The taxi slowly pulled to a stop in the narrow road in front of Touya’s house. Akira told Hikaru to get inside first as he handled the bill. Hikaru was quiet, saying nothing as he got out of the car and went to the front door. Akira was a little worried; Hikaru’s sudden breakdown in the car was alarming, but what bothered him most was what Hikaru said about Sai “being here.” He wanted to know what happened.
Hikaru was already inside by the time Akira made it to the door. Akira made quick work to take off his shoes and put them into the shelf, but as he straightened back up he was caught in Hikaru’s hug by surprise.
“Shindou…?” He tried. Hikaru’s arms were heavy, tightening dearly around him.
“Akira…” Hikaru’s voice was low, barely an audible whisper. “I want you.”
Akira’s eyes widened at the candid declaration. It took him a moment to recover, but he wrapped his arms around his husband, and nodded softly. “Okay.” He said. “But let’s take a bath first.” They both just got back.
Silently Hikaru complied. His silence kept Akira on edge; he didn’t like it when Hikaru wasn’t his bright, loud usual self. But he had a feeling that Hikaru wouldn’t tell him about what happened with Sai until after they were done. They made their way into the bathroom, Akira following behind Hikaru. The two of them spent their time silently together, and Akira helped Hikaru wash his back. He could see Hikaru’s eyes were still a little red and swollen from crying back in the taxi. It made his heart ache.
The bath water was comfortably hot, helping to ease Akira’s shoulders from the tenseness built up during the matches earlier. Hikaru sat in his own corner of the tub, arms wrapped around his knees, his eyes spacing out, lost in thoughts and memories.
“Shindou…” Akira reached for one of Hikaru’s arms. “Are you okay?”
Hikaru took a moment to snap out of his daze, half a second too long to Akira’s liking. He smiled at Akira. “Yeah,” he said, but his expression turned to silent seriousness. Akira could see it through his eyes; they are still saying the same thing: I want you. He could feel the tension rising again.
Hikaru stepped out of the tub fairly quickly after that, as though pressuring Akira to hurry up. Without options, Akira followed, pulling the plug to let the still-hot tub water drain. They dried themselves with towels, and while Akira was drying his long hair (which needs a fair amount of time), Hikaru sneaked under the towel and began kissing Akira.
“Shindou!” Akira said through the kiss a little irritably. He could feel Hikaru grab his wrists and bring them out to their bedroom. Hikaru was in an unusual rush, pulling his futon out of the closet when Akira was still struggling with the towel on his wet hair. When he was finally able to get it off his head, Akira was met with an unexpected sight: Hikaru was looking at him sadly, vulnerably, sitting on the mattress. Akira had never seen Hikaru like this, except that time when he first told him about Sai.
“Akira…” Hikaru’s eyes were shadowed under brows knit together by pain. He reached an arm up for his husband, and Akira couldn’t waste a second longer.
He answered Hikaru’s plea with a fervent kiss. Hikaru’s arms once again found their way around Akira’s shoulders, clinging on for dear life. What should he do? What could he do? What could Akira do to help ease Hikaru’s pain? He was willing to do anything.
“Shindou, don’t cry.” He opted to distract him. He found an opening to Hikaru’s nape and went in for an attack, even lightly biting the skin across his neck.
“Ahh!” Hikaru yelped and hissed, real physical pain distracting his mind. He tightened his legs around Akira’s waist, pushing their slowly awakening erections together. He felt Akira breathe heavily by his ear. “…Akira, I need you.” He said, and one of his hands found its way in between Akira’s legs.
“Wait… Shindou!” Akira said, but a little too late as Hikaru’s hand started stroking him. He moaned, his hands balling into fists beside Hikaru’s ears. “Just… a moment…”
“Why? What are we waiting for?”
“Why are you rushing?!” Akira asked angrily. It got Hikaru to stop, his expression shocked. Seeing this, Akira sighed. “Sorry… I mean… There’s no need to rush, is there?” He touched Hikaru’s face gently with his hand, looking at his dark olive eyes through the golden bangs. “I’ll always be here. I’m not going away. And I will give you everything I have, in time. You don’t have to rush.”
“Akira…” Hikaru’s expression turned from shock to surprise, and then it turned into tears. Akira kissed the treks falling from Hikaru’s eyes, then slowly down his cheek and neck. They then shared a long, deep kiss, at the end of which Hikaru whispered against Akira’s lips, “put it in.”
Akira found a condom and some lube to put on himself from the bottom drawer, before slowly making his way into Hikaru. Hikaru’s hands dug into Akira’s arms as he cried loudly; it was tight and there was pain mixed with pleasure. His body wasn’t quite used to doing this without preparation.
“Shindou… You alright?” Akira asked, breathing heavily. His arms were red with marks from Hikaru’s nails, but he didn’t mind.
“Y-Yeah…” Hikaru connected his hands behind Akira’s neck. He spread his legs apart a little more to give Akira better access. He could deal with the pain; right now he wanted nothing more than to feel more of Akira, to feel him inside, filling him.
“I’m gonna move…” Akira whispered, and saw that Hikaru nodded a small nod, before rolling his hips forward. It was hard to suppress his moans; Hikaru was tight and hot. And he was wanting, his legs ever coaxing Akira to get deeper in. “Shindou…!”
“Call my name.” Hikaru whispered up Akira’s ear. Sai always called him by his given name. He couldn’t understand why Akira was always too embarrassed to do it.
“…Hikaru.” Akira said after a brief pause, wrapping his arms around Hikaru protectively. Hikaru answered, settling comfortably into the embrace.
“I love you, Akira.” Hikaru said simply. It caught Akira by surprise, and he stopped for a moment while he looked at his husband. Hikaru was looking back at him with a smile. Akira felt more and more perplexed; one moment he was crying and one moment he was smiling. He couldn’t figure out what emotions Hikaru was feeling behind those smiling eyes. Instead of answering, Akira squeezed Hikaru closer and upped his pace. It earned a sweet sound from the man below him. They moved as one, Hikaru wanting and Akira giving.
Hikaru could feel the buildup, and it was much quicker than it usually took. Akira had been, perhaps unknowingly, hitting his sensitive spot. He chose to keep quiet about it, giving Akira no warning as the wave of ecstasy pressed into him like a wall, intensifying until it pushed him over the edge. His whole body shook, low whines leaving his lips as his hands worked the orgasm out of himself. With his eyes closed, he felt Akira’s fingers caress his face where sweat coated over the skin. It felt incredible.
“You okay?” Akira asked. Hikaru opened his eyes.
“Yeah.” He answered. He couldn’t help the smile on his face, and he could tell Akira was a little frustrated. “Come on,” he said, turning around and getting onto his hands and knees. He poised himself so that Akira could re-enter easily. His eyes closed again as he reveled in the feeling of belonging to Akira completely; he wanted more of this. Akira reached his arms forward, holding Hikaru’s shoulders, his hair falling onto their backs, covering them both like a blanket.
“Hikaru…” Akira said one more time, thrusting relentlessly into his husband. Hikaru grabbed onto Akira’s arms, gritting his teeth as his face became contorted with the pleasure he was feeling. He grunted vocally when one of Akira’s arms reached down in between his legs to relieve him of the swelling that never calmed.
“Akira, don’t…” Hikaru mewed, one hand reaching up and resting on the side of Akira’s face. “I’m not gonna hold…”
“Then don’t.” Akira said. “Come with me.”
And with that, they both fell into wordless motion, moving ceaselessly in sync with each other, trying to get ever closer together. It was as if the world dissolved around them, so that there was no one else but the two of them. Hikaru’s mind was blown somewhere along the way, and all he could say was Akira’s name. Akira held onto them both, finally finding the courage to say “Hikaru, I love you,” as they both reached the climax. He was the first to let go, his mind blanking as he let the overwhelming tide of pleasure take over. Hikaru followed closely behind, his body jerking forward in Akira’s grasp, nearly losing his balance.
It took a long moment before consciousness returned to either of them, as their breathing labored through the thick air. Hikaru shuddered as Akira pulled out, being especially sensitive and tender after the orgasm. Akira rubbed his spine, leaving a few kisses along his shoulder. They both settled onto the futon, having little strength to carry on kneeling, but Hikaru reached in for Akira’s embrace. He was particularly clingy today, more so than Akira was used to.
“Are you gonna tell me what happened?” Akira asked, brushing the blond bangs stuck to Hikaru’s face out of the way. Hikaru gazed up at his husband, and finally nodded, smiling. He rested his head against Akira’s shoulder as he quietly recounted the short reunion with Sai; the last time, he figured, that he was able to talk to the spirit ever again. He described how it felt, how he was playing Go as Sai, their thoughts entirely synchronized, seeing the moves at the same time, reaching the same level of understanding.
“It felt like I became Sai.” Hikaru finished. That was the closest description he could give. He wasn’t sure if Akira could understand that.
But all Akira said was, “I see.”
Hikaru stared up at Akira, who was himself looking off somewhere into the distance. Yes, it seemed, Akira could understand. Hikaru smiled, his hand reaching up to Akira’s chin, turning his face back to him. “Hey,” he said, “look at me.”
“I am.” Akira said, as they kissed with their eyes looking into each other. “I’m always looking at you.”
And that made Hikaru happy. He closed his eyes, resting easily in the enclosure of Akira’s arms. He did not need to rush; they have all the time in the world together.
Athrun feeding the baby at 3am. Cagalli’s asleep in their bedroom (he told her to go back to sleep) ‘cause it’s tough being a head of state and a mom at the same time.
By the way, I imagine Cagalli is the one who snores in this relationship. Which is why it’s even more ridiculous she tried to marry Seiran. I mean, you have to sleep next to that person for many days for the rest of your life even if they snore loudly in your face and still love them enough to not want to kick them off the bed. Athrun probably sleeps very quietly and I’m sure he won’t mind Cagalli snoring (probably finds it cute anyway), but Yuna Seiran’s sleeping face is honestly something I wish I can unsee.
Imagine tho Athrun plays with his sleek sunglasses, putting it on and off the baby confusing the little one lol
Part of Akihika Reboot | Warning: depiction of homophobia/contains triggers & slurs | song choice: Find the Way - Nakashima Mika
It’s been two years into their marriage, and Hikaru and Akira thought they could keep it secret among only friends and family, because there weren’t many conduits from which the news could get out. Weekly Go was a magazine about Go, not a gossip tabloid, and Akira knew Amano was no-nonsense when it came to what goes into the reporting, so there was never a concern there. Some might think that Ochi would spread the word around, but Akira knew him, and knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t do such a thing. The reality was that Ochi only told Akira’s father when he found out, and no one else. No, it wasn’t something done by anyone they knew; perhaps someone simply sensed their relationship from their interactions. After all, their living together was always kind of an open secret in the Go world. Either way, it was a risk they both knew they had to take, but they figured most people in the profession cared little about anything other than Go itself, so they didn’t expect the drama they currently found themselves in.
What happened was that in March, a forum thread rumoring about Akira’s private life blew up on social media, and before long people were piecing together evidence of their relationship, complete with photos of their rings to boot. They could withstand the backlash from fans who were homophobic (of which there was a surprisingly large number), but when the phone calls started flooding the Go Institute and Weekly Go’s editing department, and some parents withdrew their children from their Go school because they didn’t want to “leave their kids with a couple of gays in the evening,” that was when it started to hurt. Some players would forfeit their match just to prove a point, even if that meant it would result in an automatic defeat. Comments such as “I don’t wanna play against a bunch of faggots” started flying around. Even those whose reaction was not outright negative took on a different attitude whenever they faced them in person. People would avoid looking them in the eyes, or addressing them too directly. It felt like there was a wall everywhere they went, with everyone they faced. Of course, a few pros with less noble souls, who had long held personal grudges against either Akira or Hikaru, jumped on the opportunity to bash them. Mashiba, Gokiso, and Zama were just a few names to start. It is the 21st century, it is unbelievable, but homophobia is very much still alive.
Things turned for the worse when people found out that Touya Kouyou had acquiesced to their marriage. Despite his established position in the Go profession as a figure deserving of the utmost respect, there were voices questioning his integrity as a father, a person, and a formerly professional Go player. It didn’t matter to those people that sexuality had absolutely nothing to do with skills in Go; after all, this is a profession in which people still believed female players were somehow inherently less superior than male players, nevermind the fact that Go was an abstract game of strategy. They put pressure on the institutes to try and disqualify or otherwise remove them from matches, some even going as far as calling for a collective boycott on their matches. Together, Gokiso and Zama put forth a suggestion: send Touya Akira and Shindou Hikaru as this year’s Japan representative for the Samsung Fire Cup. Their ultimate goal, of course, was to pit Touya Kouyou against his own son.
“Let them beat each other in a showdown.” Gokiso said to the Go Institute. “And if Touya Akira or Shindou Hikaru loses, I’d like to see them out of the Go world.” Finally he’s found a way to get rid of those two eyesores that’s been a thorn in his side ever since they entered the world of professional Go.
“Yes, and the same for Touya Kouyou. He said he’s retired, but he’s still meddling around playing for China!” Zama agreed. “If he loses, let’s ask him to retire for real… though I can’t see him losing to either one of those two!” He laughed, much to the disgust of Amano and a few others who were in the meeting. “Those brats would have no idea what hit them!”
Amano was about to hurl some insults at the two of them, before Serizawa-sensei stopped him. “I must agree, having them in the tournament sounds most intriguing.” He said.
“Serizawa-sensei!” Amano exclaimed with disbelief.
“Now, now.” Serizawa calmed Amano. Needless to say, Touya Kouyou was a valuable figure in the Go profession, but Serizawa knew the two younger players even better, having been teaching them in his study sessions. He knew what a loss it would be for the world of professional Go if any of those three were forced to leave. But he also knew that they wouldn’t be pushed out so easily. He had plenty of faith in them. “Amano, it would be premature to assume anything. At any rate, as professional Go players we never want to back down from a challenge.”
“But…”
“Serizawa-sensei,” Zama eyed the man with sly eyes. “What are you suggesting?”
“Merely that the results may not turn out to be what you were hoping for.” Serizawa smiled back.
“Hmph.” Zama crossed his arms defiantly. “We’ll see about that.” As far as he could tell, one way or another someone would have to go, and it would bring him pleasure to see any one of them out of the competition.
Touya Kouyou accepted the challenge quite easily. He’s been in the profession too long to not understand the underlying social dynamics, the latent dogmatism in certain social beliefs among many, even the top, players. He supposed that there was no helping it, and that he would only bring further trouble to others if he avoided this confrontation with his son and Shindou-kun. It was not a fight he picked, but since they have decided to pick it, he would see through it to the end. If worse comes to worst, he would leave, truly, if only for his son and Shindou-kun to stay.
But he has no intention of losing on purpose; not only was he sure that neither Akira nor Shindou-kun would be happy with that, he himself could not allow folks like Zama and Gokiso to have the pleasure of succeeding in trying to disgrace the three of them. He will fight with all he has, and trust Akira and Shindou-kun to have gained enough strength to fight back.
“Shindou…” Akira looked at Hikaru with worry, after they had gotten the call from Serizawa. “What are you thinking?”
“…Probably the same thing you’re thinking.” Hikaru said. He could imagine what Touya-sensei would say. “We’re gonna fight.”
Akira remained silent. Yes, they have to. It is inevitable, and knowing that is what pains him. He inhaled deeply to calm his nerves, then opened his eyes to look at Hikaru. Do not worry, he told himself. No matter what happens, Shindou is here. As long as Akira had him, no matter where they go, what they do, they can make a way for themselves. That was what he always believed in.
“We should get ready.” Akira said. He turned to go bring the Go board out. If they will be fighting his father again, they are going to need all the practice, all the training, and all the study they could get. His father will certainly come at them with all his strength.
Father… Akira felt conflicting emotions in his heart. He knew this day would come; the day when he must face his father and attempt to defeat him. He just didn’t think it would be under such circumstances. To be fair, though, his father did warn him after that previous match with Shindou. He knew the path would not be easy, and he had expected as much resistance from these people. Fine. They can bring it on.
“You can’t fight my father like this, Shindou!” Four hours later, they find themselves arguing over the Go board at the third game they’ve had. Akira knew his father’s Go very well, and if Shindou hopes to win, he’ll have to…
“Shush! I know what I’m doing!” Hikaru yelled back. Akira could never get used to his Go, but Hikaru has a logic of his own. “What I need is for you to tell me how I can predict his steps! Over here, this move…” They spent hours and hours studying together. They got help from Serizawa and Kurata. Even Ogata agreed to play them, one match each, to gauge how well they would do against Touya Kouyou. They trained intensively for months on top of their scheduled matches, all to prepare for the ultimate match with Touya Kouyou at the Samsung Fire Cup.
And it wasn’t easy getting there. Starting on three separate paths, they all had to defeat their respective opponents in the preliminaries, then in the first, second, and third rounds. Touya Kouyou watched Shindou’s progress all along. If they want to fight him in the semi-finals, they’d have to get past the strong Korean pros. If Shindou-kun managed to get through, then he would prove to be a most fascinating player, and Touya Kouyou would like nothing more than to play against him. He was curious to see just how far the young man have come, and how far he could go.
But Akira wouldn’t let him have that chance easily. When it came down to the semi-finals, Touya Kouyou was set to butt heads straight against his own son. He knew Akira would come charging at him with all he had, trying to protect Shindou-kun in a strange sense. All three of them had their careers at stake.
Akira started the game strong; he was aggressive, clearly going in for the kill, but also knowing when to wait because he knew his father’s game well. As Touya Kouyou sensed the last time he played his son, Akira’s Go is continuing to change; it is significantly different from the game he used to play when he was younger, having made leaps of improvement in strategy during the years they’ve been apart.
But Touya Kouyou really wanted to play against Shindou, and he was not going to let Akira stop him. There is something about Shindou’s game that Touya Kouyou couldn’t let go of; he could almost understand why his son was so attracted to Shindou-kun from the outset. The seemingly bottomless power and potential of his Go have only been rivaled by one other player: Sai, the one player that Touya Kouyou had been waiting and waiting to play again. Shindou-kun had said that Sai disappeared, and wouldn’t elaborate on what happened. But if that is true, and there is no way for Sai to come back, then Shindou is the closest link Touya Kouyou had to Sai. He must play against Shindou-kun; he must find out what new level his game has reached now.
Deftly he blocked off Akira’s attack on the left side of the board. Even Akira’s Go now started showing notes of Sai. What kind of Go has his son been studying with Shindou-kun?
“Honinbou Shuusaku…” The name slipped from Touya Kouyou’s lips, and it earned a sharp, nearly hostile look from Akira. When it comes to knowing Shuusaku’s game, Touya Kouyou had plenty of confidence that his knowledge isn’t any less than Akira’s. Boldly he moved into Akira’s territory, knowing well how a player playing after Shuusaku’s style would respond.
In the meantime, Shindou was in the final stage of his game against the other Cup contestant, a professional player from China. Though China had been dominating many international Go tournaments in recent years, the player Hikaru faced was surprisingly not as strong as he had feared. If this is the top level of players in international tournaments, then why hasn’t Japan won more of these competitions?
