{ Iâm moving Glenn to here, @moon-caught. Iâll assume any threads will continue there for those who are interested! }
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{ Iâm moving Glenn to here, @moon-caught. Iâll assume any threads will continue there for those who are interested! }
{ Iâm moving Glenn to here, @moon-caught. Iâll assume any threads will continue there for those who are interested! }
{ Iâm moving Glenn to here, @moon-caught. Iâll assume any threads will continue there for those who are interested! }
{ Iâm moving Glenn to here, @moon-caught. Iâll assume any threads will continue there for those who are interested! }
{ Iâd like to get some more threads on here so give this post a like and Iâll go through your meme tag and send you a few! Iâll most likely send multiples so thereâs no pressure to answer any or all of them! }
i needed more glenn so here he is teaching felix how to fight
offraldariusâ:
âDo notââ A finger came up as they walked, a waning. âDo not apologize for that things current state. Do not take the brunt of my anger towards him. The issue I have with you is far different than the one I have with him.âÂ
His brother had gone missing, presumed dead. Heâd been injured and gone for nearly ten years. Felix was merely angry that his brother never contacted him. The things that happened while he was âdeadâ were out of his control and Felix wouldnât hold him at fault. He wouldnât hold him at fault for Rodrigue and the way he chose to handle Glennâs death. He wouldnât hold him at fault for Dimitriâs state of mind. The blame for that fell on the subjects of his ire, and other surrounding entities at play.
âIâve gotten used to this. Like I said. He hasnât been the same since Duscur. Iâve known for quite a while that thisââ He gestured vaguely, meaning their crowned princes current stateâ âwas the inevitable outcome. Iâd bore witness to it when we were fifteen and he slaughtered his enemies with a smile. After that, he pretended to be something he wasnât. Pretended to be a kind prince without a violent bone in his body. And these people believed it. This was how he was always going to end up.â
   Heâs not keen on allowing Felixâs hatred for the prince to worsen; heâs afraid of what his attitude towards Dimitri could result in, but heâll keep those thoughts, as he did with most, to himself. Felix isnât the same child he had grown up with and, at times, it was difficult for him to accept just how much his younger brother had grown, he had to realize Felix was an adult now with his own thoughts and opinions and it was no longer his job to shield him from the harm those thoughts could bring upon him. But Felix has already made his opinion of their future king painfully clear, and he can only hope that, one day, both of them will come to terms with everything that has happened and learn how to live with one another again.Â
     For now, he can only shake his head. âI wonât then...â He wants to say more; wants to urge him to try to be more open with Dimitri and, in return, wants to encourage him to believe in the feelings he harbors, good and bad, because he fully agrees that, as he is now, Dimitri is unfit to be a king. But heâs nothing more than a wounded, forgotten dog and if he were to reveal his fangs to his master, heâd surely be put down. Felix has the freedom to voice everything he has lost the right to say, and he can only have faith that his brother wonât allow the opinions and actions of others to sway. And heâs fairly confident that they wonât be able to - if heâs learned anything about his brother since his return it was that he was painfully stubborn.Â
    He canât comment on how much Dimitri has and hasnât changed - he doesnât know. He hasnât been around the prince in nearly a decade, and the other had made it clear he wanted as little to do with him as possible. He had a sinking suspicion of what Dimitri was like now due to the battle he had fought in with the other, but Felixâs story all but confirms his fears regarding the future king. He had never imagined that Dimitri would take the death of his beloved father well; or the deaths of everyone else who had been lost that day, but the extremes he had gone to for those who were nothing more than mere ghosts wallowing about in their grief was concerning.Â
    âPerhaps...although, I am grateful you are not taking his side...without question of his actions...what his highness has done...I cannot agree with. However...I do not wish for something to happen to you as a result...I am sorry that you have been forced to fight in this...ugly war. I know there is nothing I can do...but I have every intention of fighting now that I am here. Not for the prince...but for everyone else.â He canât bring himself to admit that heâs largely here out of a desire to protect Felix and Ingrid rather than Dimitri himself - admitting something like that would likely only earn him Felixâs scorn all over again. âI am still capable of fighting...though I imagine I must seem weak to you now...I will still do all that I can.âÂ
nessblessedâ:
Ugh, he was like a weak DOGÂ now. Stating thing that he no doubt knew Dimitri wish to hear. Tucking his tail between his legs and hoping to saunter off. It was pathetic. A facade of the man that Glenn once used to be. They all had looked up to him. They all wanted to BEÂ like him. But now? Now Glenn was just someone for some to pity and others to scorn. Dimitri fell into the latter group. Because not only did the other abandon his position and hide away, he also proved to be a coward even when finally brought to the front lines.
