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And now I’m going to listen to a talk (for the second time I think) that Simon Sinek gave to Google. A lot of what this guy says resonates with me and also makes me feel better for some reason.

I’m going to listen to “the finite and infinite game of leadership” because the house I want to build is a finite goal and I’m coming close to being able to work out an infinite goal maybe. Creating purpose in others. Or something like that. It’s not quite there. I think I need some help developing it. And then thinking about how I could engage pursuing it.

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Goal - House Vision - Didn’t have when I determined the house goal

This cues into a question Phil confronted me about when I accounted my story of how I went from book to house. I  accounted(?) security as my thing. To be secure. That’s natural, but I think I might be able to move away from that maybe.

Okay. So I don’t have a clear vision for my life. I’ve got a clear goal, but I’ve been dreading the steps I take toward it almost daily, or rather dread the closing in on it and then stop taking steps daily. A part of that dread might be because I don’t have something to pursue in the distance. Some great idea that I’ll never achieve.

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On 08/28/17 in the previous book, I make an entry that I think might be informed by this chain of thought and by the purpose creating purpose thing I’m entertaining. First, I’m going to put down the list of intelligence types and where I thought I wanted to focus on growing.

Linguistic*

Musical

Visual-spacial

Logical-mathematical*

Bodily-kinesthetic

Interpersonal*

Intrapersonal*

Naturalistic

Existential/moral*

Educational*

At risk of getting distracted, I want to rewrite a takeaway I had from thinking about this stuff.

Maybe there are two kinds of intelligence.

Determining goals Achieving goals

But maybe that’s actually just the beginning of a definition of skill and not intelligence: the ability to bring about desired outcomes. Huh. Maybe that’s actually a better framework to operate in anyway.

Okay, tangent accepted. If achieving goals is skill, what is determining goals? Maybe awareness? Notitia?

Okay, maybe tangent not accepted. I’m getting a little lost. And I’m contending with a little shower of anxiety as I think about work.

This started as a reaction to Marc Brackett’s talk to Google on emotional intelligence. I got stopped up when I started to think about the semantic problem of intelligence. What I gleamed from the talk, though, was...

Emotions aren’t an independent thing on the whole. Often emotions are based on relationships between you and another thing.

Emotional intelligence as Marc outlines it is comprised of

Recognizing emotion

Understanding emotion

Labeling emotion

Expressing emotion

Regulating emotion

I could get better at each of these aspects and while I might not ascribe to the way he classifies this stuff under intelligence, I see value in making improvements across the board. But that’s because of my goals, however ill-understood those are to me.

Marc brought up some critical feedback he received from people who sounded like they were technical folks with a lot of experience, and not all of it positive. They brought it to him in what he presented as an emotionally unintelligent manner, and they kind of proved the point of the usefulness of this stuff if you desire better interactions with people.

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It’s like I’m hunting out of season and I know it going in. But it’s something that needs to be a habit and not a tradition, so I need to do it more regularly. I think this gives me data to help me out, but I’m not quite sure that I know what to do when I’m confronted with a spare piece of life next.

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To sit and talk is a pleasure To drink and listen, a comfort

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I just watched a talk given to Google about emotional intelligence. In an attempt to develop the habit of reacting to and digesting the things I consume, I’m going to put down a few notes.

Do I feel like I’m emotionally intelligent? I do, but I feel like I have a long ways to go in developing a better emotional intelligence.

Huh. I was going to move from that sentence to a reflection on how we have been grown in our ability to express traditional intelligence, but not emotional intelligence, and then I started to think about what makes up traditional intelligence. I looked up rationality, thinking that would be a main component, but found an article that breaks it out and notes that rationality and IQ are not strongly correlated.

One thing the article points out is that they believe RQ can be trained where IQ cannot. I’m wondering if that’s because IQ is poorly defined.

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To key in to a cool insight from yesterday and mixing that with an insight from half a week ago, maybe I have purpose for myself in those loose moments and free stretches of time. Maybe that purpose is to bait out insight. A lot of my ideas have traditionally come from my mind wandering when faced with what might otherwise be boredom.

It could be that I get stressed out and discomforted when I lay that trap but don’t catch anything or don’t feel like I’m going to catch anything.

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Why is gossip harmful?

Because it signals to others that the gossiped about party does not have support. It makes them appear vulnerable.

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Aha! I think one of the problems I’ve been wrestling with recently has become a little clearer. Last week I had a crisis because I was told that I would have next week off (I don’t think that I will) and I had a hard time when thinking about what I was going to spend the time doing.

More than that, though, I’ve been struggling with having spare pieces of my life that go unused or that are used poorly or without thought. They are without purpose. That, right there, realizing my discomfort and stress in these situations is likely because I cope poorly with purposelessness, might be a key insight to reducing the stress and discomfort (at least in these situations).

So, the question is this: Do I work to add purpose to all parts of my life or do I work to countenance purposelessness?

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Weft and waste Warp and chase Wrap in haste Worn and chaste

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I do my hair every morning not until it looks good but until I don’t care anymore.

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Bring me down from the unknown high place that I’ve somehow reached

I guess I knew I was climbing but I didn’t know what that meant I’d like to come down now but I don’t know how

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What do I want?

&

I’ve been given a bounty to spend in the county but I lack the contact with such wealth that cold inform me on how to Fuck

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I feel like a mudslide of depression is oncoming Like I feel the tremble of the ground and I look around for something to shield and secure me. But there is nothing, so I timidly stand there and hope my stillness encourages the soil to act in kind.

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Am I really wrecked here because I have time off? It’s not the time off itself that has me chipped, but that my extra-work life is questionable in its ability to feed me. Yeah. I think it’s because I’m kind of addicted to work. I am addicted to work.

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Huh. Some insight that the choosing of a leader is valuable both to the leader and to the lead.

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I’m nervous about next week. I think I may have won the time back from work, but I worry that it will flush away, poorly used.

It’s like I’ve been given money and then told to go to the store and buy something. If I don’t spend the money then I lose it, but I also don’t really need anything. I’m just going to end up buying a desk I don’t have space for or a game system I don’t have the appetite or time for, I fear.

Maybe I should schedule out my relaxation. Maybe I should binge Netflix like the rest of the nation. Maybe I should draw even though I don’t feel like drawing. Maybe I should read multiple books and let myself fall asleep. Maybe I should get more serious about philosophy. Maybe I should reach out to custom home builders.

Fuck

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John Linen

Russian(?) revolutionist. Something to do with sleep. Sleep mattress joke? Commercial.

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I am the wanter I am the preferer I am the doer I am the believer I am the decider I am the thinker I am the... what is my relationship to emotions? Am I my emotions, am I the thing that has them? Do I generate them? Has is a troublesome word regarding emotions. Do they affect me?

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I wonder if I should just have less to say in general.

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Like a poem that you have allowed another to edit.

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“Where have you been?” said the wren to the Mother Hen. “Gathering seed to feed you and reed to nest you.” “Again?” said the wren to Mother Hen. “Yes, you mess, you. You might have guessed too.” “When will it end?” said the wren to Mother Hen. “It will never end, clever wren. I’ll fend for you forever.”

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Oft we sail into the hail for what?