“I resign…” His opponent finally gave up after a long period of thinking. The reporters in the room all came upon Hikaru at once, wanting to ask him questions as it had been the first time a Japanese representative had made it past the semi-finals in a long time. They wondered why Japan hadn’t sent Hikaru out to tournaments earlier if they had such a strong player stashed in their deck. But Hikaru cared little for interviews and did not want to have his time tied up; he hurried over to the other room where Akira and Touya-sensei’s game was still going. When he got there, he was alarmed to find that Akira was losing the game.
Hikaru looked at the Go board on the monitors. He could see where Akira had placed his stones, and almost instantly understood why he had done so; Akira had been preparing for an attack in the final stage, but before he was able to place all his stones in the right places, Touya-sensei had gone in and started attacking his formation. And now into mid-game, Akira had lost all the advantage he built up in the beginning of the match.
Akira’s eyes were angry and filled with frustration. He was disappointed with himself in his inability to pull off the move. If it had been Shindou… if Shindou was sitting in his seat now, he would be able to pull it off. Akira just knew it. Shindou would see that one move he needs to make in order to save his stones, the move that was now evading Akira’s eyes…
Damn it, Touya, don’t you give up… Shindou gritted his teeth. He knew that somewhere in the room those despicable folks who are chanting for their exile from the Go world must be watching, waiting for the moment to jump and cheer for Akira’s defeat. He couldn’t let them have their way! Come on, Touya! It’s right there!
This wouldn’t do, Akira-kun will lose.
“Huh?” Shindou’s heart practically jumped out of his chest. Who was that? He just… he just heard someone’s voice. A very, very familiar voice. And it didn’t come from anyone in the room. It came… from within him. It was a voice he hadn’t heard in years.
He is not in a good state of mind. He will resign prematurely soon if we don’t do something about it. Hikaru!
Sai!
Hikaru was frozen to his spot on the floor. Was it really Sai? Is he back? His eyes scanned wildly across the room, looking for that familiar head of long black hair and the large, puffy white robe.
Sai, where are you?!
I’m right here! I’m right here in your heart!
Huh? Hikaru frowned. He raised his right hand and placed it over his thumping heart. His blood was surging quickly through his veins, excited from the reunion.
I’m sorry, Hikaru… This is all I can manage… You won’t be able to see me…
Sai…
I’ll explain everything later, but right now we have to stop the game. We can’t let Akira-kun resign just yet. It is too soon!
But… what are we gonna do?
I’m going to help you save Akira-kun. You saw the move too, didn’t you?
Y-Yeah… But wait… Sai, I… You’re not… disgusted? I mean, about Touya and I being together?
What are you saying, Hikaru?! Why would I be disgusted? Haven’t you always loved Akira-kun?
Uh… I guess? But you know, most people would think that’s gross…
What? Why? Love among men was common in the Heian Era! Nanshoku was a long-running tradition, and later openly practiced as Shudou among samurais well into Torajirou’s time! Is it not so in today’s world?
Um… well, yeah… Kinda… A lot of people think it’s wrong…
That is bizarre, Hikaru! And you’re telling me that’s why they’re asking for Akira-kun to leave professional Go?! How ridiculous! How could any honorable Go player even dare to ask someone like Akira-kun to stop playing?!
Well that’s the thing, they’re not honorable… Do you remember Gokiso? He’s one of them…
Of course I do! And I am not surprised to hear he is responsible! Then it is even more imperative that we not let such people have their way! Come on, Hikaru! Right now saving Akira-kun is our priority!!
Y-Yeah!
Akira’s hands were balled into a fist. He lowered his head, and began, “I re-”
“Wait!!” Shindou yelled, pushing past the cameras and reporters. His voice surprised everyone in the room. Some of the cameramen flashed their cameras quickly. All eyes were focused on Shindou. “Let me play.”
“Shindou…?”
“What are you saying, Shindou-pro?” Serizawa-sensei, standing among the spectators, asked.
“I’m saying let me take Akira’s place. I will continue playing this game.” Shindou said, his voice low and his eyes serious. He had done this once, under the direction of Sai, back at that antique shop with the Keichou flower vase. Hikaru witnessed how Sai easily beat the duplicitous owner, who was a 5-dan pro, and then turned that Go board around and beat the very same game he just played himself. That was how strong Sai was, and unless Hikaru himself was just as strong, he wouldn’t be able to protect anyone, let alone Akira.
“But that’s against the rules… We can’t let you do that…” One of the tournament staff said.
“I’m fine with it.” Touya Kouyou said, and once again everyone was surprised. “So you are saying you can pick up Akira’s game as it currently stands and still win?”
Not just win… I can even… “Yes.” Shindou said. He already knew in his mind what he had to do. The best move…
Yes, Hikaru, the best move… I see that you have figured it out as well.
Yeah… Thought Hikaru, not the strongest move, nor the winning move, but the best move… The Divine Move.
“Very well.” Touya Kouyou said. “If that is what you are saying, then I am even more interested in playing. What say you?” He turned to the tournament staff. “I have no problem with it, and seeing as Akira would’ve resigned, and I would’ve moved up to the final game to play Shindou-kun anyway, why don’t we move straight towards the final round now?”
“This is crazy! It’s absolutely unheard of!” There was uproar in the room. Zama gritted his teeth. Damn Touya Kouyou and Shindou Hikaru… what are they playing at? Some questioned the fairness, others admitted that they are indeed curious as to how Shindou planned to reverse the lead of this game. For a while the room boiled with heated arguments. A representative from the sponsoring company had to come out and halt the game. He asked the three of them to follow him into a room where they could discuss this in more detail.
“Touya-sensei, I hope you can understand our standpoint. As sponsors of this event we cannot simply change rules on a whim…”
“I understand that, but if I recall correctly, your Chairman’s stance in your company’s involvement with this tournament is mostly concerned with publicity, is it not?”
“…” The representative could not find a comeback to that.
“If it is publicity he wants, then he’ll certainly get it if you let me play.” Hikaru said. Akira looked at his husband with alarm.
“Shindou, this isn’t right.” He said. “This was my game against Father. I lost because I was not strong enough. It’s not fair to change players in the middle of the game…”
“Akira, I can assure you I do not mind it.” Touya Kouyou said. “What I care about is what Shindou-kun said: that he can turn this game around. I want to see that. I want to play a game like that against him.”
“But Father, if that is what you want, we can play that in private.” Akira said. “To change the tournament rules now is not fair to the players who have already lost. They’ve lost their chance at the Cup.”
“Yes, which is why it is even more important that we play this in the formal tournament round.” Touya Kouyou said, eyeing his son seriously. “Is your career not at stake here? Surely you should know that for Shindou-kun and I to suggest such an outrageous thing, we are both prepared to put our careers on the line.”
Akira’s eyes widened. Now he understood, as he looked at both his father and his husband, who both looked back at him sharing the same note of seriousness in their eyes. Yes, they both understood that what they are asking of the sponsor and of all the previous players is selfish, and that is why they are ready to swear on their Go for it. Whoever loses will never step foot again in the professional world of Go.
Is it really necessary to bring it this far? Akira thought, but had a feeling he knew the answer.
“I will not lie to you, I am curious to see how Shindou-pro plans to continue playing this game.” The representative said.
“Then let us continue the game.” Touya Kouyou said. “I will decide on the change of rules; is that alright?” He eyed Shindou as he moved towards the door.
“Fine with me.” Shindou followed him. The representative then followed them, with Akira coming out behind.
The crowd was quiet as they stepped back into the spotlight. The representative took up the MC mic and announced that the sponsor will grant the special final round, to much controversy. Reporters went crazy jotting down notes and thinking up new headlines for their next publication. This is quite an exciting game to see, and they were all sure that the entire international Go community would buzz about this for the next few weeks.
“Shindou-kun will carry white, exactly where Akira has left off.” Touya Kouyou said, looking over the Go board. Even though white is losing advantage, starting with Akira’s stone formations on the board is like playing with a large handicap to begin with for a strong player such as Shindou. If Shindou is starting with a handicap, then Touya Kouyou should no longer have to carry a komi. “But since I have to play against two people in one game, there will be no more komi for black. We are playing purely for points now.” If they looked only on territory on the current board and disregard the automatic 6.5 komi points for white, then black leads by 9 points.
“Agreed.” Shindou said as he took his seat. He sat upon the chair with an air of regality. That stormy, heavy atmosphere of pressure that Touya Kouyou first felt when he played against Shindou-kun in his Shin Shodan match has returned. The shadow of Sai…
Hikaru, let us begin.
Yeah, let’s go, Sai!
So the match resumed, with Shindou taking Akira’s white and Touya Kouyou taking black, and Akira watching from the sidelines. Shindou’s heart throbbed with affection as he looked at every stone Akira placed. They were all perfect, all of them; placed at the perfect spot, the perfect place, as though Akira knew exactly where Hikaru wanted them.
Hikaru… you have been playing with Akira a lot, haven’t you?
Yeah… It’s like we can practically use telepathy now. Look at this! It’s almost like he built the formations for me.
I wonder if this man realizes…
Hikaru looked up at Touya-sensei’s concentrated expression. I don’t know… But I know that I wouldn’t have been able to pull this off if Akira hadn’t built this for me ahead of time.
Hikaru, we must tread carefully. If he finds out our intentions, he will surely block us off.
Yeah, I know. That was one of the rules for this type of game he learned when he first practiced it. The Divine Move… The best move… Sai, did you always know that was what it meant?
…No, I did not. And perhaps that is precisely the reason why I was punished. I was too conceited, carried away by my own power and pride. I thought I had won that game, until you pointed out the mistake. I couldn’t accept the humility. I refused to believe that you could become as strong as, or even stronger than me. That was why I… I…
Sai… It’s ok.
I’m sorry, Hikaru. I truly am. I wish I could say it face to face. Perhaps this is also what God is trying to teach me: that we only ever realize the preciousness of something after we’ve lost it.
Shindou understood that very well. Losing you was just like that…
Yes, I am sorry. It was my fault. God showed me no mercy, because I did not know to show it myself.
Sai…
The best move, the Divine Move, the merciful move… I only understood that after I was severed from you.
Hikaru’s hand tightened around the sensu in his hand. It appears that both he and Sai had a lot to learn from their split. Sai… I will play it. The Divine Move. I will finish what you couldn’t…
Yes, Hikaru, please. Be a better player than I was. Show the mercy that I wasn’t capable of.
The air in the room seemed to have solidified. Everyone watched the progressing game intently. It moved on steadily, almost too smoothly to Touya Kouyou’s liking. He looked at the younger man. Shindou-kun… Sai… What are you planning? And for the first time in a long time, Touya Kouyou felt threatened once again. There is no doubt in his mind that Sai is somehow in this room with them, playing through Shindou-kun. Touya Kouyou saw three people within his opponent: Sai, Akira, and Shindou-kun himself.
“What is going on?” Amano rubbed his chin thoughtfully, his eyes glued to the monitor. “Who actually has the lead now?” He asked Kosemura.
“It’s close… White is catching back up from the 9 point deficit - Shindou-pro is down to a 3 point deficit!” Kosemura reported.
“It can’t be… can it?” Amano scratched his head further. If that was true, then Shindou-kun would truly be…
This is it. They are entering the endgame. So far everything has been going as Hikaru planned, but he knew Touya-sensei wouldn’t give it up easily. That’s why he spent all those nights staying up late playing against Akira. He had to master every move, every thought of Touya-sensei. He had to be able to fully anticipate even the unanticipated.
And indeed Touya-sensei played an unanticipated move. It was a strong move that threatened a lethal blow to his formations, the fortress he built up from Akira’s perfectly placed stones. But if he took it in here, and counting the prisoner in…
Hikaru, the path! Do you see it?
Yeah, I see it!
Touya Kouyou gasped just a fraction of a second before Hikaru made the final move, a move he played together with Sai, as one. Touya Kouyou finally saw it - but he saw it too late. The room was plunged into confusion as they both started counting their territories.
“I can’t tell who’s won!” Amano exclaimed. The game was so close to even. “What is it, Kosemura?!” He yelled at his subordinate, who was scribbling quickly on paper trying to tally the counts.
“47… 49… 55! Black has 55 points!” Kosemura said finally.
“White has 55 points!” Reported another journalist from the adjacent table.
“55 too?!” Amano whipped his head at the two players. “A tie…? So it must be true…”
“What?!” Gokiso dropped out of his chair. A 55-point tie, after white had come back from a 9-point deficit?! A 9-point deficit against Touya Kouyou?! “A tie… but that can’t be…” The room was rowdy as everyone began their own discussions of the game.
The sensu Zama had been chewing with his teeth fell out of his mouth. They had all been done in. They had all been taken for fools! A tie meant that there were no winners, but also no losers! No losers means none of them has to resign! Was that what Shindou had been aiming for the whole time?!
Mashiba stood in front of the monitor with his mouth agape. He had never seen anything like this, and probably would never see anything like it again. A tied game against Touya Kouyou… from a deficit as such… He slowly turned his head to Hikaru, who incidentally looked up and met his gaze with a furious glare. Mashiba yelped, straightened up, and left. Two days later he would resign his professional status.
“This is ridiculous!” Gokiso’s voice could be heard up front. “What do you take us all for?!” He addressed both Touya Kouyou and Hikaru. “This is the Samsung Fire Cup! There’s supposed to be a winner!”
“Ah, yes, I forgot.” Touya Kouyou nodded. “I took out the komi, so we no longer have that half point to decide a winner. Well in that case, I believe that by tradition, a tied game is white’s victory?”
“Oh, so Shindou-pro won?” Kosemura perked his head up. “That’ll be a real piece of news! ‘Shindou Hikaru wins the Samsung Fire Cup against Touya Kouyou’! Man, Japan’s players have made a real comeback!”
That sent Touya-sensei and Hikaru into laughter. Gokiso humphed irately.
“Don’t get cocky! You only won out of luck!” He said to Hikaru, who simply did not have the energy to deal with him anymore. He stood up from the chair and headed in the direction of Akira. He wanted nothing more than to go home, take a warm bath, and have dinner with his husband. Touya Kouyou, too, stood up to take his leave, but not before addressing Gokiso.
“Do you really think anyone can draw a game against me by pure dumb luck?” His voice was dangerously low, his eyes flashing anger at Gokiso, who gulped anxiously. “No… that was no coincidence. Shindou-kun tied that game against me on purpose.”
“Tying… on purpose?!” Gokiso’s wide eyes turned to Shindou’s back in disbelief. “But… he played you just normally…”
That’s right; those are the rules of intentionally tying a game: you must count accurately, reacting quickly to changes in both yours and your opponent’s territories; you must play at your normal speed, and you must play in a way that hides your intention to tie the game. In other words, you must be good enough to fool your opponent into thinking you were playing for a win while invisibly working towards a tie. You must be in entire control of the game. And Shindou did all that; and not only did he do it, but he did it against Touya Kouyou.
“Do not underestimate Shindou-kun, Gokiso-sensei.” Touya Kouyou said solemnly.
“Yes, indeed.” Serizawa joined the conversation. “I cannot imagine any parent in their right mind would not want to let those two teach their children. They have so much talent.” If people weren’t convinced of the fairness of changing the game at the final round before, they now have no more contest. Everyone in the room, everyone except Akira, was fooled. Akira was attempting to do precisely the same against his father, only he was not able to finish the move. But Shindou was here, and as Akira believed, he made it.
In the end, Hikaru refused to receive the Cup. He insisted that it was a tied game between the three of them, if only to disallow Zama and Gokiso the pleasure of thinking they could force Touya-sensei out. Instead, he told the sponsor to donate the prize money to Japan’s Go Institute. He wanted them to use the money to set up exchange programs for Japan’s insei’s to go out and visit other countries to study Go. It was a much better use of the money in his opinion.
They decided to take a taxi home, and the silence in the car reminded Hikaru suddenly.
Sai?!
There was no response. Panic gripped Hikaru’s heart.
Sai?! Are you there?!
…Yes, I am here.
Oh, goodness, don’t scare me like that!
Hikaru…
Yeah?
I have to go.
What?! No!
Hikaru…
Don’t go! Sai! Come on! Stay!
Hikaru, I think you probably already know… I was never actually back.
Huh?
I am a remnant. A figment of your imagination created from memories. The real Sai is gone. I can’t come back to life, Hikaru.
What are you talking about?! But you’re Sai!
No, I am you.
You’re… me?
Yes. And I will always stay with you, in a way. And Akira-kun, too, he will stay with you. You are strong enough to walk your own path now; believe in yourself.
Sai…
Goodbye now, Hikaru.
Wait! I… Sai, I just want to say… thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for teaching me Go, and bringing me to Akira. I… I don’t know what else…
Say no more, Hikaru. I understand. It has been a pleasure getting to know you.
Me too… I’m glad I found you.
It’s been real fun, huh?
Yeah! You bet!
A breeze rushed into the taxi through the slightly open window. It blew a bit of Akira’s hair into Hikaru’s face, making him turn to the black-haired man. Akira looked back at him with quizzical eyes.
Sai… can I still talk to you, from time to time? I visit Torajirou’s grave every year. Can you actually hear me there?
…Yes, Hikaru. I can hear you. Your words come through, but I won’t be able to respond.
That’s fine; as long as I know you’re listening…
“Shindou?” Akira asked, his hand reaching gently for Hikaru’s.
Goodbye, Sai…
Goodbye, Hikaru.
And then it was silent, and Hikaru knew Sai was gone. Tears fell from his eyes, and he leaned forward to bury his face into Akira’s shoulder.
“Sai was here…” He whispered with a faint smile on his face, and not a moment too long he felt Akira hug him tighter. Later, when he could pull himself together, he would explain it to Akira, and to Touya-sensei, too. Sai was here, and he played a beautiful game of Go.
Find the Way - Nakashima Mika (proper translation)
Why do you, with your small hands,
try to carry all these wounds on your back?
It isn’t for any one person’s sake, please don’t lose sight of that
Why am I, while hesitating,
unable to escape?
What I hope for is the sun, the sun to light the way…
Find the way
Though our hands can’t quite reach this glowing cosmos
We depend on only our resounding love
Because at the end of the path we’ve traveled we’ll find the light
You’ll find the way
You said, “I had a long dream…
It was a very sad dream.”
Even still, your figure looks not one bit faltered
I said, "It’s okay to cry.
I’ll always stay by your side.”
What I wish for is a hand, a hand to reach up to me…
Find the way
Even without words, even without wings to fly on
As though standing our ground in the stormy wind
If we can learn of this pain before anyone else…
Finding an answer surely isn’t everything
There's no need to rush, for you as well...
Find the way
Though our hands can’t quite reach this glowing cosmos
We depend on only our resounding love
Because at the end of the path we’ve traveled we’ll find the light
Find the way
Even without words, even without wings to fly on
As though standing our ground in the stormy wind
At the end of the path we’ve traveled we surely saw the light…
You’ll find the way
Part of Akihika Reboot [12] | song choice: See You Again - Wiz Khalifa+Charlie Puth
There is a ritual at the start of every lesson in the Go school at the Touya Residence. It is something Hikaru insists on doing, though Akira never understood it. Some of the kids loved it, some of the kids hated it. Akira often just watches from the corridor; it’s quite humorous to watch, actually, if he was entirely honest with himself.
