To my wonderful mother.
Today at around 4:30 am. My mother passed away. After 4 years of battling cancer her body gave up. I was with her when she passed. I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't. I still can't. She just lay there and stopped breathing. I was holding her hand and slowly it felt cold. She was losing her warmth As her soul parts with her tired body. When the nurse declared her death I clenched her arm hard and kissed her. I kept whispering "Wake up! Wake up!" But she didn't. Soon after my younger sister came in the room and cried and screamed. She kept saying "Mom wake up! I'm here. Wake up." I was losing it. I felt like it was all a bad dream and any moment I will wake up and my mom would still be alive. But I didn't. It's all true. She's gone now. I'll never see her again. I'll never hear her laugh, talk, scold me or just give me advices. I miss her so much. I lost her over cancer. I lost her. The only person who accepted me as her own daughter. The only mother I have even if she's not my biological mother. She's my mother and I'm her daughter. She's the only one who loved me and I can't help but think that I didn't love her as much as she loves me. I can't help but think that I somehow disappointed her with my life choices. That I wasn't the daughter she had hope for. I'm just so lost right now. I want my mom. I still need her here. I want to be with her. I need her to make me feel better. She's the only one who can make me better. But I can't have that. She's not here anymore to comfort me, or argue with me or give me girl talks whenever I need one. I no longer have a mom. A Best friend. A true friend. But I have an angel in heaven who watches me and makes sure I end up to the right path. You were brave mom. You are brave. You fought until the end. But God saw you and said you have to stop fighting to be better cause in His arms you will get better. With Him you'll live an eternal and glorious life. I love you mom and I'll always love you. I'll see you soon. Wait for me. Thank you for every little thing you thought me. Thank you for making me who I am right now. You are the reason I'm alive. I love you! We'll see each other soon I promise. Having you as a mom was the greatest gift and miracle I have ever witnessed. Your journey ends here but you will never be forgotten. You'll always be in my heart. In our heart. I promise I'll be good. You will never regret having me as you daughter. I really really love you mom. Always, Your daughter not by blood but in heart, Roxanne