âServe me?â A soft yet cruel chuckle pushed passed the exiled kingâs lips. Oh, that was hilarious. The funniest thing heâd heard in a long time. If Glenn wished to SERVE him, he would have shown up years ago. Would have been there when the monastery was attacked the first time. Would have helped to repel that womanâs forces.
âSo by serving me you have done nothing more but hide away. Even worse, you had Dedue hiding with you for these past five years. Have you turned him against me too? Should I expect to find you both hovering over my bed one night with daggers in your hands?â
   He was well aware that nothing he could ever say would be capable of smoothing things over with Dimitri and, truthfully, he wasnât trying to. As he was now, Glenn could never bring himself to agree with Dimitriâs thoughts and judgements pertaining to the war, but he was obligated to follow him; if only because he wished to protect Felix this time around. However, that wasnât to say he was heartless or that he hated Dimitri; he was still his future king, and still someone he had been close with before the battle that had removed from everyoneâs lives up until now. Frankly, he was both used to and prepared for the princeâs harsh words. They didnât bother him. What did, though, was the fact that Dimitri was even capable of losing faith in Dedue; someone who should have his trust without a shadow of a doubt given that he had been serving as the princeâs retainer for some time now.Â
    It wasnât that he pitied Dedue, but rather that he was concerned for Dimitri, and what he might be capable of should that relationship be ripped from his hands and trampled on. His actions were extreme enough, in Glennâs opinions, and anything more would be needlessly endangering the lives of the people who had chosen to follow him regardless of his endless rage and hatred. But it wasnât his place to speak out; to provide his opinion when it wasnât wanted or needed. He had been raises a noble and knight, he knew his place well, even if Dimitri had come to despise him.Â
     âOf course not...Dedue was not in hiding...he was gravely wounded. Had he been...capable of returning to your side before now...he would have. Think whatever you wish of me...I know you will not believe me...regardless of what I say...so I will not try to convince you otherwise...but I can barely hold a dagger these says...I would not have the strength to kill you, even if I wished to do so.âÂ
â :|: â
offraldariusâ:
âHe still is. Infuriating.âÂ
Heâd been aware of how his brother was towards Dimitri and others. Heâd seen it first hand but had never been the one to experience it. His brother was firm but still kind and patient with him when he did have the time to spend with him. Perhaps that why it angered him so much when Dimitri used to bring it up because Dimitri had the first hand experience and was probably the best person to make the comparison aside from their father.Â
He hadnât wanted to hear it from either of them.Â
âThatâŠthing isnât him.â It never felt right to say his name anymore. When was the last time heâd called Dimitri by his name?  âHe never came back from Duscur. Someone else entirely came back and has been masquerading as him ever since.âÂ
Perhaps that was why he was so angry when it regarded their prince. Theyâd both lost Glenn. Dimitri lost his parents. Had seen horrible things but never honestly confided in him about them. And when he saw what Dimitri was hiding underneath the false smiles and admissions of peace; saw that he was pretending it wasnât a part of him, heâd realized he lost his brother and his best friend on the same day. It had taken him too long to realize it though and the way he handled it probably wasnât the best.