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight!” counted Hikaru, as he twisted his waist with his arms outstretched in front of him. The children were lined up in a grid in the yard, mirroring his actions. “C’mon, let me see you stretch!”
A few of the kids groaned. Akira suppressed a grin and went inside. The lesson starts as soon as they are done with stretching. He often knows by their loud ruckus as they come back into the house, tossing their borrowed slippers by the entrance to the corridor for Hikaru to pick up and rearrange. Akira starts off the lesson by replaying life-and-death problems from various historic matches. Even today he continues to be amazed at the cleverness of some children in their quick thinking and game, though he rarely showed it. Akira was every bit as serious as his father when it comes to teaching Go, and it was not only once or twice he’d gotten angry and yelled loudly. To the children he was something of a formidable presence, earning him a reputation among the students as the sensei to be feared and respected at the same time (some admired him deeply). Hikaru was the one better at handling the kids as kids. He was easily approachable, his banter keeping the children’s spirits up and the overall atmosphere in the house positive.
After the discussion session is over, they move on to the match segment, where the kids are paired up to play matches against each other. Both Hikaru and Akira would watch over as the children are engrossed in their games, being sure to correct mistakes, or point to a better move when they can catch it. The house becomes quiet with only the sound of clicking stones and clocks filling the air.
Tonight, that quietness is disturbed suddenly by a clamor. When Akira spoke loudly out of the blue, the anger and threat in his low voice is particularly highlighted by the silence. It nearly made Hikaru jump.
“What did you just do?!”
Everyone turned their heads. Akira was grabbing back the arm of a student, his face calm but his eyes full of anger. He had just seen this student move two stones under the palm, taking advantage of his opponent’s distraction in studying another spot on the board. There were two battles going on in the game, and the stones that moved would give back an advantage to this student on this side of the board.
Under the pressure of his teacher’s anger, the child turned hostile. “Let me go!” He said, and yanked his arm from Akira. As he did that, a number of white and black stones he had hidden up his sleeves fell out. Uh-oh.
Hikaru saw Akira’s eyes lit ablaze with wrath. Akira pointed a finger at the door. “Out!”
The student refused to move, though he knew he shouldn’t stay. Akira grabbed his hand and started pulling him to the door.
“Touya!” Hikaru lurched forward just in time to stop Akira, breaking his grip on the student and pulling them apart.
“This is absolutely unacceptable.” Akira’s voice shook with anger, addressing the student. “How dare you!”
“Touya, calm down!” Hikaru grabbed Akira by the shoulders and pulled him away to a side of the room. “Class is still in session. I need you to stay calm.” The rest of the children were all unnerved by the interruption. It was a bit unlike Akira to lose his cool like that. “Go wait in the corridor.” Hikaru said to the student who cheated. The child kicked his feet as he did what he was told.
It took a moment before Akira was calm enough to resume class. He helped the other child clean the board, picking up the dropped stones with frustration. How had he not noticed that one of his own students was cheating? He suspected that it wasn’t the first time, seeing how easily the child had done it. If he hadn’t been looking at the right moment…
In the corridor, Hikaru approached the apprehensive boy with two cans of orange juice, one for him and one for the boy. He sat down by the edge, hanging his feet over it. Then he patted the spot next to him, motioning the child to sit by his side. The boy obeyed without a word.
“Alright, talk to me.” Hikaru said. “Why’d you do something like that?”
“…” The child remained silent, his eyes fixed on his own small hands. Hikaru eyed his student. The boy was only 10, but had a frown on his face so deep that he could as well have been worrying about world peace.
“You didn’t think you could win without cheating.” Hikaru answered for him, and the boy looked up at him. “You know, that’s the same as admitting that you were weak.”
“Sensei!”
“Am I wrong?” Hikaru asked, sipping from his can.
“…” The child’s gaze returned to his hands, his frown deepening. “No, you’re right.” He balled his hands into fists. “It’s that kid… he’s only 6, but he’s already better than me…”
Hikaru felt sheepish; that sounded very much like someone he knew. “So you’d cheat a win out of him? Do you really think that counts as winning?” He studied the boy’s expression, and could see the guilt in the child’s eyes. It’s not the first time he had cheated, it seems. “And? Do you feel stronger after winning against him this way?”
The boy began to cry. Hikaru let out a sigh and patted his head gently. “Let me tell you something about someone I knew.” He said with a faint smile, remembering a beautiful head of long black hair. “He was the greatest Go player of all time. He loved Go with his entire being. It was his life.” He paused for a moment, waiting for the boy to regain his composure. “Kinda like Akira-sensei.”
The boy nodded.
“Well, one day someone cheated him in a game.” Hikaru continued. “And from then on, he couldn’t play Go anymore. He was banished from his city.”
“Wha…?” The boy said. “But why?”
“Because he lost the game that put his reputation at stake, after being cheated by his opponent. His life was forever changed after that. He became an existence that was unable to even hold Go stones with his own hands. Go was his only joy in life, and that was taken away from him.” Hikaru said. “When you decide to cheat someone, and they lose because of it, they are losing more than just a game. They could be losing their livelihood, especially for those who are pros, or plan to become pros like yourself. What I’m trying to say is, you need to understand the gravity of your actions, not just on the Go board but outside of it as well.” For the first time since they started their talk, Hikaru showed seriousness in his eyes. He took the boy’s hands in his, and said, “These are your hands, and yours alone. It is your decision what to do with them, and what kind of Go game you will play with them. But remember this: there are people who would give anything to play another game with their own hands, if only they were able. So think about that the next time you want to use your hands to cheat. Think about whether there really is anything to gain from a win like that. If you really want to get stronger in Go, you should know that cheating won’t get you there. Go ahead and ask yourself: is there any point in a game that you won by cheating? Was it any fun?”
The boy swallowed. He thought Akira-sensei was scary when mad, but Shindou-sensei’s seriousness was far scarier. “I… I’m sorry.” He mumbled.
“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” Hikaru smiled. He got up from his spot, and helped the boy up as well. “C’mon.”
They went back inside the house, where the class had already been dismissed and Akira was putting away the Go boards. He seemed a little calmer than before. Hikaru ushered the boy towards Akira.
“A-Akira-sensei.” He started. “I’m sorry.”
“…You won’t do it again?” Akira asked.
“I promise.” The boy nodded.
“And?”
“And… I’ll apologize to him tomorrow, properly.” The boy answered, his head low.
After a long pause, Akira sighed and patted the boy’s head. “Alright, you can go home.”
The boy looked up to find a soft smile across Akira-sensei’s face that he had never seen before. He nearly started crying again, if not for Hikaru hurrying him to get home before it gets too dark outside.
“Man, you scared me there for a moment.” Hikaru said after closing the door. It was a strange feeling seeing Akira be so mad at someone other than himself.
“Yes, I admit I overreacted a little bit.” Akira sighed as they headed to their bedroom. It had been a long day and he felt quite tired. He grabbed his pajamas from the closet and headed towards the bathroom to change and wash up.
That wasn’t exactly just “a little bit”… Thought Hikaru, though he refrained from voicing it out loud. I wonder what’s gotten into him… He looked at Akira across the hallway, as the latter stared into the mirror applying facial moisturizer before brushing his hair down with a comb.
“Akira, do you want a massage?”
“What?” Akira squeaked, surprised.
“I’ll give you one; your hands are dry again, aren’t they?” Hikaru found a spot on the tatami and patted on it, motioning Akira to come sit down. Nodding, Akira took a bottle of hand lotion from the vanity and moved back into the bedroom, sitting down apprehensively. Hikaru greased his own hands with the lotion and opened his palms at Akira, who put his right hand into them. Hikaru started out with massaging Akira’s palm, working around his thin fingers. He could feel the tension in the finger joints as he rubbed them gently.
“I was wondering… how’d you get him to admit fault?” Akira asked, his eyes following the motion of Hikaru’s hands. “What’d you say to him?”
“It’s a secret.”
“Shindou!”
Hikaru laughed. “Just kidding. You know, things he needed to hear. Like how cheating isn’t gonna help him, how it makes the games really pointless, that kind of stuff.” He said. “And… you know how Sai had to play Go through me because he couldn’t play it himself? I talked about that. The kid still has his own hands; he needs to think hard about what kind of game he wants to play with them.” He said as he kneaded Akira’s wrist.
“I see.” Akira said, allowing Hikaru to interlock their fingers together so that he can roll Akira’s hand around the wrist to loosen it.
“You know, now that I think about it, you and Sai have a lot in common.” Hikaru commented as he squeezed and pulled each of Akira’s fingers from its joint. He could still remember feeling Sai’s stir of emotions whenever he saw people cheating, playing unfairly or using Go to bully others. “You’re both Go fanatics. Sai was a little more level-headed though; you’d just scream your head off at people.”
Hikaru expected a snarky comeback from Akira for his comment, but instead Akira remained silent. “Akira?”
“Huh?”
“What’s wrong?” Hikaru asked, concerned. “You seem out of it.”
“It’s nothing… I was just…” Akira sighed, closing his eyes. “Disappointed, in myself.”
“Why?”
“I should have noticed it sooner.” He answered. “I don’t think it was his first time cheating. I can’t believe I let it slip this whole time.”
“It’s hard to catch. We have to watch over so many kids.” Hikaru put down Akira’s right hand and started on his left. “Do you remember Mitani? The guy that played first board at the Go club tournament, back in middle school? He was cheating at Go salons against old men, and Tsutsui-senpai said the same thing - nobody would ever even notice it.”
“But once you know they’ve done it…” Akira started, but didn’t want to finish the sentence.
“It’ll be alright.” Hikaru squeezed Akira’s hand reassuringly. “We caught him early, and I talked him through it. We’ll just have to keep watch for a little bit.” He looked at his husband with a grin on his face.
Hikaru’s positivity was a comforting sight to Akira. He remembered those few years just after Sai’s disappearance and Hikaru’s absence from matches, how Hikaru always seemed to be carrying a heavy weight on his shoulders. Even though they still argued and Hikaru talked loudly as he did before, there were moments when Hikaru would be unnervingly quiet, looking like he was lost in deep thought. It was as though the light of Shindou Hikaru was overshadowed by a dark veil. Akira watched all along the years of healing it took for Hikaru to regain the bright, shining personality he had when they first met (and even still it was never completely back, but Akira wouldn’t dare to ask for more). He can even talk about Sai now without becoming immediately emotional.
“Hm, yeah.” Akira smiled, and held Hikaru’s face with his other hand to give him a kiss, his eyes fluttering to a close. Sai, wherever you are out there… I’m okay now, and so is Shindou.
Akihika Reboot special [0/11] | contains OC-ish characters | inspired by this, this, and this
In the latter Heian Period, just before the start of the events that would bring this era to an end, there was a Go instructor in Emperor Konoe’s court by the name of Touya Sadakichi (刀禰貞吉). He was a young man with excellent skill and promising potential, but he was often shy. He was quiet, sometimes unsure of himself, and spent most of his time indoors. He did not make friends or seek to socialize with those around him, instead remaining a lonely presence among the court attendants.
Until one year, among the newly admitted Go instructors, came Shindou Uemon (神道右衛門). If Touya was one end of a spectrum, then one could only describe Shindou as the other end. He was bright, cheerful, and full of life. His voice could often be heard from behind the closed doors of the emperor’s chamber, as he and the other instructors talk and laugh. He had a pure heart, and approached everyone equally with his generous spirit. Many loved his banter, and Touya found himself attracted to Shindou’s laughter, his eyes always wandering, searching for Shindou.
At first Shindou did not notice Touya. He befriended other instructors who were more outgoing, and had not had a chance to see Touya’s skill until the summer when the Emperor played against him. The next time they met each other one on one was when they bumped into each other in the corridor by the inner garden.
“Touya-sama!” Shindou exclaimed with a huge smile on his face. “Your match with Emperor Konoe last time - it was awesome!”
“It was the first time I’ve seen such kind of Go!” Shindou said, his eyes gleaming with awe. “You’re so good! How long have you been playing Go?”
“Since… Since I was a child.” Touya answered, his blush getting deeper.
“Wow! You’re a genius!” Shindou grabbed Touya’s arms, his eyes wide like a child. “That’s so cool!”
“U-um… Shindou…” Touya said, not used to so much contact all at once. “I mean… Shindou-sama…”
“You can just call me Uemon!” Shindou said, smiling so widely that you couldn’t see his eyes.
“Oh, okay…” Touya said, his heart jumping fast. “Uemon…”
And so the two befriended each other, and became inseparable. Shindou tried to bring Touya into his social circle, always dragging Touya by his hand to their study sessions. But some days Touya would rather be with Shindou alone, so they’d sneak off to the river and sit next to each other side by side, sometimes chatting, sometimes in silence. Again and again Shindou manages to do things that make Touya’s heart jump. It was clear to Touya himself that he was falling for Shindou hard and fast, but he dared not speak of it.
“Sadakichi!” Shindou called. Presently they were at the river; it was a warm day and the water in the river was cool and refreshing. Shindou was standing ankles-deep in the water, his robe trunks pulled up and tied around his knees. He had removed his large bulky upper gown, a cobalt blue kariginu sewn with golden silk emblems, and threw it haphazardly beside Touya for him to keep watch, as Shindou wanted to move freely in his inner gown while in the river. He was trying to catch a fish.
“Yes?” Touya asked from where he sat on the bank, Shindou’s robe hanging over his arms.
“Why are the fishes running away from me?!” Shindou asked, irritated as he missed another.
Touya chuckled. “That’s because you’re trying to catch them!”
“Oh, that’s right.” Shindou said, as though that had only just become obvious to him. Touya laughed, holding a hand up to cover his lips. “Aah! I got it!” Shindou exclaimed, surprising Touya. “Sadakichi, look!” He held up the jumping fish in his hands, showing it to Touya from the river. He had the most excited, innocent and childlike smile on his face. Touya felt his breathing stop for a moment.
They took the fish back to the palace secretly, and had it cooked by one of the attendants. They spent the night eating together, then playing Go with each other. Touya asked Shindou to stay the night in his room, and Shindou happily agreed. Touya felt a little guilty; he was certain Shindou had no idea that he asked because he didn’t want to separate from Shindou. His friend is too pure and innocent to understand that what Touya felt towards Shindou was not platonic.
The next morning, Touya took his chance. He woke up first, beside a lightly snoring Shindou. Quietly he pushed himself up, and turned to look at his friend. Shindou’s hair was a little messy, his left arm extended outward on the tatami. Touya touched Shindou’s bangs softly, brushing the hair out of his face. His heart was beating fast in his chest as he lowered his face closer to the soft skin of Shindou’s cheek.
“Uemon…” Touya whispered quietly before closing the gap between their lips in a feather-light kiss. When he pulled away, blood rushed to his head as he realized what he had just done. His feelings for Shindou was tearing his heart apart, and it was difficult to bear.
From then on, Touya would subtly avoid being alone with Shindou. He went to the study sessions with the other instructors, and played the Emperor in one-on-one games, but never again did he want to be in the same room with Shindou alone, because he wasn’t sure what he might do, and didn’t trust that he could stop himself. Shindou felt the growing gap, and asked Touya what was wrong. Had he done something to make Touya angry? Is there something about himself that Touya wanted him to fix?
“It’s not you.” Touya said, refusing to look Shindou in the eyes. “It’s me. I’m sorry, Uemon.” He lowered his gaze at Shindou’s hand, at the hand that held the fan. “It… hurts to be with you.”
Shindou was floored. He watched Touya’s back as the latter walked away, red maple leaves falling around them in the breeze of autumn. Touya’s white robe over his inner gown was dyed an orange color by the dusk light. That would be the last time they spoke to each other, before Shindou left.
Shindou was chosen by the Emperor to be part of an entourage that would travel to the east. Missionaries sent out by the Emperor to the Great Sina have returned, and the Emperor wanted to host a reception over several days. It was to be an event full of scholarly exchanges in the fine arts and literature. When Touya heard of the news, he asked the Emperor directly to be included in the roster. However, Emperor Konoe refused, saying that it was imperative for those he had selected to go.
Touya couldn’t understand why; when it comes to skills in Go, he could learn just as much as those on the roster. Shindou’s Go was inconsistent: though he has many moments of brilliance, his game was often fickle and whimsical, much like his personality. Touya was worried for Shindou, both for leaving the palace to a place far away, and for his learning. He found that he couldn’t bear the idea of Shindou going somewhere he couldn’t follow. Even in spite of the Emperor’s decision, Touya could not stop worrying.
“Please tell me, Morishita-sama.” Touya asked. “Why would the Emperor send Shindou on this mission?”
“Yes, why indeed.” Morishita smiled thoughtfully. “It’s always been a mystery among us senior Go advisors as to why Emperor Konoe decided to admit Shindou into his court. His Go is hardly enough justification for the decision. There is something else that Shindou holds that the Emperor has set his sights on.”
“And what… might that be?”
“Luck, Touya.” Morishita smiled at the young man. “It is luck. The force that follows that boy’s destiny is far deeper and more powerful than any of us can even fathom.”
Luck…? Touya mused in concentration as he made his way back. Up ahead, he heard that familiar voice, exclaiming something incoherent, too far for Touya to make out the words. Shindou was running towards the rest of the entourage, looking excited and giddy.
“Uemon!” Touya called out before he could stop himself. Shindou turned around at the sound of his name. When he saw Touya, his excitement about the journey to the east suddenly turned into sadness. He excused himself from his colleagues, and ran towards Touya.
“Sadakichi.” Shindou said. They both looked sad, their eyes downcast and away from each other. “What’s up?”
“I…” Touya started, then paused. What should he say? “You’re… leaving?”
“Yeah, we’re heading out first to the town by the end of the river. The attendants will follow tomorrow morning.” Shindou said. “…Sadakichi, I… I’ll be back, soon. We are scheduled to be there for a week only.”
“But it takes three days to travel there…” Touya said. He gripped his fan tighter. Why didn’t he try to spend more time with Shindou before he left? He shouldn’t have let his feelings get in the way!
“I’m sorry…” Shindou said. He understood that it would be more than two weeks that they won’t see each other again. He missed Touya long before that, and he hoped Touya felt the same way too.
“Come back.” Touya said. From his sleeve he took out a good luck charm, one that was given to him long ago by his mother when he was admitted into the court while still young. He took Shindou’s hand and put it in his palm. “Make sure you come back…”
“Hm, I will.” Shindou squeezed the charm tightly, smiling at Touya. Once again Touya found himself staring at Shindou’s back. He was always doing that, from the moment he started noticing Shindou. Shindou was always running ahead of him, towards the others, towards the Emperor, towards the river, and now to the east. Touya was always following behind, and it was fine when it’s Shindou who was dragging him forward by his hand, but this time… Uemon… Don’t go where I can’t follow.
Touya counted the days. He waited with patience and anticipation for the day Shindou would be back. This time, this time for sure he would no longer run away from Shindou. This time he would face his feelings, and treasure the little opportunities he could share with him. On the day of the entourage’s return, Touya waited all morning on the watch tower, looking far into the distance at the bend of the road where the first coaches ought to appear when they arrive.
