WCC's Round Robin #7 & #8
Thank you so so much to @tommokat (pink) @thinlinez (green) and @beelou (red) for participating in another Round Robin session and writing this amazing crack fic! I hope you all have a great laugh as much as we did!
“Yes?” Harry singsongs back to Louis, although it comes out like ‘yeth’ from the banana in his mouth.
“Are you going to do anything besides eat bananas with Mildred today?”
Harry frowns at Louis and shares a look with Mildred. “Why would I do that?”
“Because we have a lot to do today. Because we bought a zoo!”
“We bought an animal sanctuary, actually.” Harry takes another bite of banana and passes more to Mildred. “Honestly, between this one and your Frank, I don’t know how we put up with these monkeys, Mildred.”
Louis stares at him. “Mildred is literally a monkey.”
“I mean, if you want to be technical about it, we all are, but I didn’t know we were being pedantic about it.”
Louis sighs and drops his head into his hands. “Just make sure you give some bananas to Frank and Ricco as well, please? They’re not just for your girl time with Milly.” Harry sends him a kiss and Louis knows he’s been heard (and played). “I’m going to go feed the otters and then check in with Niall.” He turns to walk out the office door and completely fails to not laugh at Harry’s shouted ‘Awake the Kraken!’ behind him.
Louis walks down the dirt path, nodding in greeting to the volunteers he walks by. He stops to get the bucket of fish for the otters from the kitchen and is on his way to the otter habitat. How they even got into this is really a blur for him. One minute Harry is looking at properties to buy and the next, he makes the transaction for a zoo. Harry insists on calling it an animal sanctuary, but a zoo is what it is.
The otters are one of his favorite animals, though. They’re just so cute and have so much personality. Louis never realized that animals could have so much gumption before this. For that, he is grateful to learn. It’s been stressful at times, of course, but all in all, it’s been fun.
A splash from beside the otter habitat makes him look up, bit of crayfish dangling from his fingers as Niall pokes his head up.
"Awake so early?" Louis raises a brow as he teasingly waves the food at the squid whose head was bobbing above the water, huge eyes tracking his every move. "Guess you must have smelled the food, but these aren't for you…"
Niall does a flip disappearing under the surface and splashing a decent amount of water over the brim of his tank. Louis doesn't get why Niall loves to throw tantrums. He and Harry had especially gotten the huge tank just for him and had even moved the tanks of eels and turtles to the other side of the sanctuary. Niall was too spoiled for his own good.
Louis shakes his head as he walks away, knowing full well that he would come back soon to give the spoiled squid his full English breakfast.
“Alright, friends!” Louis calls as he makes it into the otter compound. “Who’s ready for breakfast?”
He takes his time with the little creatures, making sure each of them get greeted with joy and a fair share of the food. There’s 13 of them in total, but Louis wouldn’t mind if the whole zoo was only otters. An otter-only zoo. He has confessed as much to Harry and was told it would be ‘an otter-ly amazing zoo.’ Always with the puns, that one is.
“I shared it with Frank and Ricco. Frank said thank you, Ricco just rolled his eyes at me. I don’t think Ricco likes me that much.”
Louis pats the concrete next to where he’s sitting and wraps an arm around Harry’s shoulders when he cuddles close. “Think maybe that’s because you eat all of his food and take the attention of his mother all the time?”
Harry seems to consider it for a few seconds, but ultimately sighs. “No, that can’t be it.”
Louis turns back to the otters to hide his amused grin. He finds a pair of otters floating, little paws clasped so they stay together, a tiny fluff of fur atop the tummy of the longer one. An otter-ly perfect family.
Harry finds them, too. “Look, that’s us.”
“We don’t have a baby, baby,” Louis reminds him. (Yet, he thinks.)
“We have a lot of babies. Niall included.”
Speaking of the devil, Niall comes in with Lewis, twerking into the scene.
“I heard my name! I am here!”
“What the hell are you doing?” Louis asks, face red from holding in his laughter at the sight. Niall is a terrible twerker. Lewis isn’t much better at all.
“Twerking! What does it look like?” Lewis says, still shaking his arse in the air.
“Well, stop it! You ruined our cute and sappy moment with the otters!”
Niall stops twerking, but Lewis keeps going as he walks out of the habitat.
“Why were you twerking? Wait- I don’t wanna know. It’s okay.” Louis shakes his head. “I was just gonna go find you after I fed the otters. Do you need something? Is everything alright?”
“Yeah everything’s fine,” Niall says but he’s not meeting Louis’ eyes.
“Niall? What’s up?” Harry asks again, noticing the lack of eye contact.
Niall sighs and repeats himself slower. “The lion and the tiger mated.”
Louis has to process the statement for a second, but before he could say anything, Harry is wriggling out of his cuddle and jumping up, curls flying.
"Oh my god! A liger is about to grace our sanctuary! I've been waiting for this moment for so long!" Harry squeals, pumping his fists in the air.
"You have?" Louis' mouth drops open.
"Of course! I mean, there is not a lion on earth who can resist the charm of our beautiful majestic Liam."
"You not only play matchmaker for people but also for your animals? Speaking of which, why don't you play matchmaker for mini me? All I get is an empty tank and is by my lonesome self all the time…" Niall huffs.
"Oi, it's hard enough to find squids around here. We live in London, not on an island." Louis slaps Niall on the shoulder as the Irish attempt to close their distance, shaking his arse again.
"But Lou! We did see that really pretty octopus in the fish market last weekend…" Harry interjects, forest greens misty and thoughtful. "I think he'll still be there if we go back this week."