âThereâs a good chance youâve come out of hiding to join a feral princeâs suicidal vendetta. He no longer cares for the people. For his friends. Itâs a one track mission to get the head of Edelgard.â
    Felixâs brash manner of addressing Dimitri still catches him off guard, but itâs difficult for him to touch on the subject when a part of him agreed with his younger brother and the other half had once snapped at Dimitri in much the same way when he had felt frustrated and defeated. He could sympathize with both of them. On one hand, Dimitriâs life had been nothing but his own personal Hell and seeing those who love die one after the other is a difficult pill to swallow that one never truly gets all the way down, Felixâs anger and hesitation towards him are also entirely valid. Dimitri, who was bot fit to lead in his current condition, was in charge of a loosely pieced together army with nothing but a desire for revenge and completely heedless of the lives that would be lost in the process of attempting to obtain his deepest desire. Â
    And he canât claim Felix wouldnât understand what it was like to be in Dimitriâs position when he very well did. âHe...â he hesitated for a moment, mulling over his words in his head as if trying to speak carefully for the sake of someone who wasnât even there with them in that moment. But it was habit. He had already earned Dimitriâs rage, and he could safely assume that if he stepped on the other manâs toes much more, he would be removed from the army and lose any hope he had of being here with Felix and Ingrid. âHe is difficult...that much I know...it would be best if you took your frustration out on me...rather than him...it is...my fault, as well.âÂ
    At least partly, though, even if he had returned years ago, he imagined Dimitri would have still turned out the same. He was little more than a friend, he couldnât replace everyone else Dimitri had lost that day. As prince, Dimitri must have felt that he couldnât allow himself to become weak and had kept all of his emotions bottled up within him. He may have even made things worse. While he had been close to Dimitri, that relationship had always been a bit rocky. There was too much they had never agreed upon, and Glenn had always believed Dimitri naive and misguided, even more so now.Â
    âI do not believe he does...not care...he...although...I cannot wholly disagree with you.â He shook his head, still struggling to remain kind towards Dimitri whole also holding him accountable for his actions. He hoped the other would come around, but at the rate he was going, he wasnât terribly confident about that. For Felix, who had been with him the entire time, slowly watching him spiral out of control it must have frustrating and painful. âI apologize...it must have been difficult for you...dealing with him as he is now.â  Â
tomestobetoldâ:
There was so much weight to his words, Ingrid didnât know how to carry all of it. Some things made sense to her, but others didnât. He worried for them, he had planned to come backâ but only to die. He loved Felix and his family, but not enough to come back to them.
She tried not to make it about herself, but she had been one of his discarded loved ones too. Whether or not heâd any marital feelings for her (and Ingrid knew he hadnât), Glenn had been her dearest friend and she had only been thirteen.
And that girl had cried for months over someone who had never been dead.
Ingrid shook her head slightly, shaking herself free from her circling thoughts. Her brow was pursed, a slight frown on her face. Her shoulders were tense and she crossed her arms. It made her look like she was trying to defend herself somehow. Leave no vulnerabilities.
âAlright. I donât think excuses would matter at this point anyway. Whatâs done⊠is done.â
There was no undoing the past. As upset as half of her was, the other half was too tired from the war to carry on and scream. She had already lost her own brother to the fight with the Empire. Getting someone back, no matter how deceptive it might be, was a blessing from the Goddess.
ââŠWhat do you play to do about it now?â she asked instead. âHow⊠how are you going to make this up to Felix? I know heâll say that you canât, and heâll think he means it, but that wonât really be true. So what are you going to do now that youâre with our forces?â
   While she hadnât greeted him with the same anger his brother and Dimitri had, he could tell she was unhappy, but also well aware of the fact that attempting to say more on the matter would likely only make matter worse. She was right, excuses didnât matter at this point, and attempting to come up with them would make the situation worse. He could sit here and explain to her why he had been gone for so long; he could try to beg for her forgiveness, but, in the end, doing so would have been pointless. If he wished to regain their trust, he would have to prove himself through his actions - something he full intended to do so. If their hatred for him persisted, he would have to accept that there was nothing he could do to change their minds.Â
     What did he plan to do? He had years to come up with the answer to that question, but he had never found one. Felix was difficult - always had been, and trying to make amends with him was going to be like a climbing a mountain barefoot with a broken leg; something he was more than willing to do for his younger brother, but, even then, he wasnât confident that Felix would forgive him. And he couldnât even agree with Dimitriâs methods and how he was treating those around him, making working things out with him nearly impossible.