He rushed downstairs when he saw the front coachmen. Several denizens of the palace had come out to welcome their return as well. Touya pushed past a few people to get to the front. There was the roster of Go masters filing in in a line, but Shindou was nowhere to be found.
“Uemon?” Touya called, walking down the file of his colleagues. Something was amiss - they looked solemn, unlike the masters of other arts who were enjoying the homecoming cheers. “Honda-sama, where’s Shindou?”
“Touya.” Honda greeted. “He’s in the coach.” He gestured to the bamboo coach a few steps behind him. That wasn’t right - it was the coach for the top Go master, Ogata; why would Shindou be in it? “I’ll tell you the details later.” He said, and continued walking with the parade.
Hours later, Touya finally found the roster of Go masters gathered in a chamber. They were huddled in the center of the room, and Touya approached them.
“Ah, Touya-sama.” One of the instructors said after noticing Touya’s presence.
“What’s going on? Where’s Uemon?” asked Touya. Just as he finished asking, the instructors moved apart to clear a view to what they were huddling over; or rather, who they were huddling over. There among their faces lied Uemon, sweat covering his skin with a look of pain on his face. “Uemon!” Touya rushed to his side, and the others made room.
“He started having a high fever on the last day of traveling.” Honda said. “We don’t know what it is; we’ve called for the doctors and they’re coming, but…”
“But what?!” Touya yelled, unable to withhold his panic.
“He’s not looking very well, is he?” Someone said. No indeed, Shindou’s lips were pale, and he was shaking, his lips quivering. His skin was hot to the touch, soaked with sweat. Touya felt helpless; seeing Shindou suffering was the last thing he’d thought of for his homecoming. The doctors arrived later that evening to diagnose Shindou’s sickness. They said it was ague, which Touya had never heard of, and it would be a difficult disease to manage. They couldn’t give a clear answer as to whether Shindou would survive it, just that they would do what they can.
From then on, all Touya did was stay by Shindou’s side. He refused to leave and had to be reminded to eat. He stopped playing Go because he spent all day caring for Shindou, wiping down his sweat, feeding him water, feeding him his medicine. For a few days, Shindou seemed to be doing better. He was able to get up and talk to Touya. He got a bit mad at Touya for stopping Go. He said he wasn’t worth the missed games, which Touya tearfully rejected. It was the first time Touya had seen Shindou get angry, and they argued until Shindou started coughing heavily, and then Touya was worried all over again.
The next day, things got worse. Shindou’s headache kept him in bed, constantly suffering in pain. It was just as much torture for Touya to watch him like this, but still Touya refused to leave his side. He repeated the same tasks: wipe him down, feed him water, talk to him, keep him awake. That was all Touya did; that was all he could do. Somehow he found strength to stay, even as he watched his best friend, his soul mate, getting thinner and paler each day.
Shindou’s eyes were losing their shine; instead, Touya’s eyes gained a sharp glint. They scared the other court attendants, and only ever softened when he saw Shindou smile. This morning the headaches seemed to have subsided temporarily, and Shindou was well enough to stay conscious. But that was all he could do - he couldn’t talk, his pale lips quivering without control. And upon seeing this, even Touya couldn’t keep up his talking. Anguish came over his face, and he closed his eyes, tears rolling down his cheek. Please, don’t go where I can’t follow.
Then Shindou’s hand reached out and cupped Touya’s cheek, his thumb gently wiping away the tears under Touya’s eye. His hand was too warm because of his fever.
“Sadakichi…” Shindou said with a cracked voice, a sad smile on his face. “Don’t… stop playing…” Because Touya’s Go was his favorite thing in the world. He loved watching Sadakichi play more than anything else.
Touya took Shindou’s hand in his, nodding. “I won’t… I promise.”
Shindou didn’t say anything back, but simply smiled wider, the same smile that Touya always loved to see, the kind of smile where you couldn’t see his eyes.
“Uemon?” Touya asked, panicking, feeling the strength leaving from Shindou’s hand.
Shindou’s eyes widened upon hearing his name, as though he was being woken up from sleepy lethargy. Touya lowered Shindou’s hand and put it back inside the futon. He picked up the Go game record anthology he’d brought with him, and said, “I’ll read to you.”
Shindou nodded ever so slightly with a smile. He could no longer play Go himself, so Touya had been reading Go game records to him to pass the time.
“First hand, 4-4, upper right star.” Touya began. That was how he read to Shindou - simply reciting each hand in order, so Shindou could see the game in his head. The room was quiet as he read on, his voice calm and his eyes concentrated on the book. He flipped the pages through the game, until he got to the last move. “4-13, lower left kiri. Black wins by six points.”
There was no response. Shindou was asleep. Touya smiled and put down the book. He leaned in to tuck Shindou in better, only to be met with cold skin.
“Uemon…?”
Shindou had ague, and his skin is cold.
A tear found its way down Touya’s face.
After the burial, Touya spent many days standing in front of Shindou’s grave. He was sad, but his eyes hadn’t lost their glint.
“Uemon…” He whispered. “I’ve been looking at your back the whole time… I’ve been following you, always… You were ahead of me, so…” Touya lowered his gaze further, something resembling determination forming in his eyes. “Next time, it’s your turn to chase after me, okay?”
It is 3am in the morning, and Touya Akira found himself jerked awake by his dream. It was a strange dream… He sighed, pushing himself up from his futon. A sense of panic seized his heart and he whipped his head around, searching for Shindou… who was snoring, loudly, next to him. Akira sighed again as he felt relief wash over him.
“Mm… Touya?” Hikaru’s voice was heavy with sleep. He shuffled under the blanket, rubbing his eyes and blinking them open. He looked at Akira. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing; I just saw a dream… I feel like I saw an ancient you.”
“What? What the heck is that?” Hikaru yawned ungracefully.
“I don’t know…” Already Akira was starting to forget the details. “I just know that it was a long, and sad dream…”
“Touya… Are you okay?” Hikaru got up as well, looking at his husband worriedly. Akira eyed him in the dark; his hair was disheveled from sleep and his white shirt was creased. Then suddenly he leaned in, snuggling into Hikaru’s arms. This worried Hikaru even more, since normally Akira never initiated a hug (even though it is super adorable).
“Why do I get this feeling that I’ve finally caught you?” Akira asked, face buried into Hikaru’s neck.
“Pffft, come on, that’s my line!” Hikaru said, encircling his arms around Akira’s shoulders. “I’m the one who keeps having to chase after you!”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Akira laughed, another rarity. “Sorry.”
Hikaru had one eyebrow raised suspiciously as he tightened his arms around Akira, rubbing his shoulders gently. What’s gotten into him tonight? After another moment or two, Akira sighed and pulled away, settling back into the comfort of his futon. Hikaru did the same, but then reached his hand out to hold Akira’s face. He touched his cheek softly, his thumb caressing a spot under the right eye. They spent a long time laying there wordlessly like that, looking deeply into each other. In Akira’s sturdy eyes Hikaru saw an ageless soul. It was shining at him like a bright star, until Akira’s eyelids slowly drooped to a close, falling fast asleep under the security of Hikaru’s hand, seeing no more dreams tonight.
You are seeing this because I’ve made this chapter a private post. The reason for it is because the chapter needs an extra before-you-read warning for it either contains OOC-ness, excessive graphical details/pornography, lack of plot, or otherwise do not represent a logical continuation of the reboot storyline. The link to the chapter is provided below, but if you dislike any of the above warning signs, you understand that proceeding to read the chapter may induce an unsatisfactory reading experience.
NSFW | Part of Akihika Reboot [8.5] | Warning: not sure if dubcon? Proceed with caution
In two months’ time, Shindou’s broken arm healed well enough for the doctor to remove the cast. Hikaru had been waiting for it, because they had to postpone their honeymoon trip until his arm was better. They planned for a five-day vacation spanning across the first work week of August, so that they didn’t have to cancel the weekend classes for the kids. It fortuitously coincided with a Go event that was going to be held in Hakone, so they just booked a room at an onsen resort and went from there.
The event was a festival for local children and adult amateur Go players. Hikaru and Akira went in silently, hoping not to attract too much attention, but as Hikaru walked down the aisle between tables, the rowdy festival gradually turned quiet as heads turned and people whispered.
“Look, it’s Shindou Honinbou!” “And Touya Meijin!” “What?! Are you serious?!” “Why are they here?”
Many pairs of eyes were staring at them, most of them with awe and wonder. Some people ran off to get pen and paper for autographs. A group of people, members of the committee that hosted the event, approached them.
“Shindou-sensei! Touya-sensei!” The head of the committee exclaimed. “We weren’t expecting you! Whatever brought you here?” He turned to one of his assistants to have him bring some tea. “Go on, everyone, there is no need to stop playing!” He motioned his hands at the staring crowd.
“We’re just visiting.” Shindou shrugged, glancing over at the event-goers as they turned back to their games. He didn’t want to reveal to the stranger that they were on vacation together.
“Well, it’s an honor,” said the Committee Head. “Congratulations on defending your title fifth time in a row, Shindou-sensei. And Touya-sensei, too, for the seventh time!”
“Thank you.” Hikaru and Akira both said. Then some people approached with their pen and paper. They asked Hikaru for his autograph, but he declined, mostly because he was too embarrassed to show his horrible handwriting. He deferred the requests to Akira, who signs with a beautiful hand. He really ought to ask Akira to teach him calligraphy one of these days.
“Why don’t you come with us to the back?” The Committee Head pointed to the inner part of the venue. “You might find something interesting. We have exhibitions for Go boards and Go history.” He led the way, turning his head back as he said so. “I hate to intrude on your personal time, but may we ask you to possibly play a few teaching games later? I understand if you don’t want to, but I’m sure the event-goers would love to play you.”
“Sure.” Hikaru said. As they walked with the committee members towards the exhibition booths, they passed by someone that Hikaru recognized almost immediately. The man recognized him, too. It was that vendor from years ago, when Sai was still here, who was counterfeiting Shin-Kaya Go boards as genuine Kaya boards and swindling people out of their money under the direction of Gokiso. If Hikaru remembered correctly, he also tried to sell a Go board with a fake Shuusaku autograph.
“Oh, Shindou-sensei!” The man was sycophantic, ready to please with his disgusting toadish face. It may be hard to swallow, but the man never thought that teenage kid from years ago would end up becoming a 5-time Honinbou titleholder. He was hoping Hikaru would be a forgiving person, because defending a title five times consecutively means that he must be loaded. Oh, he would like even just a small bite of that money; it must be just spare change for the champion! “What can I do for you today? I’ve got real Kaya boards and nice Go stones made from top quality oyster shells from Europe! All genuine, I promise!”
“Don’t. Talk. To. Me,” were the four words that Hikaru said back to him. They were uttered with seething anger, while his eyes shone with an unforgiving disdain that can rival the cold light of a sword’s sharpened edge. The man could feel a literal chill run down his spine.
“Shindou?” Akira was alarmed at Hikaru’s reaction. Shindou turned away from the man and spoke to the Committee Head.
“If I were you I would be careful about letting unscrupulous vendors into my events.” He said succinctly, then turned to his husband. “Come on, Touya. I think they want us to play a few teaching games.” He pulled Akira’s arm and tugged him back into the open hall, where most people sat playing their games.
The two of them were generous enough to play five teaching games each against different people for free. But even as he played Go, Akira’s mind lingered on Hikaru’s burst of wrath. Something must’ve happened in the past between Hikaru and that vendor. Perchance it might have something to do with Sai as well.
They left after finishing their games, and Akira decided to follow Hikaru’s wishes for the rest of the afternoon, whatever they may be. They were on their honeymoon, and Akira wanted Hikaru to be happy, seeing how upset he was. They came across a bike shop along a touristy street, and Hikaru wanted to rent two bicycles so they could ride together as they go sightseeing.
So they did, and for the first time Akira realized how much of a difference in physical strength they had. Never having an athletic streak in him, Akira ran out of breath pretty quickly, heaving in sweat as he struggled to peddle fast enough to catch up to Shindou. Hikaru, of course, cruised easily at a moderate pace; physical education was, after all, his strongest suit before he discovered Go. They biked through the idyllic town, following the curvy roads that bent down to the lake. The view by the water was beautiful, and they rested there for a while, enjoying the downtime. Then an idea came to Hikaru's mind.
"Akira, wanna race?” He asked, grinning.
"What?” Akira asked. "Why?”
"Because it'll be fun; come on!” Hikaru said, hopping onto his bicycle and taking off.
"Wait, Shindou!” Akira yelled after him. He scrambled to get onto his bike, already struggling to catch Hikaru. "Where are we going?!” He yelled.
"Back to the bike shop!” Hikaru shouted ahead. "Whoever gets there last has to treat ice cream!”
"Are you a kid...?” Akira mumbled to himself, chasing after Hikaru despite his exasperation. His lungs were tight in his chest and his throat burned; he has never exercised so much in his life. "Shindou, wait for me!” Akira said, a phrase that he rarely ever got to say to Hikaru. And he was sure that Hikaru heard him as well, because instead of slowing down, Hikaru sped up, going faster even as they biked uphill. "Shindou!” Akira was getting angry.
Hikaru was having a blast. The wind whipped against his face and it felt great. It was almost like he was flying, soaring through the wind. He could take it just a little further...
As Akira struggled through his heavy breathing, he looked ahead and was sent into a panic by what he saw: Hikaru had let go of the handles of his bicycle, his eyes closed and his arms outstretched as though he was catching the wind. He kept peddling forward blindly, trusting nothing but his own instincts, as if he was lifted and led by a spirit in the air. It would have been an awesome sight to see, if not for the fact that they were coming to the top of the hill where the sidewalk ends at the bend of the road, and Hikaru was headed straight into traffic.
"Shindou!!” Akira shouted, fear seizing his heart as he peddled faster, trying to catch Hikaru. He was so close, just a little bit more, but Hikaru was still out of his reach...
Hikaru's eyes snapped open and he braked hard, stopping right at the edge of the curb. The suddenness of his stop was out of Akira's expectation, and Akira was not able to brake in time, his fast speed now hurling him towards Hikaru. In the split second that followed, Akira jumped out of his bike, unable to overcome his fear of being unable to stop, and he reached for Hikaru, who caught him. Akira's bike tossed itself off into the road, barely missing the car that passed by. For the longest moment, they both stared at Akira's bike lying on the ground, its wheels still spinning, whining sadly.
"Are you out of your mind?!” Akira whipped his head back to Hikaru, yelling angrily.
Hikaru grinned, looking very sheepish indeed. "Sorry...”
"It's not funny!” Akira pinched Hikaru's elbow, then pushed him off. "You're impossible!” He scowled as he found the opportunity to go grab his fallen bicycle before it becomes a road hazard.
"Sorry!” Hikaru said again. "Touya!”
Akira huffed and ignored him, walking his bicycle down the side of the road in the direction of the bike shop. His heart was still thumping in his chest, and he felt like he had to swallow it down to calm himself.
So in the end Hikaru bought the ice creams, and they ate in silence as they walked back towards the onsen resort they stayed at, after returning the bikes and paying for the damage. Akira was still angry, silent even as they took their first bath in the large hot spring.
They had dinner in their room, and Akira was drinking a lot faster than usual. He downed his first glass of beer in one gulp, then quickly continued onto his second glass. It made Hikaru nervous.
"Touya, I'm sorry...” Hikaru said, and sighed. "I know that was kinda stupid... but I just thought... Well, I felt...” He went silent, not sure if he wanted to explain what he was feeling at the time.
"You felt what?” For the first time, Akira responded. He looked intently at Hikaru, waiting for him to reveal his inner thoughts again.
"I thought I felt Sai’s presence for a moment.” He said. "I thought I felt his hand holding my bike, and leading it telling me to close my eyes and trust him.”
"But you said Sai disappeared...”
"Yes, and that’s still true...” Hikaru mused. "I don't know. It's not possible anyway because he can't hold anything. Maybe there's just too much going on in my head, with what happened this morning and all.”
Akira was thinking, and took another drink of his beer. "Yeah, what happened this morning? Do you know that vendor? What did he do?”
"Oh, I know him alright.” Hikaru said, his nose scrunching in disgust as the memory resurfaced. "He used to pass off Shin-Kaya Go boards as real Kaya boards trying to make a quick buck.” He said. "He even tried to sell a Go board with a fake Shuusaku signature!” Hikaru exclaimed. "Using Sai’s and Torajirou’s names in vain... I can't forgive him!”
"...” Akira felt like he heard something about this before. "Oh, is that what Kurata-san means when he says you're the authority on Shuusaku’s signature’s genuineness?” That must have been where Kurata-san met Shindou.
"Uh... yeah.” Hikaru scratched the back of his head. "Because Sai was so upset when he saw that bastard defrauding innocent people who didn't know better!”
"I see...” Akira said, and smiled gently. "Sai really was a kind person, wasn't he?” He remarked, finishing his beer. A Go player who can tell Shin-Kaya apart from real Kaya, and feel injustice even for people who are less knowledgeable about Go, must be a genuine and respectable character.
"Yeah, of course he was!” Hikaru said, and drank some of his own beer. He eyed Akira, who was eating a fresh piece of sashimi from his plate, and felt a little relieved. It seemed like Akira wasn't mad at him anymore.
"The food is good, huh?” He tried, untangling his legs under the table and inching them closer to Akira's. Akira didn't get mad; he nodded, chewing silently and pouring himself yet another glass of beer. "Aren't you drinking a little fast?”
"Leave me be.” Akira said, and took another sip. Hikaru watched; at the rate he's going, he’ll pass out before they have a chance to do anything tonight. Even at his normal pace, Akira isn't the strongest when it comes to alcohol. His face was already starting to glow. Hikaru wondered what he was playing at.
"Don't drink too much; you're gonna regret it when you get a hangover.” He said.
"But I never get hangovers.” Akira said, challenging. "Nice try, Shindou.”
"Pffft, that's only ‘cause you've never drank enough to have one.” Shindou mocked, because he had that experience. They get pretty crazy at Waya’s place sometimes.
"You don't believe me?” Akira rebutted, now finishing his third glass. Is that a challenge Shindou heard in his tone?
"Are you gonna try to prove me wrong?” Shindou straightened up, sounding defiant himself.
"I will.” Akira said as he poured himself another glass. He poured some more into Hikaru's glass too. "Should we see who will go down first?”
"Don't, Akira.” Shindou said. He simply knew that on this matter, he was stronger than Akira. He had already tested his own limits when hanging out with Waya and Isumi and knew exactly where they were. Akira never went anywhere even close to that. If Akira drank as much as it took for Hikaru to pass out... he'll never make it. It'll get dangerous. "You'll never win.”
"Try me.” Akira said, and starting downing his glass. This is way more than he is used to, but he was surprised at the pleasant buzzing feeling, like his head was floating. This may be more fun than he had expected.
"Okay, that's enough.” Hikaru said, trying to grab the glass from Akira's hand, but Akira smacked his hand away, gulping down the rest of it. "Touya! That's your fourth glass!” He's never had this many before. Hikaru was usually around to make sure he didn't overdo it, because he knew Akira wasn't very good at holding his liquor.
