Thoughts to Paper

[writingsofamisfitboy]

Dear Ex Bestfriend,

You were always my rock and for a while my partner. Seven years of friendship and nearly three years spent together. I think that is why I never saw it coming. I had let you in for so many years that I never doubted you like every one else. You played the part so well even mom was moved to tears. You put on the perfect show and I was your puppet. You made me believe that you loved me (and I'm sure you did in your own way). That you were faithful and that we had a future.

For a long time I was angry at you and I will never understand why you could do all the things you did. I don't even know if you know why yourself, regardless of that I have forgiven you. This wasn't for you, but for myself. I wish you well and I hope you find the happiness you seek.

[writingsofamisfitboy]

Dear Ex,

We were only a mere moment in an infinite universe and I am to blame. I should have given you the honesty you deserved. I hope one day you find someone who will give you the love I should've given you. The kind of love I wasn't ready to commit to.

I know it hurts but I hope you always remember that none of this was your fault. Everything bad we have gone through was because of my selfishness and immaturity. I only hope that one day you find it in your heart to forgive me for all the wrong I have done to you in the name of love.

I wish you could've gotten the man I am now. I have grown so much in such a short amount of time.

Part of me wishes I would've just remained your friend instead of pursuing you romantically. I miss talking to you about everything. You were one of the few people I didn't have to wear a mask for, but once again that is my own doing.

I want to thank you for being a part of my world if only briefly. We both know that I am unable to fix what I broke. There can be no reconciliation, but I will continue bettering myself for the next person.

I truly hope you have found your happiness or are actively pursuing it. You deserve so much I could've never given to you. Although sometimes it may still hurt, I sincerely wish you nothing but the best in life.

Sincerely,

J

[writingsofamisfitboy]

I couldn’t give you the power nor satisfaction

I just couldn’t let you see my reaction

To see what I had become

I was so undone

Sitting on the floor with mommy’s gun

You left my world so goddamn imploded

Locked and loaded

Bullet in the chamber

Ready to pull the fucking trigger

Baby do you remember me?

I’m looking for myself but its so dark I cant see

I wanted the blackness to turn blood red

Just to escape my fucking head

Fuck i just wanted to be dead

We were engaged

I had every right to be so fucking enraged

You were supposed to be my wife

Yet you left me wanting to end my own life

Left me unhinged

And I started to binge

Went back to my old friend

When I overdosed that was almost the end

But I always persevere

While I’ve got you here

Im talking to you SK

It’s time to throw my memories of you away

Thats all I wanted to say

The man who's heart you set on fire and tossed the ashes into the wind

[writingsofamisfitboy]

At some point you need to understand that you are the master of your life. You control every aspect. The universe gives back what you put in, so do yourself a favor and work on manifesting postive energy! :)

[writingsofamisfitboy]

My girlfriend is the cutest. She's like this devout super Christian. Two months ago we were in Mexico. I found this athame i really liked, but i wasnt gonna get it because i was with family members and i haven't told them about my new found path. My girlfriend sees im looking at it, we get back on the cruise ship and she goes "Here baby." as she hands me a bag. Guess who got a cool looking onyx athame. This guy.

[writingsofamisfitboy]

Don't confuse getting high with getting better, they are not the same.

A Lesson Finally Learned

[writingsofamisfitboy]

We all have that person that ignites a flame in us that cannot be extinguished. A person who defines our expectations of what love is supposed to be. This person is your one. The one you will always love. The one you feel like you're supposed to be with. The only thing is a lot of the time you don't end up together. You search for them in every person you meet but to no avail. You search for someone who makes you laugh the way they did. That makes you feel just as safe. The fucked up truth is no one will ever measure up to your one.

Experience

[writingsofamisfitboy]

I didn't ask for this, you made me love you.

Picking up the pieces