    Still, he intended to stay. This had never been about the kingdom or Dimitri - it had never been about the war, or the lives that had been lost. It had always been about returning to Felix and Ingrid, and protecting them through all of this to the best of his ability. They werenât children anymore, they could take care of themselves, but that wasnât going to stop him from trying. He had to know he was still capable of something; anything for them. Â
   âI have spoken with Felix...or rather I have tried...he still refuses to see me.â Not that he blamed his brother, though he did wish he wasnât so stubborn at times, but that was a trait that happened to run in their blood. âI intend to keep trying...I am aware...he may never forgive me, but he is still my brother...and I will not abandon him again. I would do anything...just for him to speak to me again....even if he were to tell me he hated me.â Â
     âI do not agree with Dimitriâs methods...or his opinions on this war, but I still intend to fight in it...I will not let you and Felix fight this war...on your own any longer. Whatever I can do...to be of use to either one of you...I will gladly do.â Â
hajime is bae <3
tomestobetoldâ:
When Glenn said heâd be there for her knighting, Ingridâs smile widened. She looked a bit girlish againâ enthusiastic and giddy. She wanted everyone she cared about to be there. To see her in her proudest moment. Watch he be knighted.
âIâm going to hold you to that,â she warned teasingly with a small laugh.
âYou know⊠the reason I came to the academy in the first place, is because of you,â she added.Â
It might not be something that Glenn would want to hear, but Ingrid wanted to tell him. To thank him properly for how he inspired her when she was younger. When no one else thought anything of her other than to be his wife one day, heâd told her she could be anything she wanted.
She smiled a bit wistfully.
âYou taught me how to fight when I was a kid, and⊠that gave me the option to attend the academy,â she explained. âAt first, I was trying to make your memory proud, but⊠I really liked it. For myself. It gave me a bigger purpose than just waiting for my father to find me a new fiancee.â
Her parents would have preferred if sheâd done the latter.
âSo I⊠Iâll be really happy to see you there.â
Glenn was the person who showed her how to think more of herself than just what the world expected.
   âI expect you to.â He had no intention of missing the ceremony, but he couldnât blame her if she still lacked trust in him, and he wanted her to hold him accountable this time around. He hadnât been there when she needed him the most - he hadnât been there when the war had broken out or to comfort her when she believed him dead, but he could, at least, be there to see her become a knight, even if he was well aware her own parents must despise her desire to pursue her dream. Perhaps he should consider convincing Felix and the others to attend if they had not already planned to do so, he imagined the more who were able to come the better it would be for Ingrid.Â
     Her claim didnât come as much of a surprise to him; he had heard the others speak often about how she had admired him and wish to be like him, though he could never wrap his around why. To him, Ingrid was a far more noble person than he could ever hope to be. Nor was the idea of him being the reason she had gotten dragged into this mess here reassuring, but, in the end, this was the path she had chosen and he would support her despite his worries (truthfully, he worried about everyone, even Felix who very much didnât want his concern).Â
    âRegardless of the reason...I am simply glad you have been able to pursue your dream.â While he may have provided her with the tools to take the first step, this was something she had wished from the bottom of her heart. Even if he could blame himself for dragging her into a war, he was still thankful he had taught her how to fight - she would have been forced to do say, and she had managed to avoid being forced into a marriage she didnât wish for, as well.Â
     âI am glad...I was able to help you find something you enjoy.â He had never personally enjoyed fighting, which might come as a surprise given how Felix is now, but it had given her a reason to pick her head up and not bow to the whims of her parents, and that was good enough for him. As a child, he had been a bit more interested in swordsmanship and war, but, as he was now, he had little desire to continue fighting unless he truly needed to. She was far braver than he was, but he also doubted she would believe him if he told her that.    Â
    âAnd I will be grateful that I can be there...to see you realize your dream.â This was something precious to her; something she values dearly, and she had been willing to allow him to be a part of it despite the hardship he had put her through. It was truly an honor for him to be allowed to attend, and even more of one that she had invited him. Â
naajmaâ:
A flicker, is all that it is âââ the faintest hint of vexation that should ever cross upon the skin. Within his eyes. Inside even the heart and soul. The memories were few, but tore into him no differently than the blades of anotherâs ( foul ) words;Â poison that flows from the maw of oppressors and onlookers alike. Why he has told so many in life to stay away, and to never approach. It was always for the better.