"Don't underestimate me.” Akira said, though it was obvious he was losing his composure. "I can still go...” He was ready to pour himself another glass, the bottle still having its last third. But Hikaru wouldn't let him, and took the bottle out of his hand. Then Akira tried to fight him for it, and Hikaru decided to gulp its contents all in one go in order to stop him.
"There, no more.” He waved the empty bottle in front of Akira.
"Shindou!” Akira complained, frowning, but his body was wavering unsteadily, so Hikaru knew he made the right choice. He wondered what's gotten into Akira tonight.
"Shh, keep it down.” Hikaru said. Akira pouted (yes, he actually pouted), a childish frown across his face as he tried to glare at Hikaru. It didn’t quite work, his face and lips all pink from the alcohol, his mouth slightly agape. Hikaru felt heat rising to his head. “I'm gonna go take a second bath.” He quickly said, straightening his yukata to get up.
"Wait, I'll come with you.”
"No, you stay here.” He said to Akira. He's had too much to drink and going into a hot spring in his state will only make the alcohol run around faster and make it worse. "And don't go outside.” He added; he didn't want Akira hurting himself or running into someone. He went to the closet and grabbed the futon prepared by the resort, laying it out so Akira can rest in it. Akira sat still by the table, watching Hikaru, his head getting heavy in his palm. When Hikaru was done, he turned to Akira only to find that the man had dozed off, somehow managing to keep sitting exactly in that position. Hikaru sighed, but did not try to wake him up, feeling responsible for not stopping Akira earlier. Then finally for the first time today, he reached for Akira’s face and kissed his forehead softly.
"I'll be right back.” He whispered inaudibly. "Wait for me.”
By the time Shindou came back from his second bath, Akira was laying in the futon, barely coherent. Worried, Hikaru sat by his husband, sliding a hand up his forehead to feel for his temperature. Akira’s skin was warm to the touch, and he smelled like hops.
“Touya, are you okay?” Hikaru asked when Akira mumbled under his touch, shifting to face Hikaru.
“Shindou…” His voice was catlike, and his hand reached up Hikaru’s arm by instinct. “My head hurts…”
“Yeah, what did you think was gonna happen?” Hikaru said, a little angrily. “I told you not to drink so much.”
“It’s hot…” Akira said, his voice now whining, his hand squeezing Hikaru’s arms.
“Well let go of me, then! You’ll just make it worse!” Hikaru said as he pried Akira’s hands from his arms, putting them down by his side. Akira didn’t fight it, but continued to mumble in discomfort. Hikaru could see he was red through his neck, down to his chest. Sighing, he untied the obi around Akira’s waist, hoping to loosen his yukata and give him some breathing space to cool down. But precisely as he opened the lapel of Akira’s robe, he got a glimpse down and discovered (perhaps to his doom) that his husband was, indeed, very much aroused.
“Oi, Touya…” Shindou felt challenged for the nth time tonight. “Do you have any idea what kind of dangerous position you’ve left yourself in…?”
“Hm…? What danger?” Akira asked, not truly comprehending anything at the moment. His eyes slid open thinly and he gazed at Shindou. “You’re here, aren’t you?” His hands once again reached up to Shindou to pull him down, wrapping his arms trustingly around him.
“Why, you…” Shindou gritted his teeth. Akira can be very trying at times. “Is this an invitation?” He asked as Akira continue to wrap himself around Shindou like ivy growing on a tree trunk. Hikaru could feel his own sanity slipping.
“Shindou…” Akira said softly, and then he went quiet. Hikaru blinked, wondering what happened, before he heard soft snores from the man who was now solidly locked around him. Hikaru felt something snap, then either out of his frustration or his anger, he reached down without hesitation and made contact with Akira’s arousal.
Akira let out a soft yelp, suddenly awake now. His breathing was quick, hitching as he shut his legs together, his toes curling around the sheets. His hands gripped Hikaru’s shoulder tightly, leaving angry red marks on the skin through the fabric of his yukata. “Shindou…!”
“Do you want me to stop?” Hikaru asked, his voice getting husky. Akira shook his head against Hikaru’s shoulder. Hikaru pressed a hand against the back of Akira’s waist. “Then relax.”
Slowly, Akira let go of the tenseness in his muscles, and then he was a pool of weak limbs under Hikaru’s hands, defenseless and open. Hikaru lowered themselves so they were both laying on the futon, softly kissing Akira in the process.
It didn’t take very long for Akira to lose it. He moaned against Hikaru’s lips, his hips bucking up into Hikaru’s hand. Blood was pumping fast through his body, pounding in his head. His arms held onto Hikaru still.
“Touya… this is bad. We should stop; you’re drunk.” Hikaru said as he tried to pull himself away. Where did they put that box of tissue?
"No…” Akira refused, his arms closing around Hikaru. "Don’t go! Don’t leave again…” His voice cracked, and he sounded like he was about to cry.
"Okay, okay, okay…” Hikaru cooed as he was pulled into a suffocating hug. "I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here. Don’t start crying…” He said, and only then did Akira calm down and loosen his grip a little. Hikaru sighed; it feels like he’s babysitting a big adult, and it is tiring.
"Shindou…” Akira looked at Hikaru expectantly. "Are you gonna…?”
Hikaru gave Akira a discerning look, and shook his head, kissing Akira’s forehead. "No. You’re too drunk. You’ll hate me for it when you sober up.”
"No I won’t…” Akira said softly. He would never hate Shindou, drunk or sober.
"That’s the alcohol talking.” Hikaru said. When Akira said nothing in return, but continued to gaze at him, Hikaru smirked. "Or are you inviting…?”
“…” Akira frowned. He didn’t like being put on the spot. If this is how Shindou wants to play… “If you’re not gonna do it then I will do it myself. It’s either your hands or mine, so which is it, Shindou Hikaru?” He sounded incredibly sober when he said that, so much so that it surprised Hikaru.
”…Damn it, Touya…” Hikaru groaned, getting onto his knees and pulling Akira with him. “Just my hands and nothing more, mind you!”
Akira supposed that he should be grateful that Hikaru was so proper about this. He was partly hoping to make inviting easier when he chose to down all that beer, but it seemed like a bad idea now that it’s backfiring and making Hikaru hold back.
"Just a second…” Hikaru said as he went to find their lube. Akira laid flat on his stomach, his eyes downcast as he waited with a pounding heart. He heard the sound of the bottle opening, and glanced back at Hikaru as the latter poured some of the stuff onto his hands. Akira waited with anticipation as Hikaru lifted the edge of his yukata, his eyes never wavering as they looked into Shindou’s, and it was enough to make Hikaru blush nearly as red as Akira was.
To hide his embarrassment, Hikaru leaned forward to kiss Akira, sliding his hand under Akira’s yukata at the same time to make his move. Akira gasped, feeling the cold digit sliding in. He folded his arms together and rested them on the pillow, dropping his forehead against them. He sighed, his body relaxing.
Hikaru watched closely as he worked his finger around; it was almost like giving a massage, just a different kind. He slipped in a second finger after a while, and Akira didn’t even notice, while his other hand found its way to the front, massaging the other part. Low moans escaped from Akira’s throat intermittently as he indulged in the comfortable gratification of Hikaru’s administrations.
“Touya…” Hikaru whispered, and increased his speed, pressing harder with his fingers. He knew he’s found the spot when Akira’s noises got louder. It was getting harder for Hikaru to hold his own.
“Ah…” Akira drawled, inhaling sharply as his body went rigid.
“Keep breathing, Touya.” Hikaru said, shifting so he could bend his body over Akira’s, allowing him to lean closer and his fingers to get deeper in. Akira obliged, but knew that his limit was near again. Hikaru got a face full of the remaining faint boozy smell from Akira’s skin, reminding him of just how much Akira had to drink tonight. “Touya… I don’t think I can do this anymore…”
Akira glanced back, and saw that Hikaru looked nearly as intoxicated as he was, but not from alcohol; rather, from the way Akira was behaving. “Then just do it…” He said.
Hikaru frowned, and, though grumbling, removed his hands and knelt up to take off his yukata. It felt like the whole night was going at Akira’s pace, and Hikaru had been completely led on by him. “Are you sure about this?” He asked one more time.
At this point, Akira was inclined to glare at Shindou. “Yes.” He said simply, his eyes audacious and daring as he held Hikaru in his gaze. Hikaru had made him wait long enough. Sighing, Hikaru leaned forward to kiss Akira once again, his hands pushing Akira’s yukata off, tossing it aside. Their bodies connected, quietly, as they shared their kiss. Hikaru started moving after they pulled apart, and Akira was back to muffling his cries with the pillow.
Hikaru pinned Akira’s wrists to the sheets to give himself some leverage when moving. In turn, Akira’s fingers instinctively wrapped around Hikaru’s wrists. Their movement felt like sailing on the open sea, pulling and pushing, pulling and pushing. The rise took longer than usual, as though they were on a journey together, moving forward at the same pace slowly so that they can savor the best of it.
“Shindou…” Akira whimpered, all of his senses heightened because of his intoxication. He might be closer to the end than he’d thought, a simmering need for release bubbling along all of his nerves.
“Just a moment, Akira…” Shindou said, then his eyes cracked open to look at his husband. Akira had been staring at him, his head pressed against the pillow, his eyes looking sultry and getting more erotic every moment. It was as if Akira had been waiting, like he did all those years ago, and then suddenly Hikaru felt sorry to have kept him waiting. He picked up his pace, lowering his body so that he can encircle Akira with his arms. Akira sighed appreciatively, finding solace in Hikaru’s presence.
It was an unusual type of orgasm they had together, a mellow, quiet, and smooth one, marked by a gradual rising wave and lasting duration. Heat radiated from the tangle that was their bodies as they breathed, with nothing but the sound of their beating hearts to accompany them. When they opened their eyes, and looked into each other, on the same breath they said, “That wasn’t enough.”
Then they chuckled, and Hikaru kissed the spot above Akira’s right eye. "That’s ok.” He said. “We have the whole night ahead of us…”
Part of Akihika Reboot [3] | song choice: Fix You - Coldplay
It was after Hikaru won his Honinbou title that he decided to tell Akira everything. Akira had helped him through the two years it took for him to get through all the matches, helping him train, watching his Go, sharpening his mentality, and most importantly of all, always being there for him. Hikaru saw his patience, and when the time came right, thought that it was only fair for Akira to know. So when Akira asked him what he wanted to do for the celebration, he asked of only one thing: for Akira to take a day off to spend with him.
He gave Akira his grandfather’s house address and told him to go there. Akira didn’t know what to expect. He was received by Hikaru’s grandfather, who made a big fuss and practically begged for an autograph when he found out who Akira was.
“Why do you want his autograph?” Hikaru grumbled. “You haven’t even asked for mine and I’m Honinbou now!”
“I know how bad your handwriting is; I don’t want your autograph.” His grandfather said while admiring the perfectly signed calligraphic signature Akira handed back to him.
“Oh, whatever! Come on, Touya, let’s go!” Hikaru grabbed Akira by his wrist and pulled him away, much to his grandfather’s dismay, towards the storage house. They climbed up silently into the dusty attic. The summer light filtering in shone on the Go board that sat there quietly.
“It all started here.” Hikaru said as he wiped the dust off the Go board. He touched the surface of the board, tracing the engraved dark lines, over the spot where there used to be a stain. Akira remained quiet. He had a feeling that it was going to be a long story, and all he could do today was just listen.
And so Hikaru traced, from the moment he met Sai up here, until the time he first met Touya. It sounded unbelievable; ghost stories never struck Akira as anything more than fiction, but the way Hikaru was explaining everything - he was so serious, and so detailed in his recounting, that Akira couldn’t help but believe it. They left Hikaru’s grandfather’s house and took a train to Hiroshima. They got to Innoshima a couple hours after lunch time. Hikaru brought Akira to the Shuusaku grave up on the hill, and there he stood, looking over the sea and rows of green islands, speaking about his journey chasing after Touya with Sai. He spoke for hours, talking of Sai’s past, his link to Torajirou. He described the Go games he played with Sai to get stronger, to pass the pro exam, to get closer to Akira. Then he talked of the game Sai played against Touya-sensei, and of Sai’s fears. He revealed his own insensitivity, and his foolishness, towards the possibility of Sai’s disappearance. He was naïve, far too naïve. The day Sai disappeared was quite similar to this day, a warm and sunny day, with a comfortable breeze blowing through the blue skies.
“All I ever wanted…” Hikaru started, then his voice choked, because the guilt was overwhelming. “I wanted you to look at me. That was all I wanted. For your eyes to look at me, and not at Sai. But I didn’t understand that it meant…” He gritted his teeth, and, try as he might, he could not hold in his tears.
“Shindou…” Akira said softly, placing one hand on Hikaru’s shoulder and holding his hand with the other. Hikaru gripped his hand tightly, painfully. Akira could feel his pain through their connected hands.
“It was my fault. The moment you start looking at me meant that he had no place to go. He didn’t exist in flesh and bone; the only way he could exist was through me, and I shut him out because I wanted your eyes on me.” Hikaru said, his face seized by anguish. This never gets easier. Not even with time. “I’m responsible for his disappearance. I’m the one who erased him.”
“…Is that why you stopped playing?”
“…Yeah.” Hikaru took a deep breath. He loosened his grip on Akira’s hand, having left a red mark. “I thought that if I stopped playing and let him play, he would come back. I was still too naive. I didn’t understand a thing.” Now he looked forward, his eyes growing sharp and focused. “I thought that my Go was nothing compared to his, so I should never have wanted you. I should never have tried to chase you. I thought if I gave it all up, I could turn back time and make him come back. Or rather, even if he didn’t come back, I thought that I still wasn’t worthy enough to play Go. I didn’t realize that I was his last link to this world.”
Akira listened on. He remembered that time when, after missing a number of his matches, Hikaru finally suddenly showed up at the Go Institute.
“It was Isumi-san.” Hikaru said, a bittersweet smile on his face as he looked gently at Akira. “He came back from China, and he searched all the way to my house. He didn’t give up on his Go, not even after he’d failed the exam. He made me play against him, because of the match we had at the pro exam that we never got to finish. When I was playing him… That’s when I saw him again. Sai. I saw his hand appearing from behind me, as though he was telling me where to play again. That’s when I realized the only chance I had of seeing him again was to keep playing Go.”
They fell into a long contemplative silence, Akira trying to digest the story and Hikaru remembering what it felt like when he figured that out.
“What was he like?” Finally Akira asked. “What kind of person was he?”
Hikaru looked at Akira’s inquisitive eyes, a little surprised. Then he smiled once again. “He was kind. And he was pure. He was silly, and funny. He loved Go and it was his life. He would get excited over all kinds of things, at our new technologies, stuff they didn’t have back in Heian and Edo Periods.” Hikaru giggled, recalling some fond memories. “He was always wearing his thick robe, and the tall hat too. He had gentle eyes, and a head of long, beautiful black hair.” As he said this, Hikaru raised his hand and took a lock or two of Akira’s hair in between his fingers. His eyes were full of fondness. “Hm, yeah, just like yours. But his was way longer, all the way down to his knees.”
“…” Akira was quiet. He could feel his own heartbeat growing faster. Hikaru touched his face gently, and they kissed softly. “Shindou…”
Hikaru placed his forehead against Akira’s and closed his eyes. It’s been a long day, a day full of remembrance. He felt tired, his mind exhausted. They stayed that way for a little while, neither of them saying a word. Then as the sun set, they made their way to the hotel they booked. Even though the room had two beds, Hikaru went over and slept in the same bed with Akira, because he didn’t want to be alone.
“…Shindou.” Akira said, staring up at the ceiling, thinking. Hikaru looked up at Akira’s eyes that shone barely visibly under the low moonlight. He was surrounded by Akira’s arms in an embrace.
“Hm?”
“It’s not your fault.” Akira continued. Hikaru gasped ever so slightly. “Sai’s disappearance… is not your fault. If you could have a chance to do it all over again, I hope you’d still do the same and come after me. I…” He hesitated, not sure what he was trying to say. “I don’t know if I am the answer or not. But quitting Go definitely isn’t. And… you haven’t erased Sai. You are still alive.” He put one of his hands on Hikaru’s chest, over his beating heart. “Your heart is still beating here, now. Sai lives inside you. He lives in your heart, and in your Go.” Akira said with determination. “But do not forget that you are Shindou Hikaru. You are still yourself, the man who contains Sai. You are who I’ve set my sights on since the beginning. So… take pride in being yourself.”
Hikaru felt his chest tighten painfully. He buried his face into the nape of Akira’s neck, his hands tightening their grip on his shirt. Akira answered, holding Hikaru closer, feeling wet tears falling onto his shoulder. He soothed Hikaru, running his hand along his back, until the latter fell asleep, tired from crying. And then Akira slowly drifted asleep himself, feeling grateful that Hikaru didn’t give up Go, that he chose to stay, and he had Sai to thank for that.
After Akira had just earned his Meijin title, Shindou wanted to help him celebrate the win with something special. He knew Akira didn’t like making a big deal out of these kinds of things, but it had also been a while since they had done anything outside of playing or studying Go, and December was coming up. Shindou and Ashiwara came up with the idea at the Go salon one afternoon, when the TV was on and there was news about record snowfall this year.
“Touya,” Shindou said that night after returning home. “When’s that first Shin Shodan match you have to play as Meijin?”
“Hm?” Akira looked up from the life-and-death problems workbook he was reviewing. “I think it’s the 12th, why?”
“The 12th?!” Shindou said. “Can’t you reschedule?”
“Why?” Akira frowned. What is he up to?
“Well… Ashiwara-san and I were talking about going on a trip, with a group, you know? We’ve already asked a couple of people and they’re interested. Even Yashiro said he could come!”
“What trip?” Akira asked. Why doesn’t he ever get to the point in one go?
“A ski trip.” Shindou scratched the back of his head, a little sheepishly. “We were thinking of leaving on the 12th. We could take a plane up to Hokkaido, or a bullet train to Aomori… Just for like, three or four days.”
“You want me to reschedule the Shin Shodan match so we could go on a ski trip?” Akira asked. “Shindou Hikaru, how is your own Go study going? You know, just because the championship season’s over doesn’t mean you get to slack off. You failed out of the preliminaries to the Kisei League again this year!”
“Oh god not again…” Shindou felt his shoulders slumping.
“No, Shindou. I’m not going.” Akira said, returning to reviewing life-and-death problems. “Go have fun with them yourself.”
“Come on, Touya! You should come with us! It’ll be fun!” Shindou said. “And we’re not going to slack off; we’re going to play 10-second Go with each other at the hotel! We’ll bring the boards! It’s a different kind of training!”
“No.” Akira said once more. To him it was a ludicrous idea that anything else could be more fun than Go. And to ask him to reschedule a match on top of it?
“Gah, you’re really something else, Touya!” Frustrated, Shindou resigned himself to going to take his shower and calling the night. “Can’t you tell what I’m trying to do for you?”
“Do what?!”
“Help celebrate your Meijin title!” Shindou shouted. And your birthday!
