like I’ve messed everything between us up for the past year.”
Frido moved closer, you felt your back hit the brick wall of the alley. There was a group of people smoking who ignored you completely.
Frido sank to her knees in front of you.
“I want to make it up to you,”
She was begging, and that wasn’t an exaggeration. You sucked in a breath, looking around you again for people who might be watching. The ground beneath you was filthy. You tugged on her hand, trying to pull her up, but she stayed put.
“Fridolina…”
“I’m serious. Not just for what I did to you during the game. All of it. I treated you like shit and you didn’t deserve it.”
“No, I didn’t.” You said harshly, the anger back all at once. “You acted like I was just some kind of dog who would come bounding up to you every time you threw it a bone. I’m not gonna do that.”
“I know—”
“I don’t believe you. I won’t believe it, either, until you show it to me. Your words mean nothing to me.”
Frido sat back on her knees, mouth shut. Now you were the one who was letting everything you had wanted to say this whole time pour out.
“You didn’t want anyone to know about us. I can’t do that anymore. You didn’t want us to be seen in public, ever. I don’t want that, not long term. You wouldn’t let me meet your family, or your friends. You wouldn’t let me stay in your apartment. I can’t do any of that. I want to be treated like your fucking equal. Because that’s what I am.”
Frido nodded.
“You are. You’re better than me.”
You shook your head.
“I’m not better than you. We’re peers. If we’re going to do this I want to be your partner, not your doormat, not your idol.”
You pulled her up until she was standing before you, not close enough to reach out and touch, not quite. You tilted your head to look in her eyes. The seconds seemed to drag on for hours.
She brushed the dirt from her knees, massaging the one she had injured for a split second.
“Come here.” You said softly.
Frido took a step forward, hesitant.
“I missed you.” She whispered.
You could barely hear it, but you nodded just the same.
“I thought you hated me.” She continued.
You waited, not sure what to say.
“Please, don’t hate me.”
Suddenly you caught a glimpse of the Italian out of the corner of your eye. She was by the front of the building looking for you.
“Wait here.”
You didn’t check to see if Frido nodded or not before you went to find the Italian woman. You weren’t going home with her, but you felt obligated to at least explain. Besides, she seemed to understand when you told her it was an emergency with one of your teammates, simply pressing her number on a piece of paper into your palm and kissing your cheek.
You turned back to the alley, catching Frido’s eye.
-
The cafe you arrived in was tiny, a true hole in the wall. You had been there many times with your seemingly unbreakable night owl habits. The staff knew you by name, and your order often arrived on your table before you had to say a word. The interior was a bit run down: the upholster was cracked on the leather couch, a few quilts thrown over it in an attempt to hide the fact. Miscellaneous chairs were positioned at small glass tables, many of which had newspapers and dried flowers stacked on top. It was homey and hardly anyone knew about it since it was tucked in an alleyway in a relatively quiet part of the city.
You hadn’t taken Frido here. The only person you trusted with it was Patri, and she had been sworn to silence. You had insisted that she put her phone away and refrained from putting it on her story. The last thing you needed was a million fans infiltrating the one space except from your apartment you felt was really yours.
“This is nice,” Frido said softly, treading cautiously even with her voice.
She took a look around, absorbing all of the little details of the room before her. It smelled lovely—mostly of tea and sugar from the pastries in the display. It was mostly empty except for the couches in the back where a few college students were still working.
“It’s my favorite place in Barcelona.”
Frido shifted her gaze to you, her lips curved in a small smile. The olive branch wasn’t lost on her. The fact that you had brought her here at all was a chance, a door cracked open slightly and waiting for Frido to push it all the way open. You wanted things to work too, the two of you just had to figure out how to make that happen.
You ordered for the both of you as Frido chose a table.
“Thank you,” Frido said as you placed her tea and biscuits in front of her.
She took a small sip of the drink, preparing herself for the conversation. You could feel the difference from the last time the two of you met. Now Frido seemed determined instead of scared.
“I want to try to make this work, if that’s what you want too.”
You took a breath, trying to tamper your joy a little bit.
“I do. But I hope you can understand why I’m hesitant. What happened before really hurt me, Frido.”
Frido put her hand on the table with her palm facing upwards, leaving the invitation open to you.
“I can’t apologize enough for what I did to you. I was horrible. But I want to change. I will change. I’m not afraid anymore.”
“Can you just tell me why you did it? At least something? I think if I understand how you felt, I’ll be able to move on more.”
You took her hand in yours, giving it a light squeeze.
“I was being selfish. I was terrified of how I was feeling—I told myself I wasn’t queer if it was just sex, no attachments. I didn’t want to deal with soul searching. Every time I let myself consider the fact that I wanted more than sex I started to question everything. I wasn’t sure who I was or what was real attraction and what I made up… I just couldn’t let go of that fear. And I let that control me: it was more important than our relationship, it was more important than what you felt, it was all I was clinging to.”
You took a moment to process that. It made sense, though you obviously hadn’t known Frido felt that way.
“What changed?”
You were afraid to ask, but you needed to know.
“I realized what we have is more important than the fear; and I don’t have to have everything figured out. I want to be with you, that’s what matters.”
