I started cooking because a parent told me i was a bad cook. I started singing because a parent told me i had a bad voice. I started listening to my favorite artists because my exes introduced me to them. I got attached to my bad habits because of influence from friends. I turn down chemical influents regularly because of the trauma I’ve been caused by drunks and drug users. My favorite movies were introduced to me by friends and family and became a safety net through my depression and anxiety. Nothing I’ve ever come to like/love has been of my own volition. I am a puzzle put together with love and glued together out of spite. Cemented together with trauma so i can either barely chip over time or shatter completely in the end. No cracks so far, but I’ll eventually be worn down. My motivation stems from a desire to prove everyone wrong. My likes and dislikes stem from others and change slowly over time as i realize who i actually am. It’s been years since someone else has influenced my decisions or shown me something new, and somehow I’m still not 100% myself. And thats okay because change takes time.