ââŠUnpleasant,â he murmured, giving away little of what his chest had ached with for so long â anger that lacked the will to be expressed, for he knew that the end of it all would never come. He could only accept it as it were, bare his teeth, and move ahead. Ease, nurture, and steady the ire that boiled in the blood, even when the vitriol of the otherâs words that day had given him so great a reason to react â to repel the ugliness of his spiel with a force that not even his own restraint could tame.Â
âŠBut, he never had. Never could, now that he was in this state. Even when his own experiences were minimized, made a mockery of out of ignorance, such an action could never be carried out in full. He had still been a friend of His Highness; had still been a friend of his, even when the word itself had to be twisted and reconstructed to better suit the description. It was ⊠oft complicated to describe, for tolerance and hatred existed as a single, reigning entity.Â
ââŠBecause we were classmates, I could never hate him. But I will not deny the days in which I had truly despised him.â Something unspeakable, but had very much been there whether he wished to address its presence or not. ââŠThough there remains some semblance of bitterness⊠I must swallow and continue to draw breath.â
   Unpleasant...he canât claim that heâs surprised to hear his brother described in such a manner, but it stings regardless. While his relationship with his brother had been rocky at the start, he had grown close to the other as he had gotten older; teaching him how to wield a sword and protecting him when he got himself into trouble. It had been years since he had last seen his brother, and, at the time he had vanished from his life, Felix had only been a child. Of course he had changed. Knowing their father, and knowing the value Felix held as a soldier due to both his upbringing and crest, he shouldnât be shocked to learn that Felix wasnât the same little kid who had once come running to him, tears staining his flushed cheeks as he stumbled over his words. His brother had once been so expressive. If that were no longer the case, his guilt would only worsen.Â
   What little time he had spent with Dedue (though, at this point, could it truly be described as insignificant knowing they had nearly gone through life and death together), he had a somewhat decent grasp on the otherâs personality and values. For him to say that there were days when he had despised his brother was...upsetting. What had Felix done to earn this manâs scorn when they both valued Dimitri so highly? If anything, he had hoped they would have been friends, but that appeared that wasnât the case. Allies perhaps, but not ones that got along well with another from the sound of it. It left him wondering what kind of person his brother had become while he had been gone. Had their father gotten his hands on him, as well?Â
    He had never hated Rodrigue; centuries of traditions and values and his love of their kind had been beaten into him since he had been born, but he was often at odds with their father. Growing up, when he learned that Felix possessed such a precious crest, he had thrust the boy into the world of swordsmanship before he could even read or write. But much of the pressure had still remained on his shoulders, having been the heir, he was a doll that had been crafted to his fatherâs desires, and he had never once desired the same for Felix. He had only wanted his brother to be happy; to be free to chose his own path in life, but it was likely his âdeathâ had robbed his brother of what little freedom he had harbored as a child.Â
     âI see...â He lowered his gaze, glancing downwards at his own hands for a long moment. He had spent the past several worries nearly sick with worry over his brotherâs safety, and it was hardly reassuring to hear such thoughts about him. âFor whatever my brother has done to you...I apologize...I am afraid...it may have been my fault. I would rather...you direct your feelings of him towards myself instead.â       Â
I want to rest. I want to breathe quietly again.
Tennessee Williams (via quotexcerpts)
offraldariusâ:
âIf the only person youâve had to talk to recently is theââ He paused, remembering how his words earlier had upset his brother. He considered, for a moment, not caring. Because he didnât. Not really. But he also wasnât entirely spiteful and he didnât really hold any animosity towards Dedue. Not really.