You honestly couldn’t believe what you were hearing. It seemed like a dream come true. All you had wanted for months was this conversation. Frido had finally said it: she wanted to be with you. She had feelings for you. She cared.
“I’m not sure what to say…” Frido rubbed the back of your hand with her thumb comfortingly. “I wanted to hear this so badly for so long. It seems too good to be true.”
“It’s not. I’m here, I was an idiot before and thankfully I woke up before I lost you completely.”
Frido scootched her chair around the table so she could be closer to you. She put a hand gently on your thigh, giving you a smile. You place yours overtop of hers, feeling giddy. Your pulse was racing as if you had consumed too much caffeine. You finally saw a future between you and Frido, something you had lost months ago. Maybe this could really be something. Maybe the two of you could be happy. Maybe you could make this work.
“So what do we do now?’
“I guess you let me take you on a date so I can do this properly.”
would you consider writing for hardersson? Either alone or x reader
I would consider hardersson x reader with the right prompt sure! However I don't do child or teen reader just a heads up bc I know a lot of the content for them centers around that!
A/N: we're nearing the end!! not sure how I feel about this part... hopefully it's okay
Word Count: 3k
Warnings ⚠️: none?
PREVIOUS PART
The next few days followed in a similar manner. Alexia brought you to the pitch even though you couldn't play, and you sat there for a few hours until they were done. Occasionally Jona would come over to see you, or Olga would stop by with food. Ana Maria even drove over from Madrid to see you and take you out for the day. But mostly you slept, listened to podcasts, and thought about what the hell you were going to do about Frido.
She still hadn't spoken to you and the team was starting to notice. It's not like the two of you were very close before (at least publicly) but now it was a conscious avoidance. The rest of the girls often kept you company when they could on breaks or in between drills.
It was only after five days, on Friday afternoon, that she approached you.
“Hi…” Frido said softly.
You looked up at her from where you sat on the pitch. You had been doing light stretches on your calves, still not allowed to do anything strenuous until next week.
“Hi, Frido.” You said plainly.
You tried not to react emotionally despite the fact that this was the first time she was speaking to you since the incident. She hadn’t even called to say she was sorry. It all seemed to confirm she really didn’t give a damn about you—didn’t have the courtesy to treat you like a stranger even.
“How are you feeling?”
Her careful, soft tone enraged you.
“Not so good, actually. My head fucking hurts, I’m sick of sitting here while the rest of you play. And I’d really rather be doing anything than talking to you.”
You felt bad the second you said it. Not because she didn’t deserve it, but because this wasn’t you. You were better than that.
“Sorry, I just really would like to be left alone, Frido. Please, just leave me be. Leave me alone.”
Frido’s eyes shot towards the ground as she blinked furiously.
“Okay.”
She turned away and walked back to the field, joining Alexia and Ingrid as they talked about something. Part of you felt bad for rejecting her so quickly, but another part of you felt enraged that she had the nerve to wait this long.
Ingrid looked over at you and then back at Frido curiously.
"What did you want to say to her?" She asked in Norwegian, knowing Frido would understand.
"I don't know… just wanted to check in on how she's doing so far."
Before Ingrid could reply again, Alexia butted in.
"You need to tell her you're sorry as soon as possible."
"I just tried—clearly she isn't too keen on having me around, is she?" Frido snapped back.
The three of them stood in shock for a second, surprised at Frido’s temper. Usually she was level headed and understanding.
Alexia sighed and clapped her on the shoulder.
"Keep trying."
With that she was off to change and shower, giving Ingrid a small smile as she left.
"Frido," Ingrid rubbed her arm to catch her attention. "Why don't we go get a drink tonight and catch up? It's been a long time since we went out, just us."
Frido contemplated it momentarily, not stupid enough to miss that Ingrid clearly wanted to talk about her mood. If she accepted, she was also accepting the fact that she had to open up to her best friend sooner or later.
"All right."
-
"I don't know what to do," Frido complained, tossing back the last dregs of her beer.
Ingrid sat across from her, her own beer nearly untouched. They were sat out on the balcony of some restaurant nursing the end of the night. They hadn't met, just the two of them, in a while, Frido realized. She wished it was under better circumstances.
"Can I be honest?" Ingrid asked.
Frido nodded. She expected no less from the Norwegian—though she was incredibly kind, it wasn't common for them to sugar coat things.
"You've got to go up to her and apologize. Sincerely. One on one. And you can't be sure she's going to forgive you."
Frido knew Ingrid was talking about apologizing for more than the tackle. She wasn't privy to exactly what happened between the two of you—even in your anger you hadn't told your teammates what was going on—but it was clear something unhealthy had been a staple between the two of you.
"Mapí showed me the video. I didn't want to see it at first, you know how I am with that stuff, so worried always that it'll be one of us. But I finally saw it." Ingrid met her eyes. "The way she went down, the way you hit her, she could've been hurt much worse than she is. And you just got up and left, didn't even check on her."
There was a hint of disdain in Ingrid’s voice that inspired nausea in Frido.
"Had that been any player in a match against Barcelona, imagine how any one of us would've reacted."