“I don’t need it!”
“Oh, you must be so fun at parties, Touya!” Shindou have had it. “Except of course you don’t go to any!”
“Shindou!!”
“I’m gonna go take my shower! Don’t talk to me!” Shindou ended their shouting match one-sidedly. Sometimes Akira wondered how they manage to live in the same house and not kill each other with the way they’ve been fighting.
Suddenly no longer in the mood to review Go, Akira took off his glasses and folded them, leaving them on top of the book next to the Go board. He cleaned up the stones and went to set up his futon, hoping to get to sleep before Shindou comes back out. He was nearly dozing off when he heard footsteps coming out of the shower. He laid there on his side, listening as Shindou made his way around the kitchen for a drink of water, then came back into the bedroom. He could feel Shindou’s feet crossing over his own to the closet where the other futon is kept. Then he heard the soft puff as Shindou laid it out behind him, a bit ways farther apart than usual. And then there was a moment of silence.
He heard a bit of shuffling before suddenly feeling Shindou’s fingers touching his hair, brushing back a few locks that had fallen onto his face. Akira kept his eyes closed, not daring to move a muscle.
“Did you forget your own birthday, you idiot?” Shindou’s voice was extremely soft. Then Akira felt Shindou’s lips on his temple, leaving a light kiss. There was more shuffling, and then Shindou was back in his own futon.
“Shindou…” Akira turned to Hikaru and whispered.
“Oh my god!” Shindou yelped. His heart practically jumped out of his chest. “You were awake?!”
“Sorry.” Akira propped himself up in the dark. “Shindou… when is this… trip again?”
“Eh?” Shindou said. “Forget it. If you won’t go then I won’t go either. There’s no point.”
“No…” Akira said softly. “I’m saying… I’ll see if I can reschedule the match… so we can go.”
“Really?” Shindou nearly jumped up at that.
“But you have to promise me you’ll come to the study sessions with Ogata-san after we’re back.” Akira said.
“Ugh… Ogata-sensei, eh?” Shindou’s face turned sour. He was never very good at dealing with Ogata, and had a bad gut feeling about the man’s motives towards Akira, too. “Alright, fine, I’ll go.”
“So when’s the trip?”
“We were planning on leaving the 12th; dunno if we’re staying for 3 nights or 4 yet…” Shindou eyed Akira. “I guess we’ll figure it out, once we know who else is coming.”
“Ok. I’ll go ask the scheduling department tomorrow.” Akira said, and settled back into his futon. He was planning to fall asleep for real this time, when suddenly he felt something bump up against his futon. Hikaru had moved his futon up against Akira’s, like usual, and his arms reached around Akira from behind. Akira huffed an amused sigh, and went to sleep.
They managed to reschedule the match to a week earlier, so it took place on the 5th, instead of the 12th. In the end they decided to take a bullet train and bus to a resort in Aomori since it was easier to travel by train as a group. The group ended up including the two of them, Waya, Kurata, Ashiwara, Saeki, and Yashiro, who took another train up to Tokyo in the morning. They spent the first day traveling, and then renting equipment at the destination. It was the first time Akira ever skied. He had absolutely no prior experience whatsoever, having spent literally the majority of his entire life playing Go and doing nothing else. Shindou and Waya were snowboarders; Yashiro actually brought his own skis. Kurata, Ashiwara, Saeki and Touya would all be renting skis.
“Why is Touya here?” Waya grumbled to Shindou as they tried out their snowboard boots respectively.
“What do you mean ‘why’? This is a trip to celebrate his title win.” Shindou said.
“What?! Really? Nobody told me!” Waya said. He had come along because both Shindou and Saeki (who was dragged into this by Ashiwara) had invited him. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why do we have to celebrate for him anyway?!”
“Gah, Waya, you ask too many questions.” Shindou frowned as he tightened his boots. “If you don’t like it you can go home.”
“Well, I didn’t mean-”
“Excuse me, I’ll take these.” Shindou said, standing up and walking to the counter. Waya followed him hurriedly.
“Ok, whatever, but I’m definitely not rooming with him.” Waya said.
“Of course you’re not; I am.” Shindou said as he paid. “You’re rooming with Saeki-san and Ashiwara-san. I think Saeki-san is too scared to room with Ashiwara-san on his own.”
And thus their sleeping arrangement was decided: Shindou with Touya, Kurata with Yashiro, Waya with Ashiwara and Saeki. The next day they headed out early in the morning into the cold all geared up and ready. They took a lift ride up to the base of the mountain, and there they discussed each person’s skill level to decide how the group would split up and move. As expected, Yashiro’s skills were high - he could ski black routes just fine on his own. Shindou and Waya were both comfortable with the red routes. Kurata might not look it, but he was actually fairly good at skiing as well, though he decided to stick with Akira, who was inexperienced. Ashiwara was the same, and would help coach Saeki on the green runs.
“Uh, Shindou…” Akira couldn’t help himself from saying when he heard Shindou and Waya would be taking a higher lift on their own.
“Hm?” Shindou looked back. Akira had a complicated look on his face, like there was something he wanted to say. “You stick with Kurata-san.” Shindou said. “You need to learn, right?” With that, he waved his hand and headed off to an intermediate lift with Waya. He was excited - it had been a long while since he last went snowboarding, and he could really use the physical exercise.
Akira stared behind Hikaru, his brows slightly knitted together. He understood that he couldn’t just go up and start skiing down intermediate routes immediately, but something about not being with Shnidou (and Shindou’s attitude about it) irked him.
Nevertheless, the first day proved to be a lot of fun for Hikaru. He and Waya would race each other down the mountain, zooming past the beginners who stopped and fell frequently. He had fallen less times than he’d expected too - only once or twice - and laughed about them with Waya at lunch. On the other hand, Akira was having fall, after fall, after fall. He was never the sporty type; his hand-eye-leg coordination seemed to refuse to cooperate. Time and time again he saw Shindou and Waya speeding past him as they got down to the easier bottom part of their routes, while he sat hurting from another fall, or with his skis dislodged from his boots (which is a huge struggle to get back up and into). His bones were aching by the time they got back to the hotel room in the evening.
“So, do you want to play a proper game of Go?” Shindou asked, taking out his portable Go board. “Or 10-second Lightning Go?”
Akira was lying face down on his bed, his face stuffed into the pillows with only one eye looking up at Hikaru.
“You’re having fun, Shindou.” He said, his tone edgy and unforgiving.
“Huh?” Shindou frowned. “Yeah sure I am, what’s the problem?”
“No, no problem at all.” Akira said, his frustration growing at Shindou’s seeming insensitivity. “Of course it’s no problem for you when you can ride faster. Nevermind the slower people.”
“Dude, look, what do you want me to do? You’re learning to ski, but I’m snowboarding.” Hikaru said. “There’s nothing I can do for you down there; I’m too fast to stay on green runs!”
“You’re the one who dragged me here, Shindou!” Akira exclaimed. “If it weren’t for you, I’d rather be doing something else!”
“Well that’s why I said we don’t have to come if you didn’t want to, but you decided to come anyway!” Shindou yelled back. “So do you want to play Go or not?!”
“Play it yourself.” Akira turned away from Hikaru, lying on his side. This is one of the things about Shindou that really griped him and always got on his nerves.
“Fine, I will.” Shindou said, reaching for the life-and-death problem workbook he brought along in his backpack. They stayed like this through the whole night, ignoring each other in silence. At dinner they sat apart and talked with everyone else but each other.
This continued on to the next day. Some of the others started to catch onto the tension, which was only relieved when the two were separated by their different routes. Seeing how much Akira was struggling to stay on his feet in skis, even Yashiro volunteered to help coach him, so that Kurata could go on some fast runs and at least have some fun for himself. Yashiro was a very patient teacher (Kurata was too), and encouraged Akira with kind words and expert advice.
The next time Shindou passed by down the green portion of his run, he was surprised to see Akira smiling at Yashiro. Akira had finally managed to ski his S’s without falling at the turn, and was presently slowly skiing down the gentle hill while Yashiro was skiing backwards in front of him. When he failed to brake, he crashed into Yashiro and nearly fell, if not for Yashiro catching them both in time. Akira chuckled with an apology, embarrassed, as they straightened themselves up.
Something bubbled in Shindou’s heart, and foolishly he approached them at a moderate speed. Passing by, he yelled, “Touya, you suck!” before speeding off down the hill. It caught both Akira and Yashiro off guard, with Yashiro remarking, “what’s gotten into him?”
His remark absolutely ignited a fire in Touya Akira. His eyes were burning with anger throughout lunch and everyone felt a little edgy as the tension in the air seemed to thicken twofold. Shindou wouldn’t tell Waya or Kurata what happened. Yashiro felt the need to say something to Shindou for how immaturely he acted.
“Shindou, what was that all about?” He asked. “I don’t think Touya has done anything to deserve that.”
Everyone quietened from their own chitchat and listened. Shindou took another bite of his hamburger.
“Shut up, Yashiro. It’s true anyway.”
“Hey, that’s enough, Shindo-”
“Forget it, Yashiro.” Akira suddenly spoke. “Don’t get worked up over someone like this. Let’s go; you have to show me how to brake properly.” He said as he stood up, taking his finished tray of food with him.
“What’s going on?” Kurata jabbed at Waya’s side with his elbow. Waya shrugged, and looked at his friend, who had the same burning anger in his eyes now. Someone like this, he said?
The afternoon had a bitter aftertaste from the conflict at lunch. Shindou was snowboarding so fast that he won all his races against Waya because Waya just couldn’t keep up. Akira was ardent in learning his new skill with Yashiro, as though he was spurred on by something. They returned to their hotel room that night separately, still staying in silence. Shindou reviewed life-and-death problems on his Go board, while Akira read a book. After dinner time, Yashiro dropped by their room to give Akira some pain relief patches he brought, knowing that Akira had gained a few new bruises with his falls today.
“These don’t smell as bad.” Yashiro said. “I’ve used them a lot.”
“Okay, thank you.” Akira thanked him with a smile.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Yashiro. Thanks for everything.” Akira said as he saw Yashiro out the door. “It was really fun today.”
“Sure, no problem!” Yashiro said, before heading out to return to his own room. Akira then turned back inside, the smile still on his face as he returned to his bed to apply the patches.
“What are you smiling so much for?” Hikaru suddenly broke the silence. “Just so you know, being able to ski the S is the most basic of basics! It’s nothing to be so happy about!”
“I know that!” Akira said loudly. “I don’t need you to tell me!”
“Then stop smiling like an idiot!” Hikaru shouted.
“Whether I smile or not is none of your business, Shindou!” Akira shouted back. “What is your problem?!”
“Nothing! Except oh who was it that said he’d rather be doing something else yesterday?! And all of a sudden today it’s ‘oh it’s so much fun’?!”
“And what’s wrong with that?! You’re the one who said this trip would be fun! So I AM having fun now!”
“Yeah, I’m sure you can have a lot of fun with Yashiro!”
“Shindou!!”
“Hey, what’s going on in there?” Kurata’s voice suddenly came from the other side of the door with two knocks. “I’m hearing a lot of shouting.”
“Don’t open it.” Hikaru said. Akira frowned, his lips down-turned, and stormed towards the door. “Touya!!”
Akira opened the door with a fervent swing. Kurata was surprised to see his angry face, his breath slightly running out from the fight. Behind Kurata was also Yashiro, Saeki and Waya.
“Nothing; Shindou’s just being an idiot.” Akira said, moving aside to let Kurata step in.
“I am NOT!!”
“That’s enough, Shindou-kun.” Kurata said. “Now I don’t know what happened, but I’ve been getting a bad vibe from you this whole day. You need to calm down.”
“Yeah.” Yashiro agreed. “Especially after what happened earlier in the day. It was uncalled for.”
“…” Shindou’s lips were pursed in a childish pout. “Fine!” He grabbed his backpack and swung it over his shoulder. “Waya!! I’m going over to your room! I’m switching with Ashiwara-san!”
“Eh??”
“Saeki-san, you don’t have a problem with that, do you?” Shindou continued.
“Well, n-no… but…” Saeki replied, knowing that Ashiwara probably wouldn’t be happy. The person in question was not here; he was down at the lobby, because of an errand…
“Then let’s go.” Shindou said, making his way past the group and down the hall. “Waya, come on! Let’s play some Go.”
“Um… uh, ok.” Waya didn’t know how to react. He followed after his friend, and let Hikaru into the room.
“And you’re ok with this?” Kurata turned back to Akira, who stood by the door with a dark face.
“It’s fine, whatever.” He shrugged, turning away. “Let him be. I don’t care.”
“…” Kurata and Yashiro glanced at each other. This is a mess.
“Hey, I’m back! They’re going to bring it up soo-” Down the hall came Ashiwara’s voice as he ran towards the group, then he covered his mouth with his hands when he saw Akira. Oops. “Um, what’s going on? Why is everyone here?”
“Uh… Shindou-kun just had an argument with Touya-kun.” Saeki said. “Shindou-kun said he wants to switch rooms with you.”
“Eh????!” Ashiwara exclaimed with disbelief. “But I…”
“Excuse me, sorry for the wait.” A voice came from down the hall again. A hotel employee was leading another employee with a cart, rolling it towards the group. “We are ready, Ashiwara-sama.”
“What’s this?” Kurata asked. Everyone looked curiously at Ashiwara, except Akira, who was preoccupied with thoughts.
“Um… Let’s go inside first, shall we?” Ashiwara rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, motioning the group towards the room. “Akira, you don’t mind us coming into your room, do you?”
“Huh?” It took Akira a moment to react. “Oh, sure, no problem.”
So the group was ushered into the room by Ashiwara. The hotel employees followed behind him with the cart. Once they were inside, one of them dimmed the lights in the room while the other pulled out a lighter and some candles. Then she pulled the fabric cover off the cart to reveal a quaint birthday cake on a cake dish with a glass cover over it. Silently they worked to put the candles on the cake and light them.
“Happy Birthday, Akira.” Ashiwara said. Everyone else expressed some surprise, before they all got together to congratulate Akira and sing a birthday song for him. Then they let him cut the cake and share the pieces among the group. For everyone else, the cake was delicious; for Akira, it was bland. He was grateful, but he wasn’t happy.
Back in Waya’s room, Shindou played a fairly crappy game of Go with his friend, losing quickly without thinking through his moves. Normally Waya would’ve cheered his victory over Shindou, which was rare nowadays, but his friend’s disquiet bothered him.
“Shindou… Did something happen between you and Touya?” He asked.
“Not really.” Shindou lied. “I just… don’t want to be in the same room with him right now.”
“O-oh, yeah! I totally get what you’re saying!” Waya laughed. “I mean, a guy like him… He can really get on people’s nerve sometimes…” He stood up to go get a drink from the mini-fridge. “Although, I kinda feel sorry for Ashiwara-san.”
“Yeah… I guess I did something mean to him.” Shindou said. “He seems to really like Saeki-san.”
“Yeah, but I’m sure Saeki-san is actually grateful for you switching. It’s like you said, I think he’s scared of Ashiwara-san.”
“Speaking of whom,” Shindou said, cleaning up the stones from the board after reviewing what he did wrong. “Where is Ashiwara-san?” The switch isn’t technically finalized yet, since he never got the chance to ask.
“Oh, he had to go to the lobby.” Waya answered. “He went to go order a cake. Did you know that today is Touya’s birthday? Haha. Not that it matters, I guess. Sure as hell ain’t gonna celebrate it for him, right?”
Shindou’s heart stopped. That’s right, how could he forget?! That was part of the reason why he brought Akira on this trip! A horrible feeling overcame Shindou. He was so caught up in his emotions that he let them get the better of him. Those were some pretty awful things to have said to Touya on his birthday. How did he always manage to end up in fights with Akira? Couldn’t he just be a little more honest with his feelings?
That night, neither of them slept well. Ashiwara was ultimately generous enough to agree to the switch; in fact, he was a little concerned over Akira’s moodiness, and so decided to stay with him through the night. The next day they would ski for the last time, then take the bus and train ride home in the afternoon.
Shindou kept going down the same route again and again. Even Waya drifted away from him to try out some other, more interesting routes with Kurata. Hikaru was taking 5-minute lift rides and snowboarding down two-thirds of the same route just so he could check for Akira and Yashiro during the last third of it. Akira was getting better; he was still struggling with balance sometimes, but he was starting to be able to finish green runs on his own, with Yashiro watching from further ahead below.
“Shindou!” Waya’s voice suddenly came from behind Hikaru, who stood watching Akira with his heels dug into the snow on the back edge of his board.
“Oh, Waya.” He said. “Kurata-san.”
“What are you doing?” Waya asked.
“Nothing, just taking a break.” Shindou replied. Waya looked past his shoulder and saw Akira losing his balance once again for another hard fall.
“Look at him!” Waya said leering, unable to hold his laughter down. “Say, Shindou, I think he’s trying to catch up to you.”
“Huh?” Shindou whipped his head around to find Akira struggling to get up from his fall, Yashiro being too far down to come up and help him.
“I think he wants to get good enough to ski beside you, like, race you.” Waya said, chuckling. “Even though he’s so bad at it!”
“Ahh, I see.” Kurata said. “It’s like you guys’ rivalry in Go. He wants to be your rival in skiing too!”
My ski rival? Shindou thought. Even from where he stood afar, Hikaru could see the determination, the ambition being reflected off Akira’s eyes as he groped around the snow for a way to get back onto his feet. It was the same look he saw when Akira set his mind on chasing Sai, and the same look he must have worn himself when he chased Akira. Akira was trying to chase him again, this time in skiing, the same way he’s been trying to chase Akira in Go. Only the difference is, in Go Akira always turned around and reached out to pull Shindou closer, higher up, whereas he himself…
“Waya, Kurata-san.” Shindou said. “Go on without me. I’ll catch up later.” And then he set his board to slide down the hill again, heading in the direction of Akira.
“There he goes.” Kurata said, impressed. Waya eyed the older man, confused. “Sometimes I can’t figure out if those two are really rivals or what.”
Shindou braked sharply by Akira’s side. He grabbed Akira’s arm and pulled him up. Akira was surprised at first that someone came to help, but then scowled when he discovered that it was Shindou. He yanked his arm away, and without a word pushed himself in the other direction with his poles.
“Touya, I’m sorry.” Shindou said, following behind Akira. Since Akira was going slow, it was easy for him to follow just by doing his fallen leaf.
“Oh, you’re sorry now?” Akira said snappily.
Patience, Shindou Hikaru, patience… Shindou inhaled and tried again, “Yes, I am.”
“…” Akira was silent. Hikaru reached for his shoulder.
“Touya.”
“Let me go.”
“No.”
“Let me go!” Akira jerked his shoulder forward, trying to escape Hikaru’s clutch, but it had the unintended effect of upsetting his balance, throwing him forward towards the snow again. Hikaru barely reacted in time, throwing his arms forward to grab ahold of Akira. Akira’s poles flew out of his hands and slid tumbling down the hill as the two of them looked on.
“Don’t do that again! That was dangerous!” Hikaru shouted, his face full of concern and worry. They were a little too close to the trees on the side for comfort, if this ended more severely.
