𝖙𝖔𝖝𝖎𝖈 𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌

this is a very toxic blog. If you get triggered, that's not on me. You've been warned.

[x-toxic-minds-x]

And honestly when it comes down to it, every single day is the same.

You wake up, skip breakfast.

Sit on the couch, watch TV for a couple hours.

Go to work, maybe have lunch.

Come home, watch TV, maybe have dinner.

Go to bed, feeling like the world is on your shoulders.

It is a cycle I cannot break. No matter the force of my actions, my habits won't break.

To live like this is agony. Pain. Torture.

I can't take myself out of this world because that would be selfish.

To say I am stuck in hell on earth is an understatement.

[x-toxic-minds-x]

Drinking some tea to quench the hunger ❤️

[x-toxic-minds-x]

Know what I've had to eat today?

2 cookies, a mouth full of pasta and a piece of chicken. I count my calories, love, and you don't even know it. I cry into the pillow most nights. Do you know the strength it take me to not jump Infront of a train every day? Do you know the only thing keeping me here is my cats?

All I want from you is to hold me and tell me it will be okay. Not everything I'm doing wrong or point out my flaws or tell me I need to do better. I don't want you to play with my stomach or my private parts. I need love. I need compassion. I need you to be my boyfriend not my father. I need you to notice me like I notice you.

[x-toxic-minds-x]

I'm sick.

I'm sick of feeling and not feeling.

I'm sick of sleepless nights and sleeping too long.

I'm sick of obsessing and my thoughtless mind.

I'm sick of this black and white life!

I'm sick of the depression and over stimulation.

I'm sick of all of it! I'm sick of it not getting better! I'm sick of the meds. I'm sick of the weight gain. I'm sick of the lack of motivation. I'm sick of the tiredness. I'm sick! I'm sick! IM A FUCKING DISEASE

[x-toxic-minds-x]

Hungry? That's okay baby. Drink some water! Remember, pain is only temporary xo

[x-toxic-minds-x]

Yess down 2.5 kgs in a week and a half!!!!

[x-toxic-minds-x]

I am just searching for an escape at this point

[x-toxic-minds-x]

Shit. Shit. Shit. SHIT! Idk what is happening but it needs to stop 🙃

[x-toxic-minds-x]

The energy drinks I have are only 13cals. I have one and that keeps me going for about 4 hours. I also don't need to eat when drinking these because the carbonate keeps me feeling full

[x-toxic-minds-x]

I went from a size 6-8 (Size 2-4US) to a size 14 (Size 10US) 😡

[x-toxic-minds-x]

I used to cry whenever I ate. Now all I do is binge. There is no in-between. However I want to be skinny again! I have gained so much weight and now have stretch marks. I'm miserable

[x-toxic-minds-x]

The only thing that silences my brain is alcohol

[x-toxic-minds-x]

Haven't felt this fucken depressed in a while, looks like my medicine don't fucking work anymore. Fantastic.

[x-toxic-minds-x]

I wish it'd stop. It'd all just stop.

[x-toxic-minds-x]

I'd much rather be dead than alive

[x-toxic-minds-x]

They say, don't let trauma define you but you know what!? Its exsactly what defines me. We aren't all lucky enough to just 'move on'.

[x-toxic-minds-x]

I feel like life is just a repeat of itself. Everything happens over and over and over again.. I never asked for this. I never wanted this life.