Frido knew, if she had seen someone do to you what she had done herself, it would've boiled her blood. To see you lying there unmoving, would've had any player on that field aching, because you were wonderful. You didn't cause fights, you forgave people, you smiled at the opposition after each game, you spent as much time as possible with the fans. And Frido had somehow broken that, gotten you to yell and scream and cry.
"We were together." She whispered, not meeting Ingrid’s eyes. "Well, not really. We were sleeping together, I was at her place most days a week."
The waitress came by, and Frido ordered a glass of wine. She needed a bit more courage to fully get this out in the open.
"I didn't want commitment. I'm not… I didn't know how to be open about that with anyone. I was ashamed of it—she knew. She could sense it." Frido gripped the stem of her wine glass and took a sip. "She hated breaks because she knew I wouldn't talk to her until I was back in Barcelona. Right before I went back to Sweden for camp… we had a huge fight. She said she couldn't take it anymore, that I made her feel like a whore, that I tossed her aside whenever I didn't want her. And I said I didn't care."
Ingrid was silent.
"I didn't expect her to kick me out. Or to refuse to speak to me. I thought we'd fall back together, we always did. But it was different this time. And I hated it. I hated it so much it made my head spin."
Ingrid put a hand over Frido’s where it rested on the table.
"Frido, I love you. You're my best friend, okay?"
Frido nodded, wiping at a tear that was beginning to fall.
"You've got to make this right. Good people do shitty things. Really shitty things sometimes. But sometimes they're also forgiven, in time. And if you want anything with her, even friendship, you've got to apologize and explain yourself."
Frido nodded, meeting Ingrid’s eyes finally.
-
That night Frido found it difficult to get to sleep.
There wasn't any good reason for it: she had worked hard in practice all day and her body was exhausted. Her bed was comfortable, her apartment quiet. But it was empty. She had realized that she hadn't spent a week straight sleeping in her apartment for months. At least once a week she was with you, always.
But now you weren't speaking to her. You looked at her during practice, then avoided her at all costs. She hadn't even tried texting you, worried she would find her number blocked.
She contemplated calling someone to keep her company, though who would be up at one in the morning?
Eventually she fell asleep after tossing and turning for what felt like hours. She slipped away into unconsciousness, allowing her body to relax into the mattress.
Her mind, however, had different plans.
In her dreams she was in the hospital, unable to get to you. She stood at the door to your room, peering in through a small glass window. The rest of the girls were inside, holding your hand and stroking your skin as you laid in the hospital bed. Your eyes were open but you hardly moved. All she knew with certainty was that you did not want to see her. You wanted her gone. You've ruined my life, she heard you say, though your lips didn't move.
Another time you had simply disappeared. Her fault. You had moved far away, far from Barcelona, and far from her. You were happier somewhere else, with different people.
Once more you hated her. Refused to speak.
When she woke it was to a dark room and a sick feeling in her stomach. She was lonely. She wanted you next to her in bed. She wanted to see you smile and hear you laugh. She wanted to see you play great football and jump into her arms after a goal. And it terrified her to think she wouldn't get any of that again.
How was it that she could've treated you so horribly? It confused her, as if it had been someone else. How had she let her fear control her like that? And most importantly, how had she put your feelings aside so callously?
If she was going to fix anything she would need to apologize. Apologize for it all. Ingrid was right. She hadn't been there for your recovery and now it was all she wanted. The guilt of it all threatened to choke her. She thought of how scared you must've been lying on the field in pain.
Though it was only 4:30 in the morning Frido got out of bed and went to the bathroom to start a scalding hot shower. She needed a plan for how to fix things between you two.
-
It began that morning. Alexia brought you to practice. You were still living with her for the time being, until you were one hundred percent cleared. You didn't mind it, in fact it was nice to get so much time with Alexia when she was normally busy.
You walked into the locker room, so pleased to be getting into your kit for the first time in a week and a half. Even if it was just for physio work, at least you were in the uniform once more.
Unexpectedly, sitting in your locker was a small stuffed cow with a card and one of your favorite protein bars propped against it. You picked up the plushie, pressing it to your face and enjoying the softness. You were a bit of a child when it came to stuffed animals: you loved them.
The card was written in very familiar handwriting, and your heart jumped into your throat.
This made me think of you. I'd really like to apologize after practice today. Perhaps we can grab a coffee?
- Fridolina
The message was a bit stilted, but you could practically hear Frido’s hesitation on the page. She was nervous.
Just then the blonde came into the locker room to grab something from her bag. She glanced at you quickly, not sure as to your reaction.
"Frido," you called softly. You hadn't decided until that moment to try and forgive her, "I'll see you after practice."
Frido seemed shocked, but quickly her mouth transformed into a wide smile.
Practice seemed to fly by now that you were allowed to do something. The physio workers had you weight training and doing yoga to try and work your muscles that were tight from the pain you had been in. You felt like you were making progress, finally, after more than a week of sitting around.
-
The car ride with Frido was quiet. You sat in the front seat, fiddling with your fingers and checking your phone as she drove. She had music playing softly, some indie band you didn't know. It was bordering on awkward, though not quite there. You simply didn't know what to say.
Once Frido was pulling off the street to parallel park you spoke.
"I don't think I've been here before."