“Sorry…” Akira blurted quietly, not quite recovering from the scare himself. His shell-shocked look snapped Hikaru out of his anger.
“Oh, no, I mean… I’m sorry.” He said. He didn’t have to yell. It took both of them a moment before they were able to process the shock, then Akira was the first to break the ice.
“I feel like we’ve been saying nothing but ‘sorry’ for the last few minutes.” He chuckled.
“Er… Yeah, I guess.” Hikaru smiled sheepishly, then finally let Akira go. “Touya… Happy belated Birthday. I’m sorry… about last night.”
Akira took a deep breath and exhaled. Then he smiled and nodded. “Thank you.”
“Hey, are you guys planning to get down here or what?” Yashiro yelled from the bottom of the hill, waving Akira’s poles that he had picked up.
“We’ll be right there!” Shindou waved back, then turned to Akira. “Hold my hands.”
Akira did as he was told. Without his poles, he had to rely on Shindou to guide him down the hill. Hikaru slowly descended, snowboarding in a gentle fallen leaf motion while facing the mountain. It worked quite well to guide Akira on his S. Akira’s hands were holding onto his firmly, trusting him with his weight.
“You should lean more forward.” Hikaru said as they made their last stretch. “It’s easier to control your balance when your center of weight is low and forward.”
“Okay…” Akira mumbled, far too concentrated on looking down at the snow kicking up against his skis to look forward (he realized too much snow kicked up is what trips him).
For the remainder of their last day, Hikaru coached Akira, pulling him ahead, teaching him how to find his own balance. They were both exhausted by the time the trip was over and they boarded the bus on the way back. Sleep would soon visit them, but not before Hikaru looked at Akira with a triumphant smile.
“So?” He asked.
“So what?” Akira replied.
“Was it fun, Mister Touya?”
“…” Akira frowned at Hikaru. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against Hikaru’s shoulder. “Fine, yes, it was fun.” He said grudgingly, but added, “but still not as fun as Go.”
Hikaru chuckled, shaking his head, because he agreed, and they were both hopeless Go fanatics. He put his head against Akira’s, and soon they fell asleep together.
Part of Akihika reboot [8] | song choice: I Won’t Give Up - Jason Mraz
Ever since the match with Ochi, both Hikaru and Akira knew, in the back of their minds, that a face-off between Shindou and Akira’s father was an inevitable cloud on the horizon. Precisely thus, Akira pestered Hikaru to sign the adoption form, for that was the only legal way either one of them could join the family registry of the other. Akira wanted to shoot first and ask questions later, hoping to tell his father after the fact. But Hikaru was reluctant; it didn’t feel right just signing it like that, the two of them alone in the house, without telling anyone else. At the very least he should tell his mother, and he hadn’t even come out to her yet. And truth be told, Hikaru actually didn’t like the idea of them getting married without the blessing of Akira’s father. It was paradoxical - he should be the one fearing Touya Kouyou’s return the most and be grateful that Akira was willing to go ahead before the encounter, and yet it just didn’t feel right to him that they should try to sidestep Touya-sensei. It felt like Akira was rushing it, as though… as though he feared that Hikaru wouldn’t be able to overcome whatever challenge Touya-sensei might bring forth.
They fought a lot over this, to the point where they nearly called the whole thing off. And it was precisely at that time that the news about Touya Kouyou planning to return to Japan came out. Akira got angry and blamed Shindou for the delay, while Hikaru practically refused to sign the papers (even though he was the one who proposed). They were running out of time.
“Shindou Hikaru!!” Akira yelled at the top of his lungs. “Do you want to marry me or not?!”
“I do!!” Hikaru yelled back just as loudly. “But I don’t get what the rush is!”
“Well when the hell would be a good time then?!” Akira asked. “Should I wait until you lose to my father? And then we’ll never get married!”
“You don’t know that I’m gonna lose!!” Hikaru said. “What is wrong with you?!”
“That’s my line!” Akira said. “My father’s coming back on Sunday! We don’t have time!”
“I haven’t told my mom yet! Or my friends!”
“Well when will you tell her then?! I don’t see you doing anything? What are you so scared of?!”
“I’m not scared!” Hikaru said. “And what about you?! Why are you so scared of telling Touya-sensei?!”
“You didn’t answer my question!”
“And neither did you!!”
It was a deadlock. This conversation is going nowhere.
“Argh! I’m going home!” Hikaru threw his hands up in the air. He walked off towards the closet where he kept his backpack.
“Shindou!” Akira shouted. “This is your home!”
“I mean my old house!” Hikaru barked back. “I have to go anyway since your dad’s gonna be here.”
“Shindou!”
“I’m gonna go tell my mom, okay!” Hikaru snarled, glaring at Akira over his shoulder. “You happy?!”
“Well, I…”
“I’m not gonna come back until this gets settled.” Hikaru said, his eyes aflame with determination as he packed some clothes. “So you better get ready too.”
Akira’s worried frown deepened. It was all too late now anyway, and he knew Shindou too well to try to stop him from leaving. Besides, he couldn’t deny that Mrs. Shindou did have a right to know, especially if Hikaru wanted to tell her himself (considering Hikaru hardly told her anything usually).
“Alright…” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, the look of concern never leaving his face.
“Don’t worry.” Hikaru held that hand and lightly kissed Akira’s forehead. “Can you make time for dinner next week? I’ll call you when it’s all over.”
“You don’t need me to be there?”
“No. I don’t know how she’s gonna react, to be honest.” Hikaru said. If it ended badly, someone’s bound to get hurt, and he’d rather it be him than Akira.
“I’m tough enough to take it.” Akira said, his eyes serious, as though he could read Hikaru’s mind.
“I know you are,” said Hikaru. “But Touya-sensei’s gonna be here. I’m sure you’ll have your hands full.”
So they agreed to part ways for now, Hikaru back to the Shindou residence and Touya at his. Hikaru’s mother was surprised to find her son home Friday afternoon. He hadn’t been back in such a long time. He told her it was because Touya-sensei would be back in Japan and it would be weird for him to stay at Touya’s during that time. When he found that his old bedroom was practically turned into a storage, half filled with boxes of things his mother had nowhere else to put, he complained quite loudly. She shrugged her shoulders, saying that since he chose to move out and rarely came home, she took her liberty in putting the space to good use (it is her house to begin with). That night he laid on the bed, alone for the first time in years, surrounded by the shadows of the boxes. The moon was high up in the sky, shining through the breezy curtains. He reached his hand up at it, and the light glinted off the diamond on his ring. Touya…
On Sunday, Akira went to the airport with Ogata and Ichikawa to pick up his parents. He volunteered to drive so that he wouldn’t have to talk to his father as much. Between Ogata and Ichikawa, there is plenty to keep his father from speaking to him. They would talk later, at home, without the others present. It was clear to Akira why his father had returned; he didn’t miss the expectant look on his father’s face when they arrived at the house, as though he had expected someone else to be in it.
After dinner that night, Touya Kouyou called his son into the game room where they always had their morning matches.
“Let’s play a game.” He said, sitting solemnly in front of the Go board. “Show me your skills now.”
“Yes, father.” Akira said, kneeling down across the board. It was just like old times, even though it had been a long while since he last played his father. The silence in the room was laden with a trace of tenseness. Akira was waiting for the question.
“He isn’t here?” Finally Touya Kouyou asked.
“He?”
“Shindou Hikaru.” Touya Kouyou said without removing his eyes from the Go board. “There is no need to play dumb with me, Akira. Ochi-kun told me you let him live here.”
“…My apologies, father.” Akira averted his eyes from his father’s penetrating gaze. “I should have consulted with you first. Even if you were away…”
“Never mind that.” Touya Kouyou said, placing another stone on the board. His skills have, as Akira expected, leveled up once more. Playing against strong professionals in China and Korea had certainly sharpened his father’s game even further. At this rate, Shindou would… “I’m asking where he is.”
“He is back at his family’s.” Akira answered. “He didn’t want to intrude, since you were returning…”
“I see.” Touya Kouyou said. “So he ran, once again.”
“No, father, that’s-!!” Akira nearly got up with one foot on the floor. “Excuse me.” He knelt back down. “He had… things to do, back at his own house.”
Touya Kouyou looked intently at his son. Akira had never felt this nervous in front of his father before. Shindou was right; he does have his hands full just facing his father alone.
“Father, there is something… there is something I need to tell you.” He started, resuming the game because Go was the only thing that could keep him calm now.
“I already know.” Touya Kouyou said heavily. Ochi had told him of what he saw after his match against Shindou as well, though he would rather have heard it from Akira himself. “Ochi-kun told me that too.”
“How would Ochi have known…”
“It is of no importance.” Touya Kouyou interrupted. Akira continued to be surprised by his father’s words this evening. He couldn’t figure out from his father’s expression what the man was thinking.
“Well then, father…”
“Let me talk to him.” Touya Kouyou said, and made another move on the board. Akira was losing. “You can arrange that, can’t you?”
Akira gulped. He could feel himself sweating on the back of his neck. “Yes, I can. I will.”
“Very well.” Touya Kouyou said. “Let’s end the game; I think I’ve got an idea of your skills. You’ve improved significantly, Akira.”
“T-Thank you.” Akira said, and moved to clean the board up. “Father, may I ask…”
“What is it?” For a moment Akira thought he heard his father’s voice get softer.
“What are you going to do… when you meet with Shindou?”
“I intend to challenge him to a match.” Touya Kouyou said, looking out to the garden under the moonlight. “I’m quite interested in his Go.”
“But father!”
“No buts, Akira.” Touya Kouyou’s sharp glance cut across the room and fixed upon his son. “I’m sure you understand why I am doing this. If he has what it takes, then there should be no problem.”
“…” Akira frowned, worried. “I… I understand…”
“Very well.” Touya Kouyou pushed himself up. “You can go back to your room. I am going to bed. Goodnight.”
“Yes, father.” Akira said. “Goodnight.”
Hikaru got the text from Akira the next morning. He swallowed pretty hard when he saw the message, feeling the same way he did years ago when he first become pro and received the call that Touya-sensei asked to play against him directly. Hikaru had a feeling, without needing Akira to tell him, that Touya Kouyou’s Go must have reached a new height. The time he spent traveling around Asia was by no means in vain.
He sat abruptly up from his bed. He just couldn’t stay laying there doing nothing. He went outside of the house and started his day by stretching himself by the front gate (his room was too crammed with boxes for it). Some of the old neighbors said hi to him because they hadn’t seen him in so long. His mother came back from grocery shopping to her son’s odd behavior, and asked,
“Hikaru! What are you doing?”
“Can’t you tell?” He asked. “I’m stretching.”
“Well, I can see that. But why?”
“Morale boost.” He said.
“What?” His mother was thoroughly perplexed. Her son never fails to vex her. “Oh, stop doing stupid things and help me!” She went up to him and promptly stuffed a few bags of groceries into his arms. “Come inside, you’re embarrassing me!”
Hikaru groaned, but complied anyway. His mother was always so fussy and restless that it made him restive too. But when he walked into the house and kicked off his sandals, he felt his resolve building as he gradually realized that he had to do what he came here to do eventually, one way or another.
“Hey Mom.” He said from where he stood by the front door. She hummed a response. He moved into the kitchen and put the bags on the counter. “I need to talk to you.”
“Yeah? About what?”
“I mean like, real talk. Do you have time now?”
Her hands stopped at his tone. Hikaru had almost never asked to talk to her seriously. It was a little scary.
“Hikaru, what’s wrong?”
“Let’s go sit over here.” He said, and pulled up a chair by the kitchen table. She followed, now genuinely worried. What was going on with her son?
“Ok, Hikaru, you’re scaring me.” She said as she sat down across from him. Was he sick? Did something happen? Does it have to do with his Go career? Perhaps something happened at the Go Institute?
“Mom, just listen to me.” Hikaru swallowed. It was every bit just as difficult for him - he had never talked with his mother seriously about anything. He never wanted to, because he felt that she wouldn’t understand anyway. She always seemed a bit clueless about the things that concerned him, and he was always too impatient to try to explain it to her, so it was easier to just keep quiet about it all. He wasn’t particularly scared about being rejected or disowned; he was a grown adult, and come hell or high water, he knew who he would end up with in the end. But on this particular issue he decided to let her in, that he had to let her in because she was his mother. “I’m… going to get married.”
“Eh?!” She gasped, her hands flying up to her mouth. “Wait… What? With who? Who? How come I didn’t know… Oh, Hikaru you never tell me anything!” Giddiness started to show in her voice, and that was what Hikaru feared. “Who is she?! Do I know her? How come you never introduced us?! You should bring her home!”
“It’s not…” Hikaru started. He’s not a girl… “It’s not quite what you’re thinking…”
“What do you mean?” She asked curiously.
“I mean…” Hikaru faltered. Oh how he wanted to stop and give up. Maybe this was a stupid idea after all. It’s too much trouble to try to explain it to her! But he can’t; he remembered Akira’s angry face when he questioned when Hikaru would finally tell his mother, and Hikaru himself was the one who said he’d tell her. “You know this person, Mom. You’ve met them before.”
“Really?” Her eyes shone brightly at that. “Who? Oh let me think… But you’ve never hung out with many girls, let alone bring anyone home… Oh! Is it Akari? It’s her, isn’t it?” That was literally the only girl she could think of.
“No, Mom, it’s not her.” Hikaru shook his head.
“Then who is it? I can’t think of anyone else…” She rubbed her chin, thinking hard but coming up dry. “Hikaru! Stop making me guess and just tell me!”
“It’s Akira.” He finally said it. She blinked for a moment.
“Oh, don’t be silly, Hikaru!” She laughed. “Or is it a girl named Akira?”
“No, Mom, it’s Akira! That Akira!”
“Akira… Touya, Akira?”
Hikaru nodded.
“Hikaru, you can’t be serious.” She dismissed it. “Akira-kun’s a boy!”
“I know.” He said, and for the first time she sensed the gravity of what he was saying.
“But how would you…? Hikaru, two men can’t get married in Japan.” Hm? It feels like there’s a bigger question she should be asking first.
“Well, it’s not really ‘marriage’ per se,” said he. “We can’t apply for a marriage license. But we can get our family registries combined through adoption.”
“Adoption? Wait… I don’t understand any of this.” She held her head in confusion. What on earth was her son talking about? “Wait… But before all that… Hikaru, you’re… gay?”
“I don’t know the answer to that question and I don’t really care.” Hikaru said. He doesn’t remember there ever being a time when he was necessarily conscious of attraction to either girls or boys. He never felt any attraction to anyone, period, until he met Touya.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” His mother asked. “I’m so confused…”
And this is why he had been putting this off (or avoiding it altogether). “Look, Mom, you don’t have to understand it. I’m just letting you know, that’s all.”
“But, wait, Hikaru!” She frowned. “How do you expect me to react to this…? I mean… suddenly you’re telling me you’re getting married, but then it’s not really marriage, and you’re marrying Akira-kun? But then you’re adopting? But you’re not gay? I don’t know how I feel about this…”
“Ugh…” He sighed. This is so much trouble. “I said I don’t know if I’m gay or not, but it doesn’t really matter.” He straightened up. He’s gonna have to try to put this in terms that she can understand. “What really matters, Mom, is that Akira is important to me. He’s the most important person I’ve met in my life, and I want to share my life with him, and… that’s all there is to it.”
“O-Okay…” She stuttered. “But, are you sure you’re not just confusing your love for Go with romantic love, because he’s your rival…?”
“They’re not different things.” He said. “Not to me.” Go is his life, and Touya is his eternal rival, his goal in life, the one person he’ll share the rest of it with. Easy-peasy, right?
“Oh…” She mumbled. It is very difficult and very much out of her capability to understand. “Hmm, Hikaru, this is so hard to understand.”
“I know it’s hard. I’m sorry to be so sudden about it.” He scratched his head sheepishly. “It’s ‘cause Touya’s father is back in Japan this weekend, and well… we kind of had to tell people at some point. I didn’t want to sign the papers without letting you know first.”
His last words made her happy. It was the first time her son had decided to share something important with her on his own initiative. “I see. Thanks for telling me, Hikaru.”
“Oh, s-sure.” Her easy and gentle acceptance surprised Hikaru a little.
“But what papers are you signing? I want to know!” She asked, and sent him wanting to hug his head in frustration again. “And what’s this about adoption?”
“Daaargh don’t worry about it! It’s just a technicality!” He exclaimed. “Just trust me!”
“Does this mean I’m going to have another son?” Her hand covered over her mouth in thought. Hikaru blinked.
“Y-Yeah… That’s it! It’s kind of like you’re getting another son!” Technically I’m the one adopting Akira, but whatever… “Nothing’s really gonna change. We’re gonna live together like we’ve been doing (that is, if he manages to beat Touya’s father), and we’ll be playing and teaching Go. Everything’s gonna be pretty much the same!”
“Oh, that’s great!” She smiled. Hikaru felt a sweat dropping down the side of his face. Did she really understand all this? “I’ve always liked Akira-kun! He’s such a nice kid, and so much more reliable than you are, Hikaru!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Hikaru scowled, and his mother laughed. For the moment, it seems, things worked out… His mother told him to invite Akira over for dinner that evening. She had a little talk with Akira in the kitchen while Hikaru set up the table, explaining that she couldn’t really understand most of what Hikaru told her, but that what mattered most to her was that her son looked happy and seemed to be doing well, and that she wished the same for Akira as well. She remembered that time when her son seemed so depressed, and that was the one thing she did not want to see again. To her, they are two wonderful boys who are (at least to her limited knowledge) very talented in Go, and she trusted them, so as long as they can be happy and do what they do best, then there was nothing more she could ask for. It was from this talk that Akira came to understand where Hikaru’s personality comes from, one that is indeed deserving of the name she gave him, Hikaru, of Light.
While Hikaru’s mother turned out to accept their union easier than they had thought (or rather she just didn’t understand it enough to oppose it), they knew the real hurdle was Akira’s father. Shindou was scheduled to have matches on Tuesday and Wednesday, so the soonest date he was able to make time for Touya-sensei was Thursday. With each passing day, Akira grew more anxious. It’s not that he didn’t trust Shindou, but he simply did not think it was currently possible for Hikaru to defeat his father in Go.
Hikaru would’ve told Akira “don’t worry,” if he had the confidence himself, but he actually did not. Even still, all he could do is to put on a brave face and accept the challenge. He picked the best suit he had, one with a jet black jacket and a green tie on a dark gray shirt, made sure he combed his hair down, and got to the Touya house minutes earlier than the promised time. It was a strange feeling having to visit the house as an outsider, even though he’s lived it in for the last eight years. He was more nervous than he’d felt at the last match where he won his Honinbou title. That was how serious this was.
Akira’s mother greeted him at the door. She led him inside (even though he knew the layout of the house very well), and poured some tea for both him and her husband. Akira actually hadn’t told her what this was all about yet, so she was slightly perplexed at the heavy atmosphere in the house, wondering why a private match should warrant such severe formality. Akira wanted to watch the match, but his father explicitly forbade him from being in the room. He was to wait outside, and not disturb them.