 He just thought the mans eagerness to die for the monstrosity that was their future king was ridiculous, pointless and moronic.Â
Then again he thought that about most of the people here because of their similar outlooks. Dedue had just always took it one step further.Â
âDedue. If it was Dedue, Iâm fairly certain it wasnât anything flattering being said. Iâve called him rather unflattering things and Iâm certain heâs wanted to cause me all manner of harm for the worse things Iâve said about the boar.âÂ
There was a brief moment of pause. Glenn still thought him of kind. If it had been anyone else, they wouldnât have gotten the warning Glenn had. It wasnât like he went out of his way to be mean. It was what came to him naturally now, especially when he was being honest.Â
He wasnât even aware if Glenn knew of his animosity towards Dimitri but again if he spoke with Dedue before his arrival, he was sure it had come up in conversation.
âHe used to say that I sounded like you, theâŠboar. I would snap at him, call him names. Told him I couldnât stand to look at him and he would just tell me that I sounded just like you.âÂ
    Heâs surprised that Felix manages to catch himself, but doesnât actively point it out as heâs fairly certain, even before his brother clarifies, that heâs concerned about what Dedue might have shared with him. And, while he was right, Dedueâs opinion and judgement and his character were less than ideal, he hadnât been terribly cruel in his descriptions either. Though, he supposed, that could have been for his sake rather than Felixâs as he was on far better terms with the man than his brother happened to be. Dedue was generally polite, from what he could tell, and, thus, it was possible he was merely holding back his harsher judgements of his brother for his sake.
    He shook his head, dismissing the idea for the time being, even if what little he knew of his brother had very much come from Dedue. âI do not believe he has any desire to harm you. I cannot say the things he told me were...flattering, but I do not believe he was as harsh...as you assume.â As for his comments about Dimitri, heâs still not quite certain how to handle them. His relationship with the prince was far from good, but he was still very much the prince of the kingdom he served, even if he found himself disagreeing with Dimitriâs ways and his plans more often than not. For now, though, he would chose to overlook them.Â
     Ah, his next statement is a bit...embarrassing to say the least, but not entirely incorrect. When he had been younger, he had been significantly bolder and terribly harsh. While he was poised during political meetings, he had a tendency to snap at those around him outside of that - his father and Dimitri included, even if the later didnât quite deserve it at the time. He had never been good at expressing his emotions - Felix had been better at it when they were kids, but it seemed that had changed since he had vanished, and that had resulted in him saying...many unfavorable things in the past.Â
    âI-Is that so?â Was truly the only awkward reply he could offer to that statement. He couldnât deny that Felix reminded him of himself, at least before his wounds had left him stranded in Duscur for quite some years. But saying that wasnât a compliment, and he was vaguely hoping most everyone had forgotten that side of himself, but it appeared Felix was keeping that memory alive and well. âWhen I was younger...I used to snap at him, as well.â That wasnât something Felix was typically privy to, he had generally been mellow and kind towards his brother, even if he had been strict and harsh during training.  Â
      âAt times...he could be...infuriating.â He shouldnât be encouraging Felix when he was referring to their future king, but he also couldnât even begin to claim that he didnât understand his younger brotherâs frustration with the fallen prince, especially right now. If anything, it only proved to him that Felix was, still, truly kindhearted. Â
tomestobetoldâ:
Afraid⊠ashamed⊠These werenât words Ingrid would have ever applied to Glenn. All of her life, he had been a symbol of pride and strength and confidence. He was the first person who had encouraged her to learn how to fight. He had even taught her how to wield and lance and use a sword.
Ingridâs brows pursed together in thought. She turned over his words in her head several times.
While she could understand his hesitance to go back to his old life, Ingrid still felt⊠hurt. Maybe he couldnât have protected them, but they hadnât needed him to, six years ago. They had just needed him.