"I just found it a little while ago when I was wandering around desperately in need of some coffee."
The shop was cute. The outside was painted in chipping yellow paint and the shutters were open. There were a few tables outside, an eclectic set of guests seated at them. There was an old man reading the paper, a student on her laptop, and a mother with her baby. The smell of baked goods wafted from the entrance.
"The muffins are fantastic, if you want one." Frido offered cautiously.
You nodded and gestured for her to enter first.
You decided on a chai and a cinnamon muffin which did look incredible, you had to admit. When you were about to pull out your card to pay you felt a hand on your arm.
"I'll pay, please."
You allowed it, understanding that this was all part of Frido trying to ask for forgiveness. You were willing to see this to the end. It shamed you to admit but you had missed her deeply. It felt good to be near her, to smell her perfume and anticipate her ticks that you knew so well. What made you stay was the possibility that she had missed you too.
Frido carried your drinks and food to the table you picked. It was still warm enough to sit outside even with the sun setting. You tapped your foot and ate your muffin slowly, waiting on her to say something. You didn't want to speak first, but it seemed as though you might have to.
"So…" you started, trailing off to try and prompt Frido.
"I wanted to apologize. Really apologize."
You sat quietly.
"Just for the concussion you gave me?"
Frido hesitated.
"I'm still figuring things out—it's all jumbled up in my head. I was talking to Ingrid the other day and she made me realize I had to set things straight."
"What exactly does that mean?"
"I'm not explaining this well—I wanted to apologize for hurting you. And I want us to be on better terms. I wish we could start over."
"That's it?"
Your chest squeezed painfully. You thought this was the chance you had to deal with the horrible ending to your relationship, but Frido seemed to have no interest in unpacking it. You couldn't help the way your anger flared in response to the hurt you felt.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay."
"I'm not exactly okay, Frido." You started to stand up. "I think it's better if I left. There's no hard feelings over the concussion, I knew it was an accident. Let's just forget about all of it."
Frido stood up quickly, reaching out to grab your elbow.
"Can I drive you back?"
You shook your head.
"I'd really rather walk. It isn't far to Alexia's."
Frido looked for a second like she would push further, but then she deflated and nodded.
"See you at practice, Frido. Thank you for the coffee."
-
You couldn't help the tears that fell down your face as you walked down the streets of Barcelona. Deciding to forget the whole thing was worse than being angry about it—at least then you got some acknowledgment. Now you felt as though Frido was telling you she just wanted to smooth things over and make nice. She wanted it to be as if this thing between you never existed—all the pain and attraction gone in one fell swoop. You wanted to scream.
How were you meant to play with someone who you had so much conflict with? Surely Alexia or Jona would begin to notice sooner or later. You knew it would affect the team chemistry. The thought just made you more upset.
The tears in your eyes began to fall faster. Not only was your relationship (whatever messy bleeding thing it had been) ruined, but there was a potential for it to impact your job, your team too. What would you do then? If it came down to you or Frido you couldn't imagine Barça picking you.
Alexia noticed you were crying the second she saw you, even though you tried to hide it.
"What's wrong?" She fretted, pulling you close to her. "What happened? I thought you were with Frido this afternoon? Why did she not drop you off?"
You just shook your head, burying it in your captain's sweater. She wrapped her arms around you, quietly shushing you.
"Come, let's sit down."
You felt like a child being led to the couch and leaning in Alexia's embrace. Deep breaths eventually calmed you down so you could speak.
"I'm sorry Ale, I shouldn't be coming here like this."
Alexia shook her head.
"Nonsense. Tell me what happened. Was it Fridolina?"
"It's my own fault, I let it get like this."
"Let what get like this? The accident?"
You shook your head.
"Not the accident. Frido and I have a…we have our difficulties."
Alexia looked at you, surprised.
"Really?"
"I don't think I can tell you…you're her captain I don't want to let it affect the team."
Alexia took your hand.
"I can separate work and personal life. I'm your friend too, and it seems like you need one."
"We were seeing each other, kind of. In secret." You sighed. "We weren't exclusive, she just wanted some fun I think. I didn't."
You felt defeated. There wasn't much more to do. You just had to accept your fate.
Alexia looked at you for a moment in disbelief. She had had no idea.
Another Chance to Live Part 1 (Ana Maria Crnogorčević x Reader)
Summary: Ana and you are both struggling with unwanted transfers, but maybe you can at least find happiness off the pitch.
A/N: This is the first part of a story I've been working on for a while. I guess my way of processing my emotions about Ana's transfer. I've been in the denial stage for a long time 😅
The next two chapters are already written (just need to edit them) and so far it's a total of about 13k words. I'm now at a crossroad which will decide how long the story becomes. So I thought I'd publish the first part and see how much interest there is in a story like this to help me decide.
It felt like a cruel joke of the universe that now, now when you had been forced to leave, the woman you’ve had a crush on for years, joined your team, or well your former team. Words that made your heart crack a little more every time you thought them. Never in a billion years had you expected your team to become your former team.
Ever since you had first laid eyes on Ana you had been dazzled by her, not necessarily only by her looks, although you definitely enjoyed them, but also by her personality and her aura. She always radiated so much kindness and positive energy. It was impossible not to be drawn to her.