Shindou walked up to the seat across from Touya-sensei and knelt down. Touya Kouyou opened his eyes from his meditative state, his arms crossed within the sleeves of his kimono robe. He stared keenly at the young man. Shindou could feel the tension stretched thin in the silent air.
“Long time no see, Shindou-kun. How is your arm?” He asked, his voice soft despite his sharp gaze. “Akira told me you got hurt in an accident.”
“Oh, it’s getting better now. Thank you.” Hikaru answered. “Sir.” He added clumsily after a moment.
“You will be able to play?”
“Yes, sir. I can play with my left hand.” Hikaru said. Touya Kouyou took that it meant Shindou hadn’t stopped playing Go despite his injuries. Hikaru’s injured arm no longer had to be hung around his neck, but the cast was still there.
“Before we start, I have some things to say.” Touya Kouyou said.
“Yes, sir.”
“I am aware of what’s going on between you and Akira.” He cut to the chase. “It’s part of the reason why I requested this match.” Hikaru could feel his heart beating faster. “But I want to hear what you have to say before we settle this on the Go board. What are your intentions, Shindou-kun?”
“My… intentions?”
“You are no stranger to me or Akira.” Touya Kouyou continued. “I was aware of your presence and progress since you appeared in the Go world. But are you aware of what Akira has gone through? Do you know the things he had to endure when he was chasing you?” He asked. “Isolation, frustration, ostracization, loneliness. I saw through it all. I must admit, I am responsible for a large part of it as well, for I chose to raise him in the manner that I have. In many ways, while I have pushed for the growth of his talent in Go, I have also destroyed his other chances at having a normal childhood, at having true friends.” He said, his eyes holding Shindou steadily in his sight. “But if I was given another chance, I will do the same thing all over again. If others shall shun Akira because his skill is far superior to theirs, then they do not deserve his presence to begin with. Akira is special, and in no way should he have to settle for anything less than the best.”
“The best…” Hikaru repeated quietly, his own eyes becoming sharper.
“So tell me, Shindou-kun, are you truly aware of what Akira is made of?” Touya Kouyou asked seriously.
Hikaru swallowed. “Yes, I am.” He answered, after a long pause, holding his voice steady. “I was watching him, behind him, the whole time.” When Akira was chasing Sai… “And his suffering was not all that I saw,” Hikaru’s gaze became more intense. “I saw his bravery, his courage, the way he charged forward despite his fears.” Shindou said, remembering the way Akira’s lionheart had captivated him from the very start. “It is as you say, Touya-sensei. Other people’s words are of no consequence, not only because they don’t deserve him, but also because he is stronger than to let those things get to him or stop him.”
Touya Kouyou listened intently. Behind him, he says…? Interesting. “And you are proposing that you are his equal? That you are worthy of him?”
“That is my intention.” Hikaru answered; it took him the long way around, but he answered the question.
“Very well,” Touya Kouyou said, and finally removed his hands from his sleeves to take the Go bowl from the board. “Then show me what you are made of.”
“Yes, sir.” Shindou did the same, and took the other bowl. Without needing to ask, he knew it was to be an even match, though Touya-sensei is letting him have black, the first move.
Outside the game room, Akira knelt unmoving from his spot in the corridor. He was listening right from the start. Even without being in the same room, he was sure that Shindou’s heart must have been pounding as hard as his own was doing now. It was just as much a battle for him: he must wait, out here beyond the boundary, as the two most important men in his life fight it out on the board in the room, and he must endure. He must endure the intense anxiety, the gripping fear that his heart is feeling. He could hear nothing but the sound of Go stones being placed on the board. Thack, thack, thack, thack.
This lasted for five minutes, then ten, then an hour, two hours. Considering how much his father’s skill had increased, it was a good sign that Shindou was still playing in the game. And the moves being made were taking longer and longer; his father was playing cautiously. Maybe, just maybe…
“Akira-san.” His mother whispered very lightly, approaching from the side. “Aren’t you tired? Here’s some water.” She handed him a glass. He thanked her, and untangled his legs from the kneeling seiza.
“What’s going on?” His mother continued, still whispering. “Why are they so serious?”
“I’ll tell you when it’s over.” Akira smiled sheepishly at her. Like Hikaru, he often kept her in the dark about a lot of things. But Hikaru was brave enough to tell his own mother, so he would too, whatever the outcome of this match might be.
Back in the room, the air was rigid with intensity as ever. Shindou was fighting his best fight, but even he could not deny that he was at a disadvantage. The game was actually even up until mid-game. Touya-sensei’s attacks were incredibly shrewd, so much so that if Shindou hadn’t seen Sai play so many damn times, and studied Torajirou’s game records for nights on end, he was sure he would have lost the game only halfway through. But as they stepped into the endgame, Touya-sensei managed to cut him off in the middle, taking prisoner a few key pieces that he relied on to form a connected formation. Presently Shindou found himself in extended contemplation. Perhaps this is it; this is the end, and he must be forced to resign. It would be rude and foolish to try to continue a game that is clearly lost.
But the problem is that the game is not clearly lost. It is, at best, unclear, though Shindou is at a large disadvantage. He knew there was a way to fight back, but he hasn’t found the spot just yet. If it was Sai… if Sai had been playing, where would he place his next move? After a long period of thinking, and remembering a comment Akira made one night when they were studying one of Torajirou’s old game records, Hikaru finally found the spot. It was an incredibly difficult path. There is a good chance that he would still lose, but it was, surely, a chance to win too. Akira… I’m not giving up. I won’t give you up, not here! Taking a stone into his fingers, Shindou played his move boldly, loudly, on the board, despite the unfamiliarity of his left hand. The sound was a beautiful, clear ring across the room, echoing through the wood and paper walls.
It was a move that had Touya Kouyou thinking for half an hour. Neither of them moved a muscle in that duration. Akira, too, froze when he heard the sound of that move, wondering who played it. The ensuing half-hour silence convinced him that it was Shindou; if it was his father making a move as loud and clear as that, Shindou would have resigned at this point.
Finally, after the long pause, Touya Kouyou found and played a counter move, starting a fierce final battle for ever the last point. It had been a long time since Touya Kouyou last felt this excited over a battle on the Go board, the stirring feeling that he has to struggle, to fight for every point he could get. It felt just like that time when he played against Sai. He looked intensely at the young man before him; thirteen years had indeed nurtured Shindou Hikaru into a fearful opponent.
But Touya Kouyou had not been doing nothing for thirteen years himself, and despite Shindou’s laudable fight, Touya Kouyou was still ahead by a point. They are soon to run out of space on the board, and Shindou knew he had no more moves he could make.
“…I resign.” He said, his voice low.
Akira’s heart stopped at hearing Shindou’s resignation. Game over. Shindou lost. Akira didn’t want to believe it; for a moment he thought he saw hope.
It took Hikaru a long moment before he could gather himself and stand up. He mumbled a quiet “thank you” and “excuse me” as he turned to go.
“Wait.” Touya Kouyou said, his eyes fixed on that move Shindou played. “…Sai.”
Shindou gasped upon hearing the name.
“That move… No, in fact, your whole game…” Touya Kouyou said. “It reminds me very much of my match with Sai. I see his shadow in your moves…” Even after all these years, Touya Kouyou had not forgotten that game. In fact, he went traveling precisely to hone his skills so he could play a rematch with Sai again. “…How is Sai? Where is he?” He asked. “When will I be able to play him again?”
“…I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t know.” Shindou said, restraining his tears. He gripped his left hand around his fan. “Sai is… gone. And I don’t know where he is. I’m afraid… I’m afraid it’s impossible for you to play him, ever again…”
“Impossible? But why?” Touya Kouyou asked. “What happened?”
“I’m sorry, but I simply don’t know.” Shindou replied. “He just… disappeared.”
“Disappeared?”
Shindou nodded. I’m sorry I can’t let you play Sai anymore… I’m not Sai. He isn’t here. He stood rooted to the spot on the floor. Touya Kouyou eyed the young man thoughtfully. Shindou is not lying, though he may not be telling the whole truth. Something must have happened, something awful. But perhaps…
“I see.” He said, folding his arms into his sleeves again. “Alright. Can you please get Akira for me? And my wife, too.”
“Yes, sir.” Shindou sniffed, and headed into the corridor, where the mentioned two stood waiting anyway. Akira reached for Shindou’s hand, but Hikaru backed away. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, barely audible. “I tried.”
“Don’t go, Shindou.” Akira said, his voice determined, and grabbed Hikaru’s hand anyway. “I’ll do something about it. Don’t worry. Wait for me. Don’t run away.”
And with those words, Akira turned to his father and entered the room with his mother. The two of them knelt by the side of the Go board, though his mother left the room again soon, after her husband whispered something into her ear. Akira looked after her, a look of worry on his face when he saw Shindou’s slumped shoulders as she closed the door behind her. Gritting his teeth, he turned to his father, and took a look at the Go board. The match was complex; he had almost never seen such a full board at this level of complexity. Akira saw the Sai-like move pretty quickly, faster than his father could notice it, because he’d spent so much time playing against Shindou and studying Shuusaku’s game records with him. Shindou’s brilliance is undeniably clear across the board in every move. Even his father must agree that Shindou’s Go cannot be found anywhere else, far beyond the level of many pros above and below.
“Akira.” Touya Kouyou started. “Shindou-kun has told you everything about Sai, hasn’t he?”
“Eh?” Akira was surprised to find this to be the first topic. “…Yes, he has.” He gathered his expression back to seriousness, facing against the expectant look on his father’s face, remembering his own internal promise. “But I can’t tell you.” He said, “I’m very sorry.”
“He said Sai disappeared…” Touya Kouyou rubbed his chin thoughtfully with his hand. “Please, Akira, tell me. I have to know. I need to know what happened.”
“Father, I cannot.” Akira held the line. “Please forgive me.” This was between him and Shindou, and between them only. Anxiety was simmering at the bottom of his heart, for he knew this may well seal their fate. The temptation was strong, to give away Hikaru’s secret in exchange for a blessing. But he wasn’t budging, not even in the face of his own father. If that was what it took to protect Shindou…
“…” Touya Kouyou studied his son for the longest while. His frame had gotten much larger, his shoulders square and tall. His hair is long and straight, and his eyes… They are shining with a glint even more intense than the one he had as a child, a glint that is backed up by true strength in addition to willpower. “You’ve grown up, Akira.”
“Father?”
“Very well, I understand.” Touya Kouyou sighed. “A secret between only two, I take it?”
“…I’m sorry.” Akira apologized once more. “Perhaps one day he will tell you himself.”
“Ah, yes. Perhaps.” Touya Kouyou nodded, his eyes returning to the Go board to study the game.
“Thank you for the game, father.” Akira bowed formally. “I know Shindou lost, but…”
“Yes, he put up quite a fight, didn’t he?” The gentle tone of admiration in his father’s voice caught Akira off-guard. He looked up at his father’s profile. Touya Kouyou’s eyes were serious yet kind at the same time.The setting sun beyond cast sharp, dark shadows across his father’s face as he turned to look intently at Akira. “Akira, are you sure you want to walk down this path? It will not be easy.”
“Father…” Akira said; this is the real topic, the elephant in the room, and Akira was more than ready to answer. “Father, do you remember, years ago when I first met Shindou, you and I talked about him, right here in this room? At the time, I said that I must overcome Shindou if I wanted to play the Divine Move.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“But I was wrong,” Akira said. “I realize now that it is rather, ‘I cannot play the Divine Move without Shindou.’”
“Akira…” Touya Kouyou’s eyes widened.
“I know it will not be an easy path, and I know that many will not understand us, and they may hate us or shun us; they may even reject our existence,” Akira knitted his brows together in determination. “But I need him, father!”
A long moment of silence lasted after that statement. So this is it; this is what it felt like to be faced with Touya Akira’s fighting spirit. Touya Kouyou had waited years for this day, the day when his own son will try to overcome him in order to advance on the path towards the Divine Move. He had endlessly chiseled his own skills precisely to build himself up as the high wall which Akira must climb over. And here he was, Touya Akira, never one to back down from a challenging path, a fearless, brave, and gallant soul, his treasured and precious son, finally willing to bear his fangs against his own father. Touya Kouyou felt immense pride swell in his chest; he closed his eyes and smiled.
“Then you’d better go find him now, Akira, or he’s about to run away again.” He said. “He’s in the guest room with your mother; I told her to keep him there.”
“Eh? Then…”
“Do as you wish, Akira.” His father said. “You’re a grown adult. I trust your decisions.”
Akira couldn’t get up and bolt out of the room fast enough. As his father said, Shindou was in the guest room, sitting by the table with his left hand covering his eyes, tear treks streaming down his face. Akira’s mother was fretful, not understanding why Shindou suddenly broke down.
“Shindou!” Akira reached out for his shoulders. He pried Shindou’s hand from his face, revealing red eyes. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”
“Touya?”
“Look at me.” Akira held Hikaru’s face, and smiled freely at him. “It’s okay.”
All Shindou could see was Akira’s clear, smiling eyes. He remained dumbfounded even as Akira pulled him into a hug.
“But… I lost?”
“I said show me what you are made of.” Touya Kouyou appeared by the corridor, standing there looking at the two. “I never said you had to win.”
Hikaru and Akira eyed each other. So this whole time they’d been presuming ahead of themselves that Hikaru had to win? Which one of them was the first to make this silly mistake? This reminds me… Hikaru thought, remembering that years ago he and Sai made the same mistake at his Insei entrance exam. He looked at Akira fondly; he thought he’d lost him. The fear and anxiety of that, coupled with the memory of Sai, as well as the frustration of his defeat, had Hikaru panicking for a moment there.
“I expect to play more matches with you, Shindou-kun. Make sure you heal your arm properly.” Touya Kouyou said with a soft smile.
“Yes-”
“And stop calling me ‘sir.’” He interrupted. “‘Father’ is fine.”
It took a moment before the meaning of that statement registered in Hikaru’s mind. Akira’s mother gasped while a grin slowly broke across Hikaru’s face. He thanked Akira’s father and pulled Akira into another big hug. As Touya Kouyou watched the two young men embrace, a thought surfaced in his mind: some day, these two, united together, might actually reach the Divine Move. He could clearly see their brimming potential, as though a cloud of light surrounded them. If Sai had been here… we might’ve played it too… I wish I could’ve played more games with you, Sai…
They decided to have a small, informal ceremony, where they signed the papers in front of friends they’ve told. Isumi gladly accepted the request to be one of the witness signatures, while Waya initially rejected the request to be the second signature (he recanted his rejection once Fuku volunteered). Then they had a dinner party at the Touya house, where Akira’s mother secretly showed Hikaru photo albums of Akira from his childhood, and Hikaru had to resist the urge to steal a couple of the photos that were simply beyond adorable (how did he never find these albums the whole time he’s been living here?). It was held the night before Touya Kouyou would once again embark on more journeys with his wife, this time including stops in Europe. He told Shindou he expects some real improvement in his Go skill at the next match between them when he comes back. Hikaru gladly accepted the challenge; he may not be Sai, but he’s gonna work his damned hardest to try and be an entertaining opponent for Touya-sensei.
They let some of the very drunk guests stay overnight, but neither Hikaru nor Akira wanted to sleep just yet. They made some tea and sat side by side, leaning into each other, at the corridor with the doors opened to the yard under the warm summer night. There were no stars in the sky tonight - the moon was too big and bright (in fact, it looked like a giant white Go stone itself).
“Shindou Akira.” Hikaru said. “It’s got a nice ring to it.”
Touya wasn’t happy about the fact that he had to be the one to change his last name, given that Shindou was the one marrying into his house. There was nothing for it though - since the ward office required the older person to be the adoptive “parent“ on the adoption application, Hikaru won out by being nearly three months older than Akira. Touya Akira, however, is the name he would continue to use at work, since they didn’t want to make a public announcement.
“Oh har har, I guess you finally managed to ‘beat Touya.’“ Akira mocked. He was being sarcastic, but Hikaru laughed, a little too loudly.
“Oh man, I love you so much.” Hikaru clutched his sides.
“Stop laughing!” Akira said, and pinched Hikaru’s nose.
“Ow!” Hikaru rubbed his nose gingerly. “Touya!”
“Shh!” Akira hushed him; their friends were still sleeping. “You’re so loud, Shindou.”
“Akira.”
“What?”
“Akira.”
“What?”
“Akiraaaa…”
“Cut it out, Shindou.” Akira said, but didn’t move away when Hikaru wrapped an arm around his shoulders, over his long blanket of black hair, and instead sipped from his cup of hot tea.
“Thanks for sticking out there for me.” Hikaru said quietly. “I mean… the whole time. From the start, everything. No matter what people were saying to you…”
“What did they say to me?” Akira asked. “I don’t even remember.”
“I think the worst was like, ‘you’re an eyesore,’ or something.” Hikaru said. “Which is like, pffft, if you’re an eyesore, then you’re the most beautiful eyesore I’ve ever seen.”
“Hikaru…” Akira looked at him with dropped eyelids, a questioning look. “How do you even say that without being embarrassed? That was like the worst pickup line, ever-”
“Whatever.” Hikaru shrugged, giving Akira’s head a light squeeze affectionately as he lied backwards onto the wood flooring of the corridor. “Finally you called me ‘Hikaru.’ I was waiting for that.” He said, then after a pause, “Akira.”
“What, Hikaru?”
“I’m so glad I found you.”
At that, Akira turned around to look at his husband, lying on the floor, looking back at him. Warmth spread across his eyes, and he leaned down to kiss Hikaru.
Akira doesn’t like to do this in public, but Hikaru never listens.
“No one’s gonna notice,” he’d say.
And with their hands clasped together inside, he’d developed a habit of rubbing his thumb over the little dents on Akira’s index and middle finger, the evidence of years and hours of holding Go stones.
“Shindou, you’re itching me.” Akira’d say, but all he does is hold Hikaru’s hand tighter; what was an unchiseled, inexperienced hand has grown into a strong, warm one. It has become Akira’s own personal hand warmer.
“You forgot to moisturize your fingers again.” Shindou said. Akira’s fingertips felt cold, chapped, and dry. Hikaru knew how those dents would harden and crack, especially in the winter. “Let’s do it when we get home. Wouldn’t want them hurting when you’re playing Go.” He knew it was futile to tell Akira to play less in the winter, so he was resigned to the role of reminding Akira to put some hand lotion on every now and then.
Akira retreated his face behind his scarf, and nodded. “Hm.” The truth is he didn’t forget to do it; he liked it when Hikaru did it for him, rubbing the lotion into the cracks and dents gingerly with his big warm hand. He was skipping it on purpose so that he could get hand massages from Hikaru. His lips curled into a smile, hidden behind the fabric; they will go home soon, and until then he knew Hikaru wouldn’t let go.
You are seeing this because I’ve made this chapter a private post. The reason for it is because the chapter needs an extra before-you-read warning for it either contains OOC-ness, excessive graphical details/pornography, lack of plot, or otherwise do not represent a logical continuation of the reboot storyline. The link to the chapter is provided below, but if you dislike any of the above warning signs, you understand that proceeding to read the chapter may induce an unsatisfactory reading experience.
