What I Wished Everyone Knew {Part One}
I’ve been called crazy, mad, and insane whether in a joking manner or a serious one,
I’ve been told that I’m angrier than normal kids,
I’ve been told that I should start caring more,
I’ve been told that I should let my anger go and smile more,
I’ve been told that it wasn’t my fault,
I’ve been told that I’m ugly, weird, disgusting, miserable, worthless, useless,
I’ve been told that I’m a mistake,
I’ve been told that I should commit suicide by the ones that are supposed to tell me no,
I know I’m crazy, mad, insane,
I know I’m an angrier child that normal kids,
I don’t want to start caring, it makes me feel weak,
I can’t let my anger go, it helps me be me,
I don’t believe it was my fault, but I believe it is my fault,
I already know that I’m ugly, weird, disgusting and miserable,
I already know that I’m worthless, useless, and a mistake, no need to rub it my face,
Yes, they did just like everybody else, so really it’s not new,
They ask me what’s in my head,
I say nothing because honestly, they’ll be scared if they ever knew,
If I ever told them, what goes through my mind,
My thoughts which are based on my demons which are based on my past which is based on my actions,
Anger, that’s something I could never control,
I lose it sometimes, and I wonder who can help me control my anger,
Who can control the beast, that I call Anger the one who always gets the best of me sometimes naa most times,
Fear, I get that a lot more than I should when I’m alone,
I get the feeling that someone is gonna pop out,
Or even hurt me all over again,
Sadness, I feel it but I don’t pay much attention to it,
Unless it hits me really hard,
When it does that, I get angry,
So that no-one will realize I'm sad,
Guilt, I have a lot of guilt, why,
Because, I feel like it’s my fault,
They tell me it’s not but I can’t help but feel like,
Hurt. Yes I'm hurting because,
My life’s messed up more that you can imagine,
And i personally hate that,
Because it scares me that I might need someone to
My thoughts, it’s not that I can’t explain them,
It’s just that I can’t say them in just a few words,
Tho the both would be very long,
My Past, that I can’t say any form but a story.