Sadly your paths didn’t cross all too often and when they did, Ana was always somewhere in the heart of whatever group you were part of, while you were lingering on the edges, looking in. So the Swiss woman was probably only vaguely aware of your existence, while you soaked up every detail you could find about Ana. The more you learnt, the more you liked her.
And yes, sometimes when you lay in bed at night you made up little scenarios how the two of you would meet. One of your favorite ones was Ana coming to Atleti, not really knowing her way around Madrid yet, so you take her under your wing and show her everything. And of course she starts falling for you as you spend so much time together. It was your imagination after all, so you could day dream all you wanted.
Now part of this little fantasy was actually coming true, Ana really was joining Atlético, and it frustrated you to no end that now that she came, you were gone. Although perhaps it wasn’t the universe being cruel towards you, maybe it was protecting you because even if you played for the same team there was no way the Swiss woman would ever go for someone like you.
Still, you spent a good amount of time fuming about it in your apartment. Possibly also because it was easier to focus on that rather than on the fact that your childhood club had just dropped you like you meant nothing. Every time you remembered the conversation with the club’s managers you felt like throwing up, hiding under the covers for the rest of your life, and ripping off your ears so you didn’t have to listen to one more word from them. So yeah, it was comforting in a weird way to think about your missed chance with Ana, especially since it never had been much of a chance anyway.
It was harder to hold on to that strange comfort when training actually started and you had to go to Real Madrid’s training center every day. Most days were spent attempting to do your best and keep your negative emotions in check, while thinking nonstop about how much you hated this, how much you wanted to return to Atelti, how much you wanted to leave Madrid altogether.
So all in all you weren’t having the best time, barely getting by was actually a more accurate way to describe it. Then a few weeks after the season started you got a call from Lola.
“Sooo I heard you’re doing a lot of moping these days,” she teased you.
However there was an underlying note of worry in her voice. You had done your best to pretend as if Atleti’s decision hadn’t hurt you, that these things happen in football, and you were completely fine with it, but Lola had seen right through it.
“I’m not moping, I’m just quiet and focused like usual,” you quickly defended yourself. It was only partially true, you hated every single second you spent at the training center of Real Madrid.
“That’s not what I’ve heard, but how about you convince me over a cup of coffee. Maybe tomorrow afternoon?”
You didn’t even question how Lola knew that you had the day off tomorrow, apparently she had some spies at Real. As much as you didn’t want to continue talking about the misery that was your new club, you did want to see your friend, so you agreed.
“I might ask some other people if they want to tag along. Everyone misses you,” Lola continued, making you happy and sad at the same time. It was nice to be missed, but you wished you weren’t in a position where you could be missed.
Before you could hang up, Lola told you to bring “your moping buddy Misa”, then she ended the call with a cackle, not giving you any chance to retaliate. In all honesty there was some truth to it, both you and Misa were unhappy at Real, so it wasn’t surprising that she was the only person you had really bonded with so far.
Going by Lola’s words you expected a big group the next day when you entered the café you had agreed upon. What you found however were merely three people, Lola, Misa and no one other than Ana.
Suddenly your stomach was filled with butterflies flapping their wings wildly, making you somewhat nauseous as a result. You hadn’t expected this and you weren’t prepared for it at all. If it wouldn’t have been incredibly rude you would have walked right back out of the café.
Instead you walked over to the small group, doing your best impression of a friendly smile. You could have sworn you saw a knowing glint in both Misa’s and Lola’s eyes. There was no way they knew about your crush though, right?
Lola jumped up when she saw you, hugging you tightly. “It’s good to see you, chica, I’ve missed you,” she told you.
You had to blink a couple of times to chase away the tears burning in your eyes. There was no denying that you had missed her too, all of your former teammates really. You longed to be back at Atlético, and not only because Ana was there.
Right, Ana.
You extracted yourself from your friend and smiled at the blonde. Should you hug her as well? Or greet her with kisses on the cheeks? That’s exactly why you should have been informed that Ana would be there, so that you could think this over beforehand. Or, well, over think it.
Unlike you Ana knew exactly what to do; she got up, greeted you kindly and gave you a quick hug. “It’s nice to see you again, Y/N. We’ve never had much of a chance to talk, so I’m glad we get one now.”
For a few seconds too long you started at her. You were torn between awe, and a little bit of envy, at how easily the Swiss woman had navigated this greeting, and shock. She remembered you? She was happy to see you? Once your heart slowed down from a wild canter to a moderate gallop and your brain was working more clearly again, you realized that this was probably just something Ana had said to make the situation less awkward, not something she truly meant.
“So, do you want to sit down?” Lola suggested with a smirk on her face. Thankfully she left it at that though and you quickly sank down into a chair. You felt too embarrassed to look at Ana, so you completely missed the reassuring smile she sent your way.
After that things went much more smoothly, mostly because Lola and Ana carried the conversation, allowing you and Misa to remain in your preferred role, attentive listener. Your former teammate as well as your crush tried valiantly to draw you out of your shell, but out of fear of saying something stupid, you kept your answers as short as possible without being weird or unfriendly. If only you could think of something witty to say!