“Excuse you, Harry, but my Niall boy is a squid. He needs a squid lover.”
Harry huffs, sitting back down with Louis and wrapping his arms around Louis. Louis can tell he’s preparing a comeback, so he rolls his eyes and prepares for the weird best friend crack these two always get into.
“Your boy is infertile anyway, so it doesn’t matter what type of creature his life mate is.”
“Listen, I’m not saying they have to be a match made in heaven, everyone knows those only come around so often–”
“Yes, Louis and I are truly a rare breed.”
“—But if we could find another creature of the same species, that would be great.”
“Sure, Niall, I’ll get right on that. You know, I think Manchester just got a whole buttload of squids in. I’ll just give them a call.”
“That was sarcasm, you Irish twat!”
Louis rolls his eyes. “Fine,” he sighs. Niall looks up hopefully. “I’ll have Harry look into getting another squid.”
“Yay!” Niall clapps his hands and lunges forward to kiss Louis on the cheek violently, holding his face in both hands.
“Oi! That was wet!” Louis screeches, wiping his cheek of the slobber that Niall left. But Niall is already twerking out of the room, not having a care in the world.
“Never a dull moment with him, is there?” Louis shakes his head, bewildered.
Suddenly, Harry’s walkie talkie that is slung around his hips cracks to life, startling the couple.
“Hey, H?” Lewis’ voice echoed out from the machine. “Them new lemurs you got are fighting… Again… I think Zayn goaded them into it.”
“Fucking shit!” Louis swears even though Lewis wasn’t addressing him. He could see Harry giving him a disapproving look.
“No swearing in front of our otters!” His husband pouted adorably. Louis sighs, grabbing at Harry’s arm and hoisting the taller man up.
“Time to go stop the fight or else it’ll get bloody… And you’re the only one who can talk sense into Zayn.”
They round the otter habitat and cross the length of a field, passing by the ducks, koalas clinging to trees and kangaroos chilling under the shades.
The lemur habitat comes into view and what a sight it beholds. As always, Zayn is sitting on the top rock, lounging in the sun like a king and surveying the other fellow lemurs who are hissing and clawing at each other beneath him. In front of Zayn laid a single tangerine. Louis deduces that the fruit must be what the others are fighting over.
“Why are our friends the most chaotic fools known to mankind? First Niall and his twerking and his squid junior, now Zayn and his lemur Hunger Games.” Louis sighs and rubs a hand across his forehead. “Next thing you know, Liam will be teaching the penguins how to dance like Happy Feet.”
“Ooh, that would be cute!” Harry exclaims. “You go get him to do that, I’ll take care of Z, and I’ll meet you back in your office in thirty for a little dance lesson of our own.” He waggles his eyebrows in the most Harry way possible and Louis is too fond for this goof to do anything but agree to his silly terms.
“Alright, lovey. You take care of this one, I’ll take care of that one, and we’ll take care of each other in thirty.” He presses a kiss to Harry’s lips and pulls away with a wink.
Harry watches Louis walk away only to be interrupted by Zayn’s drawl.
Harry turns around. “What did you do?”
Zayn shrugs, taking a bite out of the apple in his hand. “I fed them.”
Harry closes his eyes, centering himself. The one line responses irritating him to no end. Has it been thirty minutes yet? “Obviously you didn’t give them enough. Look at them! Your mini me is up there teasing them!”
Zayn takes another bite of his apple. “Is that what they’re doing? I thought they were just playing with each other. I thought it was cute.”
“It certainly is not cute!” Harry gestures pointedly at the lemur who took that exact moment to pounce on her neighbor, sending the other lemur flying.
Harry strides up to the fence, whistling so that mini Zayn would look up and catch his gaze. He shakes his head at lemur Zayn, pursing his lips as he points at the tangerine then back down at the fighting lemurs.
Mini Zayn makes a eeping noise before glancing at his human counterpart who tossed the apple core into the grass, straightening his overalls.
“Alright my dude, give the tangerine to your friends, come on.” Zayn orders lazily as Harry crosses his arms.
Lemur Zayn gives Harry another cock of his head before hopping down from his rock throne, grabbing the tangerine and waving it at the rest of the lemurs. They all crowd around their leader as Harry turns to give Zayn a slap on the shoulder.
“Well now that we don’t have to worry about lemur civil war, I need to run back to my otter pups. I forgot to give them their special treat.” Harry fishes a bag out from his pocket, three boiled eggs inside.
“Three eggs for the whole raft of otters?”
“Certainly not. These are for Harry and Louis and baby Pino. Obviously.”
“Your favoritism is showing. You’re almost as bad as me.”
Harry stuck his tongue out at Zayn and put the bag back in his pocket.
“I don’t even know why Lou hired you in the first place. You don’t ever help and always stir up chaos. You are in cahoots with mini Zayn.”
“If I’m not around then this zoo will be so boooooooring. And you know Lou hired me coz I’m his best friend.” Zayn smirks as he gives Harry a friendly pat on the back. “Now run along and go find your husband. I overheard you guys earlier… Dancing lesson? You guys are beyond sick.” All of this, Zayn says with a knowing fond smile.
Harry brightens. “Aww, Z, does that mean you’ll help me feed the squirrels, camels and ravens?”
“That is one long list… But fine. Go have some quality time with your husband and leave you guys’ children to me then.” One last thing before Harry leaves, he hears Zayn muttering. “Can’t believe these two went and bought themselves a zoo.”