Her voice was quiet and even, but her eyes glanced away to the table.Â
âIn⊠all that time,â she spoke. âDid you ever miss us? You⊠I understand that you were afraid, but⊠it was ten years, Glenn. If we hadnât found you and Dedue, would⊠would you have ever reached out to us again?â
Because the more she thought about it, the more it stung. For ten years, Glenn had stayed away. Many of those years were stained by injury, inability, and war. So she could understand why he had to. But⊠the Glenn she once knew had been such a fighter, and he had cared about them all so much.
At least he had seemed to, in her childâs mind.
It was strange to think that he wouldnât want to reach out to Rodrigue or Felix. She could understand him not thinking of her. Betrothed as they had once been, she had also been a child compared to him. Their engagement had been nothing but friendship at the time of his death. She had been devasted by his loss, but she knew that there was no reason for her to be a priority to him.
But his brother? His family? Troubled though the Fraldarius family sometimes was, they had all still loved one another. Hadnât they?
âDidnât you⊠worry? About Felix?â
    The hesitation in her voice was evident; he had lost what trust he had when they had been children, and he by no means blamed her for it. Even Felix and Dimitri had tossed aside their childhood together in favor of greeting him with newfound anger and frustration. He understood, of course he understood and didnât blame them. He had left them for ten years and appeared in their lives so suddenly, in the heat of battle, alongside another comrade of theirs that they had thought dead for a significantly shorter amount of time. And, following his recovery, there was very much a period in time when he could have reached out and chosen not to. He had little desire to defend the choices he had made then - he had hardly been in his right state of mind, even after the majority of his visible wounds had healed, or healed as much as they were capable of. Had he been, he certainly would have written his father, at the very least, but he couldnât bring himself to. If he had, would he have further ruined Felixâs life?Â
    His beloved firstborn and heir to the throne had become unable to wield a sword, and had been crippled. Knowing all that his father and their house and country stood for - he would never have been welcomed back as the heir to the household, and that would have fallen onto Felixâs shoulders regardless. But if he had dragged himself back, if he had told his father of his condition, would he have been harder on Felix? Would he have been more cruel or pushed him so much harder because he felt the need to replace what he had lost instead of love his second child as his own person rather than a clone of his first? Neither was ideal, he knew; it would have been better if he had come back, at least then, he could have been a shield, and that would have been good enough.Â
    But he hadnât. He hadnât even written, and he had no excuse for it aside from the fact that he hadnât been...himself back then. He still wasnât himself now. A younger him would have bounced back quickly and marched home with his arms open as he cursed the bastards who had slaughtered the king. But he wasnât that young or that foolish anymore. Heâd kissed death on the lips, and learned more than his fair share of suffering and secrets during the time had spent in Duscur. Of course; however, he missed them. There hadnât been a day that had gone by that he hadnât worried about his brother and father in some way, shape or form. And he could say, with honesty, that if he hadnât run into Dedue, he would have returned, possibly even sooner than he had. He had always intended to return after he had heard of the war. Even if he hadnât been prepared to fight, he still could have thrown his life away for someone else to make up for the years heâd stayed away. At least, this way, he still harbored a will to fight. Â
     âYes...of course,â he breathed. âBut I did not believe myself worthy to show my face...to Felix or anyone, even now...I am still not. And...If I had not met Dedue...I would have returned, but not to fight alongside of all of you.â He swallowed, unsure if he should continue. He was aware his words would only upset her, and enrage his brother should she ever tell him of what they spoke about, but he had promised to be honest with her. âI would have returned...to die...I would have come back to be a shield for my brother...that is all.â From the war, from their father, from his fate; from everything.Â
    He bowed his head slightly as Felix was brought into the conversation. He had been close to his younger brother before; he had taught him, and Ingrid, how to use a sword, a lance, anything they desired, he would teach them. He had always encouraged them to follow their dreams, and had always protected them when they were in danger. Guilt didnât even begin to describe how he felt. âOf course...there was not a day when I did not worry about my brother. As skilled and...stubborn as he is, he is still my brother...I doubt there will ever be a time when I do not worry for him...my reasoning, I know it will never make sense to you. I have no intention of trying to justify...my staying behind for so long...or to offer you ab excuse. I know I was wrong.â  Â