On the bright side your relative quietness gave you a good opportunity to study Ana. She was stunning as always, but you could easily spot the signs of the toll this move to the Atlético had taken on her; her smile wasn’t quite as wide as usual and didn’t reach her eyes, her voice was a little duller, there were badly covered up dark bags underneath her eyes and she was a bit more subdued than normal in general. Man, you really had spent way too long looking at any video of her you could find to notice things like that!
Then all of the sudden Misa let out a gasp. “I completely forgot I promised my neighbor I’d let in her daughter today. I need to leave right now to make it.”
You frowned at your teammate; it wasn’t like her to forget something as important as that. Was something more than her unhappiness with being stuck at Real bothering her? You made a mental note to ask Misa about it the next day, remind her that you were always there if she needed someone.
Misa’s departure didn’t really change anything in the dynamic, she hadn’t contributed much just like you. But then Lola got a phone call from her girlfriend who apparently needed your former teammate urgently. She looked at the two of you apologetically, however you could swear that there was some glee shimmering behind her regretful front.
“You girls should stay here and enjoy the rest of the afternoon. Really I’m so sorry about this, don’t let it ruin your day,” Lola babbled, pressing a kiss to both your and Ana’s cheek before dashing out of the café.
You looked after her with confusion. The confusion however was short-lived, quickly drowned out by panic once you realized that you were now left alone with Ana. No more hiding behind other people, no more safety net. You weren’t ready. However leaving also wasn’t an option, there was no way you could do so without offending Ana, so you had to pull yourself together.
“I’m sorry about that,” Ana apologized, bringing your confusion back. As far as you were aware the Swiss woman had absolutely nothing to apologize for.
“They probably planned this because they think I need to be more social again. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jenni put them up to it, she’s been pretty worried,” the Swiss woman specified, leaving you reeling because you didn’t know how to deal with that much honesty.
“Oh,” you replied, praying that some more words would enter your brain. “Maybe they also did it for me. They think I’m pretty antisocial in general,” you finished, kicking yourself for making yourself look even more pathetic than you already did.
To your surprise Ana didn’t seem put off; on the contrary she chuckled and said, “Well we can be antisocial together then.”
The Swiss woman using the word ‘together’ in reference to the both of you made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, you could definitely get used to that.
In an attempt to take control of the situation and not end up blurting out something stupid if Ana asked you a question, you inquired how she was liking Madrid so far. It seemed like a normal thing to ask someone that had just moved to a new place.
However the Swiss woman didn’t answer right away, which was atypical for her who always seemed to have a reply ready. That combined with the guarded look in her eyes made you realize that this wasn’t a safe and easy topic for her. In your rush to make sure nothing that would be complicated for you came up, you had totally forgotten that Ana’s own move to Madrid had been anything but a happy occurence. Way to be selfish!
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Forget I said anything, that was such a stupid thing to say,” you apologized frantically
“No, don’t worry, it’s fine,” Ana quickly reassured you. “I just don’t really know what to say. Obviously I didn’t want to come here, I miss Barcelona. Both the city and the team. So I’m not having the best time to be completely honest. Then again I also haven’t given Madrid much of a chance yet. So…”
The Swiss woman’s openness left you stunned once again. This could never be you, sharing your thoughts and feelings so freely. At the same time you noticed with a surge of excitement and dread that Ana’s explanation gave you a good opening, not unlike your daydreams in fact.
Your fear of being annoying and overstepping was battling hard against your longing to get to spend more time with the blonde in the future. In the end you decided to go for it, maybe Ana would appreciate it and if she didn’t want to hang out again, she could just say so. Of course there was still the fear of rejection holding you back, but you shoved that to the back of your mind. If you didn’t ask the answer would always be no, right?
“If you want to I could show you around Madrid sometime. I’ve lived here all my life so I know the place like the back of my hand and know some nice places. Totally fine if you don’t of course, I’m sure there are many other people that could show you around.”
You spoke in record speed, making it hard for Ana to follow, which was why it took her a moment to answer. These few seconds were some of the most horrible ones in your life. If she said no now all your hopes would be shattered once and for all. Everyone always said it was important to know so you could move on, but honestly if the Swiss woman didn’t want to spend any time with you, you didn’t want to know.
“That sounds great, I’d love to,” Ana replied once she had enough time to process your jumble of words.
“Really?” You double checked, the words out of your mouth before you could stop yourself.
“Yeah, definitely,” the Swiss woman confirmed with a gentle smile. A smile that you returned happily. You hadn’t felt this excited in a while, it was a nice change from the bleakness that had become your constant companion.
The rest of your time together was spent chatting easily. You weren’t a great conversationalist, however with Ana it came much more natural. The blonde definitely did the heavy lifting, but you were happy with your own contributions. You even made her laugh a few times!
Later that day when you were back in your apartment you were much more critical, taking apart every single thing that you had said and coming to the conclusion that you must be the stupidest person on the planet. Thankfully you were going to get another chance in a few days and this time you would be better prepared. You would say interesting things and you would make sure Ana had a great time. The blonde deserved some joy and happiness and you would do your best to give her that.
