I want to get this off my chest. It’s been many years, but that’s how long it has taken me to have the courage to write this to you:
First thing’s first; I was 16 and you were 20. You catfished me to trick me into meeting you. That should’ve been a big red flag to me, but I was young & naive. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.
On January 16 2015, you invited me to drink at your place, I said yes to drinking, not to sex. Once again, I was young & naive, I saw it as having fun, I didn’t have sex on my mind. I had no sexual experience before and told you that.
When I got to your place, I accidentally drank too much and smoked too much, because I didn’t know my limits. I didn’t drink or smoke often at all.
Instead of making sure I was okay, you instead saw this as an opportunity to have your way with me.
I was so gone, I was passing out, my eyes were closing. You came on-top of me and said to me:
You started kissing me. Somehow you eventually took my skirt off, I didn’t realize at first. But then, suddenly, you pushed yourself inside me. I woke up shocked, and told you right away to stop and you did, at first.
After you stopped, I remember closing my eyes again because I felt dizzy. The next thing I remember is opening my eyes and you’re inside me again. You were raping me. I froze because I was scared. I already told you no before. I could’ve tried harder to push you off me, but I felt too weak and dizzy.
After you finished, do you remember what you asked me?
In all seriousness, you asked me:
“So, how was your first time?”
I didn’t even know what to say, I just wanted to get away from you.
I said to you, “it was okay”. I lied because I was scared.
I put my clothes back on and went to the bathroom. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, because if I did, I would’ve started crying.
The only thing I remember after is you walking me to a bus stop and that’s it. I blacked out the rest, but I somehow I made it home.
The next day I cried a lot.
When I saw you in person for the last time afterwards, I tried to tell myself that if we continued to date each other after then maybe I could convince myself that what happened wasn’t real.
About two days later, you sent me a text saying we couldn’t see each other anymore. I felt like garbage. It was obvious that all you did was groom me, used me even if it was against my will, then disappeared.
Ever since, you left a lot of anxiety and anger in me. You destroyed parts of me that I can never get back. You raped me and I’m not afraid anymore to say that word to you.
I never told the police because I was too scared. It took me almost 2 years before I could even tell a friend for the first time.
Till this day, my biggest regret in life is meeting you that night. I hope you will always remember it like I will.
If you ever have a daughter, I hope no one does to her what you did to me.
You don’t need to reply to this, I just need you to read this.
turnnoffyourmind
dededos
janainaart
ellievsbear