Before your next meeting with Ana you actually made a plan; you would make a list of her interests and think of possible questions, some jokes and interesting facts you could mention. You spent one evening on it, working furiously and then you realized what you were doing, feeling very foolish all of the sudden. You scrunched up the piece of paper and threw it into the trash with some force.
This was pointless and unnecessary and totally embarrassing! Maybe you weren’t the best at coming up with things to say on the spot, but rehearsing everything like this was a role in a play was stupid. The urge to do absolutely everything to get Ana to like you was huge, however is she only liked this carefully crafted version of you that wasn’t any better than her not liking you at all.
Also, you shouldn’t even attempt to get the Swiss woman to like you. Just like you should keep your own crush in check. Ana’s life was complicated enough at the moment, you didn’t need to add your infatuation into the mix.
Unfortunately your noble plan to ignore your crush failed miserably. Whenever you spent time with Ana you fell a little more for her. It was simply impossible not to when she was the kindest, funniest, most interesting and on top of that most beautiful person in the world.
Like when you were out and about on one of your strolls to the city and a young couple approached you, asking if you could take a picture of them. As was typical for you, you hesitated for a moment; not necessarily because you didn’t want to, but because your mind was already working in overdrive, supplying you with every possible negative outcome.
Ana on the other hand smiled at them. “Of course! Where do you want to take it?”
And then she proceeded to take several pictures of the two, showing them to the couple, and when they weren’t completely satisfied yet, she even offered her own suggestions on how they might turn out even better.
All the way you were just watching them, well mostly Ana, with a goofy smile. You loved how much she cared, how much effort she put into random people she didn’t even know. No wait, you didn’t love that, you liked that, admired it.
Or when Ana convinced you to go into a tiny café. A place you would have never frequented on your own because the intimacy of it freaked you out. Not the blonde though. Within seconds she began chatting with the owner, a middle-aged woman who was thrilled someone showed so much interest in her small establishment.
The cake you got was very tasty as was the coffee and the homemade ice tea. You were quick to admit that Ana had made a good decision by forcing you to go there.
However what really pulled at your heartstring was that the Swiss woman went up to the owner afterwards and asked if it was okay to post about this place on Instagram. The poor woman almost started crying out of happiness and thanked Ana profusely, while the blonde kept insisting that this was nothing and really it should be her thanking the owner.
So it was safe to say that you fell deeper and harder every time you saw Ana. But it was okay, you had a foolproof way to make sure that the blonde didn’t figure it out and therefore her life didn’t get disrupted because of you. Whenever you echoed a statement Ana had made about how much she liked hanging out with you or that she thought you were a great person, you always added ‘friend’ into the mix; “I enjoy hanging out with you too, you’re such a great friend.” and “Aw thank you. You’re one of the best people and friends I know too!”
Sometimes when you were feeling particularly hopeful you wondered if the lack of specification on Ana’s part meant that she liked you as more than a friend. You always discarded the idea quickly though. It was much more likely that the thought of being more than friends was so ludicrous to the blonde, something that had probbly never even grazed her mind, that she didn’t feel the need to explicitly state it.
Despite having to resign yourself to the fact that Ana didn’t like you like that, it still made you happy that she was usually in a good mood when you were hanging out. Something you were secretly very proud of. Still every once in a while her sadness shined through, for example when she heard someone speak Catalan or when she saw something that reminded her of Barcelona.
One time a group of fans came up to her. They were friendly and excited and the Swiss woman matched their energy effortlessly. But then one of them mentioned how sad they were that Ana wasn’t playing for Barça anymore. You were forced to watch the blonde deflate slightly after that thoughtless statement. She was good at pretending though, so the fans were none the wiser.
When they were gone you gathered all of your courage. Up until now you had stayed in the shallows of easy conversation so this was a first and once again you worried about overstepping. But when you saw Ana’s sad eyes and the forcefully pulled up corners of her mouth, you couldn’t stay silent.
“Do you want to talk about it? I mean your transfer from Barça? I know we haven’t really talked about that or othe serious things yet, but I’m always happy to listen. I’m actually pretty good at that.”
The Swiss woman sighed, rubbing a hand over her face.
“That’s very sweet but honestly I’ve been talking so much about it lately. Sometimes it feels like it’s the only thing anyone wants to talk about anymore. So if it’s okay with you could we just continue like before? The distraction has been helping a lot.”
You had been helping! Happiness flowed through you and your smile was maybe a bit bigger than was warranted for a situation like this. However unless Ana was studying you as intently as you always studied her, you doubted that the blonde would notice.
“Yeah, of course. I’m happy to help in anyway.”
Ana and you kept seeing each other regularly and it was the undisputed highlight of your current life. Honestly it was a little worrying how few other things brought you any joy, but you didn’t allow yourself to dwell on that.
So when you were put into a situation where you had to cancel on Ana you were devastated. It wasn’t an appropriate reaction to something so small, but you had a ten minute crying session until you could even begin to function properly again. Calling the Swiss woman was out of the question though, you were still chocked up and sniffling.
Instead you texted her, apologizing multiple times and explaining that you were roped into doing all sorts of things last minute for your father’s birthday tomorrow. You could have slapped yourself for not seeing this coming. Sure, your parents had assured you time and time again that everything was taken care of, but you should have known better. Then you could have done it before today and weren’t forced to cancel on Ana.
Only minutes after you had sent the text your phone started ringing with a call from the Swiss woman. With wide, panicked eyes you stared at the screen. In the end your desire to at least hear Ana’s voice if you couldn’t see her won out. Hopefully she wouldn’t notice anything.
„Hey I just saw your text and wanted to ask if I can help out with anything.”
You smiled at your phone, your heart warmed by Ana’s kindness. There was no doubt in your mind that she would actually follow through on your offer. Not that you would ever take it.
“Aw thank you so much, Ana! But it’s okay really. Most things I have to do at my parents place anyway. You know help them clean and decorate. So I’ll be out most of the day, and then in the evening I’ll have to bake the cake. Who knows how that’s going to go.”
You chuckled, even if you were feeling slightly panicked at the idea of baking. Normally your mother was in charge of that, but she had broken her arm a few weeks ago, so that was out of the question. Moments like this made you wish that you had some siblings or some cousins for that matter, just anyone to help you out.
“Not to brag, but I’m actually a great baker. So if you want some help, I’m happy to come over in the evening and help,” the blonde offered.
It would be nice to have some help, and you always wanted to see Ana. Plus she had brought up the idea of her own accord, so surely it was okay, right?
“That would be great actually. Thank you so much,” you replied, not giving your mind any more opportunity to drive yourself crazy.
Ana and you quickly planned everything out before you hung up and left to do everything else. With the prospect of seeing the Swiss woman later today you were a lot more cheerful than before.
“What’s got you so happy?” Your mother asked you while she supervised the decorating process.
It was incredibly frustrating since she kept criticizing everything you did. Every few minutes you had to step away for a moment, take some deep breaths and visualize how your evening with Ana would be, full of laughter and fun conversation.
“Not this, that’s for sure,” you muttered, low enough so that your mothers whose hearing wasn’t the best anymore, couldn’t here you.
“What?”
“Nothing,” you said louder, “I’m just in a good mood, I guess.”
There was no point in bringing up Ana. Nothing would ever happen between the two of you and even after knowing about it for almost ten years your parents still struggled with your sexuality. To avoid unnecessary conflict and awkwardness you never spoke about women you liked unless it was something serious. So never.
“You should focus on decorating and not smile so much. Maybe then we would get somewhere.”
You rolled your eyes, but kept your mouth shut. No point in pointing out that most parents would be happy if their child was happy. And it wasn’t like your mother wasn’t happy about it, she just wasn’t good at being pleasant around you. Somehow she always felt the need to criticize you.
Hours later you got into your car, quickly drove away and as soon as you were a decent distance from your parents’ house you let out a loud scream, releasing all of the built up frustration. Then you set your focus on the near future, on the fact that you would be meeting Ana in half an hour at your apartment. Baking wasn’t really your thing, but baking with the Swiss sounded like a lot of fun. Anything was fun with her really; just being around her made you so happy.
When you got to your apartment Ana was already waiting for you, leaning against her car. A big smile appeared on the blonde’s face when she saw you and she waved at you happily. It warmed your insides, swept away any remnant of frustration from the long day with your parents, seeing how excited Ana was to see you.
You got set up quickly, putting out all the ingredients and opening up the recipe you had settled on. Then you turned to the Swiss woman expectantly.
“So any baking pro tips from you before we start?” You asked teasingly.
Ana looked at you sheepishly.
“To be completely honest I don’t really know that much about baking. I usually only bake once a year to make some Christmas cookie,” the blonde admitted, scratching her nose.
You frowned at her in confusion. This didn’t really make any sense to you, but you didn’t want to make Ana feel bad about it.
“So why did you say you did?” You asked carefully. „I mean only if you want to tell me, it’s totally fine if you don’t. I’m sure you had your reasons.”
The Swiss woman blushed a little as she explained herself, “I really just wanted to spend some time with you today.”
Your heart started racing at this confession, your hopes going through the roof. It didn’t take long for the logical part of your brain to bring you back to earth though. Surely this didn’t mean what you wanted it to mean. Most likely Ana was just struggling today and didn’t want to be alone.
“Oh I’m sorry you’re having a hard time today. You know you can always tell me that and if it’s possible at all I’ll always make time for you. You don’t have to make up reasons to hang out.”
Ana stared at you with a pained expression. It hurt your heart to see her in pain and it made you wonder if something had happened today, perhaps something that reminded her of Barcelona?
“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked when the blonde stayed quiet, but then you thought better of it. “Wait no I’m sorry, you already said that you’re tired of talking about it before and that you prefer a distraction. So let’s bake!”
You put some extra excitement into your voice and made sure to keep up a stream of easy chatter as you got to work. For a while Ana remained a bit distant and quiet, but before too long her smile returned and she began talking and joking.
When the blonde laughed loudly at a joke you had made you felt very proud of yourself for giving Ana what she needed, a distraction. If you continued to be helpful she would keep wanting to hang out with you and that was also very much in your interest. Even if the knowledge that it meant something else to you hurt somewhat every time you thought of it.
However it was all worth it to get to spend time with Ana. Everything was worth that.
